In Europe... if you ask someone what they do they are likely to tell you
- I play football, go hiking, love reading
- Photography! Mostly of...
- Dancing, history, rebuilding engines
- Cooking
In the USA if you ask people what they do they are likely to tell you
- I'm in retail
- I'm a lawyer
- I'm run a small business
- I'm a receptionist
- I'm a stay at home parent
BIG difference. In Europe, your work is not your LIFE. Your life is what you do AFTER work. In the US; work IS your life. It's so prevalent most of our TV shows are work related, Fight Club specifically had a line "You are not your job", and we start asking kids as toddler "What they want to be" when they grow up... meaning what work do they want to do.
You are not your job.
Being a SAHP is BUSY. It's a freakin 14-18 hour day, 7 days a week, often with no help. BUT (there are noooo cats in america, sorry, kid movies have been playing a lot around here)... if you can afford babysitting, it's really really VITAL that you actually DO something with your life apart from working 2 full time, with overtime, nanny jobs. There's no balance in that. And if one CAN'T afford babysitting, it's even more vital.
Not so long ago, when SAHMs were common, it was EXPECTED that women pursued their interests during the day. Be that photography, horseback riding, knitting, dancing, whatever. Whole blocks would get together for bridge, or 1pm cocktails (naptime), or, or, or. Everyone *got together* almost every single day. Now, SAHMs are rare, and isolated, and have the "I must do everything myself" attitude shoved down their throats (when historically, women traded days or hired in help in order to have alone time to pursue their interests) by societal expectations that being as stay at home parent ISN'T work, therefore they shouldn't need "help" with what should be "easy".
SAHPs are often going batshootcrazy for the first couple years before preschool, because there just isn't the support.
TALK WITH PEOPLE EVERY DAY
DO WHAT YOU LOVE EVERY DAY (that isn't kid related)
When you have things you DO (outside of childcare), and have things you're thinking about, and people you see... all of a sudden... bam. Not feeling so disconnected anymore. No one would expect a nanny to work from 5am-midnight 7 days a week without going clinically insane. They'd QUIT. It's ridiculous to expect that of a parent, or of yourself. Yes, you may be UP those hours, but they need to be broken up into different times. It's easy to be a working parent (having done both) BECAUSE OF OTHER PEOPLE'S EXPECTATIONS. People expect that you're going to be both reeeally excited to see your kids , and that you're going to be too tired from working to always be spot on. Yet, with SAHPs people expect that same level of excitement (not possible - we're most of us more excited when something isn't constantly present; absence making the heart grow fonder... just take the heat wave or snow. People were soooo excited when the good weather started or snow started falling, and weeks in were miserable in the same temps... or how excited you are to see your spouse when they're gone, or, or, or, or) BUT you're not "allowed" to be tired or not always spot on. Other people's expectations are *killer*. We all know they "shouldn't" matter... but they do.
SAHPs need a life outside of their kids. Kids are *wonderful*, but lets face it, diapers are boring and temper tantrums are exhausting and housework can be done by a monkey -no brains required. If that's all you've got in your life... it's the same as working a 9-5 type job 14-18 hours a day with only an hour or two for a break. It's unsupportable. Unbalanced. Nonsustainable.
I am a SAHP. I know a LOT of SAHPs (especially since I'm a homeschooler). There is ONE common thread amongst people who do it long term:
We ALL do other things aside from being with our kids all day long. So we have tons and tons of things to talk about.