Mom Seeking Help with 16 Yr Son

I need to ask, why aren't you getting any kind of from your husband. Sounds like he's acting out. I can sought of relate because I have a 17yr old that stands about 5'11' or so. Some of the same problems, except he doesn't come out his face as a smartass to me, and I have his father helping. Like you I ask for simple tasks to be done, like clean his room and take out the trash, when he takes a long time to do this, he either can't have any company or has to be in the house earlier than usual. Maybe you have to sit down and talk with him and find out what's going on with him. Good luck.

I think you're staring at the "key" to your salvation in your own words: his friends, and his hang out, at Trumbull Mall. Those are the things he holds dear. You can use those things to get him to get things done. Does he like to eat dinner? Sure, everyone does! Are you the one who cooks it for him, I bet you are? Food's a great motivator. When he comes home, mouths off at you, leaves a mess, then goes off to hang with his friends at the mall, who's the sucker? You're "enabling" him by allowing him that privilege. I would sit down and explain to him that you've thought about what things that you'de like to see him work on: one, is his cleaning up after himself, and another is his back-talking. And tell him calmly but matter-of-factly, that you love him and so this is why you are taking the lead in him making these changes. You will reward his helpfulness around the house with, say, cooking him dinner: which is probalby something he takes advantage of and for granted. If he's too busy to clean up, he can use that energy he didn't use for cleaning by cooking himself dinner, that's not your problem! Do you do his laundry? maybe he'd like to hang out at the mall in dirty laundry... or wash them himself? The more you do FOR a child who does nothing FOR you or himself, the more you're saying, not with words but with deeds, that what he's doing to you is acceptable. It IS NOT. Unless he's one of those kids that simply will not listen and will walk out of the house regardless of what you say, you can always tell him that until he's done the few things you've asked him to do, he will no longer be allowed to go to the mall, or go visit his friends, or whatever things he likes to do. Oh, I see you picked up your room, SURE you can go to the mall today! That sort of thing. Gosh, I was going to let you go to the mall, but I see the dishes are still in the sink. If you change your mind and decide to wash them, I'd be happy to let you go! Let him earn the things he likes BACK one by one as he does what's expected of him. I have an 18 year old son who's 6 foot 3, and a 17 year old who's 6 foot 1, so I know what you mean, it can get intimidating having someone that big looking down at you, and little you are trying to tell them what they're supposed to do! But my sons, thank God, they are well trained little runts and they tend to listen to what I say, I'm lucky I guess! But in their whole life I never tolerated that, so they just know better then to not listen to me. If they want to have any social life whatsoever they just do what they're told at this point! Good luck!

I first question would be; where is your husband in all of this. It is totally hard rising kids, never mind teenagers. My daughter is 18 and we constantly fight over the same old things. And yes, she thinks she knows it all also. I have in the past just taken things away from her. Her cell phone, tv, grounded from going out. Then we sit and talk and discuss why she was punished and how I need help around here etc. It seems ok for a short period. I ask her to do things. She does them, (sort of). THen the same old pattern. It is a terrible cycle we go through. My mom says when she turn to be 20 something, we will be best friends. So all I can say is: be firm, open minded, and good luck.

LOL im not making fun of you. I'm 48 soon to be 49 and I have a 16 year old daughter and thats a handful. My son is 12 and acts like your 16 year old. But here is some advice and I find it works well for me. First, sit down with your son and talk to him as you would talk to an adult. Tell him how you are feeling and what is making you angry. Tell him how you feel when you come home and see the mess. Stop doing his laundry and leave his bedroom alone. I don't care if trees and plants grow in there. You do not mention if he has a job or what is school grades are like. I'm going to assume he is not working. Cut off the mom and pop national bank. If he needs money, let him work for it. at home! You say he hangs out at the mall, I do not know of any 16 year old that does not need money to hang out at the mall. Set priorities for yourself and for him. Come up with a plan and stick to it. Get your husband involved in what you are about to do. I do not care where people come from we all face the same problems with our families. Sit your husband down and read him the riot act. Take matters into your own hands either they will comply or not. The choice is up to them. You may feel defeated at first because your son is going to go spastic on you. to bad. he'll get the message when you stick to your plan.
I wish you luck and if you need to talk you can contact me at ____@____.com or ____@____.com

Hello H.! I'm L., also 37 and in Bridgeport. I've got a 19yr old son who's now away at college. But this was our relationship too at 16. Reading your words hit so true to home for me. I've also got a 12yr old son that seems to be following in his big brothers footsteps. It's like pulling teeth to get him to do anything. I also have a 4yr old daughter who is very helpful for her age! If you would like to meet for coffee sometime, I'd love to make more Mom friends too. I'm the Assistant Manager for Starbucks in Trumbull Center.