Mom Seeking Advice

I only have a second to respond, but I would politely but firmly remind people that your kids are very NORMAL teenage boys. I don't know if the people you are talking about approach you or them, but my advice to you would be to say, "well, I realize that everything my children do isn't going to be perfect, but they have such good hearts and I feel so blessed." Something like that, then excuse yourself or change the subject.

If people approach THEM and say rude things like, isn't your mom the preschool director, or whatever, I would have them say, "Why do you want to know?" or "Hey, we're doing the best we can like everyone else - no one's perfect."

Don't let it get to you, speak up and don't be shy! I know it's hard, but that is really judgmental of people and I'm sure your boys are wonderful!

dear mom,
my mom and dad were both teachers at the highschool i went to and i too was a good kid but constantly in the spotlight also. My parents and I had an open relationship and anytime they heard anything about me they came to me personally and talked to me about it. You are in a tough position but if your children are healthy, happy and safe you might need to remind the people you work with judge not lest you be judged. good luck!
K.

N.,

If I am reading this correctly you are a director of a preschool for a church. Would it be possible to direct this issue to your church pastor?

I have a 18 year old son, and I think he felt like his life was under a microscope while I was a CASA... how your children act is a reflection of you... I was worried about what my oldest son was doing all the time. This would also give you a chance to hear positive things about your sons, and praise them. I did that all the time.... But, it seems when they become of age, I don't feel that your responsible for their actions, as well as there spiritual needs.

As I said, I would talk to your pastor.

Good Luck,

I'm not sure what kind of profession you are in. But if your a church preschool director, you'd be surprised how many people really aren't judging your sons. And if they're good boys....then who cares???

My Dad was a congressman (not mentioning any names of course ;)...now that....is being put under the microscope! Not that being judged is any less hurtful because of who you are.

It sounds like (and correct me if I'm speculating too much), but it sounds like you may have heard some gossip through the grape vine and it hurt your feelings. And rightfully so, but don't let that get in the way of letting your boys be boys (within reason, and legally of course), and being proud unconditionally of who they are as people.

My advice, is to use the microscope to your advantage. If you know your boys are good boys...work with it! Openly talk with people about how proud of them you are...you'd be surprised how much support it shows your sons too! They'll notice that no matter what, you know they're good kids and most of all, you don't care if anyone has anything "untrue" to say about them.

I just had to respond. I grew up a small town preachers daughter. I have 3 sisters and a brother. EVERYBODY knew who we were. And who our father was. I was a pretty good kid but in a family of 5 kids we all at one time or another did something someone did not approve of. But as long as you are proud of your boys thats ALL that matters. People will say or think what they will but believe me every family has good times and bad. I learned a lot growing up some good some bad. But I believe it has made me a stronger person. And as long as you are in a job that you love you will be a better mom than if you were not in a job you love. Take this as a way to teach your boys that you cannot please everyone all the time. But if you know what you are doing is right in your eyes and in gods that you are just fine.

What profession are you in that it puts your kids in the soptlight? Not trying to be nosey, just trying to get the whole picture to be able to offer better advice. The other question I would have would be, what about them gets "picked apart"?

You said they are good kids who don't get into big trouble, so I would hope people would understand that the are teenagers and aren't going to be perfect 100% of the time. As long as they aren't doing anything illegal or immoral, I'd let them act like teenagers, with the understanding that when they are in "under the microscope" situations they need to be on their best behavior...just like you'd tell most kids for public events.

Not sure if this really helps since I'm not exactly sure of the situation, but keep hanging in there. After all, you've only got a couple more years with them before they are up and out. Enjoy them, faults and all, while you can!

I'm also feeling puzzled even tho I see that you are a church preschool director. I don't understand why that would put your son's lives in the spot light. Do you mean they are looking at them to see if you raised them right and therefore you know how to be a preschool director? Is the preschool a private school that's open everyday or a Sunday School? If it's open everyday can the public also use it?

My granddaughter went to a church preschool and I didn't see anyone criticizing the director or her children. Even tho we weren't church members I felt a family like atmosphere in which everyone was included.

I was raised in fundamental churches and I do remember some people in the church being critical of the teenagers. And my response then as it is now is "so what?" If I know that I'm OK in God's eyes it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Is it possible that you are being overly sensitive? Since you know that your sons are good kids, treat them just as any mother would treat their good sons. Forget other's criticisms. And if someone is voicing criticism to you, try to ignore it but if you can't, tell them that you have good sons and do not agree with their assesment. Or even that you don't wish to discuss your sons' behavior.

If your position is contingent on your sons behaving in a certain way (if being law abiding is not sufficient), I say that it's not worth keeping. Family comes first.

Whether or not the church keeps you as preschool director should depend only on your qualifications. Whether or not you stay should depend on whether or not you want the job. How your sons behave has no relationship to it.

And if you can believe that, then you can help your sons to learn to not let criticism unduly bother them.

"Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." comes to mind. And I strongly believe that church is about showing Christ's love. Picking anyone apart is not loving. And if church members are being overly critical I would suggest discussing this with your minister.