Mom Needs Advice

So I don't have a great miracle solution for you. I will tell you my son did the same types of things, but instead of biting he would slam his head on something, hard, we took him to the doctor for a bruise he gave himself. He would arch and wail, we would put him somewhere safe (carpet over hardwood) and completely ignore him, not say anything, because any attention is attention whether positive or negative. It stopped and it really wasn't that long, a few weeks. Good luck and try to stay calm....we've all been there!!

Hi V.,

It sounds like most of the moms here agree that this is an attention-getting technique. They are probably right, but I have a 16 month old son who does this too, and he was recently diagnosed with autism. I never would have guessed anything was wrong with him, because he appeared to be completely normal, UNTIL we learned about the early signs of autism and realized how easy they are to miss. Does your daughter talk at all? Does she respond to her name? Does she play with other children? If not, it may be worth at least researching autism yourself. Read the early signs and symptoms to see if any of the other behaviors prove true of her as well. Hopefully this is not the case for you, but it can't hurt to educate yourself just so you know. The best of luck!

When my step daughter was that age she would bite because she couldn't verbalize well and all of the other kids around her could speak very well. She would bite herself and others to the point of drawing blood. I tried all of the methods that the other moms mentioned but what worked for me was to pop her in the mouth as soon as she bit herself or anyone else. That stopped it pretty fast. I am not talking about a hard pop - just a quick one - it gets their attention and make their mouth hurt, just like their mouth hurt someone else. Good luck.

I agree! It sounds like your little one is seeking attention - whether that's negative or positive. Try completing ignoring the behavior. She may escalate at first (scream louder, bite or pinch harder), but I'm guessing when she doesn't get a response from you, she will stop.

I have realized that when I am at the computer and my daughter wants my attention, she will come over and grab the computer cord. She knows this is a no-no, but that's all she knows to do right now to get my attention. She's not talking much yet, so this is how she communicates with me. Sometimes our kiddos will do what they know works to get us to talk/play/interact with them.

Also, there's a neat podcast I found the day - it was the "House Call Doctor's Quick & Dirty Tips" and he talked about temper tantrums. Basically, he said 99% of all kids will throw temper tantrums; that's not bad parenting. It's all about how we react to them that determines if they're still throwing them a year later. That was an encouragement for me!

One thing that my husband and I do is that we discipline our children the same way if they they hurt someone- even if it's themselves. My 3 yr old sometimes smacks herself and she gets in trouble just as if she had hit someone else. I tell her that she's not allowed to hurt my daughter like that... she seems to respond well to it. Your daughter is quite a bit younger than mine though. I would say that if you found a way to get her to stop biting other kids, use the same method to get her to stop biting herself. Good luck :)

Depending on how long the tantrums last she may not be attention seeking. I wouldn't know without observing. There are problems that could be causing the outbursts and the biting. I don't want to go into it because they sound scarier than they really are. Get a hold of parents as teachers if you haven't already. They have resources they can bring to you. I am not sure how the laws have changed but with my younger son they were all free. Don't know what I would have done without them.

my advice is to totally ignore it. she is doing it because you REACT to it. next time she throws a tantrum or starts to bite herself, just drag her into a corner and say, "ok, when your ready to be a big girl, ill be in the kitchen" and just walk away. dont give in to it. she knows that it hurts and it isnt fun, she feels it. but she also sees how big your reaction to it is. if you dont acknowledge what she is doing, then she is not going to care to continue.

I agree this is an attention getter...kids and animals do about the same thing (at least they did in my house my female choc lab used to rip the house apart and pee on whomever's side of the bed she was mad at...LOL). The first thing you need to do is to restore some order and let him know who has the upper hand. I would recommend using 1-2-3 Magic...it's an extremely easy disciplinary program and has remarkable effects. Whatever the offense is you say, "That's one" if it continues for another 10 seconds then you say "That's two" and again if it continues another 10 seconds "That's three, take xx minutes (however many years old your child is that's how long he sits in time out). Time out DOESN'T START until the tantrum/fit is over. Once that has happened the timer can start. Now the beauty of this program (really hard for us but a blessing for them) is that you NEVER EVER talk about the indescression again. No belittling them over behavior or telling them how disappointed you are in them or begging them not to do it again...the time is served, punishment over, forgive and forget. AND if they forget, you just count him out again. What happens is he begins to realize what is acceptable and whats not. There is no additional talking between the counting...no "please stop or I'll count to 2"..you just DO IT. Now I have to say I was a FIRM DISBELIEVER in time outs prior to this parenting program...but 1-2-3 Magic made me a believer and literally converted my kids from terrors to plesant people in ONE WEEK! Mind you they served a lot of time outs the first few days but they caught on quick. Now, I rarely get past 1.

Now, as for the temper tantrums there are a variety of ways you can deal with them...I would still use the 1-2-3 Magic on her but as for the actual tantrums and how to handle them here's what I did. If they were small enough I carried them to their rooms and told them the only place it was acceptable to do was in their room (or tried to make them go to their room) if they were too big for that I would just let them throw their fit on the floor and I would go to another part of the house. Yep, just walk away! Make sure they are safe (i.e. aren't going to hurt themselves, hit their head, etc.) but all they want is your attention and you AREN'T going to give it to them or condone it. Finally, if they are in public and pitch the fit, you can hardly walk away from them in this day and age and of course everyone is looking at you like "why the heck can't you control your child?" It's exasperating and the kids KNOW they have you in a corner...turn the tables on them...do something they won't expect...what I did was MAKE FUN OF THEM!!! My kids usually pitched the fit because they weren't getting something they wanted, they'd start crying, whining, yelling/screaming, etc. and I'd very firmly tell them "no" and if they kept going I would tell EVERY PERSON I passed what a horrible mother I was because I wouldn't give my kids EVERYTHING they wanted! The effect was BEAUTIFUL! Everyone, every person I met or encountered laughed right at the kids! The kids were dumbfounded (because they of course thought others would sympathize with them)...well, after a time or two I'm proud to say my kids NEVER pitch fits in stores anymore! LOL ;)

You're child is at an age where he's starting to grow up and wanting some independence but also wanting special time with you. Try to make a certain time everyday where you do something special together (make dinner, read books, go for a walk...anything). But make it a routine where he comes to know what time of day it is because of the activity you (and even grandparents) do with him. This will help a lot. I would recommend checking with your local Parents as Teachers coordinator to see if anyone is offering a 1-2-3 Magic class (they are usually free with free child care) anywhere locally...they are tons of fun and really informative. Also, if you haven't signed up for Parents as Teachers you may want to...it will help you learn more about your child's developmental age and how to better entertain them and educate them with age appropriate activities. Good luck and hang in there it WILL get better!

Welcome to the terrible twos! Yes, it starts way before they turn 2. The good news is that they also out grow it before the turn 3 for the most part. I agree with the others who have said it is probably an attention getting thing. The best way to handle tantrums of any kind is to ignore them. Take her out of the situation and put her in a safe place like the crib and walk away until she starts to settle down. I usually tell them what they did wrong as I put them in bed ("it is not ok to bite") and tell them they can come play once they have settled down. I go back in after a few minutes even if they are still scream and ask if they are finished throwing the fit. Sometimes they will continue to scream and sometimes they will stop when I walk in the door. If she continues to scream, tell her again that when she is down screaming, you will be back and then walk away again. The screaming back at them can also be effective but you don't want to use it too much or they will think it is ok. Sometimes they really don't realize what they sound like so when you show them, they realize it isn't cool and stop. I would also ignore the biting at this point. Again it seems like it is just to get attention. If she does it when she is mad, let her do it a couple times. Then, later when she is not upset anymore, you can point out the marks and talk to her about how it hurt and wasn't very fun and suggest that if she needs to bite something when she is mad, she can bite a stuffed animal or pillow, something without feelings. Some kids really do need to bite! You just have to teach them what is ok to bite and what is not. PAT is also a great resource and it is still free. Just call your school district and they can point you in the right direction.