Did or Does Anyone Have This Problem?

Updated on October 22, 2008
R.B. asks from Indianapolis, IN
12 answers

My 15 month old son throughs alot of tantrums and he scream so load and crys. But he is also in this stage I guess you would call it, but he is bitting people. He bits me and my parents all the time. I tell him no but he thinks its funny and jaughs at me so I take him and make him sit with me for a few minute. But HE is also into trowing things when someone gets him nad. Does anyone have any advice.

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M.B.

answers from Indianapolis on

So maybe my son was completely different than others but the only time he would bite is when he was teething. It wasn't very consistant and it never lasted very long. Of all things, he would bite toes and laugh his little butt off. We noticed it more also when he was hungry and it was a signal we could read. Could you try giving him a crunchy snack? Cheerios', teething biscuit, etc.? If he's just eaten, maybe a cold washcloth. My son would run around with one all day if we would let him. Try to walk away from tantrums and maybe he will learn that it is not an effective way to communicate to you. I hope you find a solution! Best of luck!

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J.E.

answers from Cleveland on

If you have a pack and play use it. If you don't, put him in his crib and walk away. He needs to learn that this behaviour will not be tolerated.

I use time outs quite a bit and have been since she was as young as 8 months old. In fact, just last night my 15 month old daughter kept trying to climb up onto the couch (once she gets up there, it's like romper room) and I just didn't want her up there. My warnings to her follow the three strikes rule. First I tell her no. If she persists, I tell her no more forcefully. If she still continues to do it I look at her hard and tell her "Momma says NO." and pick her up and put her in her pack and play for a time out. Sure she threw a fit once she figured out she was in a time out, but we just ignored her and got her back out when she looked like she was ready to start behaving. She didn't try to get up onto the couch again for the rest of the night.

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M.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

i have a five and 2and half year old and my five year old did this the only thing that stopped him was ( not hard) but to bite him back. i know it sounds horrible but i know at least 3-4 moms and they had to do the same thing.

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S.C.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Obviously telling him No is not working. He needs real consequences. He is not too young for time outs right now. He is perfectly capable of understanding that biting, hitting and temper tantrums are not acceptable in your home. If he bites, put him in time out. If he throws a temper tantrum, walk away. Don't give him any attention. That's what he's getting when he bites and you tell him no. Kids need boundaries and rules. Asking him questions his all fine and good, when he's about 8 and can start to articulate. At 15 months, he's probably just starting to talk and won't be able to tell you if he's mad or upset, let alone the reason why. Remember YOU need to be the one in control NOT him. Trust me, he won't hate you if you put him in time out. Oh, and time out is not cuddle time with mom. In order to make time out work, he needs a naughty spot, chair, stool, mat etc. He needs to do time out in the specific spot. Don't start the time till he stops screaming and crying. If you pick him up while he's still pitching a fit, you're reinforcing the tantrum. It will be terribly difficult the first few times you do it. After that, it gets easier...on both of you. Hang in there and don't be afraid to put your foot down.

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G.B.

answers from Cincinnati on

This is a normal case of battle of the wills. The ages of your children is about where most parents never want to repeat...thus the term terrible twos.

It's important to establish who's boss at this stage. Children develop their personalities and life-long habits in the first 3 years, so it's important to let your children know that you are the parent. If you don't establish your position in their lives now...it will be harder on you as they grow older.

My girls never had tantrums, but I worked in the 1 - 2 year olds in my church (was I crazy?), so I was exposed to a myriad of personality formations :)

Earlier last fall (2007), one little 2 year old boy had an issue with not only screaming, but biting and pinching as well. It was so bad one morning, that I literally held him tight...holding on to his hands and making sure he couldn't bite me. He struggled, but I held on strong. I didn't allow his screaming and squirming to lighten my hold. After about 2 hours, he calmed down and fell asleep.

Today, I am his best friend! Ever since that day, he comes up to me, sits on my lap and has never had a tantrum with me. The funny thing is that he still has tantrums with his mother...but as soon as he sees me, he stops and runs over to me and wants to sit on my lap.

I believe children want to know where the line is...they find security in the person who breaks their will.

I've heard the saying..."if you don't break their will...it will break you"

Hope this helps...

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J.A.

answers from Cincinnati on

R. - I feel that your son is testing his grounds with you (seeking his boundaries). If he goes into a tantrum; walk away (as long as your child is not in danger of hurting himself or others around him); and don't give him the attention that he wants at that time. I always walk away and let my oldest be; after a few minutes, I ask her if she "is over herself". If she says, no; then I let her continue until she says yes. At first, it will take some time; but eventually (I promise), your son will realize that this is a battle he's not going to win! As far as the biting is concerned; my advice is to bite him back. Let him feel what it's like; he should stop doing it (although, it may take a time or two of it). Hang in there ... he is just exploring his boundaries and testing the water!

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S.R.

answers from Toledo on

I am sorry to say that I also think this is a stage. It is behavior you don't want to ignore because it can and will get worse. My baby is now 27 months old and does those things. I have found that she generally has 'fits' because I am not giving her what she wants. She wants to be very independant and I have trouble understanding what she wants. She wants to pour her own juice and milk and will refuse to drink if she didn't get to help pour it. Also, she has a tendancy to pull hair and bite when she also wants to play with her siblings or play with a toy they are playing with. She doesn't do it for attention, but because we aren't understanding what she wants. I agree that asking questions (do you want to help? do you want attention? do you want me to play with you?) will help ease the 'fits' because she/he will learn new words to express how they feel. Blessings to you and yours!

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P.R.

answers from Indianapolis on

Screaming temper tantrums: My parents had a statement: "You want to have a screaming fit you might as well have a reason to scream." Down came the pants, three sharp swats on a bare bottom, and into our cribs with the following statement, "You can come out when you stop screaming," they left and the door was shut. When we quit screaming we got to come back out. I know they did this, I have younger siblings. They were consistant, I finally used it on my children. It works.
Biting: I tried saying "No, that hurts," "Stop, it that isn't nice." Well, then I remembered back and decided to go for the real cure, and it worked. I calmly advised my children if they did it again I was going to bite them back. I had to bit my daughter once and my son twice, they never bit me again, nor did they bite anyone else. I bit back hard enough to leave a mark, not break the skin.
Throwing Things: Well, if you throw it guess you don't want it and it gets put away. You don't get it back for a least a week and you get to spend time in your crib, high chair, or play pen. You start screaming and we go back to number one.
It sounds harsh but it really isn't. It is teaching acceptable from unacceptable. You don't want a child no one wants to be around, including yourself.

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K.C.

answers from Elkhart on

We are currently going through this. When my son will throw his toys we tell him 'no' and ask him if he's mad or frustrated, trying to give him a word for how's he feeling. If he isn't acting out because he's mad, but instead is looking for attention, I will just ignore the hitting/ or toy throwing and not give him the attention he's after. I don't really have advice for biting bc, thankfully, he hasn't really started that yet. He did bite me once or twice and I think I ended that by putting him in time out and telling him 'no'.
Honestly, I think discipline at this age is a lot about figuring out why the kid's doing what they are and treating that, than treating the actual behavior. They're so young and I don't think they purposely do things to inflict pain or disobey. They don't know how to express their feelings properly or deal with their feelings properly or get attention the right way... they just know what works which is hitting or biting or throwing things. :) Good luck.

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L.T.

answers from Dayton on

You have to remember that YOU are the parent, you are in charge. The best thing I found to do when our kids would try the tantrums was completely ignoring it, even stepping over them if need be. I know it is hard, trust me I know,but DO NOT GIVE IN!!! Never let him see you sweat! I would just go about my business and leave them to their tantrums,this stage was VERY short lived in our home with all 4 kids. We just would not stand for behavior like that, no ifs ands or buts. Especially since you are on your own, you have to lay down the law so to speak now, not later. I don't mean being harsh or mean to your son, not at all but you have to be in charge. My sister who is rasing 4 kids on her own has had to learn this the hard way, she didn't correct it when they were toddlers and now they are awful to her. When he throws something immediately take whatever it was away do not give it back that day. Say nothing at all, just take the object. If you live with your parents make sure they are following the same routines or you will not correct his behavior. I hope someone has some good advice for biting as we have never really dealt with that. Good luck to you, I am rooting for you! Remember no matter your age, YOU ARE MOM!

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A.H.

answers from Toledo on

Generally, I think these behaviors stem from frustration. Is there a way for you to diffuse the situation before it escalates? I know that teaching my children basic sign language helped them communicate before they could verbalize their needs or wants. It seemed to help.........for instance teaching them the sign for "more" eliminated fits when they want juice or snack or more to eat at meal time. It takes some work on your part, but our children are worth every minute of positive investment!!
I also would take and keep a toy or object that is thrown and explain the reason they can't play with it anymore. Do it immediately after the action.......or else they forget what just happened.
and lastly, when all else failed with biting (only 2 of my 5 have biten) and nothing else worked (I know this isn't always a popular method) I would dab their tongue with soap. It took one time for one of my children and he stopped, and it took 3 times with my other child then he never bit again. Yucky, but it was my last stab at it......and it worked.
Good luck...stay consistent and calm (sometimes easier said than done!)

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C.W.

answers from Cincinnati on

Bie him back and bite as hard as he does you. It will work. I was babysitting once and the youngest boy bit my son on the eye and it turned black and blue and there was blood coming iout of the teeth marks. I went wild and bit him on the arm. I shouded Mom aboth boys and gave her the option of not bringing them anymore. Needless to say she was glad I was able to get him to stop bitting. He never did it again and she never stopped bringing them to me. Her mother said both boys were never so well behaved except when I was watching them. They were wild with mom and dad.
I also watched another boy who threw tantrums when I told him no. His mother nor father never did. I also patted his bottom hard and told him when he was done with the fit I would paddle him again. After one week no more tantrums. He cold cocked me in the eye once. I had taken a toy from him that he had taken from another child and he didn't like it. He got paddled good that day and threw a tantrum. His mother's response was well he doesn know how to share. He learned very fast. I told him we have 2 rules we share we do not take toys from another child we also do not hit. He was doing very well with us but then they got kicked out of the complex when he caught the apartment on fire for the 3rd time. She told everyone in the complex I was a child abuser because I spaked her little man. But guess what 6mos. after I heard that she called and wanted me to sit again. I told her I was full up and could not take another child on. That was a big lie. I thought why would she want a known abuser to watch her children.

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