Mom Needing Help - Hopkinsville,KY

Your son is not acting out. He is 16 months old. It is normal for him to drop or throw food from the high chair. The dropping is a way for him to learn about time and space.

The hitting, at his age he doesn't understand that when he touches you ---- you feel it too. Hitting is quite often a matter of muscle control. He is still a baby and needs to learn how to act and interact with people.

When he throws food take his plate away and sharply say NO to him. Give him back his plate and tell him to eat. He also needs to understand that eating is a scocial event. You should be sitting with him and eating dinner, too. If you place a plate of food in front of him and then walk away to do something else while he is busy and confined, he is missing a big part of the mealtime experience.
When he hits take his hand gently and again sharply say NO. Show him how to touch gently.
He will get it. He simply needs to learn.

Just for the sake of clarification - a 16 month old throwing food from his high chair is not acting out. It is completely normal behavior, and actually, developmentally appropriate. Yes, it makes our houses messy, so we have to teach them not to do it, but it is not "naughty." My youngest will be 16 mos next week, and he does the same thing. When he does it, I simply remove the food from his tray, and tell him, "We don't throw food. If you throw food, I will take it away. Lunch is done." He pouts a bit, but he is getting better. It will take time and patience to teach him this.

When he hits someone, I calmly but firmly remove him from the situation and say, "No hitting. Hitting hurts. Ouch." I don't make a big fuss out of it, because at this age they are very likey to do it even MORE if we give it a big reaction. If he hits me while I am holding him, I put him on the floor and say, "No hitting. If you hit me, I cannot hold you." If he hits other people, I bring him to his Pack & Play and tell him the same thing - if you hit your brother, you cannot play with him.

Little by little they learn. Together you and his dad need to get on the same page and learn about what is and isn't appropriate behavior at this age. I suggest a book called "The Happiest Toddler on the Block," by Dr. Richard Karp. Your local library should have a copy or two.

Good luck!

ETA: I respectfully disagree with Mira about 16 month olds not knowing the meaning of the word "No." When I say to my son, "Do you want to go to sleep," sometimes he happily comes with me and says, "Nite Nite." Other times, he runs away and says, "No!"

I agree with other posters he is acting like a typical 16 mo old! Maybe his father would be more cooperative if you asked him questions and asked for his input. "The Dr recommends we stop the bottle at 18 months, do you think we should start cutting back now or just wait till he is 19 months?" and "I'm trying to teach him not to hit because that will be a big problem in daycare or at babysitters house, what is working for you?" You may have to Pretend that you value his opinion and input, and you may have a hard time getting him to be helpful, but if you keep acting like you respect his parenting as much as your own, maybe he will slowly come around to be cooperative with you. If not the next 18 yrs are going to be very very difficult! imagine a teen going back and forth between houses with completely different rules! Do what ever you need to do to convince dad to cooperate, ask him should we do this or that and try to make both choices things you can live with like "When should we take him off the bottle?" not "we need to take him off the bottle"

You can't do one thing if his father is doing something else, such as stop giving the bottle. You can tell him 'no' when he hits, throws food, etc. Tell him 'no' and if he continues remove the food, if he hits put him in his room or bed and say 'no, that hurts'. I always showed our kids then by taking their hand, that this is the way to do it and have them pat you gently. He's learning and you will set the rules at your house regardless of what his dad's rules are. The bottle will be a bit harder and if the dad is giving it you maybe should wait a bit at your house too. I'm sure it's hard for him going between two homes and two sets of rules, etc. Teach him but be patient.

Just stay consistant with what you do at your house. If he is with you majority of the time then he will learn What things are done at moms house and what things are done at dads, let dad know that you are not using the bottle and stick to it, he will get on board when he gets ready and baby will know that he gets the bottle only at dads. PS if you are sending his bottles then stop sending them, let him have his own kept at his house.

I agree with just about all the posts below, I just want to add one more thing:

Believe it or not, 16-months don't understand the word "no." Their language skills aren't developed enough to understand that this one little word makes all the other words mean the opposite of what they mean normally. So when they hear "no hitting," they think, "Oh yeah, hitting. I know how to do that." When they hear, "no throwing your food," they think, "Oh yeah, that's that really fun thing I do where the food falls all the way down to the floor."

So, don't say "no," tell him what he SHOULD do. Tell him over and over, "Gentle" and "Food goes in the mouth," and demonstrate every time. If you're consistent, he'll catch on.

Normal. Don't worry. Just give him lots of love.