I am a remarried 47 year old who has a great new husband who is the love of my life. We were married almost a year ago after 3 years of dating. The issue is that over the past 6 months, my husband has seemed to run completely out of patience. Where earlier he was into hearing about anything going on in my or my sons life, now even the little things seem to set him off. I guess my timing is all out of whack, but I can't seem to find the right time to discuss things with him that really should be discussed. I have tried to talk to him about it, but it doesn't really seem to be getting any better.
He works construction and is always tired, and I do understand, but that has not changed over the past few years. Has anyone else experienced something like this, and is so, what worked for you?
I got tons of great advice and things have improved! I am trying to give him time to think things through and process his feelings, it is hard as it takes sooo long but is really working. We are also spending some alone time just being together and friends. It has made a world of difference, thanks to eveyone who responded and made suggestions, nice to know others are dealing with the same issues!
I have to second the advice of seeing a counselor. We tend to think we know how to 'handle' certain situation, but the truth of the matter is we could all use a little training on how to argue and discuss important matters. We were able to see our church counselor for free, which was great since we wouldn't of been able to afford it any other way. Hope that helps.
Yeah me and my husband went thru the same thing last year. We went to counseling for 2 months once a week, and it just happened that having the third person in the room to stop the interruptions and ask the questions you dont think of "in the heat of the moment" helped tremendously. We now can communicate more openly.Oddly enough, the days that we had counseling I found my husband being extra nice to me or helping more, almost as if we had an appt with "mom" almost made me want to go forever!! Hope this helps!
Hi there Rhonda,
I can relate to poor timing on important issues. I've learned the hard way that timing is important, but also figuring out what works for your spouse is also important. What I have learned in my relationship is to not be combative about an issue my husband is upset about, and to just let him vent. It's gotten easier as I remind myself it isn't personal, even though it feels very personal! When my husband has had some time to simmer and relax, I can actually make a joke out if it. He's usually mortified and sorry for being a jerk, and even asks if he is usually a jerk (which he's not).
The other thing that may be helpful is if you know something about the type of work he does, to ask questions that show that not only you care but that you've educated yourself to better understand him.
I've found that open ended questions are the best, as well as never to say "We need to talk" or "We never spend time together". That seems to set off guys alarms!
Hope that is helpful,
D.
Have you tried a therapist?
T.
Founder
www.theparnetpack.org
Hi Rhonda,
I sounds like something is going on in his life that is overwhelming/stressing him out. It could be his job. I know that if he is in residential construction the current foreclosure market has put a strain on that area of construction. Try asking him what is going on with him. Maybe starting a conversation with "I feel like you have been a little stressed out lately, want to talk about it?" and then just listening to him without comment. Starting sentences with I think, I feel, I know instead of "you" go a long way towards good communication. That is what our marriage counselor had us do when we were having difficulties communicating. Also, give him time to work out what is bothering him and let him know you are there to listen if he needs to talk.
Sincerely,
L.
I am from Gilroy! I miss the garlic smell...
Maybe you two need a night alone? Nice dinner, movie, bowling, take a drive somewhere, get a hotel.....
Sometimes men just need to think. For a really long time. I know my husband does tha. It drives me crazy but if i let him think for as long as he needs to we can actually have a productive converson instead of just arguing. Men also have this need to fix evreything, if he has not figured out how to fix it yet he may just not be willing to talk about it.
When i really need to talk to my husband i give him warning a day or two befor hand. I just say i would really like to talk about xyz.. in a day. Do think we can make the time? That really did the trick. It gave him the time he needed to think and me the convresation i needed.
