Mom Advice - Batavia,NY

Let me tell you something about a mom and her kids-there is NO love in the world like that of this relationship. It is the only UNCONDITIONAL love out there. With every other type of love there are "conditions" that would possibly destroy it-but not this. I can understand how upset your mom is about you moving...my boys are so young but when I think about them growing up and leaving I tear up. You put your entire heart and soul into raising your children. I cannot imagine how sad it will be when that is "done". And your mom is realizing that her job is done now. You are a grownup going into the world to live your life. And it sounds like she did her job well and that you are a terrific daughter. So give her a little time. She needs to get her head around what she is going to do now. This may take a little while. I would say it is a natural process. I understand that you love her and feel bad-but please don't let this alter your life plans.

She really will live through this. YOU have to live your own life. It really bothers me when I see parents trying to guilt their grown children into sticking right by their sides. I have several relatives whose lives have literally been ruined by this because they've never gotten to have a life of their own (and never will).If you run back home -exactly when is it going to be okay for you to leave? You're already 24. Be sweet, call all the time -even drop her cards and letters and emails, but stay strong! She's just having a hard time (and a delayed time) cutting the apron strings!

Be strong! And allow her to understand your move has nothing to do with her but everthing to do with you and your SO doing what is best for the two of you. She loves the time the two of you spend together so give her time, she loves you.

Enjoy the new venture!

For me I wouldn't move to another state with just a boyfriend, for me that is just too unstable a relationship and has no real price to pay to make an exit as for mom. Both of you will need to make peace with this decision and make the best of it. Skype is excellent but I think perhaps a more settling and stable relationship of marriage may also help lay her fears and sorrows asside.

I know this may advice may sound very ancient and outdated and that marriage is no guarantee but you are giving up so very much. I would want more for you. Independence from your mom and not having to depend on this boyfriend for your sustainance. Just some added food for thought.

Been there, done that and she will get through it. Don't promise her that you will move back b/c that is a lot easier said than done. Just keep her up-to-date on what you are doing. Invite her to come visit and try to get home when you can.

When I moved from FL to VA for college, my mom cried every time we spoke for the first several months. I literally saw them every month b/w school vacations, parent weekends and random visits. I spoke to her at least 3 times a week, but she missed me and our conversations. Her relationship with my sisters is very different- they are far more dependent on her for day-to-day things and I am not so the dynamic is different.

When I decided to move to NY from VA, the whole thing started over. Again, about six months into it she was better. She still cries whenever we leave FL after a visit or before they get on the plane, but it's better now.

Eventually, she will mellow-out about the distance and you will work out a system of communication and visits that work for both of you. Get Skype, it's great and remember that at some point you need to start a family and life of your own. When she sees how happy and independent you have become, her pride in you will replace the overwhelming sadness.

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If you are confident you did the right thing and you are comfortable with your decision, then it will be easier for you to become situated and earn your wings. When you are confident, then it is a matter of giving your M. some time to get used to the change. Visit often, call, reassure her you are fine and in time she will come around. You both are just going thru changes and it is different, but in time you both will adjust.

How about Skype? I think it is really hard for friend-moms to let go and realize that you need to live your life. I am close to my mom too, and moved even farther than you have. We talk on the phone and IM. I know that it is hard, even after 6 years, but I also knew that I needed to do what I needed to do for my happiness, and that I can't let that guilt hold me back. I don't plan to move back to my home town either, so I'm not sure if the mindset for that is easier or harder. Embrace your current life, don't keep focusing on NY, live in the now, you might just enjoy it.

Encourage her to do some volunteer work, get out and get a hobby, join a book club or dance class, 'adopt' a little girl in the big brothers/big sisters program, rally any kind of service she can do to remain busy, make new friends and have fun with will really help her.

My mom is a widow and it can be tough being the child who constantly has to reassure and support, but you have to draw a line and encourage that person to be active and still have joy. Its your turn to start your life, don't feel you have to not enjoy it because your mom has problems letting go. She had her turn when she was younger, but her attitude can really bring you down and become manipulative if you give in to it. just wait until you have kids, then she will really dig her claws in for time!

In the meantime, you all can video chat through skype, text, chat on facebook.

It was hard for my mom, to let me go. I am the youngest and she really wanted to hold onto me. Eventually, she cooled off. She was happy, that I was happy. She was proud, that I was a responsible adult and growing up. Make it a point, to make her know she will still be involved. Talk to her often and reassure her. It's a great thing for you to grow up and move, it was for me. I love my mom, but I felt like she would have help onto me forever. I needed to be my own person and have my own life. She realized this and was OK with it. Your mom will be, too. Good luck!!

it is so hard for a mom to let go of her babies.
but it needs to happen. you're 24 and you have got to live your own life. call often, text, get a videophone, join facebook, keep your mom in your life on a daily basis.
but go have your own adventures.
khairete
S.