I am 20 years old stationed in japan. i just found out im pregnant by my ex who i recently found out is a really bad guy. we dated for 2months. I am trying to get re-stationed back in the states to get away from him but medical keeps asking me who the father is. I can't let him know im pregnant. If i tell anyone at medical they tell him....what should i do? do i have a legal obligation to the military to report who the father is?
I was on birth control and we used condoms
If you plan on keeping this baby, you have a moral obligation to inform the father. I cannot speak to the legal obligations that the military may require.
M.,
Welcome to mamapedia!!
If you are Active Duty - you would KNOW to go to your XO/CO or First Shirt - even JAG - so they can help you navigate this maze you got yourself into.
If your ex is active duty as well? and is a "bad guy" then he needs to be reported. What will he do if he finds out you are pregnant?
What do you mean by "medical" - the OB/GYN? They are not obligated to report WHO the father is to the best of my knowledge. You need to get your butt to your first shirt or XO and then to JAG.
I would have to look at the UCMJ - but "legally" you have no obligation to inform him of your pregnancy - however - MORALLY??? I believe you do...and seriously - just because you made a bad choice doesn't mean your child, unless you know this "man" will harm the child or you, you shouldn't take away his choice to know his child or vice versa.
YOU made a bad decision to sleep with the guy and have unprotected sex. This is the consequence of that action. If you were raped - it should have been reported immediately.
Hopefully, you've learned a valuable lesson here. Truly get to know a guy before you have sex with him!
If you don't want the father in your life, then do not tell him or give that information to anyone who will tell him.
I don't know what the military requires, but if the choice is between having an abusive ex back in your life or a dishonorable discharge, take the dd..
Hi M.,
I would sit down with a mental health worker to sort this out. You have some tough decisions to make and I would seek the outside help ASAP for support. My 2 cents: the father deserves to know.
I don't know about the military obligations, but can't you just say you don't know?
M.,
You aren't required to tell anyone who the father is. I'm in the military. You have no legal obligation. Just stick with "I don't know." and let them have their stupid judgement.
Some might think that you should tell the father. But if you are afraid of him, just keep it to yourself. Trust me, even chaplains don't keep their mouths shut, so stick with "I don't know." I'm sorry this is happening to you.
I'm sorry about the judgemental responses. Its disappointing that some people are unable to be compassionate. I think you need to weight what type of really bad guy is. Would he be abusive or do you just not want to have to coparent with him. If you are scared of him, then keep it quiet. If you just had a messy breakup then you owe it to him and the baby not to keep who he is a secret.
TO get a way from a really bad guy my daughter told her case manager she had no idea, she'd gone to a party and the "punch" was spiked and that she hadn't really ever drank before. That she passed out and has no idea who was there, who all had their way with her, and she didn't remember much of the next day either.
They left her alone once she told them that. The truth was she was trading sex for a place to live since she was homeless and she was so high all the time that it is a blur. She knows she slept with a lot of men but has no idea which one did the deed.
Just make up a story and stick to it. I went to a mixer/party and the punch must have been spiked because I don't remember much of anything once I started sipping on a cup of it.
