MIL Let Son Take Tumble into Tub - Hoped He Would Learn That Its Dangerous

sorry - a 9 month old should not be in a bathtub or bathroom to be taught a lesson....sorry...one time she might not be ready...

I can see her point about the stability - but at 9 months - for him it's a game not a learning lesson!!

I hate that. I hate that saying...."bet he'll only do it once." Makes me cringe when I hear it. I don't jump every time they are going to take a little spill. I definately try not to react and I do tell them to shake it off when it's just bruised feelings, but still, if an accident can be prevented, I would hope that an adult would prevent it.

bet you wanted to knock her in!

too young.....is my answer. A simple "NO" could effectively teach this moment.

No, you are not being over-protective.

That is the worst idea I have ever heard for a 9 month old baby. He doesn't get what she is trying to *teach* him at that young of an age.

This wouldn't even work on my adult husband.

I'd be furious.

* ETA: I am curious....how did she react to your request about keeping him away from the tub?

No I don't think you're being too careful. He could break a tooth or even his nose or bust his head open if he takes a nose dive or a header in the tub accidentally. Tubs are slippery even when they're not wet, hard to 'get a grip' on a slippery surface, especially for toddlers or those learning to walk. I'd say watch the baby & say 'be careful' each time he goes near the tub, say like if he was in there w/you but otherwise, I'd try to keep the door closed for now. Good luck.

I might be playing devils advocate here, but I let my kids learn lessons like this pretty early on also. You really want pull that book off the shelf? It's heavy! It's above your head! OH! Did you pull it onto yourself? Yep, don't do that again.

Yes, sometime's it backfires and then it's funny and they keep doing it... but it's that ONE TIME they hurt themselves and don't do it again. Like when my daughter was just under a year, she kept jumping from the cough to the coffee table. She has palmoplantar hyperhydrosis... her feet sweat a LOT, and makes her slip. I kept telling her it was a bad idea; she thought it was fun... until the one time she slipped, kept going, and fell off the table. It was a 1 ft fall, no damage, but scared her to the point she never did it again ;)

My brothers and I, as kids, learned like this, and we learned FAST. Don't touch hot things, don't climb bookshelves, don't throw rocks in the air and try to catch them... we learned ;) And we're fine! :)

I'd say 9 months is WAY too young to teach them about certain dangers. Little things, maybe- but not in the surroundings of a tub. There are just too many accidents and honestly, deaths, in and around tubs and bathrooms because of the hard surfaces and chance of drowning.

For instance, if he slips into the tub and then MIL slips when she tries to get him, he could take a hard fall on the head and the brain is very sensitive at this point, and he could hurt another part of his body, as well as the chance of drowning if there's water in there.

And I'll say again, I know what your MIL is getting at, but 9 months is NOT the age the start doing THOSE kind of lessons- he's still an infant! Not even a year yet!

I totally agree with the others that say he is too young for this kind of "learning a lesson". I compare it to holding a child's hand in fire so they know it is hot. How can a 9 month old understand that something is dangerous? If anything, he is going to get that little feeling of "thrill" and want to do it again because grandma was there to catch him.
I am not saying however that there are not times that children will learn their lesson by doing what they are not supposed to. I have told my kids not to do something and they keep on going. They get hurt, my response is to make sure they are not badly hurt and then " I warned you". But of course, when it is something that is dangerous, they would get time out or grounded (sometimes 12 yrs old still do stupid things) before they get hurt.

I permitted my daughter to try all sorts of adventures that would let her learn the physics of falling and abrupt contact with surfaces. But I would not allow it around furniture with pointy edges or on hard, unyielding surfaces, or in places where a fall would have been more than a foot or so.

My intention was not to set my precious only child up for injury, just to give her a chance to learn some common sense. I do think modern parents tend to over-protect their littles. This can actually set them up for taking careless risks later in life out of sheer ignorance. But it's not necessary for those early experiments to be hazardous. If I had a MIL who did this with my son, I would ask her to find a location for that play where he'd be less likely to crack his skull.

Here are some interesting TED Talks on dangerous things we should let our kids do:
http://blog.ted.com/2007/12/21/gever_tulley_on/

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/gever_tulley_s_tinkerin...

No, you are not being over protective! Whats next? Let him play in the street & get hit so he learns cars are dangerous? I totally agree with you. Keep him safe.

I'm sorry, but that is SO dangerous. He could knock out his teeth, get a concussion, bite through his lip, break an arm. Is she going to let him swallow cleaning product (which will burn a hole in his esophagus) to teach him a lesson? While this method might work for really minor things, I wouldn't consider this one of them.

I certainly respect both of your thinking. While I think sometimes taking a fall is the best way to learn a lesson sometimes, I can understand your worry about him falling into a porcelain bath tub. Not to mention the danger involved if the tub is full of water. So, to answer your question, nah, not overprotective at all in my eyes.

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I think you are right on this one. We have to be protective and you gave the idea a chance. I remember getting annoyed with my MIL when we moved into our house. We have a deck that is pretty far up from the ground. She had my kids out there one day and pulled a chair over to the railing and let them stand in it. She was standing there of course so nothing could happen, but it still annoyed me because 1) what was the purpose of that? and 2) you just showed them something fun (and very dangerous) to do if an adult isn't right there with them. My kids are only 2 and 3 years old, so discerning between what is fun and safe and what is fun and dangerous isn't a skill they have mastered yet!
Anyway, I can see your MIL's rationale behind letting him try that, but since he didn't learn the desired response you all were hoping for, I would steer clear of climbing on the tub too.
Sincerely,
A.

What the hell? This is a 9 month old! No way would I let her watch him again. Allowing them to explore and experience their world is wonderful, but not exposing them to dangerous situations.

I do not think you are being over-protective, the bathroom is one of the rooms we either had blocked off or gated until daughter understood that the bathroom is not a play area.

It is good to have areas that are not play areas, the bathroom is one of those rooms for us. I would simple say we do not let anyone play in bathroom please do not let him in there unless using the area (potty, bath, changing clothes/diaper).

Would she let him touch the hot stove to "learn a lesson" that it is hot so do not play around it OR run into the to learn that a street is not a place to play. Personally I think it far better to keep reminding the child that it is unsafe, whatever the case. Sure riding the bike and having a few tumbles or falling scraping their knees on the pavement/gravel/dirt is part of child hood but there are some situations that it is better to avoid them getting hurt and reminding them that it is not safe like a hot stove, running into the street/parking lot, climbing over tubs.

Lastly at 9 months they are curious and do not understand the dangers hence why one has to spend a lot of time getting them and keeping them from trouble and dangers.

You probably are being over protective but you are his mother and that is what we mothers do. He is really kind of too young to really get the point of this exercise. I would try to keep your son away from her for his bath times. I know this may be difficult but it may be needed for your own peace of mind.

It is a good thing that MIL does tell you the crazy things she chooses to do with your son. Try to be calm and matter of fact with her. Try asking her questions that would lead her to your point of view rather than telling her what to do. Tell her you noticed that your baby seems to think this is a game since having this experience. He won't really get it until he ends up with a huge knot on his head. Boys can be daredevils even at 9 months. You just be prepared with ice packs and bandages. There are 4 boys in my house not including husband and only one of them is an adult. I can't even begin to tell you what they have done. God is good they are still alive.

I would have to agree with you about the reaching over the tub part. That I dont think should be encouraged. As for the moving around in the infant tub that I would let go, theres no way to stop that.
My m-i-l used to watch my kiddos and thought it was a good lesson to learn when my daughter started sticking her fingers in the vents of our gas fireplace. Her reasoning was that if she got her fingers stuck when it wasnt on she wouldnt be tempted when it was on and hot. What?! I allmost had a stroke.

While I pretty much agree with her, I think the falling over stage is not the time to do it. Maybe if he were a little older, say 15 months.
I just watched the video, Tedtalks. We have done these things. With adult supervision children are very good at being careful. My kids have been around fire since they were toddlers. I find the Boy Scout rule that you can't hold a knife unitl you pass the test ridiculous, my son got his first knife at 5. He was cut, we had bandaids. My kids have been cooking since kindergarten. I believe as a society we do overshadow our children too much.
At 9 months, no, that is when they need to be protected. At the age where they can learn cause and effect, then yes, by all means let them learn and get hurt, it's natural consequences.
My son was in the garage last summer. He touched the sander. He was hurt, not badly, but enough to understand what and why we say be careful.
Kids have to learn where it is safe to make mistakes.
And for all the moms who think I am a terrible mom for allowing my kids to do dangerous things and get hurt, in 22 years I have been to the ER for all sorts of coughs, rashes, and stomach flu type viruses. Only once have we had a broken bone, and she fell off a picnic bench while eating a popsicle.

k

I know somebody whose toddler fell in the tub & hit his tooth which ended up needing to be surgically removed. :( I don't know the whole story but it's enough to keep my kids sitting in the bathtub!

nope. I'd have expected him to find it to be 'great fun' as well. As you know, it's all great fun, until someone loses an eye, or any other catastrophic outcome.

No your not being over protective, its your job, your the Mom. Our mothers, and MIL will always have their way of doing things. It can be dangerous for him to learn or think that its okay for him to go falling in the tub. Be thankful that your MIL is at least watching him and taking what sounds like good care of him.

In time, your son will get lots of bumps and bruises, especially when he starts walking. Its inevitable.

Also, why dont you just start bathing your son in the real bathtub so that he isnt curious anymore and will stop climbing in, and potentially fall. He honestly sounds too big or old to be still in an infant tub anyways. Especially if he is rocking around in it and slipping. That is dangerous too.

For now, just shut the bathroom door, so that he cant get in there in the first place, and no one will have to worry.

no, you are not. i know that grandma had good intentions but it seems to have had the opposite effect on your little guy. i think you were in the right, and that you were good to ask her to keep him away from the tub.

It won't hurt him! My only concern would be if there was water in the tub, but it sounds like your MIL is really watching out for him!

My cousin's son used to climb on top of the refrigerator when he was 12 months old. He scaled the front of the fridge and the first time I saw it, it freaked me out! :) It's funny how things seem so dangerous, but they are actually just fine. Even if your son gets a little bump from his adventures, he will be okay! YOur MIL has a lot of patience with your son! :)

I do not think I like this. He is a baby only 9 months old. No I would tell her no more teaching lessons..... This is what moms and dads are for. Grammy s only need to love.

Good idea in theory, but it won't actually work in real life. They don't start understanding danger and that sort of thing until they are a bit older.

I let my kid have a guided fall out of the tub around that age for the same reason. It worked for me. She's never once tried to climb out again without holding my hand and she is almost 2 1/2. However, I don't think a child should be around a bathtub unless they are getting a bath. I remember going to give my daughter a bath and seeing water in it from the previous bath. I forgot to drain it. What if she was playing and I didn't notice the water?

Sounds like something my hubby would've done.

Yes you are being a bit over-protective, but that's your job. She was prepared to catch him and he didn't get hurt, so try to not let it eat at you.