MIL Issue - Boston,MA

This is a tough suggestion, but keep trying and give it time. As a baby I screamed everytime my grandpa came near me - it was apparently very distressing to everyone and especially grandpa! This went on from birth until age 18 months, when one day of my own accord I toddled over and held onto his pants leg until he picked me up. (My mom said everyone cried with joy/relief). Once I was more verbal they told me the story and asked me over and over why I had cried - I had no idea! I remember nothing about it! Who knows why kids do some things - my own puzzle me from time to time too! Good luck!

I think it's several things. 1. She only comes over to babysit, so your son gets upset because he knows you'll be leaving soon; 2. You dislike her and your son picks up on it. 3. Your son just doesn't like her, which is okay. My kids didn't like their Grandma when they were babies either; and 4. Your MIL doesn't know how to relate to children and your son knows it. Doesn't mean she hurt him in any way, she just doesn't know what to "do" with him.

I have a feeling it's probably a little bit of everything. I would stop asking MIL to babysit (which it seems like you've already done) and I would invite her over more for social visits. I wouldn't force grandma and child to be together or do things together, but if your son sees you having a nice visit with grandma, maybe he'll start to warm up to her.

Good luck! My kids didn't warm up to their grandma until they were out of the terrible 3s.

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Maybe there is something about her that is upsetting him, like bad breath, or a perfume that he doesn't like (or may even be allergic/sensitive to) or something like that. Maybe she just has big hair and it scares him or something. There's no telling what's going on with him. Maybe you could ask her to work with you to try to figure out what's going on. Make sure she knows that it's because you're concerned about her relationship with him and want to see it bloom.

Another possibility is that she truly just doesn't like children much and he picks up on that. Kids are very perceptive about nuances of behavior. They have to be since their other communication skills are less than adequate. If that's the problem then he'll probably either outgrow it, or learn to at least be respectful in her presence as he gets older.

The good news is that your daughter is almost old enough to babysit for you. I was babysitting when I was 11 and one of the little boys I babysat had special needs, so she should be able to handle a normal 10mo.

Best of luck!

Hmmm, sounds tricky for sure. I think it could have something to do with the fact that he associates her with you leaving, but probably not completely. My advice would be to take charge and make it happen for you all to be together more. You may have to do dinners together, play dates, etc. If you live so close it is really a shame she can't be more of a help. I think that you're going to have to visit her house even if it isn't childproofed. I am under the belief that your child needs to learn (within reason) what to touch and not touch and should be able to go most places regardless of childproofed or not. I have two little kids and I know that is hard, but I think it's mostly possible. YOu can give her a heads up and say hey, I think we'll stop by on Wednesday, just letting you know in case you want to stash your valuables..haha! If she's uncomfortable with you all coming over, that's a different story...I would just have her come to you or meet in neutral locations.

Also, and I know this is going to sound really horrible, but maybe she can start some sort of tradition with him that will make her more appealing. Maybe every time she comes over they can play a special game or eat a special treat or watch something on TV, etc. Then maybe he can associate getting something he wants with her visiting. Like I said, horrible, but I might not be above it! I know I would want my MIL to feel loved and welcome in my home, especially by the grandkids!

I do think you need to sort of mention something to your husband, like...why do you think he acts like that? What should we do? Should we start hanging out with your mom more? Maybe make him believe that some of the ideas are his and go from there!

I have a friend, who's 18 months old does the same thing with his grandma. Grandparents live around the corner and see kids all the time. However he runs to grandpa and cries if grandma gets close. Not sure why that is......

i'm not sure if there's a deeper issue, but for what it's worth, my son who is 22 months totally repel his grandpa (my dad). I can't think of any reason for it, other than my son going through a phase (which started about the time he turned 1) He sees Grandpa at least 3 times a week, the same amount of time that he sees Grandma and his uncles. Still... he just simply won't let Grandpa hold him, (tho he used to) and will always push Gramps away. I'm hoping its just a stage because I know Grandpa adores him and his feelings are hurt!

I guess I'm just saying that maybe its just a phase.. not something permanent, and not indicative of something bad that happened. We've been working on getting my son to accept Grandpa more with positive reinforcement (he's willing to hug him goodbye when we leave now...) so slowly but surely...

well I have a similar situation to my brother in law and sister in law who live right around the corner we haven't seen them since my daughters 3 birthday well we saw them at Easter time but they had nothing to do with my kids so my kids have just come to acustom to them not being around and when they are they don't talk to them or play with them and then say comments like why doesn't she like me (meaning my daughter) well cause your not around them. Maybe he gets the vibe that you get about her not being a kid friendly person. Don't force it!!