MIL DramaHi

That is why they created the MIL quarters on the side of the house. Personally, I would be vocal, but as respectful as possible. Tell the boys, no TV because tonight is the night we do workbooks, etc. Better sooner than later.

Avoiding tension only creates more. You need to talk with your mil about what you need. Choose a time when you're feeling less emotional. I understand why your husband doesn't want to get into it. This sounds like it's between your mil and you.

I suggest that getting her a TV for her room would be a good investment. She can watch her programs and you can limit your sons' viewing.

You need to continue disciplining your boys as you did before she arrived. If your doing so causes her to feel tense that is her problem. If you've opened the lines of communication with her she will be able to talk with you about what is making her tense. You need to relax, know that this is your house and these are your children. You are in charge!

Stop trying to please or make your mil happy. That is not your job. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness. She is now a resident in your home. Treat her as a part of the family instead of a guest. Take charge! You can do it!

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It depends if temporary means 1 week or 1 year!

If it is just for one or two weeks, let it go for some things (watching TV...) If it's for a longer time, you need to reinforce your house rules. Trying to avoid tension will just mean that all the tension goes on you. Your kids get wild, your MIL enjoys her time, your husband doesn't intervene. How gets the tension? How deals with disrespectful children?...

You need to make your rules clear to your MIL, in a nice and polite way but it needs to be addressed with her.
Also, the children need to know they will not get away with it. Whatever grandma says, your rules are your rules. So, better tell her in advance that consistency is key for education and even if she tells them something is OK when they know it is not, they will have consequences for it. "Grandma told you you can watch this show because she doesn't know it's forbidden. But you knew the rule so you have the consequence anyway"

If not already, write the rules on a board visible by all (in the kitchen for example), with the consequence for each. At our home, we don't have many but we strictly enforce them (no hitting, biting, pushing, aggressive behavior, talking back. Say please and thank you and sorry...). Then, everyone knows them, including children and grandmother. They know how much TV a day/which shows to watch or not...

Good luck! My own MIL is arriving this evening for 1 month and I'm sure tensions will erupt too as she cannot stand to hear a child cry or being punished, whether because they didn't get a candy at the store or because they have a one-minute time-out. Yesterday, my son wanted a sand shovel from the supermarket. I said no and he replied to me "do you think grandma will buy it for me tomorrow if I come with her?" and he's only 3!
As long as she will be home, she knows the rules. She can spoil the children as much as she wants with her money and time. But, she cannot intervene in discipline/contradict me. If she doesn't like them being punished/crying (she really cannot handle it)... she leaves the room and comes back when everyone is quiet.

Why does your son think he can get away with it? Reinforce and prove he can not. Ok, your hubby can stay out of it but he needs to support you in however your handle it. Then calmly talk to your MIL. Explain that you love her and are thirlled to have her there but still need to have normalcy in your home and discipline w/ your boys. Explain your rules regarding your boys and the tv. If she is watching tv in a common area when the boys are home the shows need to be appropriate. Otherwise, she will need to watch in her room (maybe buy her a small tv). Also ask her to be conscious of her favoritism because now that you are under one roof it is very obvious.

I can relate, although my MIL lives with us permanently and has for 4 years. Generally everything is fine but there are certain things she does that really bug me. I tend to avoid confrontation too. I think you have to learn to pick your battles because not everything is that big a deal. You can tell her you would rather the kids not watch so much TV and ask her to watch it in another room. As far as the discipline, I think you have to ask her to back you up on the discipline with your kids. When I have issues with my MIL, I ask my husband to help and he does. It is his mother and he needs to be involved in talking to her. That being said, I don't ask him to talk to her about every little thing -- only major things that I think need to be addressed. I also think that making sure my MIL knows we appreciate what she does in our house and with our kids goes a long way. I try hard to make sure she doesn't feel like she is a burden and try to recognize her contribution to the household. Sometimes a little sugar goes a long way to alleviating other issues.

I am sorry your not to happy right now. I do have to say by avoiding the behavior because MIL is living with you for a little while is only making it worse for you. My mom lives with me also so i know what your going through. You need to let her know in a nice way that they are not allowed to watch certain shows and would really appreciate her doing the same. As far as them disrespecting you in front of her or anytime....NIP that as soon as it happens. Let them know your the one in charge. Let husband know he needs to be on board. Speak up momma and stand your ground. IF no one is going to give you the respect you deserve. Go rent a hotel room for the weekend and see how fast things change!!!

How temporary is it? If it is a week or two, I would agree, let it go - except for the disrespect. If it is longer, you need to talk to your MIL and let her know what the rules of the house are. Even if that includes that your kids only get so much TV during the day. Maybe put a TV in her room if she wants to watch more? Never let your kids ignore you, and never let her be an excuse for it. If you tell them to do something, they must do it, and grandma CANNOT veto your decision. If you husband isn't willing to handle it himself he MUST support you doing it.

maybe you can ask her to go to lunch just the two of you & just talk to her. its hard, but it's better to confront the issue (not while heated or emotional but calmly) explain to her how much she means to your family but that you are raising your boys a certain way & if she is going to live with you then you need her on your side. if not its just gonna get worse until it blows up...i had to have a heart to heart with my mil once it was hard but it was the best thing for our relationship..now my step-mil that's a different story!

Breathe. Smile. And let a lot of it go. As for what you kids CAN and CANNOT do--that should be up to you & your husband.

Well sweetie, you need to reprimand those boys whether she is sitting there or not. This is your home, your family and they way you choose to raise them is your choice. Your husband is taking the chicken way out. How much longer is this arrangement going to last? A couple of weeks, months, after the next baby is born. You need to set standards and rules, maybe she needs a tv in the room she is staying in instead of where the boys are. The boys may need much more outdoors activity. This may be a way to be away from the home for a little while. You need to tell those kids under no uncertain terms grandma is no there mother and it's your rules. Also you need to talk to your mil, she needs to know your frustrations. You need to let her know the expectations you have. Having a candid conversation without hostility will be very beneficial. Just because she is living there, doesn't mean that she gets to cause months and months of "grandma chaos" like if she had her own place spending time with them, then sending them back home. We used to say that we had to deprogram our kids from the visit with the grandparents! LOL! Good luck, honesty is the best policy, agree to disagree, but know that your relationship will be better for it.

Maybe you have a talk with your MIL and husband about how you are feeling overwhelmed about your pregnancy and you just feel the house is get a little out of control. You tell her you are going to make some rules of the house and everyone needs to make sure the kids are following the rules. Then you make a list of the "Rules of the House" and put them up somewhere where everyone can see them (like on SuperNanny). When you are all together for a meal or something, just tell everyone that these are the rules (only watching certain shows, # of shows they can watch per day, no being rude, etc) and also a list of consequences. If the boys don't follow the rules, you will take away their tv time, or something else. Make sure you give your MIL lots of eye contact.

This way it's non-confrontation and you can blame it on pregnancy hormones.