Me and my mil have never really gotten along.we are civil and in front of my hubby shes pretty nice towards be.but she always does things to try & step on my toes.i am prego with my 2nd child. i have a 2yr old daughter.On my daughters bdays and xmas MIL would ask me what i was getting, to get ideas for herself.i would tell her the one special item that i was going to get & everytime she would buy the same thing a give it to her before her bday or xmas. i live in a town where theres only a walmart and we arent the best financially. she lives in st louis MO and is rich..it makes me mad tried lookin past it. well this year for xmas there was this barbie she wants & for sum reason my hubby kinda told MIL about it. at the baby showe she brought my daughter a gift. the card in gift read big sister so i thought it was about the baby. nope. it was the barbie..& we had name tags & we asked ppl to write name & who they r to me she said aloud BOSS & laughed. is it me or is she trying to get to me???
Don't tell her that special item you are getting and tell your husband not to either. If I were you I'd tell her you are getting her some major expensive gift and see if she comes across with it, lol!! As for the Boss, sounds like she just has a strong personality, you should have said I would have a picked a different B name!
It sounds like she sort of needs to be in charge. Here's the thing, though - she's not BOSS any more, and she knows it. You're the mom, you're the center of your little family. She is on the outside, the most she can do is pull stunts like this. So don't let it get you down. And I agree with the others. Just don't tell her what you are planning on buying.
Good luck!
my MIL would do the same thing with gifts, got to the point we looked at like 10 different stores for this doll, finally found it, and go figure MIL had bought it too. After all the trouble we went through DH was ticked and actually told her to return hers.
Stop telling her what you want to get your DD, and tell your DH to do the same. Problem solved, and you take the control back.
Sounds like you need to keep 2 separate gift lists...one for you and one for your MIL. Be very clear with your husband what gifts he is to discuss with her. Start brainstorming early before birthday's and Christmas and any other family gift giving times.
It also sounds like she hasn't a clue what to get, you tell her what YOU want to buy her, and she does it for you knowing you 'aren't the best financially' So maybe she thinks she's doing you a financial favor?
Hi K.,
It is definitely NOT you!!! My blood is starting to boil just thinking about this because it reminds me of MY MIL...
It sounds like she is trying to make up for things she messed up in her own childrens' lives. She conveniently does it in a way that you are unable to say anything at the time, like at your baby shower???? I would be livid!! Since she is so sweet in front of others, you will look like you are causing trouble if you complain about it. You MIGHT say something like, "I am so glad I gave Grandma the idea about the Barbie. I knew you really wanted one." Whatever you do, put a stop to it as soon as possible!!!
If you confront her, make sure your husband is there. It makes your concerns more valid (in her eyes) and then she can't twist the story around if she runs to tell him about it. MIL's can be so jealous, and she needs to know that she is special to your daughter even without the gifts...she is your daughter's grandmother, and will never take the place of you!!!
You could always play it to your advantage - on your daughter's 17th birthday, tell MIL you are going to get your daughter a new car...lol
Good luck, and please know that you are not alone! And, I am sure that you and I are NOT the only ones dealing with MIL's sneaky ways.
Oh, and the BOSS comment...I would leave that one alone - it would have gotten to me, but to others, she just looked like an idiot...
Hang in there,
L.
Wow. You need to set up some boundaries. Like everyone else has said, don't tell her what you guys are getting your daughter. And for the sly comments like "Boss"...once you set up the boundaries (that you & your husband agree on) these comments can just roll off.
It does sound like she's trying to get to you. Your husband should understand how you see things & support you. The best part of this will be the two of you valuing your marriage & coming together to set up some rules so you don't get hurt. Your mil doesn't even have to be part of these rules/boundaries -- just things you & your husband agree to like giving her a shortened gift list, only seeing her at appropriate times (holidays), etc. Make it work for your family & then it won't be fun for her anymore.
