Seeking Help with Issue of Who Should Be Santa Claus

S.,

Okay, I totally agree with you!!!

This is what I as a Mommy have looked forward to for the last two Christmas' and now that my son is two years old and is really getting into the concept of 'Santa Claus' I am so THRILLED.

I too, pick out super special gifts that are JUST from Santa and that I've told him to ask Santa for and he's written his version of a letter and we've gone to the mall to see Santa and everything! It's a huge deal and I think your MIL is disrespecting your family tradition because she doesn't REALLY understand it's importance. It's not about the gifts(not for us really anyway), it's about the moments and memories. The morning when your little one gets to the tree and there are these amazing gifts from someone, who came and ate the cookies and drank the milk...just the look on the face is enough to make anyone believe in Santa!

Since, she doesn't seem to understand that this is something so dear to you, have you thought about having your husband talk to her? It's his mother and shouldn't he make sure that the family traditions that HIS FAMILY are building together are preserved and sacred too? It's just a thought. But, if she's not hearing you maybe her son can get the point across.

Honestly, I remember ALL the Santa stories my parents read to me and how the build up was created and it's the memories are fantastic!!

It just sounds like she's more about the presents and less about the tradition...have you expressed it as a family tradition that you and your husband are trying to build for your little girl? You probably have, but just a suggestion.

I would talk to your husband and try a team approach on this one...enlist his help with his Mom and maybe you'll get through to her before the holiday.

Best of Luck and Happy Holidays!!
Deanna

I am going through the same thing with my MIL!!!! I told her that if she wanted to have her presants be from Santa that they were welcome to stay the night Chirstmas eve and open presants with the kids Christmas morning. My twins are 3 1/2 and this is the first year that they "get it" and I love explaining that Santa will come when they are sleeping and we have been making a list to bring to him. Try having your husband talk to her, my MIL only listens to her son (her baby boy). Good luck.

Hi,
Okay, I have a similar situation... but in my case, "Santa" is my sister ie: Aunty. But we open gifts on Christmas morning.

Anyway, since my daughter was born, my sister (who is single and does not have kids, and who has a lot of disposable income, which we do not have), would buy things for her "niece" and put tags on it saying it was from "Santa." She would come the night before, after my daughter was sleeping, and put them in front of the fireplace. Or, she would hide them in our garage closet, then late at night, me & Hubby would put out the gifts "from Santa" along with ours. BUT my sister would ALSO buy some gifts for my daughter with tags on it that says it is from "Aunty"...and these gifts she would bring WITH her on Christmas morning.

So you see, she would on her own, designate some gifts "from Santa" and some gifts that were "From Aunty."

My sister, has continued being "Santa" throughout the years, and even now, that we have a son. I NEVER ask her to do this... but being an Aunty is a big deal to her, and she likes doing this, for her niece and nephew.

For us, we also buy a couple of gifts "from Santa" and put it in our children's stockings. But, with our income, we cannot "afford" to get SOOOO many things for our kids... and my sister, who does have extra money, does not mind buying TONS of things for them. My Husband, does not get irked by it....nor I. BECAUSE, my sister does not "impose" her Santa "habit" onto us or our kids, AND SHE MAKES SEPARATE GIFT TAGS SAYING EITHER "FROM: SANTA" or, "FROM: AUNTY." So, our habits coalesce. It does not conflict with each other... or with the "Santa" tales or traditions we share with our children as parents. And, my Sister will often ask us "is it okay if.... for the kids...." kind of thing.

So, it's a happy medium.

Perhaps, your MIL can do this... have some gifts with tags on it saying "from: Santa" and other gifts saying "From: Grandma"... therefore, it would satisfy HER own desires, AND it would also keep intact your Santa traditions with your children. But yes, your MIL would have to be WILLING to "cooperate".... key word here. And, sometimes as well all know... extended family, MIL's, or even our own Moms do not "choose" to cooperate.

Another thing... children do not believe in Santa their WHOLE lives... according to my daughter's 1st grade Teacher, some kids even at that age will "stop" believing in Santa already... and if not, from about 2nd grade onward, this will occur. THUS, you should tell MIL that being "Santa" for YOUR kids is very sacred to you... and it is a special thing FOR A PARENT to do... so if she could find room in her heart to graciously "let" you do it your own way and build memories with your children because they grow up so fast... and you want to have this special bond with them as their Mommy and not have it negated...

Anyway, just a suggestion and one facet of what happens in our house each Christmas.

All the best, and Happy Holidays,
Susan

I'd have your hubby step in too.
She should not be Santa-it makes no sense for him to come early to her house. emphasize that you want your daughter to appreciate the special gifts her grandparents chose, more meaningful from family, etc. She sounds like the type who wants the glory so its odd that she doesn't claim the gift.

Another way to explain. You don't want the kids to be greedy thinking all of Santa's gifts are free so they can ask for bunches and bunches (like my daughter). Santa only brings a couple gifts plus stockings, the rest is from us.

If she refuses just tell your daughter that she likes to pretend to be Santa because it makes her holidays more fun but the real Santa only comes to the child's house at night.

OMG I am so glad to see that I am not the only one who would freak out over something like this! LOL
My mom also likes to give some gifts "from Santa" (not all though), but in my case, she lives 6000 miles away and ships her gifts to me about a month early, so I am able to take all those "from Santa" and hide them till xmas eve night when my daughter is sleeping and THEN put them under the tree (the ones from "GRANDMA" go under the tree as soon as we have it).
Maybe you could compromise and have your MIL give some gifts from HER on xmas eve, and then ask her to (secretly) give you the other gifts "from Santa" for you to put under the tree at xmas eve night. I know it's still not exactly what you want, but that's the whole point of a "compromise" I guess...Just explain to her that you already told your daughter that Santa doesn't come till she's asleep on xmas eve and you don't want your daughter to discredit you or to get confused. Good luck anyways!! ;)

Hi S.,
Such a touchy subject the MIL/FIL's. I don't have a lot of these issues because we don't get along well and I step in when they overstep their boundaries. I would love to get along with them, but I refuse to let them run my home and raise my child with their beliefs or values. Not that they are bad people at all, they are good people but our values are different because I spent 18 years of up bringing with someone else.

My personal opinion is that they need to realize if parents are not hurting the child, step back and appreciate that someone good is raising their family. My in-laws so often try to break my rules in my home and waive me off like I don't matter and I won't have it. I let it go to a certain point and try to do what I can to make them comfortable, but they have to realize they are in MY home that I work hard for. When I am in their home, I respect their home and rules, so the same applies. After all, we are all adults.

So what I would do (if it were me) is bypass the card or pull it off and announce, "This gift is from Grandma and Grandpa".

Grandparents get plenty of recognition for just being Grandparents alone. There is no one better than a Grandparent, but they don't have to control all the good times and steal the glory.

My Grandmother used to give me a red mesh stocking with fruit and candy in it with one toy. The ID tag was the picture side of a used card clipped and stapled to the top with my name written on the picture. I looked forward to the stocking every year because it was from Grandma. She was special just because she was Grandma.

Does your MIL buy a TON of stuff and she is just embarassed that she has soooo much to give? That has happened with my mom when I was prego she bought stuff the whole 9 mos and had a TON of stuff to give me at my shower (she wanted every to see the cute stuff) but she didn't need the credit so she wrapped them seperatly and wrote cards from my dad and her great aunt and my little sisters/brother (teenagers) so she could still present the give but not be too in your face with the other guests. maybe that is her deal. I don't think that its a HUGe deal but set up some ground rules. let her know that they need to be presented in the traditional santa way (overnight on christmas eve at YOUR home, unless you end up staying elsewhere for christmas, then there) and they are opened christmas morning. If she wants to be able to see the kids reactions then video camera and digital pics can be emailed immediately or even a web cam can be used. Maybe one year she can come in the morning to be part of the festivities (although that is up to you, I don't think I could do that personally I have to be put together first LOL). Bottom line I think if she wants to "give presents from santa" its fine as long as she follows your rules. Blame it on preserving holiday magic an so there is no confusion/uncomfortable questions. Oh and christmas eve openings would NOT have santa gifts (he hasn't left the north pole yet, or hes still in switzerland!)