Mil??? - Albany,CA

You husband's mother will tell him why the big change. I don't like Facebook because it causes so many problems in relationships (family or friends and sometimes is the cause of losing a job)...however, I would NOT unfriend her now.

Don't know how long you have been married, but could you speak with her or write her DIRECTLY and just say: "Mom (or what you call her), we use to be so close and then all of a sudden, you are barely speaking to me, if I have done something to offend you, please tell me because I love you and want us to be like we use to".

Hope it works out...sometime these darned holidays brings out the worst of us.

Keep us posted....Blessings....

If I were you, I would send her a private message on FB and tell her that you have noticed that the two of you aren't as close as you used to be. Tell her that you miss talking to her, that you miss having her in your life. Ask her if there is something that you did that made her pull away from her and the apologize, saying if I did anything to offend you, I am so sorry. I am not sure what it was, but if you can tell me, I can then give you a proper apology.

If she does not respond, don't defriend her, but simply pull back on your expectations of how your relationship with her is going to be. She may eventually come around...she may not. But at least you made a move to mend whatever issues are present now.

Good luck!

Has your husband spoken with her? He needs to step up and find out what on earth is going on. He also needs to remind "Mom" that he will always be on your side on this and so if she does not spit out what is going on, he is not going to be pleased with her.

This is ridiculous behavior. Is she ill? Is she going through a change of life? Is she depressed? Does the rest of the family stay in touch with you?
Get your husband to speak with his parents and if this cannot be solved, you and your husband have a discussion waiting to happen abut how you want to proceed.

Here is my story. After 25 years of marriage, I told my MIL and SIL I was done with them. I sent them a letter very clearly stating my issues with them. I included emails from them so that I could prove my point. They had treated my husband terribly for all of the years I had been with him (we met in middle school) and I told them the final straw was the fact that they ignored our daughter for all of her school years and blamed me for not informing them of her activities. They always seemed to assume the worst from me.

With as much as I post on here, you can imagine that was a joke!

I then informed them that I was going to encourage my husband and daughter to continue to love and go and visit them, but I was no longer going to be witness to their behaviors with my loved ones.

My husband spoke with his mother and sister. He told them he was on my side and always would be. That he was disappointed with their treatment of me and reminded them of all of the things I had done for their family including the care of their parents, the organization of so many family events. The cheering on of their endeavors for all of these years.

I must admit, I am sorry it came to this, but I do not deserve their treatment of me.

I practically have to force my husband and daughter to go and visit them.. How sad is that?

And so I encourage you all to figure this out. My husband and his mother went to counseling together and she admitted she "has always favored her daughter, but that moms are always closer to their daughters" The counselor said, "no that is your choice."

I am the one ths family expected to care for his mother.. I "took such great care of the grandparents".. So much fo r hat plan.

I would just ask her, while she's in front of you so she can't avoid you. Obviously she took something you did/said wrong and it just needs to be set right. Tell her you miss her friendship and you're just trying to understand what happened....

I would steer clear of FACEBOOK!!
My mom's family loves drama and throws a huge fit for every single thing. You can imagine that every post on facebook even coming from a 13yo who's had a disagreement with another 13yo will send both my aunts into a war that lasts forever and it ends up involving everybody because they post it on facebook and everyone's walls and it's just a mess!! I don't even like their posts about ANYTHING.
I would visit her in person, but since that's not an option I would give her a call or send her a letter, start with apologizing even though you don't know what this is about, we all have said things someone else has been offended by, not meaning it that way, you know. You can tell her that you really appreciate her and y'alls relationship and whatnot, and that you'd like to know what you did wrong to avoid it in the future, tell her you are very sorry that you can't find the reason why and are needing her help. If she doesnt warm up to you after that, well at least you know you really tried.

I would try to talk to her.

You say she has called you once. Have you called her?
Your phone does dial out, right?

I'm not a member of my MIL's fan club, but I sure "know" when it's time to make a phonecall when I haven't talked to her in a while....do you call her?

Don't try to chat on FB, or text, or email her. SOMETHING is up. TALK to HER to find out what it is.

And why didn't your husband address this when you all were there if it was so obvious she was shunning you?

Uck. Hate the in-law issues.
Good luck!

You should have your husband sit down with her face-to-face and talk to her. Does she also not really talk much to him? He needs to make her tell him what's wrong. Then mediate between the two of you if necessary. However, he needs to take up for you and tell her that she is not allowed to treat his wife this way.

If you have done something to upset her, go ahead and apologize. If she keeps trying to punish you, then your husband should let her have it.

Sorry you are going through this.

Dawn

I would call and ask again what is going on. If again she says nothing, I would push the issue and say "well something is because you have been rude and short with me since this summer. If you aren't upset then I'm concerned for your health because this has been a drastic personality change." See if she reacts to that. Also, its time for your husband to step in. Good luck! Stay away from facebook regarding this!

I just want to comment that people blaming Facebook for their problems, or creating family problems, is really stupid. Any issues are the family's fault, not Facebook's.

As for your issue, I would ask her point blank one more time if there is a problem because she has been snippy, rude and avoiding you. Tell her that if there is a problem you cannot possibly fix it if you do not know what it is. If she says nothing again just ignore her retardation. I would not remove her from Facebook.

i would do exactly what Charlotte said and then if her behaviour doesnt change it's time for your husband to let her know its not acceptable

Oh yeah, nothing says reach out like Facebook. :(

How old is she? I am old enough that my mom and assorted parents of my friends are going through or have gone through Altzheimers or other forms of dementia, sometimes mini strokes. All of these things are serious and all cause personality changes in the beginning.

Worth looking into because caught early there are meds that keep quality of life for much longer. My dad stayed in denial so my mom was stage four by the time he sought help. Not much they could do then.

I would have been terribly hurt if this had happened with my MIL. I feel bad for you. If she is mad about something that she won't tell you about then you may never know what happened.

If she is older she may even be having some mental issues. My mom changed a lot as she got older. She was rude and hateful to lots of people that she had cared deeply for throughout her life. She was in the beginning stages of dementia.

If you feel that you have done everything in your power to placate her and she will not tell you what is wrong then you may have to decide to go on with life acting as if nothing has changed. Talk about how fun the visit with them was on Skye, how much you enjoyed being at their home, etc...talk about how wonderful you In-laws are on FB. That way she will see you appreciate her.

By doing this it is sort of like a cross communication. You are talking to someone else about stuff but she is listening in and hearing what is going on, she is hearing how much you appreciate and enjoy her company.

Just accept you cannot change her and keep showing her every kindness and bit of respect you can.

YOu didn't say anything about you trying to call her - just skype and face book. Maybe if you picked up the phone and called her, you could talk to her. If I were her, I wouldn't respond to your FB either; I'd figure if you wanted to talk to me, as opposed to the whole world, you would call me. If you don't then obviously you have nothing to say to me either. Again, I think we, of the older generation, are looking for personal contact - the old art of conversation - not the new fad of posting everything online! Interpersonal relationships are becoming a thing of the past!

It really sounds like her feelings are hurt. I know you have reached out, asked her directly and are feeling kind of at a loss. In a rational world, you could just go to her with sincerity and the tow of you would hug it out over a cup of folgers. Unfortunately, life is way more complicated than that.

You know her better than us. Have you seen her act this way when her feelings were hurt before? If so, how did it get resolved? Ask your husband and maybe even her husband, what they do to resolve conflict with her. A good start would be a really heartfelt gift with a little personal note telling her how much you miss her and want to be close again.

I concur with what Charlotte said.

I think if she is treating you this way, then she perceives that you have hurt her and she wants you to know it. Why treat you badly if she doesn't want you to be aware that she feels hurt???
Mature people find a way to speak to the other party about their feelings.
I agree with others posts in this order.
1) Have your husband talk to her husband first to see if he can figure out what is wrong. If her husband doesn't know, then have your husband get the name of her doctor and call to make an appt. for her.
2) Have your husband talk to his mother and ask her what is wrong. If she says nothing, then I'd pull out the appt. card and tell her that he is very concerned for her because her behavior has changed so drastically. If that alone does not force an admission of what is stuck in her craw, then she possibly does need medical help.
My experience with people that act like this is that they want to say what is bothering them. That is why their behavior is a walking billboard to the fact that their feelings are hurt.