Might Sound Silly:)

I have never heard of a 4 month old walking.... But My daughter started crawling at 5 months. I still think that was way too early. She didnt stay a baby for long. Anyways if it realy bothers you, talk to her. Maybe she dont think she is trying to toot her horn.

It sounds a little crazy to me too!! I have 7 children and I have never heard of a baby walking at 4 months. I have a 5 month old and they do not have the stability to walk at this age. My first one crawled at 5 months but walked at 10, the next ones walked at 13 months, 16 months, 15 months, 13 months, 16 months. I did have a friend whose baby walked at almost 8 months. He crawled for only 1 day but I would have a really hard time believing a baby walked at 4 months.

Just smile and say "that's nice" then change the subject. She should get the clue.
And don't fall into the game. You know she's going to one-up you so don't talk about milestones around her if you can hlep it.

J.,
Not silly at all. Don't know if you ever watched the Disney movie Bambi (which is silly because I think everyone has), but the part where Thumper resites advice givin by his mother has always been my moto, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". Even though your friend sounds like she is one uping you and may be trying to get a rise out of you, it sounds like you may be better off taking the advice of Thumper. Your friend sounds like she needs attention, and I say give her the attention she isn't expecting, like when she said her son walked at 4 mo. which by the way you are right it was probably BS, say "Wow, that is amazing, you are such a good mommy!!! How'd you do it?" If she say's "My son was potty trained at age 2," Say Cool, how'd you do it?"
Just be nice and interested. People like her are just seeking admiration, maybe she's been put down on her parenting skills and wants to do the same to someone else too make herself feel better. It honestly is not worth arguing with her and getting yourself upset. She will probably stop trying to one up you eventually, and may even start praising your parental abilities, but don't hold your breath. But anyway's most people would tell you to respond negatively by either one uping your friend or telling her off, I say respond positively cause people now days are just too angry and crazy so why act that way too. Anyway Good Luck and remember Thumper's saying.
Good Luck
E

I would have asked how she dealt with a 4 month old who was that mobile!! My son walked at 9 months (UGH!!) and it drove me nuts that he was so mobile before he had an understanding of what things were dangerous. Your friend needs to understand that her child's developmental milestones don't make her a supermom, just like the moms of kids who have developmental problems aren't horrible moms. Actually, I think it works the other way around -- moms of kids with developmental problems are the ones who are really "super" since they have to do so much more with their kids to make sure they can accomplish all they can. I have it easy, my son is smart and capable all on his own -- my sister has it hard: 5 kids with genetic problems that make learning and thriving difficult. But they learn and thrive because she works so hard with them! Maybe you could talk to her about stuff like that to get the message acrossed subtley.

I can totally relate!!! We have a relative that is the same way. We feel so bad for her kid because we can see how much pressure is put on him. My first instinct was always to get into competitive mode, but after a while, I just let it go. It's pretty humorous if you just refuse to play along. This relative one day was discussing how they kept a book and logged all of the new words their child used so they could expand his vocabulary, etc. Then, they asked how many words our son (who's a year older) uses. I responded with, "I don't know. We haven't bothered counting. We're happy to help and encourage him, but to us, it's more important that he enjoys being a kid, and doesn't end up with an ulcer by the age of ten from having too much pressure on him. We're just proud of him no matter what." Maybe that was overboard, but they've never gotten competitive again and I felt like I said something without directly calling them out on it :)

The four month old thing is complete BS, in my opinion. We spent a whole unit in one of my child psych classes talking about parents who have faulty memories about their superhero kids. This totally sounds like one of those cases.

Good luck!

Seriously, you still hang out with this person?? Go find a new friend, or two or three. She's crazy!! If you decide to put up with this, remember it was your choice. How do you think your daughter will feel if she starts to understand this stuff?? Surround yourself with people who make you want to be better a person, not ones you feel a need to compete with.

Love you advice Carrie!! I think you said what needed to be said in a fairly nice, straight forward manner. It sounds like it solved the problem.

J. C, try to see the humor and not let it bother you. That's difficult sometimes. If you can't get your point across as elegantly as Carrie, and the friend really bothers you, maybe start to distance the relationship.

There is no way! He might have made stepping motions while holdin gonto her hands, but there is physically no way!
I just wouldn't talk about 'milestones' with her, keep topics to the weather!!
Good luck!

I say you're going to have to learn to ignore it and my only advice is to try not to talk about your child's milestones with her. And when she tries to brag about her child doing something extraordinary, then say something really boring like,"Oh, that's nice." (so you don't sound at all impressed and hopefully she'll stop) and then change the subject.

Either she'll stop or she won't. And if she doesn't, then just remember that it's her insecurities and her desire to be a SuperMom (which we all know is impossible) talking.

I have a friend that does the same thing. Any time my son or one of our friends kids has a success of some sort academically she starts going on and on about how her daughter is so intelligent no one can record how smart she is she is so off the charts. Really annoying, love her daughter and her daughter is smart but enough already.

Depending on how close you are and how strong your relationship you can either just know it is some insecurity in her and deal with it or say something as nicely as possible when you aren't annoyed so it doesn't come out as anger. Just point it out and let her know that you aren't criticizing her as a mother or friend but just that it is a bit annoying that she can't let any of the other kids be as successful as she sees her own and that it is a bit annoying.
She probably doesn't even realize she is doing this and may be a bit embarrassed when it is pointed out, hopefully not angry with you but a good friend would be fine with having it pointed out.
Good luck,
SarahMM

J.,

Something that has served me. http://www.thework.com/thework.asp

With my whole heart,
C.

Sounds like we all have this in common. I have a relative who always has the "worst the dr has ever seen" no matter what it is. My cousins wife had a baby and the same relative mentioned above said that her labor was so hard and there were so many problems that they almost lost both baby and mom. It annoys the heck out of me. One day, it may irritate me so much that I will say something but in the meantime, I just try to humor her and let it go in one ear and out the other.

you don't need friends like that

Wow! Judging by the number of responses you've received, it appears many of us can relate and have had similar experiences with friends that do this sort of thing. You've already received some great advice, but I thought I'd toss in my two cents as well.

In my experience, my dear friend can be extremely insecure at times, and uses one-upmanship as a way to feel better about herself - especially when we're in social situations with new people or with people she feels inadequate around. It drove me insane for a couple of years - to the point where I was starting to avoid social gatherings with her. It was hard because our husbands are great friends and get along wonderfully, and they always want to do things as couples together. My husband couldn't relate to why she bothered me so much; which only made me more irritated! LOL!

I don't know what clicked in my own head, but I just stopped "competing" with her and started trying to give her the approval she was needing. I heap on the praise for her accomplishments, and her daughter's too, and our relationship just started getting better and better over time. I really enjoy her friendship now, and can recognize what a wonderful, loyal friend she truly is to me.

From time to time, she still has her "moments", but they are much fewer and farther between, and they don't seem to bother me nearly as much.

Good luck to you!

I'm dealing with a similar situation with a neighbor. I really think it all boils down to their insecurity. You could say something if you want, but it will just make them feel worse. Just let it go and change the subject. It might help to give her a few compliments about little things when you see her to make her feel good about herself. We all seem to carry insecurities about our pasts and sometimes we need a little help getting over them. Maybe you could even talk to her about a "friend" you have that does what she is doing and see what kind of advise she would give you. Good luck!

Hi J.,
Please don't be to upset with your friend, there are many people who need to exaggerate on life. I don't really think they realize that they are doing it. It is such a habit. You could speak to her about it, however, I feel that she is in denial about it, so you must either chose to stay her friend, and the weed out the parts you feel are not exactly as she says. I have a couple of friends this way, and I love them, however, I know them well enough after 5 years to say, ok, part of this is truth and the rest it "not that they are lying" but are making the story like the man who caught the biggest fish while fishing.
Does this make sense? thanks and good luck God bless you and yours

tell her point blank and she gets mad or more snooty then she not really a friend and u dont want her kid too grow up around ures cuz well like mom like child so true as i finding out.

some mom's need too boost there self esteem braggen too make em feel like a better mom.

her kid no better then ure,she no better then u dont care if her kid walked at 4moths or not.

growing up didnt u have a friend or know a friend of a friend that always got soemthing better then the other and rub it like this person more special.i cant explain what i saying but how i understand what uer saying watch little house on prarie and observe nelly.then deicde if you want too be around that kinda situation.

I think we have all have had the friend who insists on a "my horse is bigger than your horse" conversation all the time. No matter what you say, her kid has done it sooner, at a higher level, or better. I have a friend who's daughter is one week older than my daughter. It doesnt matter what great thing my daughter has done (and we all think our kids are amazing, and they usually are) she insists on telling me that her daughter has done it before my daughter and better, even when I know it isnt true (walking at 4 mo is complete BS!). It is completely frusterating and a real turn off. I dont understand why it always has to be a competition; there will always be something that her daughter is better at than my daughter and vice versa (they arent clones of each other) and that is ok to me.

But what it comes down to is this. Is your friends constant comptetion something you can let roll off your back and ignore or is it a friendship breaker? I love my friend dearly, but (for other reasons) we have grown apart. But I learned to just not mention my child's accomplishments to her because of the problem and that helped a lot. She cant compete when she doesnt feel like you are boasting.

Good luck, and try to remember why you are friends in the first place!

Total BS. Most babies can't sit alone at that age.

I would just let it go! Some people are just like that for whatever reason. She might have bad self esteem so it makes her feel better about herself when she makes her kids look better than other people's kids. You don't need to waste your energy on something like that. Just roll your eyes and laugh inside;)

I would start by saying that that your doctor says that is not possible and that he/she believes that your daughter is meeting all of her developemental milestones fine. All babies are different and that doesn't make you any less of a mother if other babies do things first. If he was walking at that age (BS) then maybe she is forcing too much on him, or her memory is slipping because babies barely start to roll over at that age. Ask her why she is making things up, and that you don't need her to prove to you that she is a good mother, you already know that. You may also mention that it annoys you (truth hurts and not telling them how you feel causes more problems) and that if it doesn't stop, then you don't need to discuss your child with her anymore.

i would smile sweetly and make no big deal about it. children hardly start walking before 7 months, which is extremely well vs the average 1 yr.

I ended a friendship for this very reason when I had my son. I had a friend with kids close in age and she would not see how I was doing, talk to me about life, all she wanted to do was brag about her children and compare notes. Lord forbid if my daughter was doing something hers wasn't yet, she actually got mad! I was sick of dealing with it.
NOT BELIEVING HER SON WALKED AT 4 months! Is she crazy ?
I would flat out ask her if she feels the need to have some sort of approval for you, or simply say "this isn't a contest, kids are different, all kids are different"...
I would say something to her if you cherish her friendship. With my friend she was so full of herself I just quit talking to her all together and figured if she asked I would tell her why, but she was so full of herself she never asked. SHE STILL after four years sends me emails with updates and I don't respond, it is insane.

Lol...there used to be a character on Saturday Night Live based on this type of personality...the one-upper. Yes, it is most likely BS...a 4 month old? I don't know about that... Usually this sort of personality is just based on insecurity...a need to impress in order to be liked and accepted. When she says something crazy, why fight it? Just say, "Wow, that's great," and be happy that you don't have to live that way.

Usually people who feel the need to brag about themselves are really insecure. Although it is extremely annoying, try to have compassion for her. If it bothers you to the point of not wanting to hang out with her, you should definately say something to her.
Good luck

oh yeah, well my baby started walking in the womb.
hahaha...that being said, don't waste your breath saying anything to her. I would say, I'm so sorry to anyone who told me their baby was walking at 4 months. premobility is so much easier! takes the steam out of the "brag" don't you think? lol.

ps I found this on dr.sears.com

The early walker, on the contrary, may be the impulsive, motor-driven baby who has raced through each motor milestone before parents could get their camera ready. While there is no definite profile of early walkers, they tend to be high-need babies who early on left the lap stage and squirmed out of infant seats. Body type may also affect the age of walking. Lean babies tend to walk earlier. Early and impulsive walkers are often more accident-prone than their more cautious walking mates.

of course it also cites that early walking is considered at previous to 9 months. 9-16 months is the normal age range. (I'm a research nut I was curious so I looked around) I found one website of a video of a 6 month old walking and it was newsworthy. too bad she doesn't have it on tape...she'd be rich! wink wink.

just thought I would add some humor to the situation. I agree with so many other moms here--let it roll, make a joke of it for yourself or hang with someone who doesn't have to lie to try to impress...sadly most people who do it think it will help them in their friendships by impressing people but instead it alienates them from those friends. I love that you asked this question...don't we all have moments we want to shake someone like this?

Perhaps she meant walking with assistance - holding his hands or walking along the couch. That's still pretty early. Babies at a really low weight percentile tend to crawl and walk sooner than babies at a more healthy weight percentile.

Either way, it has nothing to do with her skills as a mom. I think the pressure moms put on their babies these days is extreme and stupid.

Anyway, if you don't believe her either let it slide or say 'I dunno...that's really hard to believe.'

either way, you're the best mom for your kids...and your daughter will start telling you that herself when she's a little older.

If she's a good friend I wouldn't say anything, if she's lying she obviously knows shes lying. She must just do that because she thinks you're such a great mom she needs to 'impress' you.

My mom says I was walking at 6 months old. I don't know if that is cruising along the furniture kind of walking or all by myself kind of walking. But I guess that babies can learn to walk at an early age, and it doesn't mean that her boy was a perfect walker at 4 months, but he could have been able to pull up and maybe take a few steps.

I do have a cousin who walked at 5 months (and climbed on top of the refrigerator at 1 year!) However, that said, 4 months sounds like complete BS! I would tell her that you think that it is really amazing and you'd love to see pictures!

Try not to let it bother you... take it as a compliment instead. The fact that she feels the need to one up you, b/s or not, means she probably thinks pretty highly of you as a mom... and she's probably not real confident in herself. Like you said, babies all grow and learn at their own pace and that's totally normal, but some moms are super competitive and it's really annoying. I have friends whose kids developed their skills later, but they loved it because they got to enjoy their baby- being a baby- longer. Everything comes full circle on its own, if she keeps telling stories like that, she'll end up burying herself. Your job is to simply convey to your daughter that you couldn't be more proud of her for how and when she accomplishes things. If you do decide to say something to her be careful how you say it because you don't want to come accross like you're putting her child down...

There are occasions where kids do things "early" - I was potty trained at 9 months. I stayed with a sitter who watched other kids. And at certain times each day, they all sat on their coffee can "potty" for potty time. I wanted to be part of that - so I was potty trained. But, honestly - the muscle control and strength to stand just isn't there in a 4 month baby! Seriously - that's about when the rolling over thing happens. So, I'd say your friend is full of prunes and just saying stuff to impress you.

My sister-in-law does this. Her youngest is 17, but she likes to brag that this one did thigs thing at this age. Basically, I nod my head, maybe say something like "wow" or "oh, really?" and move on. She is a total one upper. Actually, it's more like 8 upper, now that I think about it. She feels she needs to appear to be Super Mom even tho I know she isn't (trust me - I've been involved in their lives for over 20 years!)

Decide if you like her other than the strange bragging and then just let her "I'm an awesome Mom" comments roll off like water off a duck's back. It's not worth the hassle to confront her!

I'm related to someone like this. . . . if I have a headache, he's got a brain tumor. . . .
Consider just giving her the validation she so desperately seeks and saying "Oh, how amazing!" and then changing the subject, "So, what will you and Wonderkin be doing this summer?" Sometimes (not always) just accomodating all that insecurity diminishes it enough that you can talk about other things for a change. She may be what I call a "small-dose friend," meaning short visits/small doses are pleasant enough but you'd want to avoid extended or frequent contact.
BTW, I have a friend whose baby walked competently at 8 months, unsupported--I saw it for myself-- and I thought that was amazingly early. That mom is a very down-to-earth lady, and we laughed and laughed about the curse of having an early walker who could get into everything. Early isn't necessarily better!

I know there are times that children do things extremely early, but walking at four months is crazy! My mother said that I started talking, not babling or just a couple words but really talking at nine months. Words have always come easy to me so I am not completely sure and if I saw a child at nine months talking in sentences I would be in complete amazement. I have known a child to walk at nine months but even then I was completely shocked. I am a mother of four and I wouldn't believe it unless I was a witness of such a thing and even then I would be floored!!! My advice would be to ask to see the wonder child at work. Only then can you really pass judgement on the situation. Even then I would keep my composure if she is full of BS. I would just giggle and say wow that is wonderful!

I agree with Erlene.

I totally agree with what Kim D said, can you imagine if your child walked at 4 months. That would drive me crazy because the more mobile they are the more trouble they seem to get into. I enjoy the stage when you can put them on a blanket with some toys and they will still be there when you get back from the bathroom... I know it is hard to feel like someone is putting your child or your parenting skill down, but really no matter when they hit milestones most kids are the same by the time they hit kindergarten. I fell into this trap unintentionally with my own children. Comparing my second born to my first because she seemed to do everything slower than her brother, from teething to talking and walking. Imagine my surprise when the Dr. told me at her 18 month check-up that her language skills were very advanced for her age! It brought me up short and made me realize that speaking or walking early isn't a measure for how well they are going to do at it. I agree with everyone else who's advice is to try to let your friends competitiveness roll off your back and enjoy your beautiful daughter no matter what stage she's at.

I know exactly what you mean! I know someone like this and it is so annoying. In my opinion, the best thing to do is ignore it. Act completely unimpressed when she is bragging about something, then change the subject. If you give no response, maybe she'll stop. And if she doesn't stop, at least you're not giving her what she wants.

Also, maybe she acts like this because she has great insecurities and a need to be validated. Just let her brag, but don't get pulled into a competition, especially where your kids are concerned. If they hear the two of you comparing them, who knows how that could affect them.

Yeah and other moms say their kid is potty trained at 16 or 18 months when what they really mean is that their kid has now learned to sit on the toilet and pee on demand. It's a matter of a definition here. Perhaps her baby was making walking motions with her legs when held up with support. If so then good for her because that is a normal baby instinct and your baby probably did the same at that age.

So what if she is one to constantly talk her and her child up? Perhaps she feels like you always look down to her and she just wishes she could get your respect and approval as a fellow mother and friend. It doesn't really matter. Is she a friend to you in other ways? Are you her friend? This just seems like a silly thing to end a friendship over. I can understand distancing yourself or deciding she's not the one to confide your deepest secrets to, but this isn't something to end a relationship over. Be the adult here and smile and say "Wow" when she tells you something. Then if she feels like she's got your respect maybe she'll start offering you the same excitement for your kids.

Well, now you should stop being annoyed and just start being amused! There reaches a point with being who lie or exagerrate where you can just start looking forward to their tall tales for entertainment, because a 4 month old walking sounds pretty dang unlikely. Some people just are insecure and it trickles down to their children. Hopefully her child can learn to feel good about herself without bending the truth like mom does.

I have a friend who does the same thing! My daughter was born 3 days before her son. Since then, she asks me if my daughter is doing certain things, and depending on my response, her son is ALWAYS ahead of her, and I know it's not the case. We happened to run into each other at the zoo and she told me her son has walked around the zoo all day and even said "turtle". He wasn't even one yet!!! I just ignore her, and am proud of my girls acomplishments. It is annoying, but it makes me sad for her that she thinks her child isn't good enough that she has to make up stories. Just be proud of your children and be glad you aren't like her!

Yes, that is total BS. Was he potty trained from birth, too? lol. I really don't know why people feel the need to say totally outrageous things like that, but I have had people do it when I was working too, not just about mom stuff. I agree with the other poster that said this usually traces back to their own insecurities. And I always found "storytime" highly amusing. Now, along that same thought, while I found it amusing, it was also annoying to say something and automatically be one upped by this other person at every turn. I mean, geez, can't she just be happy for ME about something? Are we still friends? Well, kind of. If she sends me an email or calls I will talk to her. But I don't go out of my way to call her and I usually will not share milestones or anything because I know what will happen. Only because we didn't really seem to have much of a friendship if she couldn't find something to one up me on - there were no real conversations, just the constant barrage of one upmanship! As far as your question on whether or not to say something to her, do you think it would get you anywhere? Or will it just make her mad? Telling her you know she is full of it probably wouldn't do much for your friendship and would make her REALLY defensive - I doubt she would admit that she lied or "embellished" anything. If you have a solid friendship outside of this stuff, then I would do the "oh, that's nice" thing and do your best to ignore it. Hopefully, it is a phase that she will grow out of. If it bothers you THAT much though and you don't really have much of a relationship with her outside of this, why put up with it?

I know someone that is exactly like this and I used to not get along with this person, but now we get along great. It drove me insane when she would say stuff completly off the wall like she was potty trained at 6mon or her children were potty trained months before mine were, when really my kids were potty trained months before hers. I know it doesn't matter but it just rubs you the wrong way when you know what is coming out of their mouth is a complete lie. I decided that it's almost like they are in their own little world and they have to say these things to make them feel better about being a mom or person, I don't know. I never said anything to them because they were stupid petty things, instead I just brushed it off and just got used to her and the things she would come up with. Maybe she knows you are a great mom and she feels intimidated and feels like she needs to measure up so why not make things up to make them look better! Just let it roll off your shoulder or I promise you it will drive you crazy with irritation and it's not worth it.

Yes, that is total BS! No baby can walk at 4 months, nor is it desirable for them to do so! Try to make friends with another mom, this mom-friend of yours sounds pysco! Comparing children is not healthy for the children and not kind to the mom.

Yes, it is complete bs. At 4 months, babies muscles, bones, and nervous sysytems are no where near developed well enough to walk. I'm sure it is very annoying that she feels the need to make things up. I say your either call her on it (if her son waled at 4 months, surely she has pictures, ask to see them!), or just feel sorry for her, obviously she has low self esteem and feels the need to make things up to look better. Good luck with your friend and baby number 2!

Sound the BS alarm! If it annoys you so much find other mommy friends, otherwise take it as a compliment and move on!

Hi J.,
It sounds like she is insecure. It seems like the moms that always need to brag are the ones who need constant validation on being a mother. It is after all a thankless job.I would actually take the high ground and give her praise.It can't hurt you to be super nice and obliging. Good luck!

It does sound like complete and utter BS to me -- I doubt it's even physiologically possible for a 4 month old to be able to walk! I've run into this type of thing with some friends of mine as well...one friend claimed that she'd potty-trained her daughter by 18 months, which I believe is also physiologically impossible (because the neural path that controls the internal sphincter isn't developed yet). Anyway, yes it's true that each child develops differently, but there are definitely "queen bee" moms out there who seem to be hell-bent on convincing the world that their motherhood abilities and/or "above average" progeny are truly exceptional (even when they make themselves look like liars or fools in the process). My advice would be to just ignore this behavior from her as much as you can, as folks like that tend to thrive on argument. Good luck!

nah ----------- just grin and bear it -- some folks have the need

of the eleven we had the earliest was at 8 months and one not til 17 months

I'm almost completely sure that it's BS.

However, I do remember in my expecting group with my now-3 year old, one lady began bragging that her baby had started to walk at 5-6 months old. I rolled my eyes and muttered "whatever" to myself. Imagine my shock when she posted a video of said baby walking the next day. You could've knocked me over with a feather.

You could handle it one of two ways: First, you could make such outrageous claims on your own child that she backs off (like, "Junior is already working on his PhD dissertation at Harvard. Can you believe it?"), or go the other way and say that you are trying to keep your baby a baby for as long as possible, and don't put junior down long enough for him to learn to walk. That you believe in holding and cuddling a baby a lot when they're this age. Smile.

She doesn't really sound like someone I would be want to be friends with, so if it were me, I would cool off the association. Unfortunately, the comparing just gets worse as they get older.

And from the voice of experience: a baby who walks at 8 months and a baby who walks at 17 months walk exactly the same at 2 years old. In the long run, it really doesn't matter. Don't let her get you down. Just enjoy your darling Thalia.