Middle Schooler Too Old for Santa??

I bet the middle school son knows there is no Santa and is just going along because he knows once he no longer "believes", he will get less gifts. I have 4 sons, 2 adults, one 6th grader & one 3rd grader & none of my boys any longer believe and have not for a while.

M. in Camden, MI.

I do the same thing as Donna H. I have a child in 6th grade this year we started last yr when he started asking question. I also told him not to ruin it for his younger siblings.

I'll bet he already knows, but she could just start a conversation with him about it and see where it goes.

I guess my kids always knew like I did. We just enjoy Santa as a fun story and celebrate the true Christmas, the birth of Christ.

Sometimes we wrap up a present from "Santa", but most presents just say from Mom and Dad. My kids go to a Christian school so don't hear about Santa at school.
They still enjoy Christmas. They might like to believe the story at times, but still know that it's just a story.
(They are in 6th and 3rd grade.)

I really like Donna H's reply.

Well, in my opinion, he already knows the truth about Santa and your friend is being very naive. He probably just wants his mom to feel better and lets her believe that he still believes. I think 10 is a perfect age to tell the truth, but my daughter was told by her step-mom when she was only 6 and I was horrified. Now, I'm just trying to keep my nieces believing as long as I can.

WAYYYYYY past time. My personal 'trauma': I was in third grade and the teacher brought up Santa Claus. She asked the class if there really was a Santa. I was on the brink of saying "Yes"while the entire class said a resounding "No". that was devastating. It was better than being potentially teased about it.
But a kid in middle school is learning about the realities of life. Your friend can talk to him about how the idea of Santa came from a real life person (the German or Dutch Christian, named Klaus) Probably the internet would be a valuable source to have what she needs. But kids in Middle school can be very cruel, so she shouldn't let the dust settle on this at all. Even as a Christian, I still feel that for a short time in their lives kids should be allowed the fantasy. It's just such a short time and of innocence. The realities of life will come soon enough.

I found out when I was three. It was around x-mas and the T.V was running all those old "Feed the Children" commercials. As the story goes, I asked my mom why Santa didn't bring those kids FOOD, if he could bring us kids all kinds of TOYS, I guess I was being a persistant little brat, because my mom began to sweat and stutter, until she just belted out"Because there is no Santa! It's me and your dad! OK?" So, though I don't have advice on how to tell this to a middle schooler, however your friend tells her son will probably be better than this. Also, when I was 5, my father, a Steelworker, was laid off for X-Mas. One day near the holiday, I accompanied him to the unemployment office, where a very mean lady with a large mole, that worked there, looked down from her window at the counter and said "Well, it looks like it's not gonna be a good Christmas for you little girl"! The point is, neither event left traumatized at all, I still enjoyed leaving out cookies for 'Santa' and I still loved Christmas morning. It will be fine!

Hello J., Your friend's son has already heard this from other kids if he is in jr high. He simply believes his parents over the other kids. It shows he has a great relationship with them. His parents need to sit down and explain to him, that this is just a child's make believe and that he is too old now to still believe it. When I told my eldest daughter around 5th grade, she was angry with me for lying to her in the first place, then wanted to know if I lied about God also. To put it simply, this will be a hard thing for this boy to hear, as it will break the trust that he has always had. Good luck.

Mines 9 and she figured it out last year.

J. ~
My son is almost 24, and I remember him asking a few times when he was 7, 8, 9'ish...but I always encouraged him to believe (afterall, how could I possible afford all the stuff he got every year?)...LOL and that if he didn't believe, he wouldn't get anything. Maybe that sounds mean, but it wasn't meant to be...and as he got older, he realized that it was fine to believe...it's not just Santa, it's the whole spirit of Christmas. The surprise of not knowing what was in all those presents. I know he knew for awhile before he ever told me he didn't believe, but I think it was more of a gradual thing. He was also really good about not sneaking around to find the presents as he got older, I explained that that totally ruins the surprise...how much fun is it to open presents when you already know what they are? Middle school seems a little old, so he probably already knows, just doesn't tell her he knows. I would make sure that he knows to keep up the pretense for his younger siblings. Your friend could just casually mention some things about Santa to her son when the other kids aren't around and see what he says. He may be on that edge of afraid to not believe.
I still believe :)
D.

I would be that he already knows but wants to play along with mom. Maybe she should just ask him, or not be quite so secretive about it around him. He might be afraid that if he lets on, then he won't get any gifts.

This will be of no help. But I was really upset that a 10 year old boy across the street told my 8 year old son that there is no Santa, that he is really your parents.
My son now questions it all and so I know this will probably be my last year of all the magic. It makes me sad because I only have one child. I love this time of year and really thought I would have a few more years of him believing.
I remember well when I was growing up. If you knew the secret you never told.

I think you can tell if a child knows or not - if they believe or not.

My son is five, and he still believes, but he questions it when he sees the Santa's in the mall or in other places. We tell him that these "Santa's" are helpers to the real Santa and takes all feedback from the boys and girls.

Also, I have been trying to teach my son that the spirit of holiday is inside him - as well as the rest of us. That it is not about getting toys; but about giving, being with family, sharing and just sending love to everyone. (Gotta admit, this world is in serious need of it. It's pretty sad when some people cannot give two minutes to someone, when it can make a difference in that person's life one way or another.)

My son is now in 6th grade in Middle School. This is the first time he has asked me if Santa was real or not. He said most kids he knows say that there is no Santa and that the parents put the presents under the tree. I was very brief with my answer. All I said was something like "you know, some people believe in Santa and some people don't, I personally like to believe." and I changed the subject. He didn't say anything more about it. For the moment, it was enough.
I have a 5 year old daughter and I want her to enjoy the idea of Santa as long as possible without him spoiling it for her. But also, I'm not sure that he REALLY wanted to know just yet.
I wouldn't bring it up if your child hasn't yet. Let them enjoy the idea of Santa as long as possible! If they really want to know, they'll ask.
C.

Hi Jane, at 6 he'll be coming out of it soon. 5th grade marks the end of
Elementary-6th grade is the beginning of Middle school Jane. Its not so
Devastating when it comes from other kids either. As they get older you'll
Learn to "pick your battles" and this really won't be one of them.
God bless you and your family and Merry Christmas!!

I would definitely talk to your child. Tell him that Santa can still live in our hearts and in our minds, but Santa as he sees him in stores is not a real entity. Other kids can be cruel to him if they find out he still believes.

I have a 6 grader and told her in 5th grade. She was asking because of other kids didn't believe and I said "we have to talk" she went AHA I knew it ...... I wished I answered her differently.

Why ruin it? There is so little magic left in the world for kids these days. My parents always had a policy were Santa didn't come if you didn't believe. We never spoiled it for the younger ones because we were always encouraged to believe. I went through many years where I was too old to believe but I had that little hope in the back of my mind because I had never been told by my parents that he wasn;t real. If you're worried about teasing, explain that belief is a choice, just like belief in god. You don't have to but you choose to because that's how you live your life.

I am sure he knows but is just keeping the magic alive for his family (and even himself!) Nothing wrong with that!

Yikes. Imagine the humiliation this child is going to feel if he blurts out something about Santa in class and the whole room laughs at him. And they will. She needs to gently bring him up to speed on the spirit of Christmas right away. It wouldn't hurt to share the real reason for the season while she is at it (if she hasn't). It could soften the blow and offer a whole new Joy!

S.

Wow, I was amazed when I seen this. This is a little off course, but kids in jr. high already know about sex. I think your friend should be more open with her son. I agree with the majority in that he probably already knows about Santa; and many other issues she hasn't considered. Sorry if this offends some people; but as a mother of a 20 and 13 yr old, I'm positive this boy knows much more than his mother naively wants to see.