I have three girls who are age 7, my middle one turns 3 in 3 days, and the baby is 6 weeks old. My oldest daughter has adjusted to the new baby just fine for the most part, but I'm getting more and more concerned about my 3-year-old. She's been acting out more each day lately it seems, with extreme whining and moodiness and tantrums here and there. Today she threw a huge tantrum like I hadn't seen in months since she was in the heat of the terrible two's, kicking and flailing, screaming and crying, repeating the same things over and over until I wanted to poke my eardrums out. This all happened while I was driving to top it off, with her baby sister riding next to her (she actually slept through it!). Dinnertime is an absolute battle every night regardless of the reward system or being sent to time-out, and now she's not eating her lunch at school and she's had accidents at naptime at school three times in the last week. Something definitely isn't right and she is so frustrated and unhappy. It's possible she's having a growth spurt to top it off that could be causing some of the moodiness and the accidents (happened when my oldest daughter would have a spurt), but then I think she would be eating better than she is. She wants to snack like crazy to make up for the meals she's shunning and isn't eating enough of the right things which I know has always affected her mood. I know this is a pretty common problem but I don't know what the answers are!
You just described my son from age 3-4, and we didn't add a baby until he was almost 4. He was way worse at 3 than age 2...very hard-headed and stubborn. He's been a great big brother though! It may be just her age.
Im a middle child and went throught thay when my lil sister was born. I did all that and worse when I realized that this lil baby is here to stay! My mom is so smart...she took me away for a few days, just me and her. And when we got back from our trip my mom let me help with the baby! I was 7yo and still remember how great it felt to put my lil sister to bed, feed her,sing for her,and I felt the TRUST my parents had in me when I did all that,they didnt worry that I was gona hurt her, or at leats they didnt show it and thats what helped me a lot! Fits stoped and I loved my lil sisi!
When we added a new baby (she's 6 months old now) my son went through 3 stages...the first month he completely ignored her. The second month he begged and pestered and drove me crazy looking for attention, but then by the third month he got upset when the baby cried but started understanding better and behaving better. They need time to process the change but it does get better. I recommend the parenting book Love and Logic (www.loveandlogic.com) to help. I checked it out from the library. It basically tells you to give your kids choices whenever you can, that way they feel like they have some control over their lives, especially since they had no control over the new addition to their family. It has really worked for us. Good luck!
Sounds like my daughter, who is 3. She is not a middle child, but she has a new baby brother. Life has been such a challenge lately because of her behavior! If you find out any answers, let me know! :)
This is all part of the baby losing her status as the baby. She is suddenly big just because this new creature she didn't ask for arrived. When my niece had her new baby, he little guy about this age looked at her and said " Oh Mama gross, put her down" . This is all completely normal. The other poster had mentioned the positive time and extra attentions. She is right on. Have her become your helper for the baby. Could you get mommy a diaper, this is how you change her, etc, etc. As for the meals, that is part of it. She can't control her new conditions but she can control her food. When she needs a snack, offer healthy choices, yogurt, lean lunch meat, fruit , veggie sticks etc. We worry about food etc. A healthy child will not starve or over eat if we allow them to control the food and portions. A child only need 1 to 2 tablespoons of 2 to 3 foods per meal. that is 2 to 6 tablespoons total for a food sitting. we feed our kids way more than that. but kids should also be eating 6 to 8 times per day. Only in america to we force our kids to eat 3 meals. If you let them eat when they say they are hungry and don't force it when they dont. they will never be over weight. Good luck, just keep loving her and let her continue to be a baby as long as she needs to be. The digression with the urine etc is also very normal, with or without a new baby. Good Luck
My 2 year old son is not quite as extreme as you are experiencing, but he also is dealing with some issues with a baby in the house. Although the baby turns one next month! And he hadn't really had trouble till now. But for him it is very obvious that he is trying to get some attention. His big sister, who is 6, does 1 1/2 hours of homeschool with me each morning and then of course, little brother gets attention whenever he needs it, so the midddle one goes back and forth between acting like his big sister and acting like his little brother. I think I am going to start giving him some more one on one time to see if that helps. I think I will do some "preschool" with him at the beginning of school time so he feels involved in that part of our morning and then I am hoping he will be more content to go off and play by himself. I'll see if it works. :) Oh, and by the way, my oldest did regress with potty training issues when her little sister was born. She was about 2 1/2 and I thought it was so weird, and I can't explain it, but it is definitely a normal thing they go through when making this adjustment. I hope you are able to find some things that help her adjust.
M.
You are seeing the regression that Freud talked about over 100 years ago. I think she needs you to give her attention when she is being calm. Try to give her as much as possible. It is easy for the middle child to get into the habit of acting out in a negative way if that is the way she gets the most one-on-one attention and eye contact from her parents. Try to not over-react to her negative behavior. I know that is really hard! Get rid of the unhealthy snacks, so if she is eating a snack, at least it will be healthy. Catch her being "good" and also just comment on what she is doing in a neutral way. "Callie is putting her doll to bed, Callie is building a tower with blocks, Callie is dancing." You can empathize with her that it is hard to become a big sister. If you do these things consistently, it should start turning around in a few weeks! Congratulations on having 3 lovely daughters!
