Messy Room

Shut the door. Pick another battle, it's just not worth the constant nagging about it. She will outgrow it when she's ready.

My 15 year old daughter's room is somewhat of a disaster zone. If she'd just vacuum the floor to get the pet hair up, that would satisfy me. When it gets really bad or there is a odor (dirty clothes), then I intervene. Otherwise, I shut her door. My mother reminded me long ago, that it's her room and not mine. Although, I do hate looking at the mess, which seems to grow and expand.

And yes, when we are having company or she invites friends over - she cleans in a frenzy. I simply choose to choose another battle with her, but not this one.

My boys share are room and I don't make them keep it clean but I like to be able to have a way to get the the sugar glider cage so if I have to feed them I can and a way to get to their bed. Other than that I try not to swet it too much.

Not a battle I chose to fight. There are natural consequences to living like a slob which seemed to have done the trick for all three of my kids. Now, 21, 19, and 16, the eldest and youngest "tidy up" their space as they see fit, the middle keeps his room like a Marine barracks.

This does not apply to common space obviously.

I have never once made a kid clean their room. I HAVE said things like if so and so is coming over you might wanna clear a path. Or it's getting time to call the health department or well if you could see the floor in your room you might've been able to find those jeans you wanted to wear today, etc.

:)

I didn't make my teen clean her room. I told her that anything that got broken, lost, peed on by the cat, or chewed up by the dog because it was on the floor was not my problem. I shut her door so I didn't have to see it.

Fanged Bunny, my whole house would fail your checklist. I sweep up pet hair and clean litter boxes daily, dust, mop, and do laundry weekly, wipe down baseboards and windowsills monthly, and I don't make beds. .

Shut the door. At 13 she can choose to have her space that way.

The more you push the harder she will push back. I HATED the whole clean your room bit. The agreement my mother and I had growing up, that has been working with my son is that it is cleaned, where I can see the floor and things are put away is once a week OR when guests come over. Otherwise, no food, drink or anything else that can "go bad" in the room and it is how he likes/leaves it.

A lot of times teens leave their rooms a mess so you (the parents) will NOT go in.

is there food in her room? or is it just cluttered?

If it's food - tell her that mice and ants LOVE food crumbs...does she want to sleep with ants and mice? If not - NO FOOD IN THE ROOM - PERIOD.

You have two options.

1. Close her door and let her deal with it.
2. Go in and clean her room the way YOU want it cleaned...anything that you pick up? Put in a bag or box...make her EARN it back, unless it's homework.

Set the rules. You are the parent. My 13 year old son? Not a slob, but not a neat freak either. My 11 year old? LOVES clutter. URGH! His room is at the back of the house...bed needs to be made and NO FOOD in the room. If it gets too bad? I close the door. He knows when I close his door, i've reached my limit. He will usually go in and pick up. I've got to hand it to him - he knows where his stuff is!!

You're the parent. You're in charge. You make the rules. Set the ground rules and consequences for not following the rules!

Have her close her door.

You may need to guide her..Actually go in there and sit in a chair and read a book. No need to be snarky, take a cup of tea, let her play her music and you direct her.

"Pick up all of the dirty clothes" and put them in the hamper (later have her wash all of these clothes) Put your clean clothes on the chair. Put your makeup in this box, in this drawer, whatever..

"Pick up all of the magazines" and either stack them on the shelf or put them in the recycle box.

OR, You could tell her, anything not put in its right place is going in the trash or will be donate. I am not kidding, or I will pick up every thing and you will have to a chore to get each item back.

Here is the deal mom. Some kids are messy during this period of time. For some reason they just are holding it together so much at school, with friends, etc.. this is their only place that they can slack.. THEIR rooms.

Our daughter overall is an amazing person. A hard working, honest child, who made good grades, volunteered 100's of hours a year, so a messy room, to me, was her problem to deal with, especially when she could not find "that shirt" she was "planning on wearing". And I got to say, "gee, I have no idea where in your room that shirt could be." "Maybe on the floor, kicked under your bed, Shoved in the back of the closet, or a drawer? "

Hang in there.

Hee, hee. Natural consequences are not just for toddlers, they work great on teens.

Start her off fresh by cleaning it with her and decluttering so everything has a home. Then have her clean it morning and night. She needs to establish routines like making her bed each morning and putting laundry in the bin. Then each night everything gets put away before bed. It's fairly easy if she starts with a clean slate and each day she is expected to keep it up. I would use the "after you pick up your floor we'll go to the store together" or whatever. Make it fun too. Music and a good attitude during the initial cleaning, and only do a little at a time with frequent breaks and rewards. It won't be something she'll want to do if it's painful.

Have her keep the floor clean.
Have her vacuum.
I think the hallmark of age 13 is a messy room.
God knows I had O.!
Now I'm very neat. :)

Let her live in it. She is old enough to get to have her space how she wants. Shut the door and leave it be.

My adult daughter was here this weekend to visit her kids. I even cleaned the carpet in the room she was going to be sleeping in. I can't even see the floor today. I have toys and the kids dirty clothes in there.

I have allowed friends to come over too. My granddaughter that I am raising goes nuts cleaning before they get there. She doesn't want them to know what a piglet she is. I have also told her they can't come until her room is cleaner and it made no difference.

I imagine when she's older and dating she'll decide to clean up after herself.

"Sorry, no, you can't watch TV/use the internet/have dinner/go visit your friends/etc. until your room is picked up."

Fun stuff doesn't happen until chores are finished, plain and simple.

I find it amazing that people are willing to let their kids live like slobs and just shut the door on it. Yuck. No way. Our home will not be disrespected in that way.

I dont have much advice for you except that I would just have her shut the door at all times so you dont have to look at it. I would tell her that all laundry does need to be put in the right areas and trash/dishes will not be left laying around because its disgusting and unsanitary. As far as the rest goes I would let her have her little living space and I wouldn't go in there. My kids are still young and like to be tucked in so I do make sure that their floors are picked up because I do not appreciate stepping on legos when they call me in there. But at 13 if I didnt have to go in there at all I would just shut the door.

I think part of it is her age. My daughter's room was hideous at that age and I closed the door. Thankfully the entire upstairs was used by her so no one could see it. However, if she had friends over, she cleaned like a crazy woman because one time ( it takes only once) one of her friends made a remark about her room being trashed and it embarrassed her.

She lives in her own condo now and it is spotless, the bed is always made and everything has its place.

That said.... When you do direct her, be very specific. Say pick up magazines, fold clothes and put in drawers, etc.

We never had an issue with food because I told my daughter early on that mice and bugs love to search for food in messy rooms.

It's her room. It is one of the things in her life that she has control of. He safety place. Let it be messy, as long as its not a health violation.

She does not do it, get a big garbage bag. Anything not put away goes in. She has to earn items back. Non negotiable. Put in the trunk of your car so she cannot sneak things.

My kids know if they want rides to baseball practice, dance practice, play dates, fun things, etc, they need to have their chores done. We do not require a spotless room by any stretch of the imagination, but it must be tidy. I don't want stuff all of over the floor, I expect them to be able to find things in their closets, and their dirty clothes better be in their hampers and not on the floor. I figure if it's on the floor, it's not that important to them.

When the rooms get too bad, they would rather get it done than deal with their dad or I either cleaning it or directing. Then so much stuff gets tossed because they really don't need it all.

My 10 year old daughter is getting much better at keeping her room tidy. I posted here a couple of years ago and was going insane...she has friends over more now and is much busier with dance so she knows her life is easier if she keeps it tidy. She has a broken foot right now, but she can still keep her room in decent order.

My 8 year old doesn't care as much, but it doesn't take him long to clean either.

My 6 year old is a neat freak. He gets upset when his closet isn't in perfect order...so his room is barely ever a mess.

Well, get some of those sticky "roach motel" roach traps.
Put them in her room here and there.
Don't make a big deal of it.
When she asks what they are for/why you did it... just say that you are just being helpful, since her room is messy and likes it that way, the roaches & bugs probably like it too and find it nice and cozy in her room. So you are putting the roach traps there to help catch em'.

I don't know of any girl, that "likes" roaches.
Or bugs, for that matter.

My kids video game/computer/phone/TV (electronics in general) is directly linked to their rooms being presentable. If there room is messy then no electronics. At first they fought me on it, they thought I would give in, but after 2 weeks with no video games or iPhones they finally cleaned them up, and they have been keeping them straight ever since, for about 2 months now.

I don't nag, if they don't want to keep them clean that is on them, just shut your door. But it means no electronics, the choice is theirs.

let her know in very explicit terms what your expectations are. i.e. nothing on the floor. floor must be vacuumed, base boards must be wiped with a damp cloth. bed must be made, nothing on the surfaces, books must be tidied, windows and ledges must be cleaned, surfaces must be dust free, clothes must be neatly folded in the dresser or hung in the closet, shoes on the shoe rack etc etc. make a check list.

you can do the first clean together, so she learns your expectations.
you set a regular cleaning schedule, i.e. once a week it must be brought to your standards. inspect to make sure that it has been done to your level of clean. inspection is at a time certain.

if she fails inspection, she can do it herself and loose a privelege, or you can do it, and she looses a privelege and pays you for your effort (dock her allowance, take back birthday money etc).

she will hate you, and protest heartily. its ok.

good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

I had this problem with my daughter! Her room was disgusting. I spent 1 afternoon helping her clean the room top to bottom and got everything organized and in order. From that moment on, before she used the phone, computer, ipad, video hames or socialized with friends, her room had to look just as it did the day we cleaned it. Period. No negotiation. I stuck to it, and it worked perfectly. I started this when she was about 12. She is 18, a freshman in college, and everytime we visit her, her dorm room is clean. BTW, this is my "step-daughter" who has always lived full time with her dad and I. My house=my rules.

Do a dump. She has stuff in there that she doesn't need, and it would be a favor to both of you to go ahead and clean out everything that is cluttering up the room. If she balks, tell her either she helps, when she can weigh in to what is kept, or you'll do it by yourself when she's not home.

It sounds like maybe you have too many clothes. If you do, stop buying clothes for her until she has nothing that fits. Time to teach her to wash her own clothes too, mom. If she doesn't hang them up after washing and drying them, you confiscate them until she doesn't have any to wear.

It will be good for her to have to lose some possessions and learn to take care of the ones she has.

You can make sure that she has a place for everything, and that there aren't a lot of unused items taking up space.

To Canuck: or mice either...eeeeuuu

Any activity beyond school and home requires a clean(ish) room. No TV, phone, mall, movies, computer, friends, sports, etc. until it is done. Point out that if she would keep it neat, it would take no time at all to clean.

give her a deadline with a reward at the end.....

& if she doesn't comply, trash bag the sucker. :)

she has to earn back her belongings. No witching, no moaning, no negotiations....you are Mom.