How Often Does Your Teen/tween Have to Clean Their Room?

Updated on August 20, 2013
J.K. asks from Houston, TX
21 answers

My daughter (14) is required to clean her room everyday and lately she's been trying to avoid cleaning it. So I was wondering, how often does your teen/tween have to clean their room?

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L.U.

answers from Seattle on

When it becomes a fire hazard.
Seriously. It's their room, I don't care.
I will close the door so I don't have to look at it.
Mostly I tell them to pick up all their clothes so I can do laundry. If it's not in the hamper it doesn't get washed.
L.

8 moms found this helpful

S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

Depends on what you mean by cleaning their room. My kids are required to straighten up their beds and pick up toys and laundry daily. I don't have very high standards, just tidy enough that I can go in to put laundry away without stepping on anything. They aren't allowed food in their room, and they don't really hang out there, so it doesn't get terribly dirty. I should probably get them to dust and vacuum one of these days:)

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

For me, this is not a hill worth dying on. Heck some days we're so busy I don't even see their rooms so I wouldn't know if they were clean or not. Additionally, we had a weird situation where my boy/girl step-twins shared a room until recently, so we didn't allow them to socialize in their room because it was an invasion of their sibling's privacy and really all they did in their room was sleep and store clothing.

So on a daily basis...I don't care. I have them spend some time purging junk a few times a year - before school starts, December break, February break, April break and when school gets out. They also need to clean before relatives come over for various holidays so all in all, it gets cleaned well at least once a month. If they want to deal with clutter and not being able to find their own things, fine. I can always shut the door.

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H.L.

answers from Portland on

I ask the kids (7 and 10) to pick up each day. They keep their floors clean and about every 2 weeks or so I remember to have them clear off their dressers and organize the stuff that gets piled on top. If she's having trouble, I recommend helping her organize everything and get it all clean before trying to get her to pick up each day. When I was younger I had no idea where to begin, after letting my room go for way too long. She needs to establish routines to keep it that way once everything has a home.

My mom would tell me to clean, but honestly I couldn't imagine how to start and where to put all the stuff. Someone needed to explain that I needed to get rid of things and then organize, before I could keep it nice. Seems logical, but it sure wasn't to me.

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L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Again, this is not a battle I chose to fight.
I cleaned and vacuumed.

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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

making sure it's neat every day is not a bad idea, I make my daughter pick up her floor every day before bed and she has to be able to close all of her dresser drawers.

Your kid is older, and if she's got a lot of homework and after school activities, I'd probably just push for it to be picked up on the weekend.

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C.M.

answers from Washington DC on

I have my kids who are 6 and 8 clean their rooms about once a week. Usually we have a cleaning day when I clean all the bathrooms and floors and stuff. I have them clean their rooms so I can vacume in there.

Daily seems a bit extreme. I mean, how messy can a 14 year old girl make her room anyway? I would guess it's not that bad. You might need to just relax about how clean her room is and enjoy her as much as you can before she grows up and moves out.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

She didn't have to. All I required was that if she brought food to her room, that the dirty dishes be brought to the dishwasher and that food wrappers be put in the kitchen garbage can so as to avoid attracting vermin.
Her room was her space.
She also knew that if anything left on the floor got stepped on and broken, not to come crying to me about it, because I was not going to replace it.

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D.B.

answers from Boston on

A lot less than that! What is going on in there that it needs to be cleaned every day?

Teens rebel and want areas they can control, and it gets worse if we are too strict. Their room is one I'd give up. They can't control school schedules, needing rides, having homework, and so on. They need some areas of autonomy if they are going to grow up to be able to handle their own tasks without us there. When they graduate and go to college, they need to have those skills developed and the DESIRE to use them internalized. That doesn't happen if we hover over them.

I made my son's room his sanctuary, and just closed the door. If he had no problem having his friends in his sloppy room, that was his problem. I decided to focus more on his behavior and his choices, his friends, and his decision-making. By default, he became more responsible for his own behavior.

I did focus more on the public areas of the house - he couldn't leave his junk all over the family room or the hall. If I got sick of it, I put everything in a cardboard box or a laundry basket (no sorting, no organizing) and put it in his room and shut the door. If he couldn't find something, it was most likely in his room somewhere. Meanwhile, the public areas of the house looked presentable.

I also put him in charge of his own laundry! He had to sort it, wash it, dry it, fold it (or not) and put it away (or not). If he was out of underwear, oh well, not my problem. If he wore a wrinkled shirt, oh well, not my problem. Two things happened: 1) he appreciated me and the work required to keep things running smoothly 2) he became more responsible.

I don't think their rooms get that dirty every day. There can't possibly be much that has to be done every day other than making the bed and putting away clothes (hanging up or putting them in the hamper). So really, what terrible thing will happen if she doesn't do those things?

I think it's important to give tweens and teens some freedom to make choices, and some autonomy, in stages. Otherwise we send them off to college or the working world with no skills at all and no ability to do anything unless we are standing over them with a "to do" list. Or we put them behind the wheel of the car, but they have no ability to look ahead and predict consequences. We worry about them dating and getting into situations they can't get out of. Yet if we haven't had them learn to live with their mistakes and do anything but think "in the moment", they are not prepared for these situations.

So if a kid learns that a wrinkled shirt is embarrassing or that wearing something twice is actually okay, or if they have a friend make fun of them for being a slob in their own room, it can motivate them far more than us nagging them. I think, if you sit her down and say, "Look, you're growing up, and we're butting heads over this room thing. How would you like your own space?" (She now says YES!) You say, "Okay, I hear you. I've decided to let you create your own sanctuary. If it's neat or sloppy, it's your room. If you can't find something, it's in your room and that's your space. I draw the line at leftover food creating a rodent or insect problem." (And you can decide whether to say it's still your house and you can go check for beer and drugs in there!) Then you continue, " So, otherwise it's your space. I want the family room and kitchen cleaned of your clutter, and put in your room. You know how to clean - now it's up to you. Now, let me show you how to do laundry. You are in charge of your own clothes - where they are, how they look, whether they are hung up or folded or organized or put away." Indicate that you are proud of her for growing up and that you are giving her additional skills she will need when she leaves the house in 4 years. Smile and don't make this like punishment. If she can't find something in a week (and believe me, that will happen). You say, "I have no idea! I stopped overseeing your room a week ago." And don't back down if she whines. Encourage her to keep up with it and to be systematic in searching without turning the place upside down, but otherwise, walk away and don't engage.

Soon, you can start to put her in charge of some of her clothing allowance money - let her learn to budget, but she only gets a certain amount of money. Don't bail her out for her poor decisions. You can still say she's not allowed certain things (low cut tops or someone's logo across her rear end, whatever your guidelines are). But when she has nothing to wear, it's probably because she blew all her money on a name brand item instead of shopping the clearance racks.

Gradually, every few months, add another task (or privilege) to her list. I'd start with the bathroom she uses - make sure she knows how to clean it and organize her junk.

You'll be better prepared when she's 16 and wants a learner's permit or wants to go places by herself. Keep building on this, and you'll have a kid who internalizes some of these values instead of one who's doing it because you sat over her demanding it. And hopefully she'll rebel less in other areas if you give her more control in "safe" areas like her room and her clothes.

When my son went to college, he was fully capable of organizing a tiny room and doing laundry. His first summer, he got an internship and wound up living in a campus apartment with a kitchen - so we graduated to cleaning the bathroom (he didn't have his own bathroom in the dorm) and learning to cook simple things. I got a lot of calls about what to do with 5 pounds of chicken on sale, but he learned to appreciate me!

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J.K.

answers from Wausau on

Three simple rules:
No food or drink other than water allowed in the bedroom.
Put your dirty clothes in the hamper.
Close the door so I can't see your mess.

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D.G.

answers from Dallas on

Two or three times a year I guess. When mine start complaining about not finding anything and if I can't see the floor I make them do a purge and clean. We will clean out clothes and get everything cleaned up. Otherwise I just shut the door and don't let food in the bedrooms. My own bedroom stays pretty messy at times so I don't see fussing about theirs.

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C.C.

answers from New York on

I guess it depends on what she is doing in her room. I think the most important space for a teen to organize is their "home office", the desk/space where they do homework.

Beyond that, as long as there's no food in her room, a once/week straightening up seems like enough to me.

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

every day! wow!
my overall philosophy was that in their space, they got to pick their own comfort level with clutter. in real life i wasn't quite that sanguine. every few weeks i'd have to insist on some degree of unearthing, and less often a truly deep clean. the only thing i insisted on daily was making the beds.
khairete
S.

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C.C.

answers from Orlando on

If you pick up everyday, it won't be such a "chore" at the end of the week! Clean as you go!

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S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

My 5, 7 and 8 year olds clean their rooms once a week. They also dust, sweep, vacuum and wipe down cupboards, surfaces and the toilet floor (little boy drips) once a week.

I can't see me requiring them to do it more than once a week as they get older. As long as they pick up and put away their stuff that are in the shared sections of the house.

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J.O.

answers from Boise on

Read what 'birdsfreakmeout' wrote. That would have been my answer word for word.

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J.O.

answers from Detroit on

I'd rather clean than nag a kid.
There is sooo much already to nag about. Homework, go shower, stop jumping on the couch, etc.

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S.L.

answers from Appleton on

My kids are 13 and 11 and they need to clean their rooms and make their beds daily, that includes the closet too. My kids don't have to do many other chores regularly around the house besides their rooms and keeping their own things put away so I don't think I am asking too much. For me it is a battle worth fighting although I really don't fight a battle my kids do what I ask.

C.V.

answers from Columbia on

Every day.

Keeping it clean is not difficult. And they like to keep their space in such a state that they would not be embarrassed if a friend comes over.

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M.S.

answers from Salinas on

As long as there is no garbage, food or dirty clothes, it's good. That is the daily expectation. Laundry goes from their room hamper to the laundry room every couple days so their are no smells. On weekends, they must have their rooms pretty neat, but not perfect, before going anywhere with family or friends. About once every two months, I will help them do a good cleaning just so they have a base to keep things neat for a while.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

If she's having company over she needs to pick up so that they'll be more comfortable. Otherwise I'd rather they were doing their homework, spending time with the family, being a close family instead of arguing over non important things, and paying attention to school stuff.

I think a students job is to go to school and learn, it's all about that as far as I'm concerned. No outside jobs, no missing church to do homework, other nights of the week homework gets done though, and just simply being a good student and good family member and person is way more important than keeping a room clean for someone that sounds quite OCD.

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