Messaging Strangers on Facebook to Ask Them Questions About a School

Updated on March 21, 2013
M.E. asks from Tampa, FL
22 answers

I have my children on a waiting list for a charter school. I went on a tour a few weeks ago and was impressed with what I saw, however, I am not sure if I should pull my kids out of the very nice public school they attend. It has it's minor problems, but it's not a bad school. I'm looking for a better curiculum and this charter chool is very arts and music oriented, which I like.

I have read numerous articles about this charter school and they are all positive. I even talked to a neighbor whose child attended there and she loved the school. I am desperate for more feedback, and my hope is to talk to other parents with kids there.

I saw that the school is having a play outside in a few days at a public park. Some of the parents responded on Facebook that they would be attending. Would it be inappropriate to contact these parents via Facebook message and ask them their honest opinion about the experiences with the school? Would that be weird? Or am I better off showing up at the park and approaching these parents?

Thanks.

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So What Happened?

Thanks again. I messaged a few moms. So far only 1 responded. The messages went in their "other" folder so I doubt that have even seen or will see it. Bummer. The good news is, one of the moms had a mutual friend on Facebook. I messaged my mutual friend from college and told her what i was up to. She sent her a message saying that I would be friending her. Now the charter school mom and I are friends. She has told me quite a bit so far, but I'm still hungry for more information. I passed along my email address and told her to give it to her mom friends there. I'm hoping they email me their experiences.

Featured Answers

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

I think i would go to the play at the public park and try to engage some of the parents in a light conversation. Hey, this is a great play and a great program they offer. I'm thinking of sending my kids- what do you like best about the charter school? Anything you would change?

6 moms found this helpful

X.O.

answers from Chicago on

I never reply to random messages on FB. I assume anyone who messages me on FB that doesn't know me in "real life" is a creep.

Go to the play date and ask the parents for their input.

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Q..

answers from Detroit on

I wont even "like" my child's school FB page because I dont want ANYONE, let alone random strangers knowing what school she goes to.
Maybe its just me, but yeah, I wouldnt be cool with a stranger asking me about my childs school.
I realize your intentions are good, but from their standpoint, I wouldnt like it.

7 moms found this helpful
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K.B.

answers from Detroit on

I would just talk to them in person that day - trying to reach them via FB seems vaguely stalker-ish. And not everyone checks FB every day.

5 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I would make a post saying that you would like to talk to other parents about this school and if they are willing to chat, could they please send you a message? I generally give MY info to people, be it from a Meet Up or at DD's school, so they can contact me if they want to. Less stalkerish.

Bear in mind that FB now puts messages from ppl not on your friends list into a separate box and you may not even get seen. If there's any FB contact, look in that secondary message box.

5 moms found this helpful
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N.L.

answers from Tampa on

I would totally just show up at the park. You could just "happen" to be going by and ask the parents there "what's going on?", and when you find out about the school just mention "oh, my daughter is on the wait list. How are you liking the school so far?"

If you're looking for FB responses, I would just put a post out there asking people their opinion on the school. I'm sure there are people who have left the schoo, and THAT would be who I would want to hear from.

4 moms found this helpful

C.V.

answers from Columbia on

Does the school have a facebook page of its own? Perhaps you could ask your questions there.

I, personally, don't like it at all when someone I don't know messages me on FB.

3 moms found this helpful
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K.A.

answers from Phoenix on

I would ask them at the get together. I probably wouldn't respond to a stranger who messaged me on FB, just for precaution's sake.

But, how much more feedback do you really need? Is the opinion of a few parents going to really change your mind that much?

2 moms found this helpful

Y.G.

answers from Miami on

I wouldn't message them. I personally, would be caught off guard if someone was asking me about my son's school... It "could" come off a tad creepy....
Definitely show up "in person" and ask.
Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

I wouldn't be thrilled with the idea. If I got a message from someone I didn't know about my kid's school, I would delete it and move on. I know your intentions are good and you are trying to find out about the school, not the kids. But as a parent, I would be guarded about giving out ANY info to a stranger online.

I would join the school group and simply make a post telling parents you are considering the school, but would like more feedback. And then invite the parents to contact you instead of vice versa.

2 moms found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

They are using FB to reach out-so I say it is fine-you all have a common goal and that is to educate your children.

1 mom found this helpful

N.C.

answers from Rockford on

I think it would be ok. I have had strangers email me through facebook because they see through others that I run a daycare. I do not mind at all. I think as long as you state your reason up front as to why you are getting in contact w/ them. If it bothers them, they won't respond.

If someone does not want strangers contacting them, they likely have their settings so you can't anyway.

*I* would be more comfortable w/ a message than a direct person to person approach...but that's just me.

Good luck..I hope you find the answers you need!

1 mom found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Portland on

I suggest that you not change your children's school now. Wait until summer break. Change is difficult. Summer is a natural break.

1 mom found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

I would do both...go to the play in the park and ask them on facebook.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I would be ok with it if I received a similar message from a prospective parent. I'd be happy to write an answer, just like a would to a mom on this message board. : )

That said, I think you should also go to the park and see what you think of them in person. It's nice to get a feel for the families that go there in addition to just hearing what they think of the school.

1 mom found this helpful

J.B.

answers from Houston on

I would do it. Clearly state why you are contacting them, I don't see a problem with it.

1 mom found this helpful
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B..

answers from Dallas on

Why not go to the play and ask parents in person?

I do not reply to anonymous messages on facebook, no matter the content. (Actually, only my actual friends can message me. I have a block from anyone else messaging.)

1 mom found this helpful
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S.T.

answers from Houston on

Thats so funny, I had the exact same dilemma last year. I messaged a couple of people on facebook (who I didn't know) and they messaged me right back with loads of info about the charter school. My son now goes there, and is very happy. I would message them.

1 mom found this helpful
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N.K.

answers from Miami on

I don't see the problem with reaching out to the parents via message. I don't know why some parents here are saying a direct in-person approach is less creepy, because I feel the opposite. You can ignore a Facebook message, but you can't ignore a stranger that is in your face. You may also be in a hurry and don't want to deal with all the in-person questions, whereas on a Facebook message, you can respond at your convenience, night or day. Besides, I don't like strangers coming up to me and questioning me, period. A stranger trying to make conversation in person already makes me wary, and body language and appearance can make that experience even more awkward. I'm just a shy person I guess.

I am on Yelp, a site used for writing reviews of businesses, and I get people messaging me all the time asking what dishes I recommend at a restaurant, how my experience was, etc., if they want more information than what I mentioned in my review. Some people have empathized when I had a bad situation at a business and shared their own bad experience.

Why not give it a try? The worst that can happen is they ignore your messages, the best that can happen is they respond honestly, without bias (which may not be the case with school reviews, which are sometimes monitored by the school and any negative comments removed), and you end up knowing a parents whose child attends the school and can give guidance/recommendations about how the school operates. Who knows, if they have kids the same age as yours, they may even end up in the same class and you and your child just made some new friends!

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J.K.

answers from Kansas City on

I think it would be OK, as long as you don't act like a stalker! I have contacted 2 people in my life, whom I did not know and never met, through facebook because that is the only way I could find them. And it went positive both times. Will you be attending the play? I think that would be a great place to meet them and chat. Good luck!

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

If you can't find any negative feedback about the school online, that is a plus.

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D.H.

answers from Louisville on

If you aren't friends with them, doesn't FB now charge $1 to deliver a message to them - or they'll dump it in an "other" folder that they might not ever see??

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