Over the last few months I have been on a pretty strict diet due to high cholesterol. I've lost about 30lbs. I wasn't really that over weight before but I can tell a huge difference and I'm now almost back in to my size 6s! Yeah me!! Anyway, I've had people compliment me at work and it has made me feel very good about myself. The one person I haven't heard anything from is my SO - and that has bothered me and I actually told him about it last weekend.
We were outside earlier doing some stuff in the yard and my next door neighbor came outside. We don't see him too often so I stopped and we talked for awhile . As we were talking, he brought up how skinny I was getting (about 5 times). I knew this was going to get my SO's ears to open because he's brought up in the past how he seems to think this neighbor is a little on the flirty side (even though I've known him since I was 5 - we were neighbors as kids and he ended up buying the house next door 10yrs after the last time I had seen him).
After we talked, I left to run some errands. Once I get home, SO comes in the kitchen and says "Did you hear how many times he said how skinny you were getting? He's right...you look fantastic".......Really! I couldn't believe that came out of his mouth.
Do men have to be so stupid?? My immediate reaction was "So, it took C to say something for you to realize how much weight I was losing?"
Sorry for the vent...but what was the last stupid / inconsiderate thing your significant other/ husband has said to you?
Geez. Glad some of ou were able to see the humor in this. I wasn't really mad at him. Maybe I should have put LOL! at the end of every sentence. I posted it as a JFF because I actually thought it was funny that it took him getting jealous over the neighbor's comments for him to realize that the weight loss was noticeable.
And when I said something to him, I didn't say it in a mean way. I was laughing when I said it.
So he compliments you finally and you criticize him for it? Hope you enjoyed the compliment - I doubt he'll be inclined to give more. I think it's hard to notice changes in someone you see daily. Changes are very gradual.
Wow, A.. I'm not sure why you think that what your husband said was stupid or inconsiderate. It sounds like he realized something & paid you a really nice compliment.
Sometimes, people who are closest to us are the last to notice physical changes like weight loss, because it happens slowly, & they see us constantly. People who don't see us everyday have an older version of ourselves to compare our current image with, and are more easily able to notice when we change, like losing weight.
Next time your husband says something, instead of cutting him down with your response, I would suggest something along the lines of "Honey thank you so much. It means a lot to me that you noticed and let me know!"
T.
A.
Congratulations on the weight loss!! YOU GO GIRL!!
In defense of your husband?? He sees you EVERY DAY...it's hard to see the change when you are with the person and they are making the change and losing weight...I too lost 30lbs and my husband didn't really notice - until my pants fell off me when I didn't wear a belt...
It's kinda like not seeing a friend's kid for a few weeks or months and you see them and they are 2 inches taller...YOU see it - but the mom may not...
Let me tell you a story of my mom & dad who were married for 56 years...they had been married MAYBE a year - no more than two - and my dad comes home with flowers for my mom...she asked him "WHAT DID YOU DO??" He didn't bring her flowers home again for a good 20+ years...once bitten, twice shy...you may have nipped your boyfriend's (since you've made it clear he's NOT your husband) talking with you about how good you look in the bud...I would apologize to him for your snotty remark and say THANK YOU for noticing!! I appreciate it.
My husband? Yeah - he's said some stupid stuff...we all do...for the most part he tries to make me laugh with the stuff he says...
Good luck!!
I try not to focus on the small mistakes and keep my heart and mind trained on what a great fellow I married.Mutual respect and understanding are what make our marriage strong. I know that this is a 'jff' question, but guys just don't think the way we do. The fact that he did acknowledge that you look good~ great. Why do you need to think he's being stupid? And then when you do get the compliment, it's not good enough? Sheesh.
We make mistakes as women too, right? I'm so glad my husband doesn't get exasperated by my forgetfulness and go online to talk about how 'stupid' I am.
You've also mentioned that your husband has had anxiety and panic attacks. I don't know... maybe he has other things occupying his thoughts? Please cut the man some slack. If you've ever lived with anxiety, it is horribly consuming.
it's always harder to notice what's going on with someone you see every day. and it may well be that your dh is like mine, who's more likely to say 'i love and appreciate you' with deeds than words.
but even my usually considerate dh has occasional foot-in-mouth moments. for me it was a long time but i still remember it, so it certainly hit home! and it wasn't a nice compliment, like yours.
i gained a ton of weight with both my babies, way above and beyond 'baby weight.' after i delivered boy #2 i was a little aghast at how little my belly deflated. and my spouse, lover, partner, and father of the little miracle said 'got another one in there, babe?'
he's only still alive because that sort of faux pas is rare for him.
:) khairete
S.
YOur husband sees you every day. He probably hasn't really noticed.
That's pretty normal.
Stupid and inconsiderate would have been, "That fool. You look exactly the same!"
You did post in your subject line, LOL. So laugh it out. See the humor in it. He's a man, just a man -- not a master of life. Often it takes something like this to get a man to notice, so aren't you glad he did. It's just the way most men are. Not that its always so easy to laugh off, but keep it in mind.
This can be painful if there are other painful issues at play.
Maybe he's threatened and doesn't want you spending time with whoever threatens his well being with you.
Just some thoughts
Hope it helps
As far as stupid stuff my husband says, well it happens all the time bc there are so many things he just doesn't get when it comes to home life.
I think it is more difficult for someone you live with and see daily to notice the changes. I would cut him some slack on that.
I'm sure your hubby does other positive things for you. Think about the qualities you love about him.
Part of the problem is he sees you every day, so the change would be more gradual for him, but someone who doesn't see you all the time would see a more dramatic change. It's not like you lost 30 pounds in a day. It's like my baby, who seems tiny to me, but to my aunt, who hadn't seen him in a couple of months, it was like he gained 10 pounds overnight to her.
This cracked me up...literally! Only BC something similar happened to me not too long ago! I dyed my hair. And I was waiting for my so to realize. He never did. Until.. He called me one day to meet him for lunch..so I went. And we had a male waiter. This male waiter was slightly on the flirty side! This drove my so crazy! And as we were leaving he goes "did you do something to your hair?" So reading this cracked me up!!!
Some tough responses! You were obviously trying to keep it light but I'm sure it truly bothered you that your hubby didn't notice! I have recently lost 25 lbs due to sickness but am feeling better and am working on keeping the weight off (I'm now a size 2!)....I have heard it from everyone I see how I lost weight and look good but it always means more and sounds sweeter coming from the person I care about most. Luckily he is a very visual person and has been very complimentary and vocal about his approval! Makes me feel good! Maybe just give your hubby a lighthearted apology about your reaction and tell him his compliment meant a lot! Congrats to u
on your weight loss!
How about some grace and the benefit of the doubt for him? He's your husband; doesn't he deserve that? Like others said --- it is perfectly normal to be slow to see changes when you see a person every single day.
Cut him some slack. You might need some slack yourself, someday, when you don't notice or say something he wishes you had.
I understand your point.
Congrats on the weight loss and the lowered cholesterol. Keep it up!
Jeeeez! Most your responses are no fun! Lol.
Last night he was watching an episode of the Simpsons (i find it unfortunate any time he has the tv remote-we either watch channels change for 20 mins or watch something mindless) Homer found out about helicopter parenting and noticed his kids needed help. He said thanks, marge. And dad says to me "sounds like me". Yep.
I understand that many women want a man to read their mind. I do not. For every holiday I ask him not to buy me any junk. I like to read-he knows what type of house stuff we use. So, he goes out with the kids and buys junk. Candles, nick nacks, pictures for tbe wall I would never choose myself, and fake flowers. I'm pretty clear, and he seems to agree in conversation, that the last thing we need is stuff!
I guess this is funny but I don't see it as inconsiderate. Maybe he thought you looked great before or didn't want to offend you as if you didn't look good before. Just a thought
