Memory Problem

Hi B., My husband has the same problem. He has TBI from Iraq. He carries a PDA in his pocket and he has to put everything into it or he will forget all about it. It is really helping.

My mother had a traumatic brain injury when I was 9 years old. This impacted her short term memory, among other things. She always made lists and we always had a BIG dry erase board in the kitchen. We wrote everything on that board - chores, grocery lists, notes to family members, phone numbers.. - anything we had to remember. It worked really well for us. If you always have it there, everyone (including your husband) will begin to always check the board when they go past. Place it in a prominent location and it will become habit fairly quickly.

He may also consider professional help. I am not sure what is causing his short term memory problems, but my mom went to a counselor that helped her do things to work on improving her memory.

Best of luck! I know it is a tough thing to live with, but it can be done. :o) *Hugs*

Hey B.!
I have this problem some with my hubby. But with my hubby it is more that he is super busy. We have done notes, put things in his calander for outlook, putting it in his tasks. In your case, I would just do general information signs on the cupboard doors like where your little one's formula/cereal/bottles are!
Good luck,
Have a peaceful 4th of July!
S.

B.,
I know that is a difficult and, above all, frustrating issue. My husband of 11 years has the same problem. In order to cope with this problem, first I had to accept that things are not always going to be done how and when I want them to be. Best thing that I found that helps, without feeling like the "nagging ball-and-chain" was to write notes. I have dry-erase boards up in every room, and I write down important information, plus a list of things that need to get done, with a box next to them. It not only helps him, but our 2 older boys as well. It allows me to keep track of everything, and it even comes in handy for me if I forget something from being too busy or too tired. I only use sticky notes in his car. Another things that works while he is away from home is to set the alarm on his cell phone to ring when he is leaving work to ensure that he remembers to do something for me, and I follow up with a text of phone call. I truly hope this helps. If you need anything, even if you need a listening ear, just let me know. Take care and be patient.

It could be something serious, or maybe he is just tuning you out and ignoring you. If the only communication with your husband is asking him to do things then maybe he has chosen not to listen. Maybe you don't realize what your saying. I would think about how you tell him things or talk about plans...make sure he is really participating in the conversation. Then hopefully he will remember!
Good luck!

I have the exact same problem myself, and it has gotten worse since I am now pregnant with my husbands and my first baby. I forget everything appointments, things i have just done, etc... My husband and I have developed something that works for me. I have noticed that if I set a timer or an alarm for specific things then I am more likely to remember them, also sticky notes work too.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! LOL...I am only laughing because this is the main problem that my husband and I have had our whole marriage, which has been almost 9 years. Here's a good example. I went to the store the other day and came home to find that my four year old had dumped half of the container of fish food into the small fish tank. I turned around and told my husband, who was RIGHT THERE when it happened. I really did make a stink about it...the tank had just been cleaned, and by my husband! So I did the "you were right here...how did you not see her doing that...look at the tank now..." So 2 hours later, he says, "Hey!! What happened to the fish tank?! I just cleaned that!!!" Point proven. He just doesn't listen. I could give you hundreds of examples. Usually he won't listen, I will get upset, and then he will get upset because I am bugging him. I tend to think that if he listened, I wouldn't have to bug him, and then he wouldn't get upset. The bottom line here...he doesn't listen, it's just his thing, I do things that bug him, and we love each other and will continue to love each other forever! This is just the way that it is. It's been this same problem for 9 years. I can write things down, I can get his full attention...it does not matter. I know that he is going to forget 2 minutes later so I accept it, even though it's frustrating, and I move on and clean up whatever mess the forgetfulness created. So I have no solution. There may not be a solution. My husband says, "I am a guy!" and I believe that's what's going on here. He doesn't know how or why he forgets and I can't hold it against him. Love your husband...that's my only advice.

Hi B. - that's got to be frustrating! I have a friend whose husband is like this. For example, when he was a bachelor he bought groceries and put the bags on the kitchen table. 4 days later, they were still there in the bags, rotting. They would have been there longer but his roommates were really started to complain.

A chiropractor friend suggested he might have ADD and he sought treatment for that as well as some passive-agressive tendencies. He still has absent-minded moments but it's so much better.

Good luck!

I would definitely have him go in for a doctors appointment. this kind of memory loss is not normal. once in a while forgetting things, fine. but if it is bad enough that you are worried better safe than sorry. get it checked out.
if it is a matter of not remembering to do certain things because his personality is one that focuses on one thing at a time and that is all, or easily distracted--a honey Do list might help a lot. write a list where you can both see it, a white board or something of that sort, and you can write on it, the cereal no longer goes in the bottle. once he has that down you can erase it. I have a good friend who was in a car accident and now has lapses of memory, notes and things are how they cope with it. but it was diagnosed by a doc. you didn't say if it had been or not. if it hasn't get it checked out, he could see a neuorologist or other specialist who will have tools and keys that have already been proven to work with other patients. good luck.

I have no idea why anyone would judge YOU for your husband's problem, B..
I sound like either he is deliberately going against what you ask, or he has a medical problem that should be taken care of quickly.
Since he can't remember with verbal hints, start putting sticky notes on the things you want him to remember. Some times it's easier to have a visual reminder. Put a note on the cereal or move it where he can't find it. OR, will it really hurt your baby boy to have cereal in his bottle on occasion? Let hubby help as much as he can where he can. As long as he isn't doing any damage to the kids, why worry about little things? It's the bigger things that need to be taken care of, and it sounds like he needs a medical exam. Good luck, B.!

look into his diet. If he is getting any aspartame (nutra sweet) this could be a reason. Read lables! don't just buy whatever foods you want. Be picky. Apartame is poison to many individuals. Diet soda or anythig with a sugar substitute has it in. Make sure he has a day planner wherever he goes, with a pen. If he can get into a habit of writing everything down he can improve getting places on time and other things as they comes up. Good luck!

there are some great herbs that help with that, ginkgo biloba, fish oil, b vitamins. visit an herb shop or look online. Things that increase circulation, and is he getting enough exercise, is his neck/back in line and is he generally eating well. Less sugar, less red meat and of course alcohol or other drugs (prescription or otherwise). For your sanity try to tie it to something you will do for him, though this isn't always possible. best of luck.

Hi B.,

I would recommend your husband contact Alex Lovejoy who works with people to improve thier memory (amongst many other brain issues) through a process called Brain Integration. Her email address is ____@____.com can search on-line to learn more.

Best of luck - this is a tough one.

G. Reid
Motherhood Transitions
www.motherhoodtransitions.com

This is actually a serious issue, one my husband is struggling with as well. You don't say how old your husband is. I would suggest a consult with a neurologist. This could be age related, a sign of a brain lesion or other disorder, or related to sleep apnea. My husband snores dreadfully but wouldn't go see a doctor until the memory problems started affecting his work. After two sleep studies they now have him on oxygen at night and we are hoping things will improve.

The answer to all your problems: read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger. I guarantee your husband will remember more.

p.s. If you don't read it, try to remember not to "mother" your husband. He's your partner, not someone to be ordered around. Treat him like that and you'll find you are both much happier.