For those of you who have read my posts over the last year, we have been struggling with the death of our two-year-old nephew who died unexpectedly a week after his birthday last year (12/1). We are rapidly approaching the anniversary of his death and the holidays. My husband's family is not an overly communicative or close group, but I really feel like we should do something to acknowledge the passing of time and the healing that has occurred.
Aside from planting a tree (my in-laws do not own their home), what are some other ideas that you all have come across that would both be a recognition of having lost a child, but also an acknowledgment of moving forward. I'm really struggling with this one because the family simply doesn't talk about anything "important" and I don't want to just ignore the date either because I think my SIL will need a lot of love and support during the next month.
Any and all suggestions welcome!
Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions. I shared these ideas with SIL and we are going to look into a plaque and donation to the children's museum where we used to take the boys together. Truthfully wouldn't have thought about that option and it really made sense to both of us!
When my children passed away, my sister-in-law gave me a memorial ornament for each of them for my Christmas tree. My friends sent me flowers on the anniversaries of their deaths. My husband has had jewelry made to remember them. These are just a few ways that people have chosen to honor my little ones that have touched my heart.
K.,
Where is your nephew's body interred? If his remains are buried at a memorial park/cemetery, call and ask them what they have available as far as benches, stones, stained glass windows, tree donation plaques, etc. Memorial parks and cemeteries are there just for the reason of memorialization. And that's how they generate their revenue as well. You can also ask them (you can call ANY memorial park!) if they have a celebration for all who have lost a child in the past year. many do especially around the end of the year and I understand the ceremonies are very healing and touching.
Cemeteries and memorial parks are community resources, so call the biggest and best in your area and ASK! Do it for your SIL who may not be aware of these resources and may be too fragile to inquire herself.
I agree, it would not good to ignore the date. Even if the family just gets together, shares memories, stories and pictures, it will be healing for everyone.
Grief is a journey. It lasts a long time. Your SIL is going to be in a fragile state for years.
I'm very sorry for the loss of your nephew. Prayers to you.
What caused him to die? If you could make a gift contribution in his name to a society that is for that disease or condition, then that would be nice. I know when my mother died, so many people gave to the American Cancer Society in her name. It's really a nice gesture. It would be nice to get other family members to contribute as well, or to even set up a memorial fund in the child's name for that particular society.
If the family or child has a favorite place to visit or a place that has been particularly meaningful, often botanical gardens, zoos, parks, etc. will accept a plaque, statuary, park benches or the like with the child or person's name on them. This can be very costly -it just depends on where and what it is. I know when the father of two children in our community parent/child network passed away several years ago, a number of us got together and donated money for two park benches to be put at the playground where his kids played and we planted daffodils all around them.
my 16 yr old step son died in january. here is what I am doing for my so. the counselor advised do something in the holidays for the child. we are going to buy this son a christmas tree ornament every year he loved fishing and its all going to be fishing related. we will get him his own small christmas tree just for this. I am doing a shadow box of his sons stuff. he liked hacky sacks and was a referee. so it will have his hacky sacks and a small referee shirt play or real I havent decided yet. his favorite phrase was I won so somehow the words I won is going to be in the shadow box. he loved video games if the box is large enough I am going to put a controller in it.
with your nephew being so young get one of his favorite toys a shirt. a teddy or blankie or his favorite paci and put in his. my step son loved fast cars which is what killed him so a match box car will probably be in there a ferrari was his favorite. if thier son loved cowboys and horses for ex put cowboy stuff and horse stuff init. use what the child liked and use that for the shadow box. what your doing is wonderful and enough time has passed to make the timing acceptable. good luck and my condolences.
Well because your Nephew's family is not communicative or close... I would not insist to them... on doing what you may want to do.
You/Your Husband.... can, on your own or for your own family... remember him in your own way.... I say this because, it will probably be real hard... to get EVERYONE on the same page about it.. and to agree on it and to feel good about it and some may even feel resentful about it or not want to do what you want to do.... creating conflict in the family.... per such a sensitive subject.... and a very personal one... for your Nephew's family.
The key here is.... your Nephew's family... should be the ones to decide.
Thus, you can, acknowledge the event, as you wish, in your own way....
but not expect all the others to follow suit.
It is, a very personal & private matter, for the Nephew's family/parents....and everyone.... "grieves" differently.... and in different time-lines. Some people may not be able to, nor be ready... to heal yet.... nor feel as you do. For example.
If that were me... I would not want someone, telling me how to conduct this event.... for my child or telling me what to do.
**Adding this: Sorry, I did not mean you are trying to tell others what to do... but others, may sometimes 'feel' that way... especially since emotions are real sensitive now, per your Nephew's passing.
Again, I am sorry, I did not mean... you are telling them what to do.
Put it this way, even with my kids... I just do NOT like it when one of my kids Aunties... tells me what to do for my kids Birthdays. Not the same subject or situation as your Nephew... but, as a parent of my kids... I do not like others telling me what to do with/for my kids... nor how to celebrate an event....
I do understand what you are feeling/saying here in your post... but your Nephew's family... are the one's to determine this. You/Your Husband... can remember your Nephew in your own private and personal way.... as well. Getting everyone to do so and in the same way... just might not be possible... without causing family conflict. And, family conflict... at a time like this... would not be.... something that would honor your Nephew's memory...
All the best,
Susan
That is such a difficult situation. I've lost my dad couple months ago and as time passes, the most I want to remember of him now is happy moments. At the beginning I didn't want anything to do with mentioning or looking at pics, etc. It probably would be best to just have the family get together and pray for strength to continue and to have maybe a teddy bear with his pic on it to remind you of his precious life. Sometimes that's all you can do! Pray!
A memorial celebration of his life is something you guys can do. Have a party for him and each discuss the things that he did to bring joy in your lives.
Nanc
I am so sorry for the loss of your nephew. You are such a wonderful aunt and SIL to be thinking of all of this. Anniversaries are very hard and I'm sure your SIL will appreciate that someone remembered the day. When it is the anniversary of my baby's death, we do a balloon release and we light a memorial candle. My children love sending the balloons up to their "big brother" Ryan......
I love the suggestions made by others about a donation or a plaque at a place like a zoo or some other area where your nephew liked to go...
Hugs and I hope the day is gentle on you and your family...
