Melt Downs and Smarting Off

It is normal for children to test the boundaries that you are putting in front of her. Believe me I know because I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 18 month old. I tell them that they are being naughty, and if they do not stop acting out then I will put them in their bed or room for a couple of minutes. I tell them that when they can behave appropriately then they are welcome to join us. Since I have been removing them from the area where they are acting out at, they have been changing their attitude, and the incidents have been fewer and farther apart. I hope that this can help you some. Good luck!

Although my granddaughter is a lot older, we started when she was around 8 and acting like a toddler. She is 13 now, and acts mostly like a 5 year old, yes she has mental issues. When she would start yelling and screaming, I would put her in her bed and tell her that when she could be quiet for 10 minutes, I would let her up. Sometimes it would take 30 minutes or more for her to be quiet, but she couldn't get up. Most the time, though, before the 10 minutes of quiet were up, she was asleep (this was my goal). When she gets upset like that, I know she's sleepy. We homeschool her because the schools don't make allowance for children that still need naps after lunch, and she wasn't learning in a classroom full of students, not even in the special classes. Even today at 13 years old, she will get upset, especially when we are doing math, and I will make her go to bed and take a nap. Mostly, she will. We got her a dog to help watch over her, a lab, and the child responds to the dog well. Also, soothing music will help her calm down. We have been raising her, and her sister, since they were babies. It takes a lot of energy!!!

It sounds like you need to work on getting her into a better schedule. Kids thrive on some sort of routine. I'm pretty anti-schedule myself. I like to be flexible. But, I have built in certain things that they can count on in our days. Whenever we vary from that routine I talk about it with the kids a great deal by telling them how today will be different. It's always good to warn kids when you are about to change activities. Transition between activities is one of the times of day this happens the most.

If you work harder at developing a loose schedule, you will be able to see that the little one gets a nap. At 18 months nap is very important.

Suzi

Aren't grandchildren a blessing? Even when they cry.

If she cries on and on, I would try to sit with her and comfort her and if that doesn't work put her in your bedroom and pull the door almost shut and tell her when she quits crying she can come out with you and grandpa. That usually does it.

If that doesn't work hand her to grandpa and go grocery shopping. Can you tell I'm a fair weather grandma?

She will outgrow it. I had to laugh about you being rusty, I know exactly how you feel. I'm 66 and my grandkids are mostly teenagers so I know how much energy a little one takes.
I don't know if I'd last very long with a toddler.

Have fun with her, the grandkids grow up lots faster than the kids did.

We always joked that my daughter hit the terrible 2's when she was a year old. She'd have huge melt-downs. What worked for me.....

If she gets loud, leave the room. Return once she's quiet and tell her what nice hands do...give hugs, high five's, clap clap clap, etc.....

Always tell her what she can do. Telling my daughter no and don't do that was just a waste of time. Instead I had to tell her, here play with this toy. Oh lets leave that alone and go outside to play.

Try to be as quiet as possible with her when she's in a melt-down. Use a calm voice and try to get her mind off whatever it is that upset her.

18 months is a fun age. She's exploring everything and so curious about everything too. Have a drawer or cabinet that is all hers, but filled with fun stuff of yours. Measuring cups, spoons, spatula, strainer, tupperware, etc. Stuff like this kept my daughter occupied for at least 20 minutes or so.

Read "What to expect the toddler years". It's full of helpful advise!

HI M.! I couldn't help but laugh while reading your request. I know that it is frustatrating. My son at the same age, took off his socks and threw them at me while I was driving home from the mall. Then he threw each shoe at me as well. When she turns 5 this will be a memory.
You can try to get her to nap or just rest with a favorite teddy bear before she reaches her melt down point. It is very hard to function when adults are tired, imagine how little people feel. We know what to do, but little children have sensory over-load and so they can't recognize when it is time to sleep or be entertained by something exciting that they see. All of their sensories are working at the same time. Try to be patient. Play soft music and dim the lights to help her calm down. Maybe try a bubble bath and then follow up with warm milk.
Your gentle touch my be just what she needs to fall asleep.
Keep trying! This to shall pass. God Bless!!

I can't comment yet on some of the acting out's, but I can say how important it is that your granddaughter gets sleep. Those naps are very important, and you have to recognize her sleepy cues and get her to nap then. If you wait too long after her cues, she will get a second wind, that will last for a bit, but she will be over tired all day and it will get harder to put her to bed too. Kids sleep patterns are very different from ours, and we need to address this early on, or it just gets worse as they age too. I hope this helps, and that you find the advice you need on smarting off, as I dread some of this as my child gets older.

a lot of kids will do this when their routine is messed up. Kids like to have a schedule and if they aren't on one they act out as they don't know how to handle their frustrations of the long day and inconsistentcy. If she isn't on a routine then encourage the parents to get on one. If she is only acting out at your house because her routine is off then try to keep her routine as close to her schedule at home as much as possible.

I have a niece that has ADHD and autism. We babysit her often. If we don't keep her on some sort of routine she has major meltdowns. We all live a very busy life and she is getting used to that but still has meltdowns occasionally when she gets overwhelmed by the busy schedule but keeping her sleep and eating routines at least on schedule have helped.

This is absolutely normal. You can help by making sure she gets plenty of rest over night (getting to bed on time) or making sure she gets her daily nap times. It could also take place if she is hungry. My 2.5-yr-old still has meltdowns, but really it's only when she's tired and/or hungry. If you figure out your granddaughter is hungry, feed her immediately. If it's exhaustion, take her in your lap (althoug she'll probably fight you initially) and just sit with her for awhile, rub her back, just comfort her. If it's exhaustion, she should calm down then. Good luck and try to keep your patience.

I think it's pretty normal. My 2y/o does it too, especially when he won't take a nap. My 7.5y/o does it still after a long day at school and a rough night! I just attribute it to the tired and cranky syndrome LoL Of course they'll still try to stay up as long and late as possible no matter how tired they are! Just be a bit more understanding toward your cranky lil one, and maybe stick her in bed a bit early. I noticed my little one will go to sleep better and earlier at times when he hasn't had a nap.... Good Luck!

Sounds like she is goading you for the wrong attention. The more you pay attention to that behavior the more she will do it. React only to the good things she does.. she will notice that you are not reacting to the negative stuff and eventually stop. Don't give up, good luck!

D.

This sounds VERY similar to my 2 year old. He started doing the same kinds of things at about a year and a half. He doesn't flick fingers on teeth, but he does hit things out of frustration in retaliation to being told 'no'. Time outs and 'punishments' don't work until they're older, they just don't understand. I've just started short time-outs with my son (my pediatrician told me not to start until he was 2) if he misbehaves, but whenever he hits things (couch, coffee table, floor) I say "Oh! Poor coffee table! That's not nice to hit it, hitting hurts!" Then I'll sort of lightly pet the table in a gentle way. Sounds silly, but it works to get the point across that hitting is not OK in any capacity.
I kind of think that some of this frustrated behavior on their part will last until they have words and the wherewithall to express themselves, so until then just try to use gentle but firm words when she acts out and lots of positive reinforcement when she does respond to what you tell her. I'm no expert and still struggling with the same issues, but good luck!

The melt downs are completely normal. That is her way of making sure you know she really needed her nap. I think some kids get angry, mine didn't. So, I can't help there.

I think this is just normal behavior for a toddler. My son is
just a few months older than your granddaughter and I have
been working with him on some of his "toddlerness." I know
that some of the screaming and tantruming in these little ones
is because they cannot yet communicate well. If I don't
understand what my son is trying to tell me, he gets so frustrated!! Sometimes he actually bangs his head on the wall. Don't worry, he doesn't do it hard! Tiredness is just
about a given for meltdowns, too. Does she get at least one
good 1 1/2 to 2 hour nap in the middle of the day? She should-at this age they need it and it solves all kinds of problems! The thing with flicking her teeth is just a
challenge to your authority. She is pushing to see what her
boundaries really are and what she can get away with. Things like that you just ignore. If she's not getting a rise out of
you it's not fun for her, and she'll stop. When she hits
something, she's expressing frustration or anger at being
disciplined. She needs to know that it's okay to feel angry,
but if she wants to pummel something to vent it, give her a
pillow or something. I have this great book called "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Harvey Karp. It helps so
much in understanding and communicating with these baffling
little ones. I was having some problems with my boy and this
book was recommended to me. At first I was skeptical, but then I tried the solutions and was shocked to find out that
they worked!! I hope that this helps, since a lot of what I
suggested came out of that book! Good luck, let us know how
it is going.

absolutly normal! do you have custody of her? is this when she visits? i say, you have to pick your battles. god bless you for having such an interest in your grandbaby! i think i would say to her (when she flick her teeth at you) "wow, that hurts gramma's feelings!" or "thats not very nice" good luck! meg

i've noticed with my son that it ALL comes down to sleep patterns. i make sure to keep him on his schedule, because when he misses or is late for a nap, inevitably he will begin to show his rear end, if you know what i mean. i would strongly suggest ignoring the finger-flicking - any attention will encourage her to do it again. it's not hurting anything or anyone, so i would ignore it and show her by example how to deal with anger and frustration. if she starts getting destructive (hitting or biting), what i've done with my son is firmly tell him that it hurts, and we don't do that. after correcting her, distract distract distract! it mostly works especially if she has a favorite toy, tv show, activity, that can catch her interest. punishment at this age is really hard because they just don't understand the concept yet. it just makes them madder and then it's harder the next time they act up. good luck and god bless, hope she settles down for you!

I have an 18 month old little girl too. My only advice, because this is what works for us, ignore it. I ignore my daughter when she has a fit, so now after about a month of trying to push my buttons, she seldom does it and so now I know it's when she is REALLY frustrated. And you are right, it's because she's tired and doesn't know how else to say it. I would just try to pretend it doesn't bother you. I started too late with my 4 y/o but it's working with him too.
They have both thrown fits while we are out in public and I just tell them, you aren't bothering me, and I don't care who it bothers, I need to get this errand done.
She's not the only toddler with an attitude so don't feel like it's a reflection on you or her parents.
And yes, it will go away if you help her stop, by not giving in to her every whim. Good luck! I promise you are not alone!

I'm really confused on where an 18month old would learn the flicking of teeth and screaming when in trouble. Sounds like she needs a spanking to me and time out. Do what you say. Don't make threats and not follow through.

This sounds exactly like my daughter at this age. The dr. said it is pretty normal. I noticed it was worse if she got too hungry or tired. I started tightening up her eating and sleeping schedule which seemed to really help. I also started time-out. She would sit there pouting or hitting the floor but when her 1 1/2 min. were up she was a much better child. I adjusted her nap by using her cues. When she started doing one thing after another that was not quite right, it was time to start the nap time ritual. I think it was her way of wanting more structure and discipline. When my mother-in-law watches my daughter she does not follow the schudule and keeps my daughter running until she is on overload. Then my daughter won't eat and has one melt-down after another. I have told my m-i-l if she sticks close to the schedule things are easier for everyone.
Good luck
M.

I would also make sure that she has some kind of structure throughout the day. It doesn't need to be much but kids like to know whats coming, it makes them feel secure. Also, I would definitely get her on a nap schedule. Kids that age REALLY need naps. Shoot...I'm grown and still need one! ;)

sounds like she really just needs to get her naps in. I have an 18 month old, and a 3 year old. They both really need their naps. I keep them on a pretty tight schedule. Little ones need the same pattern daily. they thrive on routine. Try putting her down in the morning before lunch. If that doesn't work, make sure she gets an afternoon nap. The hitting the table thing is just a way for her to show her frustration that she cannot communicate in another way-I wouldn't encourage it, I would just firmly tell her no.

Well she may not know what flicking her teeth means... i'm not even too sure I do... but if she's only 18 months she doesn't grasp that concept yet. But you can tell her that she is a sweet little girl, but sweet girls don't do that. If she does that, people won't think she's very sweet. That always works for me... putting it in terms of how others will feel about them. All kids want to be liked.

Also all kids are different. Discipline for one kid may not work for another. Whatever you do, though, get on it NOW so you are setting a precedent. All kids start out the same but how they are disciplined or not disciplined early on leads to resulting behavior later.

Good Luck!

Hi M.,
I too weigh in the part of they just need a lot of sleep. At 18 months, she needs 13 1/2 hours of sleep a day, check out this helpful link:
http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-much-sleep-does-your-chil...

Also, taking time to have some quite time when they are upset helps, snuggle up and read a book or too. They are at an age where they aren't a baby, aren't a big girl, not sure where they fit in.