Meanness?

I definitely see it. However, I still feel the MAJORITY of answers/moms are trying to be helpful and kind. But the rude ones definitely are harder to ignore. There is anonymity in the internet and sites like these, so I think it's an excuse for a lot of moms to be rude and judgmental. It takes a bigger person to be nice and try to offer helpful advice than to lash out and personally attack someone's character. Just remember that. :)

Some days, yes, I do have to hop off of here and go do something else.

I've had many positive interactions on this site. Most of them, in fact. But I've also had people be so incredibly rude and insensitive that it wasn't a question of "If you could only hear them saying it instead of reading it". Said or read, it was still a mean, cruel thing I would never say to anyone.

People sometimes get very heated and personal with each other on this forum regarding certain topics. Some of us can agree to disagree, some of us have to be right all the time. I think we all make mistakes and missteps on this forum-- I know I have. I occasionally have posted a question and could see that I did not have an audience of like-minded individuals. Some responders are intelligent in telling me my perception or perspective is unique and some feel it necessary to be as rude and belittling as possible. When that happens, I may have likely struck a nerve.

There are 2 or 3 people here that disagree with me on political and social issues. They are outright mean and nasty to me and others. I have definately considered deleting my account for that reason. But then I think I'm better off not giving in to bullies. I'd rather stand and fight for what I believe in.

I very rarely see an answer that I think is mean. Maybe I have a thick skin?

If I am feeling mean, in general or because I think a specific question is ridiculous, then I don't answer.

I have read some responses that were quite obviously mean...people should show some consideration even if you don't agree with them. Sorry to hear you had a bad experience. : )

Sometimes it bothers me. However, because our posts are simply words there is no way to read someone's tone or body language to help interpret what they are saying.

Yes some responses are very narrow minded and terse. I will avoid answering political questions though because those are so emmotionally charged and the personal attacks are not necessary. However, I've received some good on a many of my questions. My husband thinks so to :)

I've had a couple really blunt answers myself, but advice is advice nonetheless and we are asking for it. If it's not a helpful answer then I'd just ignore it. If it is something helpful, mean or not, it helps.

I agree with other posters that maybe some things that sound mean, arent really meant like that, some are worded to shake you up a bit. In my opinion I don't really care, I appreciate they took the time to help. If I found the answer offensive or feel attacked, I'll just move on to the next post, it's not worth it to complicate yourself even more with other people's judgments.

I hope you find this helpful.

I went back to read your post. I did see where a few people called you selfish but nothing that would have been bullying.

I will go back and read it again. Some agreed with you and some disagreed that is the flow of this site, in the attempt to disagree one might give a reason in their opinion which may have been where selfish came from.

I am not saying this to be mean but if I have heard that before from someone else than yes it would have colored my day because I would think, maybe that is true and I have some work to do. If I know that it is not true than I will keep it moving and throw up the deuce fingers to the poster.

I am sorry you were hurt by the responses and I hope that it does not stop you from asking a question in the future.

I also see where your were coming from in asking the question about gifts from others and they may not think it is a big deal to you and the fam if you do not send them gifts or cards on the Holidays.

I think some people are just very blunt, but not being intentionally mean. I also think some also don't mean sound mean intentionally, but they just don't know how to put their thoughts into writing.

I try very hard not to be blunt and to be very pc, and nice.
When I was responding to your question I erased and started over at least 4 times because I didn't want it to come across as mean.
But inflection, tone and expressions are not part of the internet.
I wanted you to really look at why you are feeling left out. What's going on that you are wearing your heart on your sleeve? I wish I could hug you and tell you it was ok!
Just a side note, I am not trying to be mean, and I am saying this very gently and with a loving heart, but you REALLY ARE SENSITIVE! If you weren't you would not have taken some of the comments as mean and you would not be feeling that your kids are missing out on presents from people they don't know.
I want to apologize if you took my comments as mean, because I really do not intend them to be mean at all.
Good luck and GOD BLESS!!
D.
I went back and looked at the other posting and cannot even find my answer, I remember typing it, but maybe I just ended up erasing. Funny??

I think there are a lot of moms on here that are just waiting to pounce on someone's question. I love this site, but sometimes I have to just log off and stay off for a while because I'm annoyed at how catty some of the responders are.

But there are a lot of wonderful people here too and lots of good advice. That's what keeps me coming back :-) I try to be gentle with my responses, and if I'm irritated with someone's question, I just don't share my opinion. I would imagine the harshly judgmental people on here aren't able to express themselves face to face with real people, so they do it anonymously.

Lol, I laugh at them. Oftentimes I am the "mean" one because I am very direct and don't always take the time to sweeten it up. I usually apologize in advance or give some kind of disclaimer, but sometimes the request seems so ridiculous to me that I want the effect of me right there in the room reacting to what I consider ridiculousness.

Like the woman who just wrote in today about accepting collect calls from a jailbird whom she has never met. He wants to be pen pals and she's concerned about being rude. I wouldn't mind shaking her.

I am 99% sure some people don't read the what happened. I have posted something in my what happened and then hours later someone says why don't you try......... I look at my what happened and think errrrr.

The other thing is we don't know all the posters. We don't know what their buttons are. My mom was a very toxic person. She kept a journal of every gift given to our family with what she felt the value of the gift was. She would only give gifts to those that she felt gave her a good enough gift. She was very open and mean about how she gave gifts. It made me sick. Your post reminded me of her attitude towards gift giving and as I said, my issues I know. I hope my post wasn't one of the hurtful ones.

I am not saying you are my mom or anything like her. I am saying our lives color our perceptions of everything we read and how we react.

I can say there are things I will not post on here because I know well enough what the responses will be and I don't really feel like being hurt. Other questions I don't want to be annoyed.

If you don't mind me hijacking your soapbox for a while I do find it interesting when people claim others here bully them. I could say someone bullies me but she doesn't, she will respond contrary to my opinion if I post something political but otherwise she does not. I think at times it is too easy to say this person always attacks me because that is what we remember and ignore that oh, wait, she only does it when I post this subject. Sort of like when the patient goes to the doctors office saying my head hurts when I do this and the doctors says then stop doing that. :)

Sometimes a person writes a response and I know it is about them. It can't be about me because that is not applicable at all. Sometimes I think somebody is off their meds;0). Sometimes I remind myself to reread every answer before posting so I don't come across as mean and rude.

I have refrained from asking a couple of very personal questions because it was a very sensitive subject and I didn't want to be asked 20 questions or given rude advice. I turned to real life friends for help figuring out what to do.

Honestly, its all in the eye of the one reading. It depends on the person's mood and the way that words effect them. Its hard to read something from a computer screen and not put your own spin on it and what you think someone is saying or thinking about you- To me, I just use the best judgement I can to say what I need to say in the nicest way that I can. I don't deliberatly hurt people or act mean. My intention is to help other moms and to make their life easier if I can. Its all about perspective to me. If you go into a post thinking that people will be mean and unkind, of course you will have some posts seem like they are mean and offensive etc. I think for the most part, every mom here has good intentions and the ones who don't, we know who they are and don't let the comments bother us. Hang in there!!!Don't let someone over the internet make you feel a certain way--- take the advice that is helpful to you and let the rest of it go.

M

I think what happens is we do not post about a problem unless we already have VERY strong feelings about it. So we're already a little upset and we're hoping everyone agrees with us, sympathizes with us and takes our side if there are sides to be taken. It's easy to be too senstive when we're talking about our children, our families, our marriages! I once felt bad about responses to my question, just cuz I didn't feel "understood" and sympathized with enough. No one criticized me. So yea, it feels bad when people don't agree with us and take the other side. in this case you asked if you were being too sensitive, some people said yes, some people said No. I do not see any posts saying you were terrible and greedy -I don't think those words were ever used.