Today a friend and I were having a discussion about another friend looking forward to the "me time" she will be getting when her son goes off to preschool for 16 hours a week. The friend I was having the discussion with and I are both home-schooling, so we don't get the luxury of having some place to send our children off too.
In any case, my friend asked me, " don't you ever just want 'me time,' don't you ever just want to be alone?" This same friend and I recently discussed starting a book club. I organized it, even had the first book picked out, but then I bailed, as I am planning on having a third child, and my current bi-monthly book club is already too much for me.
I know my friend thinks I'm nuts. She misses work, she has her "only," and is busy enough. I have my two, and want a third. My friend misses being a DINK. I miss being alone with my books, my thoughts....laying around just enjoying the life of the mind.
But you know what? I don't really need alone time. What I wish I had, more than anything, was truly meaningful friendships. I have tons of momma friends, and a few that I click with really well, but I still feel alone. I feel like I just don't have the time to hang out with the people I truly enjoy, and the people I do get to hang out with just leave me feeling sad and alone.
My father told me at a very early age that I would be very lucky if I could count on one hand 5 true friends. My husband is a true friend, and I have a few others, but they all live far away. I have one local friend that I feel will be a true friend, but we are just too busy to connect.
What do you wish you had more of? More 'me time,' more friends? What do you feel like is missing because of being a mom?
In short, what loss do you feel, if any, that makes you sad?
Well I've got a pack of sisters (3 of them), and we are all over each other all the time.
When my kids were little, I guess I daydreamed a little about me time. But now they're all teenagers I've got all the me time in the world and wish I had a toddler or two running around, sigh.
No idea WHAT to do next.
:(
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I think your dad was right.
You know the saying about people coming into your life for a reason, or a season....
I think if at 50 or 70, you can count 5 dear friends, you're doing well!
I never get enough time with my friends!
Now that "my only" is in school and I work PT, I get more "me" time than ever....but friend time--never enough!
Here's a shortcut--the people that leave you feeling alone and sad--they're not friends--they're "acquaintances" or "friends of circumstance"...
Sooooo.....MAKE TIME for that "true friend" you have no time for--girlfriends are WORTH THE INVESTMENT!
What I have found in my life is that only guys get that one best friend. I just don't think women are wired for it or something. I think women are just not able to say I have a friend, I am good.
Anyway to answer your question, nothing. Throw a magic wand my way and I want nothing. I am a rather content woman.
At first I thought I wouldn't relate to how you feel as I was one of those "I want more 'me' time" people but now my kids are older so I have a bit more and like you, what I really would like are some closer friends. I have a BFF since I was 10 but we live thousands of miles away from each other. I'm still glad I can almost always pick up the phone though. I have other good long distance friends too but I'd like some more local ones. I miss going out with a group of friends and just laughing and laughing. I met one mom yesterday who left me puzzled. Our daughters have become friends so will have their first playdate tomorrow. Turns out the mom and I have an incredible amount in common. Unusual in a way. Yet after about 20 min, I realized she hadn't asked me one question. Such obvious ones - like why did I move here (we both lived in the same place previously) etc. I work full-time so don't get a chance to meet all that many moms so yes, sometimes it makes me a bit sad.
I have come full circle in my life. When I was a kid, I thought I wanted a husband and children and didn't care which order they came in. Then when I got married and had a baby at 18 (both), I put all my efforts into them. Early on I learned that I could do nothing without the love of God in my life and that there was so much I wanted to know about God. But the world of being a mom and trying to make a troubled marriage better, stole my desire to be that close to God. I simply couldn't do it all.
Through the years I spent quite a bit of time reading, homeschooling, starting and stopping hobbies, and I tried many times to get back to my true love, studying the word. I've tried so hard to have it ALL. Most of it is one giant distraction from what's really important.
Over the last year I've sliced and diced just about everything I don't need out of my life. Bit by bit, I stopped watching tv, stopped listening to most audio books, stopped reading anything that's just fun or fictional, and now I study the word every single chance I get.
What I would truly like is a few close email study partners. I simply have no desire to start in person relationships with people that would have unrealistic expectations of time I don't have to spend shopping, going out to eat, seeing movies...etc.
I agree with you. I wish I had more meaningful friendships. My best friend since I was 8 is still one of my rocks and I consider my husband and sister in that group too. My other friends are fair-weather and they come and go or it's more superficial or casual. I think it's hard to find that connection with another woman, especially when we are all so busy or aren't looking for the same things in our friendships.
Isn't it funny that so many of us are looking for the same thing, yet we never seem to find it in each other?
real friends! this is a great post adn i agree with it almost totally.
sometimes my only drives me nuts, but it didn't happen until she was 8.
a true best friend that I could confide in and be me and not somebody that I am not.
Relationships beyond the one you have with your husband are very important. I went years without having good friends for years, and I really felt like I was missing something. I had to go through the relationships that weren't right, some were even toxic, but I weeded through them and found those moms who were just like me. Very few personalities can really truly mesh and create meaningful realtionships. You will find those people, but you will have to go through several!
I don't really need any me time. I have lots of play dates with my friends. But what we do every single month is leave the kids with the dads and have a girls night. We usually go to a movie or at times we've just gone to starbucks and talked for hours and hours. It IS good to get away from motherhood.
I can totally relate to what you are saying. Though I can always use more "me" time, it is still so nice to have at least one great girlfriend that you are totally comfortable with and can say anything without fear of judgement or her telling someone else. As I get older, I have realized how valuable life is and how my time is - with my kids, husband and the people I love. Therefore, I am really picky about who I spend it with. So I spend time with the people that I really want to spend time with and gracefully decline invitations that I don't want to attend. I am still very pleasant and do show face with all the other moms, but I try to keep a comfortable distance. I don't want to have a lot of obligations with people that I know I will never have that bond with. I miss having that kind of friendship but I don't want to settle for less. Life is too short to give up time with my loved ones to spend it with casual acquaintances.
I can relate to both sides. I want "me" time even though I work FT, but I really would love that time with my good friends. One of my BFFs lives just a few blocks away, but she is single and childless and has a CRAZY busy life, that, unfortunately, she won't fit me into. Our other BFF lives in Cali, so it's hard to be "with" her, but we email, text or call often. I spent 12 days with her in April and it was the best time for both of us.
I personally don't want any more kids as mine is enough of a challenge, but I need time to be a woman and to find myself and relationships again. I have mommy friends that are all friends with each other and yet, I am not included...but I am also one of the only ones that works.
I also need time with my DH which doesn't happen.
I feel sad that I have lost myself and my relationships from lack of time and energy. My situation is a bit different having a DD and a DH with ADHD so life is much more challenging than I EVER expected. But, I wanted a child and so I work with it as I can. I am looking forward to her growing up more and not being so dependent on us...not sure it will happen, but I can hope.
