Mean People?

So sorry that you are receiving negative feedback. Being pregnant seems to invite others to provide comments and advice that do not always seem to be shared in the nicest way. Try to keep a sense of humor. Sometimes it works well to exaggerate a bit, and smile, and people get the idea without you being unpleasant. I.e., "yes, I'm trying to gain 100 pounds with this one" or "thanks for noticing, I love being pregnant and I'm glad it shows so early!" Also, some stores are now providing parking for expectant mothers and if you are showing, you certainly can use it! Congratulations and keep smiling!

Isn't that offense?! For the most part, you probably just have to ignore it. I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my daughter. I had people telling me I looked ready to pop when I was 6 months along. Sometimes if it wasn't someone I saw often, I responded by saying I wasn't pregnant, only fat or that I'd had my baby a couple of months ago. They generally didn't say anything else after that! :o)

I havent read all of the responses, but I wanted to say this.

When I was pregnant with my daughter I had a gianormous belly from 3 months on. I actually lost weight, but my belly had no where to go but out since I am so short lol. She was my third pregnancy, first successful one and I couldnt have been prouder. Its very normal to show quicker after your first pregnancy.

I think in general when people make comments its not about your weight, its about how delighted they are to notice that you're pregnant. So embrace it :) Its the one time in your life that you get to have a gut and still be beautiful! When people comment say "I know! Isnt it wonderful?" and it might just perk you up as well.

this is just my approach to such things and might not fit you but here goes - I would say yes, isn't it wonderful, my baby is growing like a weed - he's going to be a little bruiser or she's going to be a tall gorgeous model, or whatever. You could say thanks for noticing, we are so happy to be having a baby. Or you could say, that hurts my feelings when you say things like that. Or you can smile and think to yourself this is to teach me patience and remind me that words can hurt and to choose my words wisely or you can surround yourself with pictures of all the pregnant movie stars who go to great lengths to emphasize their pregnancy or you can say wow, it's true what they say about pregnancy making you more sensitive.
good luck - JET

I've never understood why people feel they can make any comments they want about a woman's body when she's pregnant ... people say all sorts of rude things and ask questions that are none of their business (you're getting big, are you going to breastfeed, are you sure you're just having one, etc.)! It drove me crazy, too!

I think there should be a law when women are preggers that the only thing anyone can say to them is that they look lovely, healthy and congrats! ;) Unfortunately, people just talk before thinking ... especially regarding pregnant women! Try not to take it personally. You're supposed to gain weight when you have a baby ... that means that your baby is getting bigger! ;) I showed a lot earlier with the second, too ... I think your body just remembers a lot quicker what it's supposed to do! ;) Good luck!

My sister had this problem right away too. She couldn't keep the pregnancy secret until 12 weeks like she wanted because she was showing so much by 8 weeks- we had never seen anything like it. It was because she is short-waisted and small-framed and there was no hiding it. She always just told people that she was gaining exactly what she was supposed to and her doctor said she right on track. She wouldn't actually say anything nasty, but she made it pretty clear their advice wasn't wanted and most people backed off. If people ever told her "Well I only gained..." she would always just say "Well isn't that nice for you" I'm sorry people are making you feel bad. Sometimes just telling someone "That is hurtful, why would you say that?" is enough to make them feel bad and realize they should keep their opinions to themselves.

I went through a similar experience during my last pregnancy. I don't know what it is about some people -- they think that because you're pregnant, that gives them license to say whatever they want, no matter how hurtful (intentional or not).

When people made comments about my size or how big my belly was getting I'd say, "My doctor says I'm healthy and the baby is doing just fine, which is the most important thing. So if my doctor doesn't have a problem with my size, I'm not worried."

Most importantly, try not to let it get to you. In the scope of things, it's all about the baby anyway. And I'm sure he/she doesn't want his mommy to get upset over the remarks of a few idiots. :)

Good luck and stay positive!

Maybe you should tell them that you're not pregnant, it's just a really large parasite and then burst into tears. Just kidding...But really, I know it's hard not to take things like that personally, but pregnancy is the one time in life you can gain a lot of weight and it doesn't really matter! Just keep in mind that people make comments like that either because they are jealous, or they're just facinated with pregnant bellies. But remember, that pregnancy is beautiful and you're gaining weight to keep your baby healthy!

You could always say "I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?" but that might constitute biting their head off. I did find that I started showing alot sooner with my second son and the dr said that was normal. The best thing to do is probably just ignore the comments as best you can and rejoice in the life growing inside of you. People are just rude, there's not much you can do about it.

i don't know what you could say to these people, only this word of encouragement. when i was pregnant with my daughter, i gained 11 pounds in the first three months. i was horrified. when i delivered, i had only gained 17. so i gained a ton at first and then almost nothing for the rest of the pregnancy. just remember that if you are eating right and staying active, your weight will stay healthy. congratulations on your pregnancy.

Congrats! I had to write b/c I feel for you. The things people said to me when I was pregnant bothered me a lot too. One time I said something back when someone said I look like I am about to Pop! I said I am only 3 months, which was a big lie and I could tell she felt bad by the look on her face. Like someone else mentioned it only made me feel bad when I said something rude back. I think people love seeing pregnant women and find it so different and exciting that they want to comment on it. Usually they just blurt of anything. When I think of all the stupid things I have said without thinking It helps me understand and forgive them. I am 11 weeks pregnant myself so I am sure I will be getting lots of these "comments" soon too. Maybe I'll have some fun and use some of the funny responses you got. Good Luck and enjoy!

im not sure if people are just calling you fat or if they are saying wow you are getting big fast! if its the latter of the 2 respond with something like i know isnt it wonderful! i cant wait to see the little guy/girl! that way it reminds you that even tho your belly seems to be getting larger by the min that there really is something wonderful happening in there! hope this helps!

1st if you are gaining weight that rapidly, have they checked to see if you are having more than one? Second, your body has already been through it once, so it is easier for it to stretch. Third when I got pregnant with my third child, a few days after I took the pregnancy test, I couldn't even get my jeans fastened anymore! I had several people make comments about my size, but mostly because I had three children pretty close. We chose to do it that way. My children are now 11, 13, & 16. My husband is a twin and he has a brother that is 1 year 1 month younger. My sister is 6 years older and my brother is 8 years older than me. We wanted our children closer together. Just ignore them and enjoy your pregnancy. It's no one's business.

Hi J.,
Give them the evil "Eye" look, and walk away.
Good luck and God Bless, J.

Just walk away. They just don't understand.

Like unwanted advice sometimes the easiest way is to smile through it and go on. I know that it hurts, but most people are only trying to be helpful. I at one point resorted to getting snippy with one certain person who made comments about my size at 4 months pregnant. Sometimes it feels better to just be rude. I know that sounds mean, but sometimes it works. Whatever you do try to avoid stress. It's not good for your baby. Your body is working overtime, and pregnancy is when a woman is the most beautiful!! Don't let people convince you otherwise!

I would let them know that their remarks are hurtful. Just explain that you understand that their comments may not be meant to be hurtful or mean but that in the end they hurt your feelings. Staying silent only opens the door to more remarks being made. If no one knows that these remarks are hurtful to you, they cant change or stop them. Simply say, "I'd like it if you wouldn't make those type of comments or remarks because they are hurtful to me during this joyous time in my life". If they can't understand after asking nicely, then you have the right to bite someone's head off! LOL!

I don't think you should bother trying to explain showing early and all of that--most people who make comments without thinking are not worth the time it would take to explain. Just a dumbfounded stare on your part--one that silently says, "what the hell did you just ask me??"--may be enough to shut them up, but if they're still clueless just smile and say, "Yes, well that's what happens when you grow a baby!" Good luck!

Oh my gosh- I totally went through that the first time around. People can be soooo rude! Honestly, I never felt any better about it when I repsonded negatively. I would suggest two things- people really do not know what a pregnant woman looks like at that point in pregnancy. Looking at belly pix on line made me feel "normal". The second it to come up with a handful of responses about the actual pregnancy that will make you BOTH feel good. something like, "Pregnancy really is a miracle isn't it?" or "Isn't it such an amazing thought to think that I am growing this person inside this big ol belly".

I hope that helps. It really helped me (especially during swim season)! Cheers!!!!

PS- If you really really want to feel better I will e-mail you the pix my husband took the day before I gave birth to my first son and a photo of what I looked like 9 months later... you will be able to take off the weight so don't let it bother you.

This is a hard one. Not only do people make observations about your body, they more than likely want to touch your tummy. Yikes, plus hormones, plus getting bigger fast because you've already had a child. As far as a reaction goes, I guess that is going to be your conscious choice. Since you've realized it's happening already, I'd say it's your choice to respond to these kind of things the way you want. It's your time to be anyway you want! Blame it on the hormones, you get a free pass to react to comments anyway you want. As far as weight goes, you and everyone in the world know it isn't really a weight issue. You've seen those women who just have a "belly", then there are those who gain everywhere. This weight gain has really nothing to do with your self image right now, it's really two people sharing one body, right? Either way, say what you feel at the moment, especially now that you realize comments are going to come your way, like it or not. Good luck Jen, and by the way ...CONGRATULATIONS and I bet you look lovely.

well, you are just stocking the 'fridge for the new baby.....
each pregnancy is different, whether inside or out, hormone levels, stresses ( you don't have ANY stress , do you ? )
and folks are more likely to say outloud what would have been kept to themselves in years past.
Wear your flat shoes, take those vitamins, eat for the two of you and should someone annoy you....just laugh.....My neice is a big believer in "The Secret". check your local library, it has more to do with life, but helps you see that "water off a duck's back" may not be a bad thing. Most of all, be happy. Better to hatch "Big Bird" than "Oscar the Grouch"...
S.

I was totally freaked out by how quickly I gained weight with my 2nd child. I had my playgroup tell me the more kids you have the quicker things go. My body already knows the process of making a baby so it's on cruise control with the second. I also found out the pains while breastfeeding are stronger than with my first child. PMS has become a bit worse too. It sucks, but my friends and OB said nature has it's ways. When people said comments that could be taken rude I would say "thanks for pointing that out too me. I didn't realize how huge I was." I would say it while laughing a bit and that usually shut them up.

Some people put others down to prop themselves up. Keep in mind how pathetic that they are.

Good luck with your pregnancy!

J.

Dear J.,
I liked the remark, "I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?" if someone is really being stupid about it. But personally I think pregnant women are beautiful. If I were to comment on someones pregnant belly, it would be with admiration and even envy. So, are you sure the comment was said in malice, not admiration? Maybe its just your perception, but people can be cruel at times. Without hearing the comment itself, I can't judge the intent, I'm just saying, maybe, just maybe, it was meant to be a compliment not a slur.
The Bible refers to Mary being, "great with child" I think this is a lovely way to put it, great, not fat!
When my daughter was pregnant many people commented on how big she was, they joked, "are you sure theres not two in there?" She responded "No, I'm not, I haven't had an US yet, but we think there are at least two in there" (There was twins, finally confirmed by US at 34 wks) So the joking about her weigh gain didn't hurt her feelings at all.
More comebacks to a rude remark about wt gain would be, "I thought I'd have an elephant (or whale, or other large animal) for a change." or "I'm trying for the Guinness book of world records."
If the comment was well meaning, but thoughtless, instead of downright rude, I like the response of saying you are very pregnant and very hormonal, and would appreciate them not bringing up such a sensitive topic.
M.

I think it depends on the person who is doing this. You probably know some of them personally and may have a loving relationship with them. I honestly think that most people are in awe of growing babies and it such a miracle that they can't help but share in the joy by touching or saying something. Actually, I think it's a compliment. Hang in there and let's pray for a beautiful, healthy baby. God Bless

J. - I know how you feel. I only gained a total of about 32 pounds but felt enormous because I wasn't a petite person to begin with. I did not enjoy the comments made, mostly by my mother-in-law and I know I wasn't as big as I thought I was but her comments were still bothersome. People are just happy for you; whether they know you or not and make comments that aren't made to be hurtful, but are. Also, keep in mind that you wanting to "bite someone's head off" is more hormonal than anything. Just be happy with the little person inside you because regardless of whether you are 100 or 1000 lbs, they will love you anyway. Good luck! and Congratulations!

Dear J.,

It is true, some people are just mean, insensitive jerks. I guess that some of them are secretly jealous. Your response just depends on your personality and what "works" for you. My response would be "I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?" or "I'm obviously showing a little more than you - when is your baby due?" and just walk away. Another good one would be "I can't believe you would say something so mean to me - I've heard people are nice to pregnant ladies." The high road would be to just ignore it, but I find it hard to believe these people are not aware of what they are doing. You do show more quickly with a second, or third! child. The muscles in your abdomen are already stretched and just seem to "pop" out. If you do think they are not being intentionally mean, just tell them that your doctor assures you that the baby is healthy and that's your main focus right now. Maybe they'll get the hint. Congratulations on your new addition! L.

Awww.. Poor thing. I know what you mean!

If you know the people fairly well, just tell them straight out that you are sensitive and it hurts your feelings.

They will most likely respect that. If they don't, feel free to bite their head off! :-)
Don't be afraid to tell them how you feel. Just try it calmly first, then freak out! haha

Well, if its a man u could always say " wow arent u lucky its not u"!!!lol. For women, just say u came by it honestly, that u have love growing, that u cant wait to see what wonder will arrive in ur world to make it a better place. Good luck sis, I had 4 and this is how I handled them.

Your pregnant! Happy about it I presume. It is an act of nature that you belly will get bigger! Not everyone is the perfect 10 always. Maybe you have never had a weight problem before and you don't now and you are one of those people that gloats about being thin. Well, the people that are saying things are just reacting to the pregnancy; as should you. Get your feelings off your shoulders. When the baby comes you will be yourself again. If you continue to "bite people's heads off" you will just make enemies of the friends that care about you. They don't mean anything by any of it.

Tell them you are pregnant with sextuplets. Then walk away. That will shut them up. Of course they will probably follow you after that, but just smile and walk away.

You might just say something about showing early because you are so small. I showed very very early with my first because I was only about 105 lbs when I got preg w/ her. I had a little "bump" by 2 months because there was just nowhere for her to go but out. By 9 mos I looked like a scrawny little waif with a basketball stuck under my shirt because I showed absolutely nowhere but my belly. Just remember that your belly is growing because of this precious baby and it doesn't matter what anyone says. As long as doc thinks you are healthy, the heck w/ everyone elses opinion.

I am pregnant with my 5th child and my littlest one is only 17 months(Due August). I often have people comment on my belly and if I am having twins! I am a proud pregnant woman and I eat good and I don't let these comments get to me. I respond with a smile and say I am making a healthy baby and I like my belly. I did nude photo of my belly and plan to do it again with this baby, pregnancy is a blessing and some of us get BIG quick, be proud and love your belly and what it represents, new life and a blessing from God. Keep your head up and your belly out-
L.,

I Love all the posts, The girls are such an encouragement!

Well, if they were ever pregnant they would know too that the body doesn't forget... mine didn't forget with 14 YEARS between my 2....I was like the one mom, who took a PG test and shortly thereafter, I couldn't get into my jeans.

Some people didn't learn what their MOM taught them or she failed to teach them so they are ignorant...

That is If you don't' have anything NICE to say, then don't say anything at all.

I like the one about the sextuplets. :)

Keep in mind too, that if you just quickly away, they will dumbfounded.

Do what is best for you and your family.

Hi J. my name is J. and I would like to say to you about your situation. I would just let them know that you don't like the belly joke and do it in a nice way and just ask them to stop please. Some people don't know when to stop until you tell them. Pray before you do it and God will meet you there at the time you do it. Really He has already done taken care of the situation before you say anything but He is just waiting on you. God bless!!!

J.,
The responses so far have been great ... I'd make a list and use them all! And it's true, the muscles are stretched a bit with number two, so things fall into place more quickly ,,, the body has incredible memory.
If it's someone you know who is saying something, you might try looking at them with a confused expression and say, "You know I'm pregnant, right? And you know pregnant women are extremely emotional, right?" Then shake your head and barely whisper, "So why would you make such a comment about my weight/size?" Then walk away. Leave them holding their own inappropriateness as they look at the back of your head.
People can be thoughtless jerks. But this way you have said nothing rude, you have put the facts back where they belong.
So add this one to your growing list, and let us know what happens.
And congrats on your impending arrival!

First of all, try not to lose your sense of humor. Secondly: What on earth can these clods be thinking? What business is it of theirs?

I'd recommend, with tongue firmly in cheek, turn it all right back around on them. A few suggestions of what you might say when someone comments on your growing belly.

"Really? You think I'm large? But I've already lost 80 pounds." Then fake a tearful outburst.

"I just found out. I'm six weeks pregnant. Octuplets!"

"Hm! You're right. I am looking a little bigger. Do you think a diet might help?"

"Oh, don't worry about it honey. I understand my mom went through the same thing when she was pregnant. But thanks for asking."

As a last resort, just be as blunt with them as they are with you.
"While I appreciate your concern, I am well aware that I have gained a great deal of weight with this pregnancy. I am very sensitive about this; I, too, am very concerned and I find such unsolicited reminders painful."
Remember, if people are going to be so insensitive, it is perfectly okay to let them know they are being so.

Oooh, Katy! Great comeback!

Hi J.,
I know what you mean. I am a small woman but I gained 50 lbs with my son. I heard it over and over from friends, family, and my docs. Don't worry about it too much- pretty soon you won't really care what they think anymore. I used to bother me in the beginning, but soon I was too tired to care what they thought anymore! Congrats on your pregnancy!

I don't want to tell you to be rude - but be rude! Either say "Really?" or whatever mean thought comes to your head. People, even if they aren't meaning to be rude, need to learn to think before they speak. BE MEAN!

J.:
I can not believe how insensitive and rude people can be and I hurt for you because this is an exciting, wonderful, blessed time for you to enjoy! Also, your son is old enough to hear and pick up on improper messages about weight too - I am a pediatric nurse and I can't tell you how many children, boys included, have eating issues, anorexia, etc. because of our adult comments. I have always battled with my weight and I remember my own daughter saying she had to go exercise after she ate an ice cream cone when she was about 6 or 7 years old. I was horrified at the messages I sent her!!

Just another short bit of advice becuase, if you are like me and have worried about extra pounds in the past, this is NOT the time to worry. Enjoy your pregnancy and do not diet! Try to eat healthy. I have learned a lot about nutrition and am still learning. I work with a health and nutrition company and have recently released 25 pounds when nothing else has worked. I can help you with some healthy suggestions from my company, if you desire, during pregnancy. And if you desire to drop a few pounds after delivery, feel free to contact me and I will coach you through what I do.
Best of luck and don't let those crazies ruin your happy time!
Blessings,
E., RN

That is horrible! I have never heard anyone personally make comments of someone to their face! Do they know you are pregnant??? First thing to think of is: "yes, it is growing and I am SOOO excited!" I absolutely was proud of every pound I gained. It meant that my baby was healthy and growing! Your belly is your reminder that you have a miracle inside you. Have you started rubbing your belly yet? Most pregnant women rub their belly a lot and that is a sure sign that it is a baby and not a fat belly. If someone IS rude, whether they mean to be or not, give them a crazy look and say, "what did you just say?" then, when they repeat it, maybe they will re-word it to make it nicer. If they know you are pregnant, enjoy it! Smile and say, "yes, now I have an excuse to eat more!" :o)

Be happy, that belly is amazing beautiful and creating your next little miracle!

W. M

I, too, gained a lot of weight with my son. When people would make jokes, I would say "I make humans. What's your superpower?"

When I was pregnant the first time I only gained 21 lbs but I was in maternity clothes by 3 months. When people would make comments or give me that look, you know the one I'm sure- when they're tryin to decide if you're pregnant or just fat (I hated the look more than the comments), I would beat them to the punch with something like " I think this kid's gonna be a monster" with a pat to my belly. When he came out tipping the scales at 8 lbs 15 oz. I at least had an explanation. I gained 40 lbs with my second son and relived those comments and looks. My response then was something like "Big Brother was almost 9 lbs., little one here is trying to break the record". #2 weighed at 9 lbs 4 oz.

Too much weight gain is a real concern though because of higher risks. I had gestational diabetes during both pregnancy, luckily mind was mild and just controlled by diet. Our bodies have a mind of their own during pregnancy. Just make sure you choose healthy over junk when raiding the frig or pantry and you and your baby will be healthy and happy. That's all that matters anyway.