Mean Mom at Open Play

At 18 months old, a child does not play interactively anyway... they do what is called "parallel play." This is developmental based. It is normal. They do not know, all social "rules" yet nor are they experts at social situations yet.
They don't even communicate fully yet and their emotions are not even fully developed yet.
And they get, very tired at places like this and overly stimulated. When tired or there is too much noise, they get tweaked. And fussy.

Meh...who knows?
I certainly wouldn't bring it up next time, but I'd keep a closer eye on my kid.
You might have missed something OR the other mom was having a bad day.
Hindsight being 20/20, you probably should have asked what happened.

Hi B.,

There is no such thing as a bully under the age of 2. Bullying requires planning, foresight, intentional infliction of pain or suffering. 2 year olds are simply not even remotely capable of these required higher functions.

If she approaches you again, I would ask her to be specific. Chances are she won't be able to accomodate your request and that will disarm a woman who clearly lacks her own set of social skills and boundaries. If she persists, you can always ask management to step in...assuming this is like one of those play house/coffee bar/jungle java type place...

Lastly, I wouldn't apologize again; you have done nothing wrong. She clearly needs some boundaries. Pardon me if my tone is harsh. I am just feeling a little angry for you and trying to empathize. Best of luck, S. :-)

18 month olds cannot be bullys. If the lady can't understand that, she is a total crackpot, stay away from her and don't worry about it. Your response was good. I'm sorry you feel that way.

Playgrounds/play areas don't work so well for toddlers.
They have no sense of how to play with others.
They hit, kick and grab.
If the play ground is almost empty, it should be fine.
3-4 yrs is a better age (although 3 is still pretty rough).
Her behavior for an 18 month old is pretty typical - which is why she's not ready for this yet.
I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable but the other mother wasn't being a bully (although she didn't express herself well or diplomatically).
Little kids and big kids mixing in play areas often makes for problems.
I've seen playgrounds zoned for different age groups (2-4), (5-8) (9-12).
Below 2 isn't even mentioned.
Maybe a less busy place for your kids to run might be a good idea until they are a year or two older.

No such thing as an 18 month old bully. They don't have the issues yet that make them want to make themselves feel better but making someone else feel smaller or less worthy.

So, do not back down. If the mother speaks to you again, ask her to be extremely specific. Say, "Don't label the child, describe the incident. Don't criticize me, just give me the facts of the behavior." If you missed that her child and your child were together, you can thank her for the information and say, "Thank you for telling me." Nothing about what you're going to do about it or why it happened. Nothing.

If you don't get anything satisfactory, say, "Well, perhaps your child and my child should not play together." Or, since they weren't together, say "Then it's a good thing they haven't been near each other, as my daughter has been playing with her cousin." (It may be interesting for this woman to know that these 3 kids are not all your bio kids - as if that's her business anyway.) If she rants about your parenting, suggest that neither of you are watching kids while she vents. Then move on.

The purpose of play is for kids to play and to learn to get along. That is not achieved by helicopter parenting, with a parent supervising and correcting and directing every breath and every step. If that mom wants to live that way, that's her problem. You could also say that "Kids play and things happen. If that makes you uncomfortable, perhaps this isn't the best place or the best time of day for you and your child."

Don't engage her further. Let her know that you have heard her. And try to figure out what makes you so uncomfortable. Are you afraid she will cause a scene? That she'll yell at your daughter? That she's right? That she'll report you to the management? Knowing the answer will help you decide how to proceed.

No one can make you feel guilty without your permission.

18 months? A bully? Does this woman even know what she's talking about?

Just let it go.

If I were you, I wouldn't say anything to the Mom next time I saw her. If she approaches you again all you can do is ask her to explain what the problem is and then deal with it as you see fit. But next absolutely try to keep a closer eye on the 'supposed bully' (but at 18 months, she CANT be a bully, she IS an 18month old!!) and watch for any behavior that needs to be addressed. That is all you can do.

~I can see both sides. Nobody likes to have their children called out AND nobody likes to watch their child be treated meanly by another child, especially when the other parent doesn't seem to notice.

I would just watch more closely next time and see if your child is anywhere near her or her child. She might be a hover mom--worse than helicopter parents. Hoverers stay right next to their child every second and do not let the child do anything without their instructions, even moving to do something else. There was a mom at the park when my daughter was about 2 1/2. I let my kids play, staying about 5 feet back and stepping in if necessary. This other mom was practically on top of her little boy who looked to be about 3. She would not let him climb up on the platform to get to the slide without her holding his hand all the way and then when he wanted to go down the slide, she made him wait until she was next to the slide and held his hand going down. I let my daughter go on the platform and walk to the slide herself and then I waited at the bottom for her to go down to catch her if needed. This mom told me I needed to "take better care of your kid". I heard her tell another mom that she needed to take her son home because he was mean. He got mad and yelled when another kid knocked him down. had nothing to do with her own child at all.

Tell her to get a life and stay out of yours.

I would watch my child more closely and see how she interacts with other children and how the other children react to her. I have removed my DD from play areas at the mall because while a child may have meant no harm, my child had enough of that behavior. I have also intervened when my child was (for example) trapped in a tunnel by other kids. Not necessarily mean spirited but she didn't want to play their game and wasn't able to convey her discomfort.

Now, if you watch your kid for a few sessions and you do not see the same behavior, and the woman talks to you again, you can say, "I'm sorry, but I've been watching my child and I do not see the behaviors you describe. Perhaps our children just don't make good playmates for each other." DD doesn't get along with every child. There's a boy at her school that likes to play superhero and she thinks he's too rough. So I tell her that she should find someone who likes to play the way she does.Not a concept your child will get at 18 mo. but you can redirect her if you feel she's not in the right play group.

You might also observe the mom, too, and find out what she considers "watching" her child. Some people never look up from their cell phones and have no idea what their kid is doing. But while I do keep an eye on my DD, I also prefer to let her play vs being right there next to her, which might come off as "not watching" to some people. Her own behavior may give you a clue.

I hope I don't step on any toes- I feel that the term bully is being overused. It's a cause that deserves attention-but we also have to let our children learn to get along with others. Don't let that overprotective mama ruffle your feathers. Unfortunately, that probably won't be the last time you have an unsatisfactory exchange with another parent. Shrug it off. I suspect many people think my parenting style is too laid back. It's a tough would out there, and I want my kids to be able to deal with any type of person and situation. I watch and listen, but don't step in unless I feel I need to. I have four, though- so I can't catch everything. In a situation like yours I would question all the kids on the way home, remind them of their manners, and put it to rest.

Soooo, first of all...seems these days that any kind of confrontational behavior is called bullying. I don't agree with that.
She could have put things differently, yes. But I wouldn't call the bullying.

If her goal was to gain a response from you, she failed in it. Don't let her make you feel bad. She may not understand the difficulty of managing more than 1 kid. She may be oversensitive, etc....
Just keep doing what you're doing. Sounds like you're on top of things to me.
And if she approaches you again, (and if you're comfortable with it), I would invite her to correct your child if she sees something that you don't. I'm one of those "it takes a village" moms...becuase I have 2 busy kids that are usually all over the place. So please, do help me if I don't see something!
Otherwise, she should assume that you are OK with how your child is interacting with others.

Sometimes you have to match direct behavior with direct behavior.

When I see a child being a bully at the park, etc, and the mother is nowhere nearby, I will ABSOLUTELY step in and say something to the child. I remember a specific incident with a 3 or 4 year old girl whacking everyone with her plastic purse...oh, I put an end to it!

Perhaps you aren't watching closely enough because as you said, you bring THREE children under the age of 2 to a place like this? If it were me, I wouldn't do that. I know you mean well and want them to get out, but without another adult to help you supervise, I think you're being slightly irresponsible by bringing three kids that young to a place like that.

That being said, 2 year old children are not bullies. The woman may have been having a bad day and chose to take it out on you, because with three children there, you were an easy target. I would either take another adult or find an alternative play place...or just avoid this woman in the future, if possible.

Sorry you had a bad day! At least you're out there DOING things with your kids...remember that! Hooray for you! I couldn't bring three toddlers to a place like that and keep my sanity, but if you can do it, DO IT. So much better than sitting at home doing nothing!

Is there a way that you can go to the gym at a different time so that you aren't there when this woman is?

It's one thing for her to say this once to you. (She could have said it a lot differently - 18 month olds are NOT bullies and you are right - she is a bully herself for approaching you that way.) However, if she says it again to you, you should tell her that you don't want to have any more conversations with her because you feel that she is bullying a mother with multiples when she has an easier job with just one. Stand up to her and tell her multiple times, if you need to, to leave you alone.

If you are not sitting there playing on your phone, reading a book, talking to friends, then you are not one of those moms everybody gets angry at. If you are watching the kids the best you can, paying attention, dealing with their actions, then she is in the wrong to accuse you of not watching them. When your children misbehave and you hold them out (in time out) sitting with you so that they learn not do something that they aren't supposed to do, then you are doing the right thing. No, you can't see everything and can't be in 3 places at one time.

Dawn

I think your 18 mo old was modeling the behavior she gets from her brother and cousin. Are they older or younger than her? If older, she is doing to other kids what they do to her. If younger, she is treating the other kids the way she treats her brother and cousin.

Sit back and just watch them play at home. I bet you get some insight.

On the one hand, this woman was being ridiculous. A child under 2 can't be a bully. Not possible. And whatever happened, there's no cause to be rude. So you're within your rights to be seriously annoyed.

However, it's possible that she did a bad job of telling you something you really did need to know. If your daughter was, say, hitting another toddler or grabbing a toy, then she's going to need a little more watching next time. You don't have to like the tactless mom who told you, but if you can use this space as a way to help your kids gain social skills as well as run out energy, then it'll be a win-win all around.

That's the worst feeling, when you are in so much shock you can't even think about a response- until later when you think of hundreds! This lady was mean, even if your daughter did do something not nice, calling her a bully is ridiculous at that age.

I wouldn't say anything now, it would be difficult to bring up. However, I would keep an eye on the situation. This lady is more likely to say something now, so I'd make sure she doesn't say anything to your daughter. THEN I would definitely tell her off. Maybe think of it as an unkind heads up to catch your daughter doing something and correcting any behaviors that could be problematic later.

Hard as it is, try to blow it off. Don't stew when you could be enjoying the kiddos. Good luck!

If she says something again, I would say, "What do you mean?" Make her explain herself. But you don't owe this woman anything unless, like you said, your child pushed or hit her child. Considering you were in shock, I think you handled the situation very well.

I also would NOT invite strangers to discipline my child! Whenever my kids have had problems in public play areas, I've told them to ignore those kids. It was only rarely that I asked a child, "Where is your mom?"

What a snob.

Next time you see her, ask her, "What specifically have you seen my 18 month old daughter do that would be considered bullying behavior?"

Perhaps her own child is simply a little wuss, so EVERY other child is a bully. Some parents like to blame every issue with their own kid on someone else.

If your child is being a bully, I'd keep a closer eye on her and correct her behavior more often so she learns. And tell the woman, "she's still just a toddler...and has to learn how to interact with other children."

It's hard to let these things go, but unless she says something again, I would try to forget it. And if she does say something again, ask her to tell you specifically what she's seen so you can keep your eye out for repeat behavior and handle it accordingly. Keep going to the open gym - it's fun for the kids. And at age 2 and 18 mo, I find it hard to believe that they can really be that big of a bully. Hopefully most moms would know that some of that is normal behavior for that age. If your child was biting, hitting, throwing, etc, then it's worth the mom mentioning it. Not sure what her motive was, but in the future, keep watching the kids as much as you can when you go, especially around her children. And always remind them, as best you can at their age, to be nice and respectful. And perhaps the other mom was having a bad day. Good luck :)

Any grown woman calling 18 month-olds bullies has a screw loose. If she doesn't have the maturity and diplomacy to smile and let you know as a fellow mom about something she saw that is "reasonable" like, "your child is running around biting everyone" or something, then you really do need to ignore her. Be confident and pleasant, look her in the eye, and move on by. If she says anything to you again, just hit her with a direct question like, "What did she do? OK, I'll keep an eye out." but only if you are prepared to "show this lady" you're going to hover over your kid and publicly discipline your child for the lady's benefit or something. I'm all for good behavior and my kids are well-behaved. I would discipline AT HOME for behaviors they need to avoid, but in public, I let them be and I let other toddlers be as well. This lady is a brat.