Mean Girl - Tyler,TX

I think you should avoid them all together. Why let you dd play with someone who is mean? I don't think it will get better- especially since the mom doesn't do anything about it. My dd has had a bully in her grade since kindergarten and she's only gotten worse. Thank heavens she's not in my dd's class this year.

It's been heavenly this year ....I don't have to hear about all the things this girl is doing. I even had to talk to the teacher about it, but honestly the most effective strategy is to get away from the problem.

The next time the little girl pulls something, take her by the hand and say, "Let's go find your mother, so you can tell her what you just did". If she starts saying sorry/crying or both, you've probably made your poing. If she doesn't, go find her mother.

The key to successful friendship is not location, location, location.

She doesn't sound like a bully, she sounds like a brat. The beauty of life is she won't have any friends until she changes her ways so it will sort itself out. Really that is the only way it will sort itself out, losing all her friends.

So my advice is when your daughter has had enough and ends the friendship, have her back. Don't make her continue the friendship so you can stay friends with the mom.

You know, I have always been the type of mom who has no problem correcting other people's children, especially when their behavior is mean or disrespectful, and ESPECIALLY when it gets physical. I know what you mean about enjoying the other mom's company but honestly if she's offended when you step in (as you should since it involves your daughter) then she's probably not someone you are really going to enjoy hanging out with anyway.
It's also a good idea to take the cues from your daughter, she may be the type who's not put off by being bossed around, but she DOES need to learn how to assert herself when someone gets in her face, or attacks her physically. Talk, practice and role play with her, it will help her be better prepared for school and other times when you're not around to protect her.

I have never been afraid to say, "That's not nice and we don't do that".
I was never afraid to say it in front of another mother. If the other mother didn't like it, oh well. However, that was rarely the case.

This is a woman whose company you enjoy, so it's not like a stranger saying something. There's nothing wrong with intervening.

If the mom doesn't support you or back you up, especially when her child is being bossy to another adult, then there's not much you can do.

I wouldn't bite my tongue though. You're not doing ANYONE any favors by doing that.

Just my opinion and best wishes.

If this happens every time the girls are together then why continue allowing them to play together? Either speak up and advocate for your child or stop allowing them to play together. Laying down rules isn't offensive, and then you follow through with the rules by initiating discipline such as a time out or chastising, that's not offensive either. If the other mother takes offense, so the hell what?

"If you push my daughter to the ground again, then I'm going to have to take Daughter home and you won't be able to play together any more today."

"If you choose to play roughly, then I'm taking Daughter home and then we won't have another play date with you for a week."

And then you follow through.

Start taking your kid elsewhere to make friendships. A varitety is better. If they call you be honest with the mom. You enjoy her company but just do not enjoy watching her daughter bully your daughter.

Sounds like your kids are not compatible, but you are compatible with mom. You DON'T have to keep doing kid play dates in order to keep the friendship. At least, if the other mom is mature & understands the predicament.

You have to wait this stage out. No more play dates. Get together with the mom when your daughter is at ANOTHER playdate. When she asks why the kids aren't playing together, say that right now they need space from each other because the dynamics are too hard. Just smile when you say it, and then change the subject.

The mother hasn't tried to straighten her daughter out. Maybe she will figure out when other friends stop inviting her daughter over that she has to start disciplining her daughter.

If the mother is defensive, then you have your answer and then you will have to give her some space too. Look, you don't have to continue to let your daughter be bullied. It's okay to take a break from this relationship.

Dawn

Updated

You have to wait this stage out. No more play dates. Get together with the mom when your daughter is at ANOTHER playdate. When she asks why the kids aren't playing together, say that right now they need space from each other because the dynamics are too hard. Just smile when you say it, and then change the subject.

The mother hasn't tried to straighten her daughter out. Maybe she will figure out when other friends stop inviting her daughter over that she has to start disciplining her daughter.

If the mother is defensive, then you have your answer and then you will have to give her some space too. Look, you don't have to continue to let your daughter be bullied. It's okay to take a break from this relationship.

Dawn

In addition to what the others posted...it's important to teach our kiddos that they don't have to be around others who treat them poorly. I understand there's a flip side...in some circumstances, we do have to be around those types of people...and have to learn the skills of dealing with that too but many times we can choose to remove ourselves. And I know she's only 4 but it's never too early to start modeling the behavior of choosing to be around those who are kind to us.

Over the summer, I had a similar situation with my 6 year old. I was sad to be losing my friendship with the other mom but was truly relieved when we stopped hanging out with her and her daughter. Having had some time and distance from the situation, I clearly see how I was putting my daughter in a tough spot. It has turned out to be a huge lesson for both of us.

Has the other mom been offended by you mentioning what her daughter did? If you never brought it up, then do. There was a little girl in my neighborhood that woudl be so bossy when my older kids were little. I did tell the girl when she was not being nice. I also brought it up to the mom. The fact that you say the girl does stuff when she knows mom is not watching is the main point. She knows she will get called out and possibly punished. Talk to mom. If she gets offended, then find another playmate. Some moms are the type "not my child" and others are more "oh she did taht did she" and take care of the problem.