Friendship or NOT

Tell her the truth, she is either not seeing it or ignoring it. But don't force your son to play with someone who is bullying him. Next time he has a problem he may not come to you...

This is hard- you want to support your son and I think that is the right thing to do. But IME with my own son, these kinds of things do happen back and forth with kids as well.The kid who is super bossy one year might be your son's best friend in school next year. So I would first talk to your son and be sure exactly what he wants: no contact with this other kid? Playing with him only at your own house where your son is on his own turf? Playing in a group?

Once you know for sure what your son wants, you can talk to him about some ways to deal with the way his friend acts. Unless this other kid is being really awful, maybe try having him to your house so you can watch and check out his behavior for yourself. Otherwise just make some polite excuse to the other mom. You will be dealing with her and with her child for YEARS so try not to burn bridges or criticize if you can help it. good luck!

Just say kindly, "Billy isn't up for playing together this week. Maybe another time." If pressed, or if the Mom keeps calling honesty is the best policy. I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem like the boys have been playing well together recently, although I haven't personally witnessed any issues, Billy doesn't want to play with Jack right now. We don't want to hurt Jack's feelings, but let's give them some space." If pressed for more details, resist the urge to repeat verbatim what your son told you. Just keep saying, "thank you, but we will have to decline riight now. Hopefully, Jack can find another friend to play with on Saturday" or whatever. A lot of kids seem like angels in front of adults, but aren't nice when no one is listening. Believe your son. He shouldn't be forced to play with someone who treats him poorly. It's really empowering for kids to know that they DO have a choice in playmates, and that their parents will support them.

For now, I would just tell the mom your son doesn't particularly enjoy sleepovers. Don't make it about her house or her kid right now, at least not until you learn more.

There could be bullying involved, or not. There is a natural tendency among kids (and many adults) to expect guests to fit in to the existing structure, and the other boy may be doing that. Your son, meantime, may be expecting things to be just like they are at your home, and may not be able to adapt.

If your son says the other boy bosses him around and isn't nice (and I therefore assume it's not just at the other kid's house but perhaps in school or perhaps at your house when you aren't within earshot), then it begs the question: why is he still having this boy over?? This could be just your son's perception, which is fine, it shows he's just not comfortable with this other kid. Or, the other kid could be a huge problem, and he has chosen your son specifically because your son is kind and winds up allowing this behavior.

Your son may not have the vocabulary to express what's going on. I'm not sure I would tell the other mom they've been fighting - especially when you don't know what is really happening. So far, it doesn't seem that they are actively fighting - so don't lie about that. Your son is probably just taking what the other kid is dishing out. I would tell her that your son doesn't want to stay over, as I said. Then, if she calls again or presses for a play date, I think you can add that the friendship seems to have cooled off a bit, maybe they are spending too much time together for the moment, let's give it a little rest and see what happens. Meantime, both boys can explore other friendships.

I wouldn't just avoid her phone calls or refuse to call her back - that's not going to help and it's the kind of rudeness you don't want your son to see. He's considerate and well-liked, you say - so continue to exhibit the good manners he is already learning from you.

If there is something active and negative going on in school or on the playground, then you can get involved with the school administration and their anti-bullying program. Right now, you don't have enough information.

Hey, you can't pick your family but you CAN pick your friends! No reason your son has to be friends with this kid. He should be polite to him if they are around each other, but no need for them to hang out or play. Just tell the mom thanks, but no thanks next time she asks. If she pushes the subject, I would nicely say that I think the boys are having a little bit of a personality clash at this time--maybe they will get back to hanging out later down the line. I definitely think this is something your son should have a choice in.

Bossy kids are a dime a dozen and unfortunately, they soon find themselves with fewer and fewer children willing to put up with it.
The boy may play nicer at your house but at home feel very protective and possessive as opposed to welcoming.
This is an age where kids get things figured out socially. If your son doesn't enjoy playing with this boy, there is nothing wrong with them having a break from each other. They still have to deal with and get along together in class, but there is no reason to push for a friendship outside of that.
My kids had plenty of friends who came to our house and got bossy, not just with the kids, but with me, and it's one of those things you just kindly avoid in the future.
Some moms are aware that there kids tend to be bossy and they aren't offended if you mention it because they are trying to work on it. Some moms aren't aware and get offended.
You don't have to point any fingers, just say that you think you'll hold off on sleepovers for a while. Some 7 year olds do better with it than others. As far as "play dates", you don't have to accept every invitation.
It can take a while for bossy kids to correlate their bossiness with kids pulling back, but I think they eventually get it.
If your son doesn't enjoy being around this kid, take your cues from him.
They are young. They may be able to build a more equitable friendship as time goes on.

Best wishes.

It may be that especially in that kid's house, he's a bully and possessive.

I'd talk to your son and ask him if he wants to continue to have play dates outside of school time or if this kid should be an "in school" friend instead? If the kid is a bully, then there's no reason to force them to play together. Is he a bully IN school, too?

If your son wants to back off this friendship, you could tell the mom that your son doesn't want to play today, that you're not doing sleepovers right now, or that you feel that the friendship has changed and "why don't we let them do their thing and see where it goes?"

Honestly, I don't think that this requires "a talk." The other boy thinks that they're friends. Your son doesn't. This happens sometimes. It doesn't actually mean that the other child has done anything wrong that could possibly be rectified by his mother, so I don't see anything coming out of "the talk" except for hurt feelings. Even if you are as kind as possible, I just don't think that would work out.

I probably just wouldn't answer the phone when she calls. Or, if that feels too passive aggressive, I would just keep being "busy." Hopefully she won't hound you for a playdate or a reason. Sometimes friendships, especially young friendships, just don't jell, and everyone needs to be okay with that. Your son will probably be on the receiving end of that someday, and hopefully you'll just tell him that we can't all be friends with everyone.

Good luck!

I think kids all have certain friends that they would rather not stay with. Reasons vary. When I was little, I did not want to stay over with friends, but it was fine for them to come to my house. I was just too homesick, I didn't understand why other families didn't do things the way we did. It put me out of my comfort zone. One time I stayed with a friend and they didn't have top sheets on the bed! These are some of my very first experiences with culture and diversity.

In this situation it could be more than his little friend being a bully, such as the other families culture, whether it be what they eat, or what they watch on t.v., or how they clean their home. Seven year olds only know how "mom" does it, and he may be out of his comfort zone altogether. I remember coming home and telling mom "they're weird". Mom of course explaining that we're not all the same and that "it's okay, it's their way". I'm 53 years old, and back then the only place you found the word diversity was in a closed dictionary! Consider that there may be more to it than he is wanting to tell you, or perhaps he doesn't know how to say it. If the other mom calls for a sleepover, simply say your son doesn't feel like it. You don't need to give, or make up excuses.

I don't know because my kids have fights with other kids that blow over. Sometimes they work it out on their own and sometimes they just don't like each other. If the mom calls, I would say that I heard the boys had been fighting (and not blame her son for it) and that you think they need to work on whatever they are mad at each other about at school first, or something.

Some kids are meaner at their own house too, or bossier. Like my own daughter is sweet at other kid's houses but at our house, she had a harder time sharing her things and does get bossy sometimes. I try to correct her but I feel she needs practice being nice rather than cut off from all friends, so I make her apologize and share, etc.

The truth: your son says that her son is not nice to him. Yes, she may ask questions and be offended but if her son is being a bully in secret, then you need to put a stop to it and that means no play dates.

Kids are on again, off again with friendships. I'd just wait and see how he feels about this friend when he gets another invite. It's good to just say, my son doesn't want to have a sleep over this time, if the mother calls for another sleep over. But be sure to ask your son at the time.

I find honesty to be the best way to handle these things. In my grandchildren's group of friends, the parents are open and matter of fact about the ups and downs of friendships.

These kids are learning social skills and haven't yet learned to be "polite." That's OK! It makes relationships much more manageable. As a parent we can be diplomatic and still stick with the truth. The truth will change from week to week; sometimes hour by hour. lol

If you have to see this woman on a regular basis then it can be a little more difficult then just ignoring the calls. You can say that after the sleep over your son seemed homesick. If you want to avoid hurt feelings tell her that even going for play dates has become an issue with him, and that it could just be a phase so you have decided to back off for a while. I know it is best to be honest but I am sure it will not go over well if you tell her that her son is bossy. If your son is not comfortable playing with this child then he shouldn't have to. Getting involved in children's disagreements with the parents never turns out well. The parents end up on the outs and the kids want to be friends again. Good luck!!

Listen to your son!!! Something happened at his friend's house that is haunting him. Keep asking your son why he doesn't like playing with his friend and try to get an answer out of him. If you cannot get an answer out of him, I would strongly suggest having him talk to the guidance counselor at his school to try to get to the bottom of it. In the meantime, your son should NOT be friends w/ this boy because something traumatic happened. He could be lying to you out of fear (could he have been molested??) Good luck finding out what happened.

What if you someone told you that you had to be friends with someone you did not enjoy....... Let your son be "the decider." However, don't jump to conclusions. Just because he says he doesn't want to go now, when the boy calls he could change his mind. Sometimes kids vent to us, but don't really want to make a change. Follow your sons lead.

And just be honest with the other Mom. When she calls tell her you will ask your son and call her back. The give an answer as kindly as possible while remaining honest.

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Leave it up to your son whether he wants to get together to play with this kid.