Mean Girl

I would just like to respond to Jen L. who keeps posting the link for the definition for bully for this M.'s question and mine. The definition for bully in the dictionary is what it is but the nuances and consequences of bullying are far-reaching than a simple definition. And "exclusion" may not be listed in the definition but it doesn't mean that it cannot be a form of intimidation or aggression or other subversive behavior. And I think if all you want to do is post a definition of a word as a advise, I don't think this is really being helpful.

Okay, I agree, I am over these types of posts for the day...

My advice is to teach your kids how to cope with difficult situations & people. Kids can be mean, adults can be mean. You cannot control other people, or force them to act how you think they should act. You cannot force others to play with your child. In fact, why would you want to? Would you want to hang out with someone who didn't want to hang out with you? Of course not. You figure it out & move on.

What we can control is ourselves. I think teaching our kids how to love & value themselves enough to walk away from negative people & seek out positive people is way more productive than claiming a little girl is a "bully" and bitching & complaining to every adult who will listen to you.

The fact of the matter is that your child will not be friends with everyone they meet, and neither will you. It's life, whether or not we like it. Better to prepare our kids & use these situations as life lessons, than shelter & coddle them from every possible bad thing that could come their way.

Come on moms, this is the third such post today!

"Whispering" is hardly the worst thing that another girl will do to your daughter. If she can't take a little whispering right now, she is going to curl up into the fetal position in middle school.

Our children are not delicate crystal! Tell your daughter not to think twice about this little girl, and go find some nice girls. Our daughters take their cues from us, and if we act as if someone whispering about them is a death sentence, they will believe it. If we tell them it doesn't matter one little bit if someone whispers about us, then they will believe that, and become strong.

There is nothing to say to the M.. Girls whisper all the time.

Yes, this goes on at church like it does at school but that doesn't make it OK. I'd talk to the children's minister, not to tattle on the little girl but to get some tools to help you to help your daughter. Not all teachers know how recognize and stop this behavior. But the children's minister should be able to help you and help the teacher to make the classes a safe place for kids to learn and worship.

This stuff goes on at Church?

Good grief. How old are these girls?

Teach your daughter to not pay attention to people like this.
Life is to short to always be avoiding others because they whisper about stuff and spread lies.

If something does happen have your daughter just deal with it.
Teach her to stand up to the other girl and tell her to "back off". Also she can remind the girl, "she is not behaving like a good Christian", so maybe they need to go together to speak with the Minister or your daughter will have to go on her own.

also you need to not make a big deal out of any of this.. let your daughter lead the way.. If she is not socially aware, then that means it is not bothering her at this point.

I would address with other adults what effects your family directly and not discuss any hear say or anything that you do not KNOW for a fact ie you did not see it/hear it. You do not want to become the bad guy here.

Do talk to the children's minister, and also explain the previous history of exclusion bullying by this girl at the other church (so that they realize that it's not you being overprotective).

Then, from the other side of the situation, research ways to help your daughter role play and talk through handling these situations on her own--in the long run, that would be so much more helpful. Also, help her by talking to her about what makes a good friend and what makes a bad friend and how to stand up for herself. Again, role playing (or acting it out via Barbies or stuffed animals, etc.) can really help. Also, help her reach out to other kids and get her surrounded and into a supportive group of friends.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/bully

I would call every leader at the church who was involved with the youth/children and express my concerns. I would also speak to the Sr. Pastor about my concerns since he is the head of staff over those leaders and he should be involved with the youth/children's program to some extent also since these same indiv. will hopefully be young adults in his church one day. It may not stop the crappy behavior by the other girl, but you must try everything possible.

Moms ... watch your daughters, if you see them acting ugly (and you should recognize it) or you can tell they've made someone else feel awkward .. STOP it from continuing. One of the most important things we can teach our children is compassion and common sense courtesy. This will help them as much as any education in life when they are in the work force or raising a family of their own. I am as on top of this with our kids as any class work they have and they have tons of friends and huge hearts.