"Mean" 6 Yr Old - What Would You Do?

I second NW.

In other words, I would allow my child to play with her at my house to keep on eye on things, while also using this experience to teach my daughter (as well as the friend) about boundaries.

I think this is such a great "controlled" opportunity for your daughter to 'listen to her gut' (when words don't match a person's actions), practice being assertive (sticking up for herself and examining if it worked and why not), and setting limits with her friend (you're my friend now but what about when we are around...XYZ?). A secondary benefit may also be that the friend uses the opportunity to learn skills as well.

You sound like you are being a great role model yourself so continue your good work!!!

I feel for you. I have 3 girls, and i have seen how mean girls can be to each other. I have told my girls as well, that if someone is not nice to you, then they should find someone else to play with.

I think maybe you could try having the girls play together, and see how it goes( if that is what your daughter wants). Have your daughter explain to the girl, that it was very hurtful the way she was treating her.
Maybe they can work things out.

It she starts being mean to your daughter again, then stop the relationship.

This reminded me of the situation I was in when I was about that age with the girl that lived down the street. She was nice to me, but would try to get the other kids not to be my friend because she was scared that I would become friends with them and then leave her out.

At that time our moms handled it by teaching me to see what she was doing and call her on it, and by reassuring her that we were good friends.

If I were you I'd allow your kids to play, but only at your house where you can keep an eye on things. And you could talk to your daughter about just "calling her" on her behavior should it happen on the bus. Kind of a "I know what you're doing" sort of thing. It worked for me when I was a kid! I remember saying "I know you told XXXX that I said some things about her that I didn't so we wouldn't be friends and leave you out. I just want you to know that I don't appreciate that, and that we ARE best friends and best friends don't treat each other that way." I remember this because my mom had me rehearse it over and over before I called her on the phone. And it worked.

Good luck! Girls can be so mean, and it doesn't get any easier...

Wow,this is a tricky situation. If I were in this situation, and the "nice" parents did nothing, then I would say to limit contact with the mean bully. It is not OK, and I wouldn't teach my child it was OK. You're not helping the bully by forgiving unacceptable behavior. They have to learn about consequences and the sooner the better. You wouldn't tolerate that behavior from a friend, so why should your daughter? Your daughter can play with her real friends over the summer, and the bully can learn her lesson. Then come fall, if she has an attitude adjustment, and she makes the effort to be a friend, then the healing can begin and you all can make amends. I think you have to send a message to the parents as well; If your kids going to be a jerk, we don't have time for you.

I didn't notice your original message before but I needed to see your message and the replies. We have been experiencing a bully situation with my little girl since before this last Christmas. My daughter is 10 and in the 5th grade and has really been tormented by a girl that was formerly her best friend. They have known each other since 1st grade and she has been really hurt by her friend. My daughters school taught bullying classes to the kids in an effort to deter the bullies and to get other kids to stop situations if they witness them.

This is what happened: At lunchtime one day my daughter, her best friend and another girl were together and going to each lunch with a past teacher. Another girl came up and said she was going to eat with them also and my daughter's best friend told her she couldn't go with them because she didn't know the past teacher as well as they did. The little girl of course was hurt and went back down the hall crying.

Another teacher saw her and inquired what was wrong. All 3 girls got in trouble the same. It didn't matter who said it they were all in trouble because they didn't stop it or report it. The teacher called all parents and the girls had lunch detention for the rest of the week (aprox. 3 days).I punished my daughter by making her write a letter of apology to the little girl that got hurt and to the teacher since it was her "off" period and she had to deal with the situation.

The next day my daughter's best friend asked my daughter if she got in trouble at home and my daughter said yes and asked her if she got in trouble at home and she said no because she told her mom that my daughter was the one that said it and that the teacher didn't know it was my daughter.

Ever since then she has been mad at my daughter because she wouldn't say she did it. She has tried to stop the other kids from being her friend and has done absolutely anything she could to keep anyone else from being friends with my daughter.

I kept telling my little girl not to react to her when she was trying to make her mad and to just ignore her as much as possible and try to hang out with other girls and make some better friends. I also told her that a real friend wouldn't say something and then try to blame another friend instead of taking ownership of her own actions.

Finally, in February the other little girls mom approached me and wanted to know why my daughter said what she did and she wanted to know if we could have a meeting with the 2 moms and 2 daughters and she thought that if we pressured my daughter enough we could get her to admit that she was the one that said it and she knows her daughter didn't say it because she told her she didn't therefore because she didn't say it she didn't punish her. (She forgot that the school's approach was it didn't matter who said what they all got in trouble at school.

She also said they were trying to figure out why my daughter had turned so mean. As it turned out I found out that whatever this little girl was doing to my daughter she was going to the teachers,other students, and her parents and telling them that my daughter was doing it to her. In other words she was trying to make it sound like she was the victim.

I told the mom there would be no meeting and that I had already told my daughter that a good friend wouldn't say something and try to blame you for what they said. That is not a friend. She said she was going to take it up with the principal and let her know how bad my daughter is.

Fortunately there have been enough witnesses that the school knows my daughter was the victim. The principal put the other little girl in another 5th grade class at the request of her parents which is exactly what we wanted to happen.

I think one of the main problems has been the other little girl was jealous. My daughter got the lead role in the school's annual ballet performance and the other little girl didn't like that one bit. If there were any opportunities at all for the other girl to hurt or approach my daughter and intimidate her she has done it.

My daughter makes good grades but this has shaken her confidence a great deal and it affected her ability to take the TAKS tests, etc. I'm hoping the issue will be over when school starts back up this next year. I let my daughter know that she can always go talk to a teacher but do not respond to the bad behavior because 2 wrongs don't make a right. I think it takes time for things to change and we are doing the right thing by dealing with school officials and not trying to take situation in our hands. Hopefully things will be better this year. If not I will continue to work with the school to resolve.

"It takes a village to raise a child," they say. I think it's important to see that the "bully" needs help too, and to have compassion for her, even while pointing out "it's not OK to do XYZ." Both children will learn so much from a caring adult taking an approach of "We have a problem. How can we solve it?" rather than "I'm good. She's bad. Let's take our toys and go home." I know we want to be protective of our children--and in the long run I think the most protective thing we can do is teach ALL the children how to respect each other. If we don't do it when they're small, what will they be like in high school?