To ask or not to ask...that is my question. One of my closest girlfriends is expecting. I am very excited for her. When she told us I gave her about 3 boxes of maternity clothes. About a month later I found out I was pregnant with my second child. I'm about 10 - 12 weeks behind her. My question, is it appropriate to ask her for my maternity clothes back? I feel bad that I want my things back but maternity clothes is so expensive and I've already spent a lot of money on new clothes that I really didn't need to buy had I still had mine. I was kind of hoping she would offer to give some if not all of it back to me when she found out I was pregnant. I don't know what to do. I don't want to cause any tension between us because we are very close.
One thing I do want to add is that I know she's gone shopping for new maternity clothes such as jeans, summer tops, etc. These are things that I let her borrow as well. I don't really see her wearing anything that I let her use. What if I ask I her to go through the clothes and return what she doesn't like or doesn't think she's going to wear??? I'm in a stump ladies. What is the right thing to do??
Thank you ladies for all the quick responses. I do want to correct myself though. I did let my friend take the clothes but I also told her to return them once she didn't need them anymore (after her pregnancy) so I would hope that she didn't get the wrong impression. I do remember saying to give them back. I'm going to ask her and be very diplomatic about it. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Thank you so much again for all the great advice.
I would ask her if she has gone through the clothes yet. Ask if there is anything she knows she doesnt like or wont wear, and if so can you have those back since you gave her everything. Maybe then she will offer to give you back the clothes.
I also agree that it should be a conversation that is not uncomfortable if you two are so close. You should just be able to call her and say, "Hey I know I gave you those clothes to use until you had the baby but since I too am pregnant do you mind if I come by and get the stuff you aren't using right now?" It should not be an issue. My girlfriends and I are always asking each other for stuff. That is what friends are for!
I would ask her, in a friendly way, of course, if there are any of the clothes that dont fit or that she is not wearing. Explain that you are happy to share with her, and how fun to be pregnant at the same time, but that you don't want to have to go buy an entire new maternity wardrobe. I don't think her feelings would be hurt. She may not have really even wanted to wear the clothes, but accepted them so she wouldn't hurt YOUR feelings!
This question was just recently asked in one of the advice colume's in the paper. I belive the answer (which you already have) was to first announce your news, if she doesn't offer all your clothes back, then ask if she would be ok with splitting them with you. It's possible that she may have donated them to charity cuz she wanted new and is embarrassed or ashamed to tell you.
Usually when I give someone something to have, it is theirs to have and do whatever they want to with it. You didn't indicate you were letting her borrow your maternity clothes, so I would find it a little offensive as a friend for you to ask for the clothes back. I would be less offended if you asked me if there were anything in the boxes of clothes that didn't suit me that you could have back.
I would also consider going to a consignment shop to find some maternity things or ebay or someother forum like that to acquire some new to me maternity clothes or I would figure out a way to earn extra money offering my talents for hire to get the money I need. So If you love baking, perhaps you could sell cookies, cakes or pies to families and friend or even make special occasion chocolates or candies for Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Hope this helps.
I like the other answer--phrase it so you are asking her if she is not going to use something. When I gave away maternity clothes, most people asked if I was sure I didn't need them, if I would want them back, etc. People also do often accept something they don't want to try not to hurt someone's feelings. You should be able to phrase it tactfully, but you can also shop bargains at garage sales this summer and on craigslist to supplement--you'll probably want a few new things, too. She might even want to try swapping--periodically sorting for stuff you're bored with and sharing. It could be a fun way for both of you to rotate your maternity clothes and keep from being bored.
If it were me, I would just buy some more maternity clothes. You can find really affordable mat. clothes at Ross and Target these days. :) Perhaps once she learns you are pregnant, she will decide to give you back what she can't use anymore.
Absolutely, ask for your clothes back. You state that she is one of your closest friends, so she should understand that you need them. A friend had loaned me maternity clothes and was in need of them again before my baby was born. They weren't the only mat. clothes I had so I quickly returned them to her. However, when I gave maternity and baby clothes to my sister she sold much in a garage sale. At least I had no further need for any of it and the money helped her to get some other much-needed baby items.
Personally, if I were the friend that you'd given the clothes to, as soon as I found out you are pregnant, I'd have given you the clothes back!! That's what makes this a little weird for me.
I'd definitely say you should somehow ask her for them back. I migh try to be lighthearted about it somehow. Maybe say something like, "please feel free to pass my maternity clothes back as soon as you outgrow them since I need them now too!" She may get the hint, and give back most, if not all of them.
But there's no way I'd go get all new stuff if she has stuff of yours that you could be using!!!
You are on the right track. Simply let her know if that you would like back the clothes you let her borrow because now your circumstances have changed and you need them. You were kind enough to let her borrow them in the first place and if she is any kind of friend then she will understand that you now need them back. You did only let her borrow them and if she is not wearing them the she shouldn't have any problem giving them back. I think if you just ask her and let her know about your situation, then she will oblige.
I think you have the perfect idea. Ask her to go through them and return what she doesn't want. Maybe throw in there that you never imagined you guys would be pregnant at the same time. How exciting!
Wow--I'm surprised that, being one of your closest girlfriends, she didn't offer them back when she found out you were pg!!
Yes, I'd call her and ask her. If you want to sound a little generous, you could just ask for ones she's not using all the time. Since you don't see her wearing your clothes, that should be all of them!
You might want to ask her to give SOME of them back as you get bigger. And you'll get the rest back after she gives birth.
Yay babies!
You could always throw it out there, like hey do you mind sharing maternity clothes now that we are both pregnant together? If you two are that close I would feel comfortable letting her know that financially you dont want to have to shell out extra money for even more clothing. Heck...I've had friends borrow clothes that don't even bother returning them, or I go to their house and see them laying in their dirty clothes pile...and by then I probably don't want it back. But seriously, you're pretty far behind her so you two will probably not be fitting in the exact same thing anyways.
you should totally ask for them back. but be aware she might have got rid of them herself. dont be to offended if she did. your friend ship is more important than loaned clothes. good luck
I would suggest it as, "Since we are about 3 months apart, do you mind handing back down those that you have outgrown, or that you are not using? I just don't have that big of a budget to replace all those clothes again." I know so many people that have done this with baby clothes and the person that they gave them to just doesn't think about it. Maybe she hasn't either?
Of course you can ask! They are your things that you did not permanently give to her.
At the very least, tell her that there are some things that you need- for special occasions or comfort and don't look back.
Good Luck and Congrats!
I had a very similar thing happen...I handed down my b/g twins clothes to a couple of my SIL friends, my boy is a BIG boy and is already in 18-24mo at 1 yr, and the girl can still wear 3-6mo. So, I e-mailed the friend that I had given the girl clothes to and asked her if she minded going through them and picking out a few outfits that I could have back. (It's expensive having 2 at the same time, plus a 5 year old that can totally skip a size). She totally didn't mind and when I went through the box she gave me, there was about 10 outfits in there and only 1 that I had given her and most of it looked brand new. So, I e-mailed her back to double check that she was sure about the stuff she gave me and she said she had gotten lots of hand-me-downs. And the other one of my SIL friends I had also given all of my maternity stuff to; we have a family friend who is pregnant with a "miracle baby" and can't really afford alot of maternity stuff. So, I asked my SIL friend if she minded handing the stuff off to this family friend and she did. So, I say just ask!! good luck!!
I don't see the harm in asking for your clothes back. After all, I am assuming you just lent her the clothes (to save her the trouble of having to buy all new maternity, since it is so expensive). I would never assume or keep clothes that someone gave to me to use, unless they specifically said "keep them". And you probably weren't planning on getting pregnant (or at least not so close to her) that there ever would have been a forseeable issue in sharing the clothes in the first place. When I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter, I had at least 3 friends lend me their maternity clothes and while none of them asked for it back, I gave it all back. It's not like it was a gift. You were simply trying to help out a friend. =)
I agree with the general consensus to ask nicely, "I know I gave you those maternity clothes, but now that I'm pg too, I was wondering if there were any you weren't using that I could have back?"
You are friends, it is completely appropriate to ask, but try not to be upset if she got rid of whatever she didn't like/didn't fit or if she says she was really counting on using yours as well (although, if you are good friends, I can't imagine her not sharing the stuff you gave her with you).
Good luck!
Well, they are your things and it was very generous of you to share, but I would say something in as nice a way as possible. It doesn't sound like she's financially strapped and desparately needs the clothes so you shouldn't feel bad about asking for them back. Say just what you said here - you know how expensive maternity clothes can be and that you've already made a big investment in the ones you have. If you're as close as you say I don't think she'll get upset. Maybe you could say something like - let's get together and go through everything so you can pick what you want/need now and set up a timeline for when you need the others back, like when you are getting bigger - third trimester or something, by then she'll have delivered anyway.
Once you give something away, it isn't yours anymore, so your friend doesn't have to return anything. Therefore, I would approach this like you're asking your friend for a favor. You're right that it would have been nice for her to offer you some clothes back, but since she didn't, and since this is a close friend, I think it would be absolutely fine to ask her to return anything she doesn't like or think she will wear. Several other people gave you good advice about ways to ask, as well. Coach it very nicely (I'ms sure you will because you sound like a thoughtful person) and be appreciative, and surely she'll respond in kind. If not, well, then you learn something about your close friend.
I agree with the idea of asking her to return whatever she is not able to wear or doesn't care for or can't wear any longer. You should probably phrase it "if you still have any...." of the maternity stuff you aren't using.... That way, if she ended up passing what she didn't need/want along to someone else, or donating it somewhere, then she won't be in an awkward position. I have accepted items that were offered to me in the past, that I really had no intention of using, but felt rude declining them. I usually held onto them for quite a long time, trying to decide what to do with them. Eventually, they were passed on to someone else or donated.
I also have clothes swapped with infant clothing. With that you get a lot of stuff you don't use/don't like. And so I just kept it bagged up ready to return when my child outgrew the rest. Unless I was told the giver didn't want it back. Then I passed it along (with the rest) to the next person I knew who might be able to use them. I can see how the same thing might happen with maternity items. So, be sure to give her an "out" in case she no longer has them. And don't feel bad. Neither one of you knew you would be getting pregnant!
