Marriage Over

If neither of you have cheated, he's not phsycially abusing you, you don't argue and you are just growing out of love with him, I do believe you owe it not just him, but for yourself and kids to give counceling a try. Worst case - it wont help, but at least you gave it a try. It's perfectly normal to go thru ups and downs in marriage and no one said marriage was going to be easy. Give it a shot, it might just be what you need to get back on track with your husband.

Good luck.

If you really want to make him leave, retain an attorney and start divorce proceedings right away.

Personally, my advice (which you didn't ask for) regarding the relationship is to try EVERYTHING to make your marriage work. You have children, so I think you owe it to your family to know you have tried everything before you walk away so you know why you feel like you do. Too many people end marriages over the loss of the "warm fuzzies" after a few years thinking they're not in love anymore.

First, you have to keep working at love it just does not stick around, there are different levels of love and it is said that you do not want to do marriage counseling. It seems that he is a good guy, treats you well and REALLY still wants to be in the marriage (if he is mean, hurtful and so on then I see why you might want out but you did not mention that). If you are unhappy then find a good way to become happy; counseling, hobby, falling in love again with your husband. Also want to add if you go through a divorce and he does not want it he will not be your true friend any more because he will be mad and hurt at what you did!!

Secondly just because the house is in your name and 100% paid for when you get married and are married for awhile everything becomes both of your things, you can not just kick him out especially if there is NO WRONG DOING. As someone mentioned morethenlikely in the divorce you will have to pay HALF of what the house is worth to him and if you can not afford that then the house will have to be sold and split 50/50.

Go to counseling with him.

You're not even treating him like a friend.

Sorry to hear, but if your husband wants to go to counseling, you should at least try for the sake of the marriage. Maybe you or your husband will see things differently or you'll get to understand things you might of missed. At the end at least you tried and both can go in peace with your life. Good Luck!!

You have been with him long enough that the house will likely need to be sold anyway. He's not going to go away without his share of what the two of you own. Just file for the divorce if you must and let the judge sort it out. The deed being in your name is not going to matter unless the judge decides he didn't contribute anything to the family finances.

But seriously, you have a guy that wants counseling and you want to walk away because of finicky feelings. That's really stupid.

Give marriage counseling a try. It sounds like you've made up your mind that it's over but this isn't just a dating relationship that you're ending, it's a marriage. Big difference. You owe it to him and to your kids to give counseling a try. You said "til death do us part". Don't take it lightly...

if you have kids together, you owe it to them to at least try.
you do seem set in your decision, but again try to make it work, go to counseling.
if you're done done then get a lawyer and file for a divorce.

Maybe you could come to an agreement that he will agree to leave if you go to a certain number of counceling sessions and if you still feel the same. Maybe you owe it to each other. (Also try watching the movie Fireproof.) That will give him time to adjust, and let him hear out loud at counseling where you ar coming from, and give everyone the chance to get on the same page....or possibly rethink what is truly making you unhappy. Get him to agree that he will keep his end of the agreement if you keep yours. Good luck.

If he's not doing anything bad or detrimental to you or your children, then you should give counseling a try. I guarantee you won't be friends if you have him physically removed from your home, and what will that be like for your children? From a selfish standpoint, you should also think of the fact that many judges and divorce courts will not look kindly on the person initiating the divorce who won't even try counseling and is divorcing simply because she "doesn't love him anymore." You could wind up paying alimony, having to sell the house and give him half, etc. Bottom line -try counseling and try to work something out with him that's amicable and won't scar your kids.

****After reading your "So What Happened," I'm inclined to say -get a GOOD attorney, document the pot-smoking and the fact that he's never held down more than a part-time job, nor is he looking for work, and tell him it's time to go apartment hunting. Before you do any of this though, you may want to put your home and cars in your DAD's name so your husband won't be entitled to any of it.

If the house is truly 100% in your name, call your lawyer. I am pretty sure that you can get the deed to prove it and call the police, and they can force him to leave if his name is not on any of the paperwork. However, this doesn't mean that the house is necessarily yours, even if it was a gift from your father. It will be a short-term solution until the judge divides the assets of the marriage, and so you're going to want to get a lawyer involved so that you have documentation of what you are trying to do. Document his pot-smoking and employment history, as well. You'll need it when it comes to custody. And remember that this is an equal-opportunity country, and you will probably be paying your husband alimony and possibly child-support as well, which is another reason to have a good lawyer. Good luck.

You didn't sound selfish at all to me, just sensable and after reading your "SO WHAT HEPPENED", even more so. Since he exhibits violence you may want to have someone standing by when he is preparing to leave. Go get the separation. Children should not be exposed to violent behavior and neither should you. Hopefully your Dad is still around and can be there for you.

Regarding the house: If your home was a gift from your family after your marriage, your husband may be entitled to 50% of its value and equity from the date of marriage to the date of your legal separation, even though your name is the only one on the deed. This needs to be carefully checked out. Since your children are small you may be able to stipulate in the divorce that you and the children will remain in the family home until they are 18 and/ finished with college up age 22 (in some states). Your father seems pretty savvy in these matters, so I would enlist his advice and help.

Dear L.,

I believe if your home was 100% paid for prior to your marriage and yours is the only name on the deed the only things that your husband MAY be entitled to is 1/2 of the equity from the date of marriage to the date of your legal separation.

In California, he would be entitled to 50 % of all property and assets obtained from the date of your marriage to the date of your legal separation and 50% of any comingled monies. So if you have put money in his
accounts and he in yours and it could be proved, that would constitute comingling of funds. This may not be the case in your state and must be checked out right away if you are serious about ending your marriage.

Since he seems intent on TRYING to save your marriage and reluctant to leave your home I would suggest one or all of the following:

 Make a list of all your assets (your, his and joint assets)

 This will save you time and money at the attorney’s office

 Obtain a legal separation right away

 Tell your husband that you will attend marriage counseling if he will get his own place

 Attend counseling together and separately for at least 3 – 6 months, it may not bring you back together, but it will help both of you come to terms and have closure

 If he refuses get a court order or restraining order and he will be ordered to leave (Hopefully it won’t come to that)

I generally recommend that couples do everything they can to save their marriage, but in your case it appears there was never a solid commitment in the first place and you have never been happy in the relationship. You did not mention children, can we assume there are no children? How about pets? Just make sure you are honest and fair. This does not mean you need to give him more than what is due.

Keep us posted.

Blessings….

I agree hubs is lazy and looking for a free ticket and you want your kids not to think that's ok. But after you throw hubs out and no matter how I write this you might take offense and I am going by how you want to set an example for yor kids, you gotta stop taking help from your dad. Wouldn't that also be a message to your kids that they will always have a fall back so no need to be a productive citizen? He bought you your house, you have NO mortgage, 2 NEW cars and a business?? You said you will help your ex financially move out your money or your dads? I'm not at all trying to be mean but seems like you've both had it easy and depended on someone else to take care of you both. But the reality is the house is in your name so a lawyer should be able to get hubs out and once there is a divorce in progress it should be easier to get him out. I do wish you luck and remember this is just my opinion.

Is there possibly someone else in the picture here? From what I've learned, nobody ever leaves a marriage, or wants a marriage over unless there is someone on the back burner.......Affairs happen and such, and in the beginning your all giddy and feel in love, because its fresh and new and you can't see past anything else. But this is the honeymoon phase and this phase goes away eventually. The grass is not always greener on the other side, because eventually you settle back into what your in right now.

girl if yall dont fight and there really aint a reason for the divorce work it out:) i was married 15 years to a very mean man trust its very hard to find a good loving man now days. it sounds to me that ur husband still loves u dearly:) please rethink it i promise u will regret a divorce because now im remarried to a wonderful man and i promise u i would not give him up for the world...you know if nothing else give things a try and if you still feel the same way then do what ever makes you happy but i promise yall want be friends after yall aint together me & my ex sure aint....good luck i will be praying for ur marrige to work please keep us up dated.

Anna Lee is right. And also, if your husband is like this, he will just find another woman to take care of him and then you will have a step mom for your kids. So I would really think about this and see if he's willing to SHOW you and not just talk about changing. My now ex husband was all talk and no action so I ended my marriage. I did not take it lightly, nor should you. Your kids will be devistated by divorce, try everything you can before taking the ulitmate step and ending your marriage. Good luck.

In TX anything acquired during marriage is community property. If you're serious about getting divorced, he needs to be served with the petition and then you can try mediation to work out the assets/issues. You can't force him to leave.

IMO I would try counseling. It might feel like there is absolutely no love, but there could be something deeper going on inside of you or him.

Love is like a roller coaster; sometimes you are in love, sometimes, you really are not, no matter how much or how little you like the person. My husband and I recently went through the same thing. I could care less if he was home or not, really, he seemed to be more of a bother to me than anything else. When he'd walk in the door, I'd be like, oh great, now my perfect little world is going to be messed up and he's clueless to it, he's too needy, etc... Even though I didn't want to, we went to marriage counseling and now make a point to do something, just the 2 of us, once a month. I am now climbing the hill of that roller coaster again. Sure, 9 times out of 10, I could really care less, but there is now that 10% of the time when I look at him and remember why it is that I love him.
I'd recommend that you give marriage counseling (we did a few sessions together and then several alone) a try because you don't want to walk away and regret it later OR have your kids resent you down the road for not trying harder.
I wish you the best, and either way you go, please remember to be civil in front of your children.
All the best!

I had a friend/acuiantance go through something soo familiar. I had to check out your name and city just to make sure it wasn't her! Anyways, she was the breadwinner and her husband didn't do squat. She actually had to move out of her home for 2 months and wait for the court to kick him out - even though his name was no where on the house. She ended paying a lawyer and court costs just for the judge to tell him to move out. Other than that, she couldn't figure out how to get him out. It took her 18 months to finalize the divorce and she was never on bad terms with her husband but just never worked and did anything for the kids. They still meet for their kids functions and are good terms, but they both know that he was in it just for the free ride - and believe me... he rode it out as long as he could (with the judge finally telling him it had to stop). She even ended up paying for all his legal fees too.

Good luck with your situation, but it seems a lawyer may need to be apart of this seperation.

You don't want your children to think it's OK not to put in an honest days wor.......your FATHER bought your house and cars!! It's seems as if you are as dependent on your father as your husband is. Hi pot, this is kettle. You picked him, you owe it to your kids to work it out.