L.M.
Wow! I was upset with my husband for not helping out around the house more during my last pregnancy. This is unbelievable!
I will admit, I am a hothead. I must commend you for not grabbing the nearest blunt instrument and laying him out (especially when he made his threat to find "friendship" elsewhere.) You don't inspire him!?! Well, you inspired him enough to help you make three babies. If being a husband and a father doesn't inspire him to man up, you may have to accept that there is no hope for him or your marriage.
In the meantime, understanding what is going on will help both of you. (Admittedly, at this stage, I'm much more concerned for you than him.) A lot of men feel emasculated when they've had difficulty with work and providing for their family. There is a transference of emotions that occurs where they associate all the negativity of their life with the woman who bears the children, literally bringing into the world these creatures he feels obligated to take care of. If you are a SAHM, there is the added business of him feeling like he works so you can enjoy the close relationship with the children and them with you and he is left out in the cold. If he hates his new job but feels tethered to it in order to provide for his family, that could be a source of great stress for him. No excuse to treat you the way you described, but a step on the road to understanding.
Talk to him. Tell him you understand and appreciate how difficult it has been for him and how he must be struggling with his place in the family. Tell him what it means to you to be a wife and have a husband.... have a very sweet and loving monologue on the subject. Conclude with asking him to search he soul and figure out if being a husband and father has lost it's value to him.
If he is a decent fellow, he will break down in tears and unload whatever it is he's been keeping pent up and being a jerk about. Otherwise..... I would be talking to a divorce attorney. Blunt, I"m sorry, but true.