Marriage Issues Need Advice Also Affecting Daughter

HI everyone ! Where to start? good question, I am at a really bad point in my life, the only thing that keeps me going is my beautiful 9 year old she is the best. I am at a stand still though not sure what to do and am well aware of the impact my husband and I are having on her and us as a family, let me try to explain my husband and I have known eachother since we were kids, I thought I knew him well, let me say i do but I think he has lost his mind and his spirit after 13 plus years of marriage and a lifetime of love, knowing,and caring I feel like we have lost almost everything, its killing me as a wife and a mom. Now im not trying to bash my husband or put blame or whos right or wrong you can give and make your own opinions because I know not just any one event got us to this point. When we got married we were eachothers everything i mean everything, then we had our daughter about five years later. We have had alot of good times but seems like more bad, my mom used to live with us until she became to much medically to handle anymore, that was a hugh stressor taking care of her while trying to have a somewhat normal life with my husband and daughter, but really played a huge part in things. She wanted control of everything from the home which we all owned at the time to the remote for the tv, my daughter still remembers to this day her and grandma fighting who was going to watch what, it was like having two kids at that time, so the end result was my mom eventually went into a nursing home and that was hard, still is but i was scared living with her because of her health, and for her and my childs safety. My mom had heart problems and would flat pass out and I was afraid she was going to hurt herself or my daughter, now that being said it did take alot of time away from my daughter and husband, I always had to be watchdog, so after my mom left i thought life would be more private with just the three of us, but it had already ruined my marriage to a certain extent, also my health and my husbands mental health, and god knows the impact on my daughter. Its been two years now since she has been gone, we knew when she left we were going to be down to one income, as she helped until her health did not permit, and we were ok with that but my husbands job cut his pay and hours, he also had performance problems as far as work, he was and still is having a huge lack of sleep time, due to several things one is my health, the other is he would always want to be up as long as he could to spend time with our daughter, so he is severley sleep deprived he is lucky if he gets 3 to 4 hours a night. Now to my health, I have had IBS for years, I have always been able to have control over it but the last several years it has not been controled at all, I feel like dirt everyday, I cant do much at least not plan anything, it seems I am on the tolite every few days, my symptoms have also changed for the worse, I'm scared everytime i have an episode that I am going to throw up or pass out, either way its not good because throwing up for me always ends up as passing out, I have done that since i was a kid and dont know why, but the point is it is not a good situation. It would scare the crud out of my daughter, especially since she has been witness to similar happenings with her grandma, and not a good outcome with that, so like i said the IBS has taken over my life, it is ruining my health, my marriage, and my time with my daughter. The effect it had on my marriage is bad, my husband does not get why I dont feel good, or want to do much of anything, I have no sex drive at all and have not for years. We would always talk about it and i tried my best to explain to him how i feel, I told him im tired, run down, and have lots of aches and pains.I am just not myself, but i also made sure I told him it is not him, that I love him just as much as i always have, I just wish he would have beleived me but apparently not. I have also asked him for years to get health insurance, he always said we can't afford it, so my daughter has been on medicaid and us nothing, the easy solution to me would have been for him to get a second job, now keep in mind when i say this, I know he has a lack of sleep, which is equally as dangerous, but I need to see a doctor. He looked off and on for a couple of years but never really took anything or done anything to change any of this. I feel like my husband has let me down says he cares about me and our daughter and our marriage, but and here comes the but,he went out and met some girl!!! yep, my worst nightmare, a few weeks ago I went in our car and found our old cell phone, which is identical to our current one, I needed it because our power went out and had to call to report it, and got a not so nice surprise, a few text messages I seen were on it, I did not even know he knew how to text, guess so, also at the same time I seen the second phone was being used, I did get nosey, so again me being nosey but not I looked through his jacket and found a condom in it, not used but still there, at that moment my whole life was upside down, we were already having money problems, in which we could lose our home, another reason I have asked him to get another job, so that one is still up in the air, but I can't beleive he has done this to us and our family, he claims he has only talked to her, ok, then why the condom?he also says she moved out of state, so I have been up his rear about all of this I can't just not say anything but I am getting tired of rehashing it every few days. also not sure if I can ever trust him again. I never would have thought he would ever and i mean ever, do anything like that, he does not understand that even if he did not get lucky with her before she moved it is just as bad that he planned on it, to me that is just as bad as him doing it i feel like he has not and does not care about my health, I also recently found out with my health getting worse what the problem might be, not just IBS and stress I also looked into some other things healthwise and came up with, possible thyroid problems my hair is thinning, my teeth are going to heck, I'm still tired all the time, I have heart paplitations, and have almost ceased to have periods for almost two years now. The IBS is worse, I am sick to my stomache alot, headaches, and the list goes on I talked to a friend of ours that is a chiropractor, and his with had alot of the same problems, but easy enough to control with proper medical care, but my problem is my husband wants to sweep it under the rug and not get another job with insurance, I need help I told him, he says im trying, but for two years i said? wow if it was just him and me I know what I would do, but this has all taken a toll on our daughter, to see her mom go down health wise, and our attiudes toward eachother have frankly stunk as a family, so lots more but please give your best suggestions on what you would do to stop all the madness here. In regaurds to my daughter, I feel bad because she is aware of everything that has went on, she loves both of us and hates to see the sourpuss faces, also she is not getting the time and attention she needs or deserves, and any opinion on my husband would help, maybe to look at it from others perspective, and also any ideas on what to do to help me in regaurds to my health would be appreciated, as I have no insurance. I feel like I will have to be out cold on a floor before i can get help, doctors will not see you without insurance or means to pay the bill. thank you all ahead of time for your input, sick and tired mom, and fed up wife.