Why Aren't Young Men Wearing Condoms and What Can Moms Do About It?

I never had any issues opening a condom packet and putting it on myself - never ran into a guy who said "No" to it, esp if you can put it on in a fun way. Maybe it's the girls also needing the education too.

It is BOTH of their responsibilities. Sex takes 2. Birth control may take 1, but if you're going to prevent disease and pregnancy, BOTH of them have to be responsible. We can't MAKE them do anything. All we can do is teach them as best we can, give them a foundation of respect - which is the key - and hope their hormones don't completely cause their brains to leak out their ears.

I figure that if girls refuse to have sex with boys without condoms, then boys won't be having sex with anyone unless they wear a condom. I think girls are the ones with control in the sex situation. Boys just always want to have sex, and they need to find a willing partner. The girls are the decision makers in the bedroom arena.

to answer your question… because they don't have to.

Oy. This is hard for me. My first thought, is I wish people wouldn't pass themselves out like business cards. I wish people didn't have flings. I wish people took sex, and what it REALLY is (the sharing of flesh, the sharing of ourselves) more seriously. I wish people just waited. I know that is MY ideal, and it won't be how other people want to, or can think.

I did wait, so did my husband. It had nothing to do with religious reasons, as I decided this before I even found religion. I will completely honest in that I do NOT know how I will deal with this. (Thank goodness, I have many years to figure it out!) I never HAD to use a condom or anything else. I never HAD to think about these things. I want so badly for my son to wait, but I know that isn't always reality. I guess I will teach him respect. Respect for his own body and respect for whoever he's sharing himself with. Respect, is protecting yourself. Respecting yourself, your future enough not to harm yourself. Unsafe sex, is self harm.

This is one of my biggest struggles as a parent. I think waiting, is the ultimate self love and respect. I just can't guarantee, that he will agree. Still, if he chose to go down that road, I want him to feel he can communicate with us. I want to educate him on sexual health, even if I don't want him to be having sex. I would rather bite my tongue and save my disappointment, then have a son who feels like he has to hide.

Oh, and there is a female condom ya know. A girl can demand he wear a condom. They should be taught this just as much.

I can't disagree more that a condom is more the mans responsibility. ESPECIALLY as a woman raising a daughter. Part of personal responsibility and accountability is ensuring that you have safe sex and that you do not get pregnant before you are emotionally, financially and relationally ready to have a baby.

To indicate that this is predominantly the male responsibility relegates women to the passive role they've historically held. Men should not be the sexual decision maker. ESPECIALLY when there are so few more and societal holds to encourage/force/support them to step up and be Dads and raise these children.

I am teaching my daughter that the pill prevents a pregnancy and condoms prevent disease (IF used *correctly* and not all the time). You can't use one without the other or the package is not complete. I am also teaching her that if she can't have birth control, sexual history, "here's what I need" conversations comfortably with a partner than what reason does she have for engaging in an activity that carries a high risk.

An x-boyfriend's mother used to stock a sily amount of condoms, over 200 in an urn or a serving platter or some such thing. It was on the landing of the stairs. She had 3 high school aged kids, and many of their friends coming and going from her house. The sentiment was "We love you and want you to stay healthy and safe, please help yourself." She'd replenish the supply whenever it was dipping low. All in the interest of public health and safety.

Good luck with your horse. ;-)
F. B.

I'm in the camp of "abstinence until marriage". Its how I was raised, I know the challenges firsthand, and will be able to talk honestly to my kids about those challenges, and how to express affection without sex.
I think its just as feasible to think I can accomplish this as it is feasible to think you can accomplish 100% condom use. Its about instilling your values, adding a little pressure, some scare tactics (because the consequences CAN be scary), and then putting faith in them that they will do what you have taught them to do.
Good luck to us both!

My experience is that guys are not as fussy about the condom issue as they should be. Maybe they were stupider back then.

Hammer it home to your son, when he's old enough, and scare the bejeezus (sp) out of him by telling him the myriad of terrible things that can happen (disease, parenthood, child support, etc.) if he doesn't use them.

Amen Sister!!!

Thanks for sharing and posting and venting.

I haven't read other people's responses yet.....
I agree that we really need to teach our children that condoms are ONE effective way to protect themselves.
But mom....I think you are offbase with your daughter. You SHOULD get her on birth control if she is sexually active. YES, condoms are important, but I have two (yes 2!) brothers that are condom babies. Oops. They do not work all of the time and if you do not want to be a grandma then not only would you stress to your daughter to make sure condoms are used, but you would have back up birth control also.
I am a mom to two boys and a girl. Yes, we will be stressing saving themselves for true love, but we are not dumb. Kids, teens, and young adults are dumb. I am DYING that there are parents on this board who are saying that they will only stress abstinence and their morals and are holding their children to higher standards. YOU will be a grandparent before you know it! My parents did the same thing, stressed abstinence, waiting...the whole 9 yards. And guess what? None of us did. We all had sex before marriage and two of us already had kids before we got married. (I have 4 siblings) The fact that YOU waited is lovely, but that does not mean that your children will. And now, you are not giving them info on keeping themselves sexually safe and they will either get knocked up or a nice case of Chlamydia. So we will make sure to stress condoms and how they keep you safer. But they are NOT 100% effective!
I am more worried about my daughter. SHE is my main concern. Because if she gets an STD it can affect her ability to have children. If SHE gets pregnant by some irresponsible shmuck then SHE is the single mom.
If two people are having sex then it is up to BOTH of them to be responsible. I hope that we raise our kids to be concerned about their sexual health and the sexual health of their partner.
L.

Added - I said IF the man is a shmuck....geesh. If he's not then GREAT!

I do t know the answer A..
I'm a few years older than you. Maybe it's regional, but the norm here (consensus) was always a grumble, then compliance.cant think of an instance where a guy (mine or friends) refused to wear a condom...
Anyway, as the mom of a boy, I plan to have condoms READILY Available for him.
At 10, theyve had some basic AIDS education at school and I added to it by explaining it further and sharing that it us a disease you have FOREVER. AND how it's preventable w/ regard to sexual transmission.
It's good news that the teen pregnancy rates are down, but that's not necessarily related to condom use.

As with anything else we teach our children, the key is open, honest communication, real talk not lectures, then cross our fingers and hope they make the right decisions.
I was a smart, well-educated, mature, responsible teen and young adult who was not perfect at remembering my pill and haphazard about condoms even before I developed an allergy to them. Serial monogamy and less than a dozen partners total helped, a bit, in keeping me healthy, but I also realize I got lucky to have never had a close call with pregnancy or diseases. It wasn't that I didn't know what I was doing had risks, I just chose to do it anyway.
I hope my honesty with my own children, when they're older will help them make better choices all around. I've got a "trial run" with our teenaged babysitter/neighbor, as her parents won't talk about sex, drugs and rock 'n roll with her, so she comes to me. I've been 100% honest with her about my choices and especially my mistakes, in the hopes she will remember my hard learned lessons if faced with similar situations. Either way, we just keep talking and I hope for the best.
I think, as parents, that's all we really can do.

I'm as adamant about my son not having sex at all until he married. Condoms are not going to prevent all diseases or all pregnancies. If a boy is having sex before marriage he isn't appreciating the one he is supposedly caring for. Any boy that wants to have sex with my girls before marriage is not loving daughter. He is putting her in a very very difficult situation. I won't buy condoms for any child. I set my standards higher and I know that my children are able to to meet it. It sounds like you are selling the kids short.

I don't know a good way to answer this. But I do know that a condom can keep a whole of problems at bay. My grandson was a pill baby because mom had been on antibiotics and it reduced her pill so guess what, she got pregnant. Son was under the thought that the pill was working properly - not.

So to make a long story short, use a back up to the plan to keep from having your life's plans altered because of baby. I had also mentioned that if this is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with DON'T have sex with them. These 16 years have been more hell than happiness for him. They never married but lived together to try to make a go of it but in Colorado after 72 hours of being together it turns into a common law marriage and a divorce has to been filed to separate. A fun thing.

Anyway, do your best to educate both male and female child(ren) about the adult consequences of sex and altering our live goals.

As far as abstinence goes, it is great in theory but peer pressure gets the best of most. Teach them a back up plan as well.

I will get off the soapbox now.

the other S.

Honestly when my daughter gets to that age ill b putting her on birth control n giving her condoms if I feel they are needed. Condoms r not 100% same with birth control but most young people don't know how to correctly use condoms. Both I think are needed especially for young women so they can protect themselves against pregnancy and STDs. I asked n begged my mom for birth control when I became active but she wouldn't and I wasn't old enough to get birth control without a parent. We used condoms and I still ended up pregnant my daughters dad n I are still together 6 yrs later n my daughter is 4

I like birdsfreakmeout's answer. I didn't read the rest.

My nephew and his girlfriend managed to get pregnant on prom night. His condom was conveniently left in his wallet. (What a cliche, right?) So, obviously, teenage boys carrying condoms do not always use them. Just one more anecdote for your arsenal, A. J.

I have two young daughters. I hope that my (future) attempts at educating them about this issue will not fall on deaf ears. I will also be getting them HPV shots (at the appropriate age) and get them on birth control (at a later appropriate age) in case my words of wisdom are not taken seriously.

ETA: Read a few more. I absolutely LOVE Fanged Bunny's response.

Well I agree with a lot of the answers on here, and that they don't wear one because lots of the girls don't care either. When you get free health care and all the other government programs out there, why be responsible, because you really don't have to be responsible anymore. And I have a problem with Birdsfreakmeout saying: " I am more worried about my daughter. SHE is my main concern. Because if she gets an STD it can affect her ability to have children. If SHE gets pregnant by some irresponsible shmuck then SHE is the single mom." UM HELLO if your single daughter gets pregnant, the boy is the Schmuck??!! I'd say your daughter is the schmuck also!! Don't blame it all on the boy! And how do you know the boy would not want to make a family out of the situation?
Anyhow, we are teaching our boys that it is best to wait until they are married, however, if that is not the way that it is going to happen, that they must use condoms to prevent disease and pregnancy.

Both the sks knew where we kept condoms in the house if they needed them. I know that at least SD went to college with her own box, not leaving her choices up to whether or not her boyfriend had some available. And both of them were here in their teens when DD (and their cousin's daughter) were new and got a first hand look at infancy. I think that like girls, boys also need to be talked to so that a condom isn't a horrible thing. It is a protection from disease and pregnancy and something not only does he need to want to do for himself, but for her. If he can't be man enough to put one on, he's not ready for sex. That's something my mom told me that really stuck. If I wasn't able to buy my own protection, I shouldn't have sex. I think that applies to both sides. A pill is only for birth control. It does nothing to prevent diseases that they could have to face for the rest of their lives.

I give my sons the info and then it's up to them what to do with it. It's really none of my business once they are adults.

Yes, I think a lot of parents talk to their sons about condoms, but we're in a lazy age. Who wants to pay for them? What wants the embarrassment? Who wants to take the time? "It won't feel as good". Ridiculous.

We always told our teen sons that if they are STUPID and get a girl pregnant before they're an adult, they miss out on EVERYTHING. They will still get their high school diploma AND they will work every other second they can to earn money for their child, period! There won't be time for college because your child will need food and a place to live so working will be their life from then on. PERIOD. If they're an adult and get a girl pregnant, they're totally on their own. Just let us know when the kid is born. This happened to our then 21 year old. He didn't use a condom and his now wife's BC failed. Voila! I became a gramma. They got married and we did not financially help them. (no one went hungry) We did what regular grandparents did and they figured it out on their own.

I must add, when I had just the 2 boys I had a friend who had 3 girls and told me how lucky I was to have sons because her 3 daughters could get pregnant. Um, I enlightened her that NO I wasn't "lucky" because while a girl gets pregnant, that same father can continue to get more girls pregnant in those 9 months! How is that lucky? Meanwhile, one of her daughters became a stripper instead of finishing high school and has a lifetime STD, one got pregnant and married an abuser and the other seemed scared to death of commitment, because she was the mom who let her young kids drink at home with their friends because at least she'd know where they were. And the kind of mom that would rather have her girls have sex at home than in a dirty motel or the back seat of a car! DOH!!! This mom also got an STD from her abusive husband.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets