Marriage Issues.... - Miami,FL

I don't want to get graphic or anything like that but the way to man's heart is through his ---------. Men do not understand talk. They get frustrated and want one thing. Once they get that, they can think clearly and will start to be kinder and help out more. You have to give to get. Men are much different from women, start to see it through his eyes and things might work out. If you have no desire, then call the whole marriage off and get out ASAP. Sorry this situation sucks but that is the reality of it. If he feels lonely, untouched, and ignored, he will find plenty of other women out there. Don't let it get to that point. Good luck with everything.

I am so sorry to hear you pain. I can hear it by the way you talk you are in pain. I know everyone else is gonna say this, but have you thought of counseling? Does he know how much pain you are in? Maybe try being nice to him, hug or kiss randomly and see his reaction? I am sorry.

E., I’ve been in your shoes. It’s so peculiar but I seriously could have written this post years ago. I know what it feels like to have your life spiral out of control. If your marriage isn’t going well, then the rest of your life seems to fall apart all around you. When I was going through this I was sinking deeper into depression and I realized that my child (at the time we only had one) was being affected by it. She was very young but still. If it wasn’t for my daughter I don’t know what I would have done but for her, I got help.

What I did was one day sit my husband down. I said to him very directly = I’m incredibly unhappy in our marriage. I feel like I’m taken for granted and that you do not respect me in the least. I’ve made an appointment to see a marriage counselor. This will end in one of 2 ways: We end in divorce OR you agree to get some counseling with me and we make it work.

He was taken aback and I was actually surprised by the surprised look on his face. He said he knew I was unhappy but that the fact I felt we needed marriage counseling was a “slap in the face”.

We went to counseling and now we are happier than we’ve ever been. I love him more now then I did the day we got married. It was a long uphill battle but we made it.

Please for the sake of your children if not for yourself, get help.

Hopefully you will get the advice you seek from this forum!!!

I think both of you are in a standoff, each refusing to be the first one to reach out. I'm not blaming you -- I've experienced some of what you are describing. (And don't even remind me about him not getting the kids to make a card. But schools are good for that.)

One of you has to be the first one to give. I know you're worn out, but he's told you he wants attention. Could you try giving it to him for a day or two and see if you get anything in return?

I know Dr. Laura has her problems (if she's even still on the air) but one thing she used to advise people is to start treating each other as if they were dating. They didn't have to feel the emotions, just do the actions of being nice to each other. And usually, when they did that for each other, the couple started liking/loving each other again, very quickly.

So, if you could bring yourself to give him some attention... (I'm not sayin' it's easy)...

If you feel like a single parent--perhaps you should try what I did when I felt this way in my marriage--AND it woke my hubby up...I ACTED like I was a single parent--not in the "going for a date thing"---But in the household thing..

DO NOT cook for him, clean up after him, do not do his laundry, pick up his mess, run his errands, buy foods, or things he needs--let him fend for himself. Tell him that you need help with this family and that thi9s family needs the help before any other family does. That as long as he feels another family is more important than this one, he can take care of himself. Remind him that by law he has to provide financially for you and the children, so to not even try to pull that one. Tell him that YOU need recognition for all you do, that YOU need love and affection too and that ignoring important dates in NOT acceptable and only tells you that he does not care about you.

Tell him to sit down and write everything he plans on changing about himself on one side, and everything he hopes that you will change about you...and you do the same--no talking....then switch papers...no talking...no fighting....look over the papers and do not talk about them for 24 hours...think them over and then have a WRITTEN agreement on what changes each will make and post them somewhere you both will see them.

To be honest, it sounds like you could do just fine without him...if you find a way to be financially sound...I would start stashing money away and finding a safety net of a place to go and a way to keep a roof over your head, food in your stomach and clothing on your back---divorce is far from the end of the world.

You have to look at it this way. You have kids..Do you want them to think this is how a Father is suppose to act? Do you want them to grow up and be this kind of Father and Husband?? If not, something has to change!! List all the things he is doing right on one side of a paper and all the things he is doing wrong on the other side and show it to him...and ask him the same question...ask him if this is the way he wants his kids to treat others when they are an adult.

And yes--men need you to be blunt--do NOT beat around the bush!!!

Before you think of something damaging and permanent like separation and divorce, do your research. I strongly recommend this book : Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs, by Emerson Eggerichs. The way to his heart is NOT through sex. It is through respect, and the way to your heart is through feeling loved. This book outlines the distinct differences between how men and women feel appreciated and loved, and what is important to each respectively. This book may save you, your sanity and your marriage. Not just to get through it, but to enjoy it and be alive in it. Best wishes ~K.

EDIT: Just read some of the other responses and I really like MM's. I think you should make that appt and say exactly what she said to her husband.
Please take partial responsibility for the mess you are in, he needs to know that it's not completely his fault and that BOTH of you need some expert advice. **There is no room for for the blame game at this juncture.
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Without letting him know you are changing the plan, try putting him first over the boys for a couple of weeks and see how that works for ya. When it gets this bad it wont change over night. It gradually got bad and it can gradually get better as long as one of you starts going in the right direction.
Right now you are fed up, pissed off and feel like a trapped slave, it's pretty obvious. We all hear that.
I see some over loaded laundry baskets, dishes in the sink, beds not made, toys strown all over the place, one kid running nekkid, the other has snot bubbles coming out of his nose and whining for a cookie. Mom's hair is a mess, she hasnt touched a tube of mascara in several months, wearing some sweats and a tshirt with a hole under the arm. And she's desperately asking for a Birthday card, lol. Poor thing.
Dad comes home from an "organized" work place into the war zone, turns his ballcap backwards and goes into 21yr old single guy mode, heads back out to somewhere with no chaos.
He's not mature. You need to see a counselor so you can vent. Does his family know he's being like this? Do you have anyone on your side? Let him read some of these posts, maybe it will help understand that he needs to get on board.
I feel for ya. You are begging him for some validation, and he's probably doing the same to you. I'm guessing you both want the same thing but neither of you knows how to extract it from the other.
Please ask around for a good couples counselor in your area.... You guys will benefit from the third party insight and the tools he/she will give you.

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I myself have been married for 10 years and know what it feels like to feel unloved and unwanted however in saying that I also have to say that my husband is the man of my dreams, a Super Father and my soul mate. Now that I have said that I have to say what is your relationship with God. I am sure a lot of people will read this and have their own views however God is the light in my path for there is NO other and since then (again it was not easy to get here) things are wonderful and I would have them no other way. Sometimes our husbands need to feel and see what we say so...when words fall on deaf ears treat him how you would be treated. Start training your kids to help you I know they are little but they can help you around the house both of my kids do and have since the age of 6. This does not mean be a slave driver but they do have to learn in order to survive when they are older. Then think of small things you would like to see in your husband or that you would like him to do for you. Things that would make you feel you are a very special part of that family as you have written you truly are, in my eyes and God's. Then act out...if you want him to treat you like a queen then you must treat him like a king first. It is the way it is you must give to get and find a way to make things work unless there is no hope and then you have to realize God does not want us in a position that we will live in constant pain and termoil. Hope this helps or makes you feel a little better. God bless and you are in my prayers.

E., I'm sorry your going through this. Stop enabling him. By doing EVERYTHING you are enabling him to do nothing. His excuse about you not putting out(let's face it) being the reason for him to behave like a giant butt can be explained by you telling him that you don't have anything left in you to give to him because you feel like you have to do it ALL. Next time he says he's going to his brother's house tell him he can eat while he's there and your boys have a ton of homework so don't expect a clean uniform tomorrow, unless he wants to come home and give you a hand. Tell him how YOU don't feel appreciated, either, starting with the no cards or flowers on special occassions. Be very clear, E., tell him that you are NOT HAPPY in the marriage and if he asks you why tell him exactly what you said here. He's checked out and you are DONE! Some guys are thick, they need a lot of clarification, and they are not good at figuring out what's going on emotionally. I hope that he takes you seriously and steps up to the plate as a husband and father. He is teaching his own kids to be BAD husbands and UNINVOLVED fathers. Point that out to him. Good luck.

Get the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. This will really open your eyes to some things.

As far as gifts for bday, mother's day, etc. That is YOUR fault. A couple weeks before you need to say straight out... "Next week is my bday and I want a nice pair of gold earrings and dinner at Olive Garden". Or whatever. I can't believe women don't say what they want and then get all pissy because their husbands are supposed to read their minds.

Marriage and kids are hard. You need to communicate and turn things around. Read the book, you'll see changes for the better. Good luck to you!

Okay, I hope what I have to say helps. My ex's birthday was the day before mine and I always got him several nice gifts and had a birthday cake for him. He never did anything for mine. Finally my Mom had enough and told me not to do anything for his Birthday. At first I wouldn't listen but then finally I decided I had had enough. I did nothing for his Birthday and on my day I purchased special food for dinner, had a friend make me a cake and bought myself presents and let the girls wrap them for me to open later on that evening. It was a wonderful day and I felt really good about myself. The girls and I had a great time. Don't let him bring you down. You have your pride. Tell him to wash his own uniforms as you are to tired to do it. When it comes time to clean the kitchen ask him to join you and tell him he will be rewarded after. That way you both win. He helps you and you love on him awhile. Suggest a bubble bath or shower together after the kids are in bed. Get a sitter and go on a date. Hire a neighbor kid to help out with the cleaning. There are so many things you can do to take the load off of you. I just celebrated my 9th. anniversary but was a single Mom for years. My husband was getting to the point where he wasn't helping do much of anything around here and starting to boss me around. The spark was gone. But I told him it would be easier and a lot more fun if we did the housework together and then we would have fun time together. And yes, there are times when he still gets jealous of the girls and they are adults now. It is normal for a man to be jealous of the kids. Instead of talking to him show him..After dinner tell him you want him to help you with the dishes so you can relax together. Watch something he likes on the television with him, make popcorn, laugh...Life is too too short to be unhappy...live...love..laugh. .We are back to being happy. He takes out the trash while I wash dishes and then he dries them while I clean the table up and counter tops. If I am sweeping the floor he shakes the rugs. When he gets in the shower I hop in and wash his back for him. If he's watching tv I make some popcorn and we share it. Only you can choose what path you want to follow. Be a bitter, unhappy wife or live life to it's fullest and be happy. If you know he's not getting you anything for Christmas go out and buy yourself a present from each of your kids and have a friend or neighbor let them wrap them for you. One year Santa brought me presents and put them under my tree...Serious, it was the first year after my divorce when the girls were little and to this day we do not know where the presents came from that were under the tree with my name on them. Stop and get an iced coffee at McDonald's when you are out shopping. Play music when cleaning the house. It will improve your mood. Make friends on here or Facebook to talk with. Don't depend on your husband to make you happy. Once he sees you can be happy without his attention he will pay more attention because it will get him curious as to why you are so happy. I gave another friend this same advice 15 years ago and their marriage is going stronger than ever. Only you can make you happy....relax more...laugh more and enjoy life...it's a lot easier to put up with a lazy husband then it is to raise children on your own. I know because I was a single Mom most of my girls lives...I wish you luck and will be praying for you. If you need a friend feel free to contact me.

Didn't you just have a baby a month or so ago? Your kids are 5, 2 and newborn, right? Wasn't your husband diagnosed with some major neck/shoulder issue a few weeks ago?

Breathe in, mamma. Breathe out.

I don't have any answers regarding your marriage, but I think you are dealing with enough things without adding this stress. We're all entitled to a meltdown every now and again. I just think that you should wipe your tears, go hug your husband and tell him you love him and that you would like to hear that he loves you too. That whatever happens, you're in this together.

Good luck-

I totally hear you. I have been there. While I know you are tired let's see where both sides can get what they want and need out of the marriage.

Think back to when you were dating - what did you like about him. What made you want to marry him?

Also is it in the budget once a week at least to have the house deep down cleaned? Then you maintain it? How old are the boys? There comes a time when they can help with little things (age appropriate) - it's important to teach them from young.

At first this may feel like "work" but maybe ask him if he could put the boys to bed so you can go and shower and put on something "special". At first it may be all physical but over time it will turn into more intimacy that will satisy you both.

Have you tried writing him a letter that is sincerely understanding that he wants more of you and that you want to give him that - however without sounding "nagging" that you need more of him in the ways of being Dad and so that can lead to more of husband and wife time.

Even when he throws out the garbage - even a gentle "Thank you honey or Thank you Daddy" with a touch in your voice. The boys need to see the intimacy and tenderness between the two of you.

I pray my little 2 sense helps

I am here for you,

A.

You focus on those beautiful baby boys of yours. Keep their lives fun and loving. Marriage is challenging for everyone. I have boys too and it is a lot of work so I understand. Be there for your husband AND boys. If he leaves it is his big loss. You owe it to your boys to love them unconditionally, regardless of your husband's insecurity issues. God chose you to be their mommy for a reason. Don't worry about presents, someday when they are older, they will be fretting about what to buy you for mommy's day. Give yourself a break!

Relationship 9-1-1. Try reading Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin. It is worth a try. Lots of men are just as nonhelpful and unkind. Don't leave. Try this book. You can find a used one for cheap. I was on the verge of divorce for the first 12 years of my marriage - never happy either. This did a major turn-around in my marriage and quick. I have a love-hate relationship with the book. I love it because it works and it is true but I hate reading it because it is very 1950s. Please give it a shot because I would hate to see your family broken up if it can be fixed.

It sounds like your husband isn't hearing you, despite talking. Our minister has been the BEST mediator in my marriage, I reached out to him at one point, met with him, and then he met privately with my husband.

It did wonders to have someone who wasn't ME tell my husband I had reason to be angry over a particular issue. You need someone like this in your life...minsiter, counselor, one of DH's brothers, someone.

Who do you trust?

I wasn't going to respond - you got some advice about counseling that pretty much covered what I was thinking from the first - until I keyed in on one of the last things you wrote:
"...it just gets thrown back in my face that i don't caress him or show him that I love him so he won't do those things for me..."
That is a tit-for-tat attitude that has no place in marriage. It's possible that there are things YOU could do to improve, but his attitude that he shouldn't try harder because he percieves that you aren't is wrong.
My husband is a wonderful man and father and has not bought me gifts for several of the same holidays. He's just not a romantic like that. And, when it comes right down to it, it really doesn't matter all that much. He shows me love throughout the year. So, though I think you DO have some worthwhile issues that need addressing, don't focus on the 'presents at key times' issue more than you should. Does he EVER buy you nice things?
I think you need marriage counseling, for both your sakes. There is also a book called "The Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Schlessinger that has a lot to offer. In any case, you have three boys together and they love their dad. Don't call it quits until you have exhausted every avenue to fix your marriage.

... this is a common malady... with Husbands.
They are the "other" child in the family.

I had a time, where my Husband was like that too. Ugh.
Its better now... but of course no marriage is perfect.
I have repeatedly told him... that he gives more attention to a stranger, than to me. I always do things for him, care for him, have sex whatever. He had a Mom that did EVERYTHING for him... and did NOT "complain" about it.
Hence, how he was with me. Except that I am, vocal, about things.

Anyway, its not easy.
I hear you.
My Husband... though... does help around the house.
Everything, has to be a compromise... between the spouses. But if it is only a one-way street... it is hard, to improve.

Tell your Husband... that my Husband works and goes to school. He is legitimately "busy." BUT.. .he still spends time with the kids... and will be a "Spouse" instead of pouting like a child when he feels miffed. He once wrote me a LONG letter... telling me how he felt. I had no idea, my Husband was so "sensitive." Wow. Since then, well, I have tried to be more 'aware' of him.... instead of just seeing him as an adversary.
Because, he can be a real nit-picking rude commenting Man. To me. Thus, it made me even more... NOT want to do things... with him.
Vicious cycle.....

1) But your Husband feels he gets no attention and does not feel wanted. WELL... maybe if he helped you, then you would have more "time" for giving him attention.
2) It is a TWO-way street....
3) HE is a part of the family too and the household... it is his family and house too... so he IS RESPONSIBLE for it too. AND for taking CARE of his Wife. THAT is what a Husband is. It is like not giving water to a plant and letting it dry up and shrivel up. While watching it happen. IF your Husband cared... beyond HIMSELF.... he would see.. that you are only human and need tending to... TOO.
Tell him this.

My own Daughter used to tell me "Daddy gives us more attention, than he does to you....but you do so much for him...." Kids, see things. I told my Husband this. A "shock" for him.

I told my Husband... he expects ALL kinds of things for him to be happy, and which he expects from me. BUT... he was NOT doing anything for me nor filling my cup, either. Even though, EVERY darn day... I was doing things for him... and with him. BUT... he DID NOT NOTICE.
Even if I was a Runway Model and a Martha Stewart... and a PERFECT Spouse... he wouldn't notice.
So... it takes the MAN... to heed to his own complaints about "you"... and to reflect on himself and SEE how HE is..... contributing to the whole problem. TOO. It goes both ways.

Your Husband... seems very resentful, or more accurately "SPITEFUL"... and maybe it is just his personality. Who knows if he can "change" or grow-up.
Not telling the kids that it was your Birthday... is soooooooooooo mean. And hurtful.
HE is.... "showing" your children... what a "Man" is... and he is not doing a good job, at all. Because all he can think of, is himself. AND he is making it a "you do this for me or I will not do anything for you..." kind of dynamic. Which... is really, childish.
It will only continue to hurt... your relationship.

He/you need marital counseling. But I don't know if it will work... because.... he ONLY sees it as "you" not being good, while he is just being retaliatory and justifies himself.... for his treatment of you.
Very childish....
He needs to grow up...

Remember... once day your sons will be someone else's Boyfriend or Husband.. I am SURE... you would NOT want them to treat their Partner... like how your Husband treats you.
Your sons.... NEED to see YOU... their Mom... a Woman.... as a person who is RESPECTED and loved and cared for.
Your Husband... is greatly sabotaging them and their ideas of what a "Man" and Husband, is.

all the best,
Susan

It depends on how badly you want to save your marriage. If you love him and want to work things out then you need to fight for him. Otherwise, you should call it quits. You both are seeing the same situation very differently. He wants to be caressed and taken care of because he's a leader. He delegates. He wants a woman who will not only take care of him and meet his needs but also one who will stand with him and help him lead. He reminds me of King Xerxes from the bible in Esther. Remember how Esther honored him and he would move the ends of the earth to please her? And how he got rid of Vashti because she wouldn't honor him? If you stand with him to help him be a great leader, then he'll bend over backwards to please you. I know this because you described my husband. Things didn't get better until I changed me and looked at the situation differently. Now we have such an awesome relationship. Good luck!

It sounds like both of you are asking for the same thing but neither of you know how to get the other one to "HEAR" you. We get so consumed in being parents that we forget about our spouses. Men are made from an entirely different breed, it's not just you, TRUST ME!!! LOL
I would suggest counseling and taking a look back at why you got married in the first place to each other. This doesn't sound like something that can't be fixed. Frustrating I know, but with some help, you guys can get through it!

i think you should make the first move, start genuinely asking him about his day, start cooking his favorite meals, wearing his favorite outfit, aknowledging the things he does do or tries to do, and ask for nothing more. Focus on the positive. I was the same way with my husband, i felt like he was taking advantage of me,and spending entirely too much time elsewhere. One day i got tired of complaining so i asked him to tell me two things about myself he would change if he could, reasonable things and i did not say i wanted him to return the favor. He told me more sex(go figure) and less procrastination(guilty as charged)

I tell you right now a guy who gets to have two requests met can become a man over night. Our relationship has changed for the better, and i enjoy the changes i made about myself as well.

You need marriage counseling to help you guys find the middle ground in your relationship. Hopefully you will both be willing to put in the work. I know it saved my marriage and we are now happy once again.

Here's the deal E. B.: you really need to get into come professional, christian based counseling. Mamapedia is a nice venting spot, but you guys are in the pit of a bad situation and you need help to get out. Your boys are watching this daily. They think this is how Moms and Dads behave and worse yet, husbands and wives. They will take this into all their future relationships. It's time to make the changes in your lives to be the parents you hoped you'd be and husband and wife you vowed to be!
You and your husband need to swallow your pride, care less about who said what or did what and move on, fresh start.
Love and respect. That's your motto from now on. It's not too late to show your boys how wonderful marriage can be. The first step is getting on the same page, getting help and working hard for your relationship. What a wonderful example you will be then!

Wow, after reading I had to check the name to make sure I hadn't written this in my sleep. I'm in the same situation, married just over a year with a 6 month old baby. I'm American but live in Mexico with my Mexican husband...which means washing all clothes by hand and basically doing everything 10 times harder than it should be. Not to mention putting up with him telling me not to even leave the house because surely some guy will see a gringa and want to have sex with me...and of course I'll be fine with that? By the way, I'm 26 with a college degree but not allowed to work because he says that's his job...even though he has been out of work for almost a year...

I really hate to see another person in this situation and I have to say, focus your energy on those kids, they will be the ones to take care of you and appreciate everything you've done when they're older. Sounds like both our husbands have some growing up to do.

Hi, I'm so sorry what you've been dealing with. I strongly suggest you get a book "Men who hate women and women who love them". I know that many are suggesting therapy and that could be great IF he's interested. It seems that his behavior isn't showing he's aware of how it's hurting you, or he doesn't care. You need to find out which it is.

Are you married to my ex? J/K... You wouldn't have any kids if you were married to my ex... He got snipped for good reason when our daughter was only 4mos old.

I left. That's what I did. Hugs to all those ladies that are dealing with what I've been through and worse!

As has been suggested, counseling is a good idea. There are all kinds of counselors so, talk to them before you spend a lot of money going up the wrong alley. A good one will really help and though expensive, is definitely cheaper than divorce. Many insurance plans pay for some or a certain # of sessions.

Another thing that he (or both of you) can do is to get a good medical checkup. Get a blood test and see if your body is balanced in hormones, enzymes and all that other stuff. If his system is out of whack, it's so much harder to be kind and caring. Stress can wreak havoc on a body and won't really show up as an issue unless you get bloodwork done. You can go through a traditional medical doctor or better yet, a Naturopath who is medically trained to look at things wholistically and will use natural supplements over medecine to help get things re-regulated.

Keep trying to find a solution. It really can get better.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this . . . I have no answers for you, just wanted you to know that someone is thinking of you, sending "good" thoughts to you, and hoping things get better! You certainly have your hands full. Believe me, even if Dad doesn't appreciate you, your boys DO! You are loved and wanted and important! May God keep you safe and bring happiness to you in the future.
All the best to you . . .

Sounds like counseling is the only way to make your life better, have you tried? have you talked to hubby about counseling? if he wont go go alone you will get advise that will help you talk to him, argue less, and if necessary make a decision about your marriage.
In the mean time Remember; men do NOT get subtlety! you can leave a heavy box at the bottom of the stairs and the nicest man will Never guess that you'd love him to carry it upstairs. You can drop hints for weeks about your birthday, he prob wont notice. He's NOT going to figure out on his own that if he chips in more you will be happier, sweeter, and he'll have more sex. ( I dont know you but I can figure it out cuz I'm female!!) So you have to ask nicely and clearly for what you want, and you have to PRAISE him like a good student when he does help out! Tell him my birthday is--- and I would like to go out for dinner, I dont need a gift but I DO need a nice card. Tell him he is the only father the boys have and stress that he needs to play with them, read to them and put them to bed at least every other day so they will respect him and have a great relationship with him when they hit teen and young adult years(that is not for you that is for THEIR benefit and his own. Pick a chore you think he can and WILL handle like wash his own uniforms or go to the grocery store, buy his ----- or cook once a week and stop doing it. But remember however he does this chore is great do not criticize. If he makes only chicken and no vegetables or only pasta week after week that's great If he doesnt make dinner on his assigned night -sigh everyone gets PB&J sandwiches:( or something the kids will complain about. If he is a decent father then you really need to try to save this marriage, start working on making yourself happier -find something to do that makes you happy, sign up for an exercise class once a week (I like yoga) or a book club or whatever and TELL him you are going and will have to pay a babysitter 20 bucks a week or he can do it. Try the fake it till you make it routine for a while ACT happy, show him more patience and praise while you are pushing him to do more (be specific and ask don't expect him to volunteer!) (think of it as a short term solution. Another great suggestion people have made here is hire someone to help clean etc (even if you can't afford it) and then SHOW him how being less stressed and less tired makes you happier and more affectionate, then maybe he'll decide to save money but keep the happier wife by helping out more. You can also show him all the research that men who help out around the house are happier and less stressed then men who don't!

Do NOT take any blame for his childish, immature, disrespectful behavior! He doesn't need you, he needs his mother!! You two need a "date night" once a week, not discussing issues and downfalls on each other’s part. Prior to scheduling a “date night”, sit down with him when the kids are in bed and discuss a game plan and possible solutions. Most men will not entertain the thought of a marriage counselor, so that may not work in your situation. Make the attempts to create possible solutions between the two of you without any outside interference, until you have exhausted all avenues yourselves. He has mentally turned you off and is possibly avoiding confrontation. Let him know that there is going to be changes that will benefit both of you, but you can not do it alone, and without his help, you are destine for the inevitable. He is a very lucky man in that you are still around. No women that does all that you do, deserves what you are going through. You will eventually shut down and mentally turn him off, not to mention hate, resent, and disrespect him, if you don’t move quickly in this situation. Maybe if things do begin to turn around for the two of you, schedule a short family vacation and make him do all the work :) Good luck with him, you are going to need it. He is a POS in my opinion!!

It sounds like you need to seperate from him. You could 'try' counseling but honestly-this man sounds like a royal jerk. If you HONESTLY have not had one sinlge happy day in your marriage then that tells you all you need to know. Seems like most of the salvageable marriages ahve at least a few good days to them But-what kind of position are you in now to do this? You need to get all of your ducks in a row. Secure some money, legal counsel and whatever else that you will need. If you are not working now you will need to get a job. Of course-do not let him know that you are doing this. And then when you are good and ready-tell him that you guys need to split. Keep your head totally on-no screaming at all-very important. In your calmest voice tell him that you have had it. Of course you both want what is best for the kids and would like it to be amicable for that reason.

You guys need some expert advice and you need to do the work otherwise it sounds like you are headed for the big D. Exhaust ALL resources before doing something that permanent that you may regret later..... divorce does not fix your life, you will still be a single mom with baggage. Please do what you can to fix the marriage before totally giving up on it, you have 3 boys to raise. What you are doing now is obviously not working so you have to do a 360 and try something else. Don't let your pride get in the way. Marriage's are crazy sometimes, especially when you have 3 little boys. If you and your husband get back on track you will actually be able to look back on this and laugh some day, I guaranty it. "Remember when the boys were little and you worked all the time and I was home alone going crazy because you didnt have the balls to help me?" It can be a fond memory in about 10 years.

Wow, I have to say I'm quite disturbed at the ladies here that are telling you that you are neglecting your husband. How ridiculous. You better believe that if I was required to do EVERYTHING in this house there is no way there would be enough energy left in my body to meet his needs, nor would I feel an emotional requirement to do so. I would literally come to despise him. Now, you really need to think hard and long about what you want. Do you feel enough love for your husband that you want to continue, or do you feel all is lost? I truly believe that marriage is forever and would do anything to save mine, but I'm not in your shoes. My husband is helpful, caring, patient and loving. Yes, we have our moments of hardship but we always come together at the end of the day.

I could not have written a better response than Patty below. I agree whole-heartedly that we are just as important as our male counterparts and deserve love and respect in our relationships without having to put out. If I treated my husband like your husband treats you then you better believe I wouldn't be getting any either! Marriage is not about a bunch of ultimatums, it's about working together toward the common goal. Good luck my dear and I truly hope you figure out what you need and want.

You have so much resentment towards him. I will tell you, my husband does not do any housework at all, which sucks. But he makes up for it in other ways. I do not like that he doesnt do housework, but for the sake of my kids and my marriage I just let it go. Its just easier to do it myself then to fight about it. I do resent it, but not to the point where I just dont like him anymore. Your husband sounds like your room mate, which isnt good. Have you told him that his behavior is going to cause you to split up? Does he even care? If not, maybe proceed to move on. Sometimes they need a rude awakening.
Bottom line, yes my husband pisses me off, but he is still my best friend and I love him tons. If you dont feel like this, you guys need help. If there is no helping him, its not going to go well.

Dear E.,
Find the Dianetics Center, and go there quickly. The answers you are looking for are there. Please, I think you need to do this for yourself, and for your boys, so they don't grow up thinking this is a normal relationship.
And there is happiness to be had.
Best, K

Updated

Dear E.,
Find the Dianetics Center, and go there quickly. The answers you are looking for are there. Please, I think you need to do this for yourself, and for your boys, so they don't grow up thinking this is a normal relationship.
And there is happiness to be had.
Best, K

Updated

Dear E.,
Find the Dianetics Center, and go there quickly. The answers you are looking for are there. Please, I think you need to do this for yourself, and for your boys, so they don't grow up thinking this is a normal relationship.
And there is happiness to be had.
Best, K

Updated

Dear E.,
Find the Dianetics Center, and go there quickly. The answers you are looking for are there. Please, I think you need to do this for yourself, and for your boys, so they don't grow up thinking this is a normal relationship.
And there is happiness to be had.
Best, K

Updated

Dear E.,
Find the Dianetics Center, and go there quickly. The answers you are looking for are there. Please, I think you need to do this for yourself, and for your boys, so they don't grow up thinking this is a normal relationship.
And there is happiness to be had.
Best, K

Hi E.
So sorry that you are going through this.
We all know as Mamas how damn hard it is raising our precious children.
I am not going to give you any two cent marriage advise.
All I can say is that you do not deserve to be treated like this and should thrive to have a happy life for you and your kids.
You are the only person that knows what the next step is to take.
My advise would be to be honest with yourself and know what you want for your future. Make steps to achieve this.
Whatever you decide wishing you all the happiness in the world
B.