Friends Marriage in trouble...how to Help!

Stay out of it! Say NOTHING when they vent to you (it's inappropriate for them to do that!). Or say "I'm Switzerland!" (meaning you're neutral).

"Have you told him?" Tell him" Have you told her?" "Tell her"
That is what I would be saying. Over and over. Otherwise stay out of it.

There is Dianetics Marriage counseling-you could find out where locally, and tell them of that as well.

best, k

I say if you want to be a friend, stay out of it. It is not your place to mend broken relationships. Continue to watch the kids but be firm and tell them you don't want any part in their problems. They need to look on each other, not to you.

Terry,

Why don't you offer to watch their kids for one weekend so that they can get out and spend some time alone. I know that with life and family and routine, things get to the point that both get frustrated and tired. But maybe being alone just the two of them and knowing their kids are in great hands, they can talk and re-connect. I know that my hubby and I would love to do that, but unfortunately we don't have any family around. Suggest this to them and see what happens. You are a great friend for caring so much about them and I sure hope they see this.

Don't get involved. Any time my husband and/or I got involved, gave opinions, or whatever, about someone else's relationship it only did harm, either to them or to our relationship with them (we learned after the second time never to do it again).
Be a sounding board/someone they can vent to if you feel so inclined, but my advice is to never let it go beyond that, or you will regret it.

You are smart to not want to get involved with this. What I would do is, the next time one or the other of them starts to talk about their marital woes with you, just cut in somehow and say to them, "I love you very much and I want only the best for you but I feel this is something that you should be discussing with him/her." And, if you are feeling particularly brave, you can always add in there, "Perhaps it would help for the two of you to hash all of this out with a marriage counselor." I have found that sometimes people like to complain or like the drama and don't necessarily want to fix what's going wrong, so don't be surprised if your suggestion about marriage counseling falls on deaf ears.

Tell them both that they are making you uncomfortable and you don't like knowing about what is going on between them and you like to stay positive in your life. Trust me, I had a friend who did this to me, and I can't stand to see either one of them coming at this point, now that they are divorced. Some how, they thought I could not wait to hear what the other one did that ticked them off, and I just had to distance myself from the whole thing. Even two years since they spit, we were attending a party for thier son, and they each had to share. The whole experience made me that much more aware of what I say, and never say, to others about my personal life. Sure, we all have firends who we lean on, but when all you do is gripe, it is a real downer for everyone else.

Put it to bed, or it will just get worse!

M.

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I would not get involved & just keep reminding them that every couple has their ups and downs. Sometimes when couples have hard spells, they think it's the end of the world and they don't realize every couple goes through it. The key is not avoiding the hard spells but instead to expect them and to have a strategy for getting through them and back to the good spells.

It's like the weather. You can't expect sunshine and blue skies all the time, so you have to have a plan on how to get through your day when the skies are stormy.

dont' help unless they ask you to help, even then if you STILL want to maybe act as a mediator nothing more, other than that, if you talk to the husband or wife, and say something one doesn't like, it WILL hurt your relationship with them

best thing to do is just stay out like all others suggest

The ONLY advice I would give them is to suggest marriage counseling to them and remain neutral. If you know someone who has been through marriage counseling and it's helped, get the name of the counselor for them and then stay out of it.

They've got to work it out themselves (some people want to talk to every one BUT each other, but they are just avoiding dealing with it) and you DON'T want them hashing it out on your couples night out. (There's a old Simpson's episode that comes to mind where Millhouse's parents decide to divorce at Marge's gathering.) You might tell them every relationship has it's ups and downs and you are just not qualified to comment since you have no training as a marriage counselor. Even that might be too much. Firmly steer discussions to topics of the weather, traffic and sports and evade everything else. If they ask for advise, tell them you just don't know what they should do.

Stay out of it. Don't give them any books or advice. Remain Switzerland as another mom suggested. They are probably just going through a rough patch. They both must think highly of you because they trust you with this.

If you absolutely have to say something, say, "I'm really sorry you're going through this. Is there anything I can do?" Otherwise, just keep on being a good listener.

You're definitely in a tight situation because you want to help your friends but you also don't want to be in the middle of it. I don't agree that you shouldn't do anything because if they are coming to you then there is a reason whether it be 1 - you have a good marriage and they want to know how you do it or 2 - they don't know what steps to take to try and fix there relationship. They are probably hoping for an answer. When one begins to talk negative about the other you could even throw in "When we disagree or are angry we .... to fix it." Give them the book "Fireproof" and suggest marriage counseling. Let them know that you don't want to be in the middle of it and hope things work out for them but them talking to you is making you uncomfortable. If you do nothing at all and continue to let them vent it could make things worse.

I would suggest they get marriage counseling if their marriage is important to them, hopefully it is since they have children. I would only make this suggestion to your female friend in confidence, so you dont appear to be interfering, tell her of your concern for their not getting along for the children's sake. Children even young ones are pretty perceptive about these things. You are a good person for caring Mom.

Give them each a copy of the book "Five Love Languages" and tell them to let you know when they've finished reading it. Then when they vent to you just ask them, "Have you read that book yet? What's his/her love language?"

Also, for the wife give her a copy of "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands".
That way they know you aren't taking sides, but that you want to see them work it out.

I would not give any advice only support. When they talk about each other to you my only comment would be "you have to keep communicating to your hubby or wife how you feel".