My husband and I have been fighting a lot for the past two months (him more than me). Every time I think things are getting better it starts again. It seems to be something little that turns into something much bigger. My husband mentioned counseling and I agreed that it was something that we should do but we haven't taken any steps toward it. Any recommendations would be appreciated.
I assume you are in Tinley Park but if you are not and happen to be in the Plainfield area I have seen a Licensened Social Worker there named Mary Eileen Cole at Cole Counseling Center at ###-###-####.
Good luck,
J.
Good Morning~ It sounds like things have been rather tough at home... I actually work as a therapist in Naperville on 75th and Rickert Drive. I'd be happy to talk more with you and even possibly set up a time to meet. Any kind of initial consultation is always free... so you don't have to worry about cost, just to talk at first and see if its something your ready for / interested in. Please let me know if I can help in anyway. Feel free to email me directly and I can give you my direct work number or business cell.
R. Gadomski, LCSW
Edgewood Clinical Services
____@____.com
Madden, Lee L. Psy.D. Clinical Psychologist
6601 W. North Avenue, Oak Park, Illinois 60302
###-###-####
Special Interests: Children, adolescents & their families; couples and individuals; mood and anxiety disorders; and relationship problems.
Szumigalski, Sue Psy.D., CFT, CCMHC, LCPC
111 North Wabash Ave., Suite 1408, Chicago, Illinois 60602
###-###-####
Special Interests: Couples, life transitions, psychological evaluations, women's and men's issues, health, family of origin, parenting education, family therapy.
Zimmerman, Susan MA, LCPC, ATR
Website: Northside Counseling
6417 N. Ravenswood Ave., Suite 204, Chicago, IL 60626
###-###-####
Special Interests: Couples / Families: communication skills, family of origin burdens, stuck patterns, empathy, empowerment. Grief and loss: divorce, abortion, suicide of loved one.
hope theses help
Ask your Dr if they can recommend anyone or your religious affiliation if you belong to one. I belong to a mom's group and we had a therapist come and talk to us. She gave us this tip which she uses with her spouse and even her kids....
When things get heated or even before then would be better, say we need an appointment. Set a date for hopefully the next day when the 2 of you can sit down and talk. 1st...tell what prob is...other person restates prob ...2nd...how you feel about it...other person repeats...3rd What you want to happen as a result...other person repeats...4th summarize other person repeats.....
Now if the other person has a problem with what was just said they may not air out their issues at this time...they must set another date for another day...this helps keep the focus on the person and issue at hand. This has really dissfused some situations and made discussing things productive.
Good Luck
I saw a counselor a few years ago in Homewood. She has now branched off to her own business in Palos.
Her name is Lisa Loury-Lomas. You can view her website at
http://www.lisalistens.net/main.htm
I received excellent counseling and coaching from her. I know she does marriage counseling as well.
Best of luck,
B.
Tinley:
Two names: Dale Gody ###-###-####
Zena Handlon ###-###-####
P., RLC, IBCLC
Pres. Lactation Support Group, Inc
www.lactationsupportgroup.com
I don't have a recommendation but I am very impressed that your husband initiated counseling, especially since you say he seems to be fighting more. This is a good sign of hope for your relationship, that he cares enough about the marriage to seek help for the two of you! I wish you two the best of luck.
Get to counseling if you want to save your marraige. If you want to try something before your able to get into counseling first thing to do is stop blaming each other. Him more than me is you blaming him more than yourself and we all do it so I'm not putting you down.
For a marraige to work two people have to equally hold blame for all good things and all bad things in the relationship. Marriage is a team sport so to speak. It really does take two people to make it work. Once in awhile while one is having a lot of stress the other needs to be more understanding for awhile and vice a versa. If you both can sit down and decide to say we instead of I or you it may work better and you both can feel as a team instead of individuals always being attacked. I've read many books on the subject and talked to people that have been happily married for years and this is really the most common thing in just about all of them that are more up to date.
All the old ones basically said the woman needs to accept what ever from the husband. LOL Nope not gonna go there!
If you alone can start to release some of the tention between you by refusing to argue back it may lighten the mood enough to start moving things towards counseling. If your husband is a good husband please don't hesitate to push for counseling. Saying something like "I really Love you can we please go to counseling because we are already both saying some very hateful things to each other. I don't want to lose us!" each time he starts a fight. Good luck and I hope everything turns out good for you and your husband. It is hard to make a marraige work in this day and age but remember it is not impossible just hard!
Counseling sounds like a good idea. First of all, stop keeping score. Saying that your husband fights more than you do is just one example of that behavior, and it will get you nowhere fast. It takes 2 to fight.
Check with an employer's insurance plan, lots of social workers and therapists are covered. It will give you a place to start to find someone. It's really important that you *both* feel comfortable with the counselor. Otherwise one of you will dread going to the appts and nothing will get better. You both have to be willing to look at what you've been contributing to the problems and be equally willing to change behavior. That's the really hard part. But if you're committed, and you both work on your behavior things will get better and you'll find that your marriage is stronger than ever.
Good luck.
Hi there!
I don't know of any in your area but I'd just like to say that my hubby and I did marriage counseling and I LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT! Good for the two of you. Not only will this be you're "safe place" but you will be going through it together. DOn't get me wrong, there were times WE cried and yelled and laughed, but it made us better people and a much STRONGER couple. If things get tough, we'll go in for maintenance. GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR HUBBY!
God luck and all the best finding yourselves again!
K. :~)
Hi,
I read your post and have a couple of suggestions. 1)Most people look to see who's covered in their insurance plan and just start calling psychologists who are convenietly located to them. You'll be able to narrow it down from there by who is available when you and your husband are, if they have openings, and if he/she does marital counseling. To narrow it down further, ask to speak directly with the psychologist so you can get a feel of the person and if she/he would be a good fit for you and your husband. 2)Other people prefer to go out of network so the insurance company doesn't know, because to have insurance pay for it, it means that one of the spouses has to have a diagnosis to get coverage. I don't know too many that can afford to do that, but it's not uncommon.
I am a psychologist and would like to offer up my services, BUT am also happy to help you with referrals if I'm not conviently located or if I'm out of network and you plan on using insurance, or if you don't feel comfortable working with someone who e-mails you on MamaSource!!! Please don't think I'm soliciting you, I just know how hard it is to start the process of therapist shopping. Ultimately, you and your husband will be best served if you are comfortable with whomever you choose and see the person as competent and as having a good understanding of each of you and of your situation. It is completely acceptable to see a psychologist 1-2 times and decide it's not a good fit and ask the person for a referral. We know we can't be a perfect fit for everyone. Some people go to several before they find someone who's a good fit. I hope this is helpful. If you are interested in contacting me, my address is ____@____.com, whether it's to discuss who's in your plan and if I know them, to provide a referral, or to provide services. Good luck!
B.
Try reading the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggeriches. My husband and I just finished it. It also has a study guide you can work on together. We found this extremely helpful. It really hits home and helps you to really get to understand your spouse, and that is the first step in fixing things. If you have any questions or just want to talk, feel free to send me a message. I wish you and your husband the best!
Tinley P.
We completed ours & our insurance company paid 80%. We used Lutheran Social & Behavial services at ###-###-####. They have many satillite places. They worked for us. It was worth all the time we deicated into it. Good luck
Bernadette Gaffney is great. I've used her for individual counseling and I believe she does couples as ____@____.com
She is located in Lincoln Park!
A great book to read is called, The 7 prinicples to making marriage work' by John Gottman. Helped me get through the rough times! Stay positive, marriage is tough but it can get better!!
Good Luck
