Marriage Advice

He could have things from past relationships in there and feels weird going through them in front of you, especially with all the memories they would bring back. I know I feel weird going through things like that in front of my hubby. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Best case scenario is that it was just work stuff that he had stuck in the garage. My husband is doing that all the time.

How about just asking if you need to help him with those boxes he took to work. Then say "what were they anyway" very casually. If he won't tell you, I'd be concerned.

Nothing to panic about yet though! Take care.

S.

M.,

If this had happened to me, then I probably would've made a joke about it and said "Oh come on, what's in there that you don't want me to see" and I would've walked right over and started going through the boxes and if he stopped me then I would've gotten mad and questioned him. Since you didn't really push him on it and the boxes are gone now you may never really know. All in all, I wouldn't make too big of a deal of it if you've been with him for 10yrs and have no reason to suspect anything. You might say to him though, "Hey, did you get those boxes taken care of at work?" Just see what he says and no matter how he responds just say "I kind of got the feeling that you didn't want me to see what was inside - what was in there?" And I have a communications degree...if he hesitates at all in his responds then he's lying. If he responds promptly with "old baseball cards or some photos that were old" whatever he says if its quick then I'd probably trust him. I hate to say this but guys are pretty simple minded so I mean, has he switched jobs ever? These might be boxes of old work stuff that he wanted to take to his current job to go through and then you're going to cause a fight over nothing. I have a couple boxes in the basement of old stuff from switching jobs, if I got a new job I'd probably want to sort through them and see if there was anything I could be using.

The other thing is - do you and your husband have any "sore spots" like an old girlfriend, or you hate that he is obsessed with football, or a family member of his that you don't get along with or an old friend. If there is anything like that between the two of you then he might have just found something that would've reminded you of that situation or person and to avoid a fight put the boxes in the car so he could dispose of them later - in which case if you end up fighting with him over it then he tried to avoid the fight and you end up looking like you overreact and he'll just say "See, this is why I didn't want you to see what was in the boxes". Women are more of talk it out communicators and often times Men are avoiders so this could be the case.

Anyway, I hope some of this was helpful to you - let us know how it turns out.

Take care!

K.

I think you should just come right out and say something about it, since it is bothering you. Don't be confrontational, and don't bring it up during an argument. When the time is appropriate, just say, "Hey, what were in those boxes you took out of the garage? I keep thinking about that situation and it's really bothering me."
Better to be honest and up front about your feelings than let them fester and turn into something worse.
Good luck.

hi there,
if that was me, i'd be alittle suspicious and probably would have peeked in them when he wasnt looking but maybe you coudl just try to casually ask him again. sometimes this goes awry like they get defensive... it could just be some magazines or guy stuff he doesnt want you to see bc hes embarassed? good luck!!!

Maybe he stumbled across a box of old photos of friends that have some of an ex-girlfriend or something and doesn't want to make you uncomfortable. Or maybe he found something that you'd forgotten about and wants to fix up and show you at a later date. Unless he's given you reason to doubt him before I would let this slide.

Give it a few weeks and if/when you guys are in the garage again together or talking about reorganizing another area of the house, casually bring it up. "Hey, whatever happened to those boxes you were supposed to get sorted out at work. Did you ever get around to it?" See how he reacts. He might just surprise you.

If your marriage is otherwise a good and trusting one (for goodness sake he is cleaning the garage with you :)) I would let it go. Maybe it is something he is embarrassed about - boxes from pre-marriage, old single guy pornos, etc. If it was out in the garage - where you had complete and total access to it and it was no big deal....then don't make it one.

I would however - just mention something like... "...ya know sweetheart - when we were cleaning the garage and the whole two boxes thing...... I am not going to ask about it or push it, but I wanted you to know that I thought your behavior was a bit odd and it made me concerned. I am not now, but I wanted you to know how it made me feel. THEN DROP IT AND LEAVE IT!!

If you trust him - then there is a reason you trust him. If you don't trust him - the box in the garage makes no difference whatsoever...

ps - don't forget...you even said there was a financial reason to not take your time.

Best wishes and enjoy that nice clean garage!!!!!

I think you should tell him you found it a little odd that he would do that and ask him to tell you what was in the boxes, specify why of all the boxes you were going through did he choose those two to take to work? Does he have the kind of job where he might possibly have been storing work stuff at home? I know my husband stuffs a filing cabinet in the guest room full of business trip reciepts that he needs to save for work, but never sorts through them, so they are full of trash also (like luggage tags, free maps, etc.). It could be it was so innocent that it didn't even occur to him it would make you suspicious.

However, if he was trying to hide something from you, I wouldn't tolerate that. There should be NOTHING in a marriage that one spouse hides from another, even if it is just pictures of old girlfriends from high school. The fact that it is being hidden shows that he thinks it is wrong and causes trust issues.

Hopefully it's just old reciepts! (Or maybe it's his prize Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figure collection and he is afraid you will make him throw it out or tease him about it! Now that is something else my husband would do!)

M. -

Such an interesting question . . . My thoughts are he's your husband and you know him best, so think carefully about what the MOST likely situation would be. If it were my husband, I'd bet on old girlfriend stuff he'd forgotten about and he'd try and spare my feelings by not "reliving" it in front of me. I know I have a couple of boxes of old letters and photos in the basement somewhere that I wouldn't want him to see - not because it's horrible, but because it would be cheesy and embarrassing and he would definitely tease me about it. (I really should get rid of those. Sounds like a good summer project.) Anyhow, if the boxes have been buried in there for awhile, I'd bet it's nothing awful. If it was, he would have taken them out of there long ago. I'd let it drop and be grateful the garage got cleaned out.

This is a good one for "so what happened." Let us know. :0) Regards, L.

Hi, M.

Tell you husband your concern about what happened. Ask him if the situation was reversed (it was you who put the boxes in your car to go through later) how would it make him feel. If this is your only issue, after you speak with him about it, drop it. Don't let something like this grow out of proportion.

A.

I would say this question is totally appropriate and no need to second guess asking. On the subject of the question I would be really curious. It would drive me crazy. Have you ever seen these boxes before? Has your husband ever done anything that made you question his motives before like this? Is he a secretive person? Is it possible there is work information in the boxes and he has a good reason to take them to work? I think speaking to him about this will probably result in a negative conversation. So you might want to tread lightly. And if you do say something just come out and ask what was in the boxes. Because no matter how you approach the topic he is going to know what you are getting at and what is the point in doing a dance when you've been married for 10 years? And it isn't like you can go to his work and look for yourself. Can you? I would have been totally in those boxes within five minutes of seeing them in his car... But then again, I'm a little more up front and pushy than most. Regardless, you have to choose whether to trust him or not 'cause they are out of your grasp now and he can say whatever it is he wants.

Some men feel funny revealing the past to there partner. Us women are more open. So I would tell him it bothers you he wanted to do those boxes at work and you feel you and him have been together long enough that he should be able to go through them in front of you and you want to know why he couldn't. Also let him know you are open to learning about him and finding things out. Now you need to make sure your jealousy won't effect this with him either if he shows you womans letter or stuff from the past. You need to be very open and outgoing about it. Don't flip out. Than if he sees it doesn't bother you he may be able to talk toyou about other stuff too. Its hard for us women because we get jealous and offense of on other women and or stuff our other copanion has done in the past. Good Luck

If you're gut is telling you to question it, I would pursue it. Maybe it's just old pictures or something harmless like that, but I would look anyway. I would keep it up until he tells you what it is and you feel comfortable. There is usually a reason we feel uneasy about things. He should have NOTHING to hide from you.

Wow, there are a lot of suspicious people out there! It wouldn't bother me in the least, especially since the boxes were in the garage where you could have looked through them at any time. Is there another reason to be suspicious? Perhaps it was lots of old paperwork, receipts,statements etc. that take time to go through, rather than anything inappropriate. Why don't you just ask him? If he has had no other "fishy" behavior, this sure wouldn't put up any red flags for me.

I vote the be honest and tell him that it's still bothering route. It is fishy and even if it's uncomfortable, truth and communication are the best things for a relationship. They help you learn about the true self of the other person. And shouldn't we want to know who our spouse really is, so we can love and appreciate them for who they ARE and not who we might imagine them to be? Just remember that you felt a need to know, so prepare yourself for his honesty. It could be anything, and you will need to handle it maturely, and compassionately (be compassionate and understanding to yourself in this too!) so that he will feel there is benefit in telling you these things and being honest. Do remember to tell him later, that he helped you find closure with the issue, and how much you appreciate that as well.

Good luck! (it is fishy) : )

Hi M.,

Yes, it does sound fishy. However, it could any number of things...but the just the fact he didn't want to go through it at home (even at a later time) just is weird.

Be honest with him. Don't be confrontational, just honest. Tell him that you just feel it was very odd that he didn't want to go through the boxes at home and you would just really like to know what was in them for your own peace of mind.

Although, as others have said...be prepared to know what is inside. It could be innocent... or it could not.

Honesty is best though. Otherwise, you will continue to be suspicious and that leads down a rough road.

Hi M., i think he was hidding something....why not go through it then? Men are not smart when they have no time to makeup something, you know just as well as the rest of us women when something smells fishy!!!! Me being the person that i am, i would have tried to open the boxes myself at that point and i'm pretty sure that i would have not let it go. Take care

If it is important to him he has not gotten rid of it yet and it is still in his car. If it isn't important then he got rid of it and it is over. You can certainly ask or go look in his car but if he got rid of it then where you are now with your family and your relationship is more important than what was in those boxes. If he still has it then maybe it is worth a question.

The first thought that came to my mind when reading this was he had a few boxes of dirty magazines (playboy) and he was embarrased. Not a big deal. Sometimes it is better to leave some things alone and other times, you just may not be able to help yourself and have to demand an answer (usually around that time of the month).

I would ask--creatively. Jokingly suggest that perhaps he's hiding some crossdresser stuff? I'm sure if you said something like that, he would definitely confess to you what was in those boxes if he assumes that you think he may be crossdressing!:) NO man likes to be accused of that!

M.