Marital Communication Issues

Most mothers wouldn't feel comfortable with that. You don't even need reasons. My daughters didn't go anywhere overnight until they were at least 2. Just be clear that it's not ok with you. If HE is that tired then he can take his butt over to his mom's for the night. It sounds like none of her children know how to live life on their own (I.e. without her help).

I would not leave my 2 month old overnight with anyone. You two are adults, you two decided to have a child, you two need to deal with the sleepless nights. Welcome to parenthood:)

Are you sure he's asking this because he is tired. I suspect he wants time with you without the baby interrupting. I suggest the two of you discuss your expectations for your life together as parents. Then talk about what each of you need as parents. Then brainstorm ways of meeting those needs. Your husband has given the aanswer before you've decided together what needs fixed.

Geez, Julie S. After reading your post I reread the question. You judged that she's a troll when reasons for discrepancy is likely caused by you assuming that this is a "lie" and it changes her reason for asking the question. She was 21 when she was mom to this teen. Maybe she's not wanting people to know she gave birth so young. What difference does it make to answering this question? If you think the question is not legitimate just don't answer the question.

I would never leave my 2 month old baby with anyone else. There is no way I would ever be comfortable with that. If your husband is tired, HE should sleep at his mother's house. Repeat this same idea to your mother-in- law. You are absolutely right in your feelings. Stay strong.

T. Y
SAHM of 5
14, 12, 6, 4 & 2

My grandson didn't spend a night with us until he was around 2. I knew his mom (and dad) in this case had their own reasons for being protective, and I never questioned their need to control this aspect of their son's life. I spent almost every Friday with him until he started school, at his house. It was fine, and in many ways much easier for both his parents and me – all that baby equipment didn't have to be packed or schlepped around.

I learned a phrase that has been a very effective way to say no; perhaps this will be helpful for you. I listen to the request, repeat it in my own words to let the other person know I've heard what they want from me, then say, "AND that doesn't work for me." Then I shut my mouth, otherwise, I'd just try to sympathize and explain and make excuses, and that only weakens my position in the other person's thinking. I've never tried this phrase on my husband, though – not sure it would be as useful with someone who knows you really well (and he knows that phrase, too).

But you have a huge investment in your baby, and have every right to choose whether and when to extend his care circle. So you might tell your husband that you really empathize with his tiredness (you're probably at least as tired, right?), and your anxieties over what could go wrong simply make that option impossible for you so early in his life. Infancy brings plenty to feel anxious about anyway. You don't need to increase your anxiety levels.

I do wonder whether your husband is hoping for some intimate time with you. If this is his deeper need and you're up to it, I'd look for occasional daytime opportunities during your summer break to take advantage of the baby's naps. Your husband's mind and body haven't gone through all the changes and stress of pregnancy and delivery and all those motherhood hormones, and, unfair as it is, he probably simply can't relate to your feelings as well as his own. It's a no-fault situation, but you will have to be the one to set the limits. Assertiveness is a positive and empowering trait.

send your husband to his mothers to sleep, i'm sure you can handle the baby on your own

"I do not know how to communicate to my husband that the thought of leaving our baby for an evening is more than I can take."

Try telling him that?

Maybe a good compromise would be to ask you MIL to stay the night at your house to help out at night. That way you could take advantage of the help but keep your baby close too.

ETA: My children don't spend the night with anyone until they can talk.

Ya know, I have a few issues with the validity of the post. First math, 35 (your profile) - 14 is 21 not 19 and even taking into account we sometimes have a birthday before our kid that only puts the math at 20. Before you nail us with an oops what happened, moms are good at the age I had a kid. It is not an oops issue.

The other is Sunday night.

The other is "we need to utilize each other during the day, alternate naps so that we can be rested, and then at night take turns feeding our baby." Do neither of you work?

Thing is this isn't a communication issue. You said you weren't comfortable with this, you communicated. He doesn't agree with you.

Oh and bonus, "1grown" 14 isn't grown in any sense of the word.

Per your what happened: What? I am right, you were not 19. You didn't change that in your profile, you changed it here. Then you added to your profile some BS about hobbies or some nonsense.

Okay I hate when other real members here tear me up but seriously ladies! Anyone who can honestly say they forgot how old they were when they gave birth to their first or any of their kids?? Please feel free to rip me apart. Otherwise, hello troll! Not even a clever one.

no.. 2 months old babies do not go on sleepovers.. if hub needs more sleep than you do.. maybe you take more of the night shifts with the baby and let hubby sleep.. no it is not fair.. but if hub is grumpy cause he is not getting his beauty sleep.. than maybe it is better if hub just sleeps.

I assume the baby is on formula.. so he shouls sleep throught the night by 4 months or so..

I watched my oldest grandson at 6 weeks and had him quite regularly when he was an infant. Being the maternal grandma made it easier for my daughter to leave her infant in my care. She knew I loved the little ones and knew he'd be well loved and cared for. You don't have that connection and with your mil and while she's probably fine taking care of your baby you just don't have that level of confidence in it.

No matter how exhausted I was, no WAY could I have been parted from my son at 2 months old.
Your husband is talking to everyone but you.
If he's concerned about you getting some rest, he should spend a few hours with his son while you take a nap.
It sounds like he's afraid of being in charge of an infant for even a short time.

Maybe she can come so you guys can go out to eat but sleep over, no way. My baby is 1 and hasn't slept out. It wouldn't be enjoyable for you. Maybe you can let hubby sleep the whole night for a few nights and you do the feedings. Moms handle it better. Baby will probably (hopefully) sleep through around 6 months old. For now, daddy needs to be in bed by 9p. Gently tell mil you will let her know when you are ready.

There's nothing wrong with him wanting a night alone with his wife if you haven't had any time alone at all since the baby was born. You'll have every reason in the world not to leave the baby, but you HAVE TO tend to your marriage as the most important relationship in the world. You really do have to recognize your husband as being the most important person in your life if you want him to be your partner in life and parenting or he's going to resent the baby.

It sounds to me as if you may have some serious separation anxiety and are having trouble leaving the baby. That's not healthy. I recognize it because I endured it myself.

You need to compromise. That's what marriage is about. Find a solution that meets in the middle.

How about if you have your inlaws stay at your house and watch the baby? That way they are just focused on the baby, not all of the other members of the household!
Plus, maybe husband wants some sleep, or maybe he misses his wife.
I have 3 kids, I understand not wanting to leave them with anyone. But at the same time I also understand your husband.
In this situation I would ask my inlaws to come and stay the weekend (or at least a night) with the baby and leave with my husband for some time away.
L.

Since your husband is equally the parent, if he feels too tired and wants his mother to take over, he's within his rights. So to accomplish his goal of getting more sleep, if you don't want grandma, then you send him to sleep elsewhere etc. I learned that I can't really impose my set of values on my husband if he's not doing something reckless etc. Many men are not as protective of babies so mom has to do more. Not necessarily fair but not like he's saying leave the baby outside to scream so he can sleep. This is his mother. So you don't agree. Means you do part of his work. If your mil would come over though, that'd be great. And very kind of her.

Here's the good news - in just a couple more months, your baby will not be waking up as much throughout the night. Also, at 6 months, your baby will be fine sleeping through the night (as long as your baby is not a premie). At 6 months, I did tough love and let them cry for as long as they wanted. I did not get them at all throughout the night once they hit 6 months.

Anyway, I agree with you completely that your inlaws house is way too crowded! Instead of taking your baby to your inlaw's house, why doesn't your MIL spend the night at your house caring for your baby? If she really wants to help you (and she claims she does), then she will stay at your house.

I know life really sucks being sleep deprived, but this will all end very soon. Good luck!

Honestly, the baby won't miss you at all. If hubby's wanting some alone time with you and some rest time there's no reason not to do it.

Seriously, no reason at all other than you just don't want to. All the people present at mil's house only makes more people who can give each other a break.

Why not invite mil over to spend the night. She can get up with the baby and you can sleep.

IF your hubby is so tired he's trying to find help then he's tired enough to crack. You might want to heed what he's saying. He needs some rest. He's telling you in the only way he can.

So, if YOU won't let the baby go over to mil's to spend the night how about you go to a hotel and spend a night or two so hubby can get some sleep? I'd want to have some sleep too though so I'd go along with mil watching baby all night for a few nights whether it's at her house or yours.

When I hear stories like this, I always want to ask: What did you decide when you discussed this BEFORE marriage and before baby? I know that we can't plan for every little thing that happens, but we can discuss and plan according to our basic beliefs and goals. Right now it seems that your immediate need is rest. Maybe you can have your mother-in-law come over and keep the baby while you take a good nap.

Once you're both (somewhat) rested, sit and talk about your future. Decide on your goals, and then figure out the best way for you two to reach them. Understand that right now, this is what it is. This will give you something to hold on to and make you feel better when things get all rattly. The next time she brings up the topic, shut it down--"I am NOT ready to send my baby away overnight; this is currently NOT an option. Let's figure out something else."

Yes, couples need time alone. Couples with 2mo babies understand that this is an uncomfortable stage that their marriage must go through--if they want children--and they learn how to steal time while still having a baby around. You incorporate the baby into your life, and adjust your life to accommodate having a baby in it. It is perfectly okay not to just send your 2mo baby away for an overnight period to an environment that you don't trust.

You will have to change how you spend time together. Instead of snuggling all night, you stay connected by touching each other when you can, every time you pass each other. Full-minute hugs where you just about squeeze the life out of each other and tune out the rest of the world. Quickies when you can, to stay physically and spiritually connected, until you can have sex at your leisure. Talk to each other, to keep the lines of communication open. Find things to laugh at together, even if it's just people-watching.

It sounds to me like the exhaustion is more than your husband anticipated. He's feeling overwhelmed and in over his head, and he's reaching out desperately to his mother, who will listen. Having had a baby before, you might have to be the one to bring the sanity back to your house. MIL just wants to help her son and to spend time with that baby, so she's not going to advocate for the baby NOT staying with her. Create a schedule for her to come over once a week, maybe, and keep baby while you two see a movie or something.

PS. I have to do the math every time I want to say how old I was when my baby was born, and that was just three years ago. AND I'm sort of a math junky. The point is that you're asking for help. I swear, some people will pick apart a potted plant just to prove that the roots aren't in the ground.

2 yrs old....yes.

2 months old??? = no.

It sounds like your husband wants alone time with you, but at 2 months you're still recovering from birth, and I imagine you're nursing? Nursing alone would prohibit your from sending your baby off.

As parents it is your responsibility to tend to your new infant. Not your MIL's.

However, my bottom line of comfort for me would be if they are safe, caring people, and not people who would potentially be neglectful or abusive in anyway. That's a lot of adults in one home, but only you and your husband know how healthy and loving the home really is.