Marital Changes After Baby?

Everything changed. What was the hardest change for me was feeling like my whole entire life changed (especially for the time I was home) and he still got to have those "normal" times when he was away at work. Not to mention that I probably was suffering from some undiagnosed PPD, so I wasn't my most rational.

I could go on and on, but for us the only cure was time. We've always been good communicators and committed to each other for the long haul. I think that we finally got better when we really couldn't remember exactly what our "old life" was like. It took about 6-12 months. Good luck.

The first year we had the baby, was super stressful and rough on our relatinship. Both of my parents died, I re-located 350 mi away from my home town (had no one in my new town but my SO), quit my job, crammed us all into a small apartment (620 sq. ft), used all of my savings for travel expenses to visit my ill mother before she passed, traveling constantly with a newborn, we were saving for a house (so we had no exra money for anything), actively looking for a house (which is where all of our spare time went), not to mention my SO worked 7am-7pm with a 45 minute commute (so gone by 6am, home by 8pm or later..gotta love Southern California traffic)...so he was hardly home.
Talk about a total shocker on top of being a brand new mommy/brand new family. The cure....communication and creativity. =) Once we figured those two things out, even though it seemed dim, we saw a light somewhere. Things are muh, much, much better. ;)

The changes? EVERYTHING!

The cure? We're still working on that!

Everything changes with kids- finances, responsibilities, roles, lifestyles, etc. The biggest thing is to embrace those changes together and to communicate. There is no cure all- there is chosing to be a family!

Biggest change was we were so sleep deprived and always tired and cranky and frustrated towards each other.

One day I fell apart and started crying and we had a moment together holding each other apologizing. We got a lot of stuff off of our chests and had to remind ourselves that it won't last forever and this baby cannot survive without us.

The trick is to call out a "timeout" so to speak, before you feel like you're going to say something ugly (this goes for both of you). It's as simple as saying "I love you, but may I please have 10 minutes to myself right now?" Sometimes we need more than 10 minutes lol, but it makes a huge difference and you are able to clear your mind and calm down.

There were changes in my relationship with my husband and they ended up pretty positive most of the time. We had been together 9 years before getting married and got pregnant right after we married.... I think that for a long time before that I was unhappy knowing that I should have been married to him earlier but wasn't.

There is less time for you and each other. You are tired at the end of the day and it's hard to make yourself devote time to your partner when you are so wore out. But it's a good idea to always try to talk to each other every day (text, email, phone calls, and in person), AND make time for a date night every so often. It was very hard for me to leave my little one (now almost 4) when she was a baby. But now, even with her in preschool, I need to have some one on one time with my husband. We can't depend on our older children (14-21 years old) to watch her but found a hourly child care facility in Roseville, on Eureka that is less than $8 an hour. A bargain if you think about it and they have other children there so they play and interact the whole time you are away.

But just as important as making time for hubby, is making time for yourself. Whether it's watching that TV show you like, reading a book at night before bed, getting a manicure and pedicure from time to time. Make sure you put aside time for you.

The biggest change was the "responsibility fit" my H threw for some time. Instead of being home, he took off. Started working 80-120 hour weeks. Which would have made more sense if he was paid by the hour.

All of a sudden it wasn't "work" it was "supporting our family". Which also, for some reason, seemed to include that he no longer had to lift a finger at home. NOTHING changed. He had the same job, the same paycheck, he just got REALLY scared, and checked out of being a part of this family beyond supplying a paycheck.

Greetings MLB, after haivng 5 children and many medical problems with 2 children and with my husbands cancer we learned that tempers flare from stress but that love can over come many things. Patience in the fact the cleaning faries don't exsist so if it can't be cleaned regular get rid of the stuff so Ididn't have to complain.. my children remind me the reason I never find my shoes is that I was used to tossing themoff when I got in the house and have never gotten out of the habit. Setting up weekly times to date and keep the romance alive is so important. Even when it was impossible for anything else we read together and out loud to hear one anothers voice. But the greatest thing of all was to just hold hands or dance to the radio so that it set the example for the children to see that parents do love and care for one another even when they are pre-teens saying "Oh no, yuck". I have to say the biggest changes were the fact that there was less us time, me time and I had to learn to get over it and take care of business. The rewards all come from it as the children get older and the ofcourse they get lives of tier own and once again you are smart rather than when they were young andyou were dumber than a rock! :o).

Changes: my mood, my attitude, my perspective on things all began to suffer during our first year of parenting, affecting my relationship with hubby.

Cures: sharing with others, finding out i wasn't alone, reflecting and journaling, desire to change, stopping to think before i speak, taking deep breaths, spending quality time with hubby and taking care of myself (i.e. a good show, pedi, exercise, massage, etc.)... all work in progress!

I think we developed a lot more respect for each other. I went back to work at 6 weeks after each child and my husband works evenings, so he had 6 week old infants alone full-time before working full evening shifts. He had no previous infant experience whatsoever. :) We had a bit of family drama, which was an issue before child birth, and the four weeks we waited after delivery to have sex again was a long four weeks (of course we did other things, but it was still a long wait).

I think the other change that has been a little annoying, but only if we think about it, is that we have to wait until the kids are asleep before watching a lot of movies we like. That is not so much a problem as it is an adjustment. Because we share child care and work we don't really end up thinking one of us is more tired or works harder. I do more housework, which I hate, but other than picking up the floors, he doesn't really care about it, and I do. (He also has asthma and I kind of like him breathing.)

I guess the "cures" for any issues we've had has been to once in a while get out together (at least three times a year is what we manage), to get some time alone (even if it is just a run to the grocery store or mall), and hanging out in the evening for a bit after the kids go to bed.

My were more Cures...He decided he did his part to make them the rest was up to me. He became more controlling. I was no longer a partner but a thing he thought he owned. It was hard. Needless to say life this way did not work out for my babies and me. I am now remarried to a great man and hoping God will bless with a new baby because I just can not wait to share everything to comes with having a little one with a man that is longer for it all.

I had always heard that there is a change in the relationship after children so I tried to make sure that I gave my hubby extra time/attention. Later when we had friends over and we were talking we both felt like we didn't get time/attention from our spouse. From there on I really tried to make sure we had OUR time even if it was while we were grocery shopping or running to the bank. I had always done those things myself but included him whenever he could. Also, The biggest thing is we went on vacation alone once a year. This was the biggest help. I have friends who grew apart since the only thing that bonded them together was the kids. With work, housework, taking care of the kids they both kinda got lost in the shuffle.
My kids are almost all out of the house and we still have our time together. haha Now we just have more of it. We just celebrated our 28th year anniversary.