Many Issues I Need Advice with My Soon to Be 2 Year Old!

Hi,

I have a 9 yr old and an 18 yr old - both girls.

I've been in your situation. You do learn a lot from the first child. In your case, I would definitley say that Brandon has you both wrapped around his finger and he's the one setting the tone in your house.
(Sorry)

It may be hard at first, but I would remove as much as possible from his room for now. All he should have is furniture for now. Nothing to entice hime.
Put his books and toys in bins (out of his room) and when he's been good, then he can "play." If he doesn't know how to take care of his things, he shouldn't have it.
Try a toddler bed instead of a crib if he's still in it.

The two's are a tough age and that's when they learn to play mommy and daddy against each other. I know it's tolling on both you and your hubby. You're the boss', remember that!

Putting him in daycare is a great idea. He can learn to socialize more and possibly get on some kind of a schedule.
Routine is VERY important.
He'll also learn some rules there which should be continued on at home.
I commend the daycare ladies that took care of my children. They knew what they were doing.
My girls were never ones to act out, but we also had some bad habits of our own. Letting them stay up until 11 p.m. (my oldest)never allowed my husband and I to have any quality time together to just talk about our day or whatever.
That's IMPORTANT. If you're not able to have your quality time at home all the time, pick a parents' night out. You really deserve it.
Need a sitter??? I have one!

Write back sometime and let me know how things turn out for you. Whether you take my advice or not. :-)

Good Luck!

J.

when my daughter first turned two i was tearing my hair out and in my first trimester of pregnancy. it does get better with patience and the things that drive you nuts just stop.
first thing i gave up on were naps. i miss them but fighting with her over trying to stay down was not worth it and neither was cleaning up her disaster of a room when she should have been down.
next, we started on a routine and getting out of the house everyday doing something. library, park, science center, zoo, monkey joes, grocery store, mall, toy store. places where kids are so when she acts up i didn't have to freak out. they really feed off your emotions so when you are stressed they are.
we also started being very consistent on time outs and putting her in after one warning. if you are full of empty warnings they will take advantage and learn quickly there are no consequences.
we also started a sticker incentive chart"good girl chart". we put some major rules on the wall next to it and when she follows the rules or does very good she gets a sticker and after five she gets to pick out a "special treat" out of a box. the treats are small, cheap toys but she loves them.
i also heard having one on one time with each sibling everyday really helps when you have more than one child. make it the same time everyday so he has something to look forward too.

just know we all go through hard times with little ones but it passes. don't get stressed out about what people think or having a well behaved child. just stick to the rules and be consistent and the rest will fall into place.

I had to smile as I read this. (My first 2-yr-old is almost 40 and I've got 8 grandchildren who have been through it, already.) I know it doesn't help you, but it is "normal" -

But, it is still stressful! It is probably difficult to decide whether the stress of the children is causing the stress between you and your husband - or vice-versa...Both are probably partially true? Anyway - that has a separate set of steps and surely needs to be addressed as quickly as possible...

Good luck with the 2-yr-old - but - keep in mind this is not only normal and natural - but a necessary part of your child's development...He is learning that he is not an extension of you, but a person unto his self...

A mistake I made was trying to reason with my first 2-yr-old! (They are not capable of those kind of thought processes...But, I had to learn the hard way...) I'll bet those who have more recently come through this will have better practical advice for you - my advice is to take a deep breath and recognize the cuteness of the whole thing...

It is rather funny, when you really look at it. A tiny, little 2-yr-old telling big, ole' adult YOU how life is going to be? It doesn't have to be a battle of wills - after all, you are big enough to enforce your will. Learn what you can and cannot control - now, before he is a teen! :-)

This does not have to be a "battle of wills" and your child will not be a brat - if you remember who is the grown-up and figure out how to meet your own needs - and see that his are met...You want him to "take a nap". Does he really need it? or do you need the rest? Which is it? Both? I needed the nap. My first gave them up at 13 months old. Even when I kept him in bed, rocked, whatever...he did not sleep.) Still doesn't require much sleep) So: I told him what I needed... some rest!...and told him he could put all the toys he wanted to on his bed and, once he was satisfied he had all he needed to stay busy for an hour, told him he was to stay on the bed so "mommy could get some rest". True, I didn't get much in the way of sleep in that hour. But, we both got some quiet time. I was able to see his bed from mine and knew whenever he tried to budge from the position. I simply put him back on the bed (without emotion - but repeating that I needed some rest so I would have enough energy to play with him after my rest).

Just - don't make this about his being a brat...He is normal...Just - normal is difficult...And - when you get the hang of it - the 3-yr-old thing will be yet another thing to adjust to...phew! You have my thoughts and prayers! Good luck.

Wow, you sound just like me! I have recently joined mamasource and this will be my first post. I couldn't pass this up since I am in the same situation.

I have a 2 year old (Benjamin) and a 7 month old (Christopher). When I was pregnant with Christopher, we started sending Benjamin to "school" twice a week. We really did it because Benjamin was a late talker and we thought it would help him learn to talk. That worked very well.

It took a couple of months for Benjamin to adjust to being away from home. However, he seemed to be much better behaved for the day care. You will probably notice this too. I remember reading somewhere (I don't remember where) that children will act out more with you than others since you are the one that they are trying to assert their independence from.

Anyway, our biggest issue with Benjamin is the sleeping. Even as a baby, he just screamed until he fell asleep. Our doctor told us to just let him scream, but we did try other methods as well. Nothing worked, so every night we just listened to him - it broke out hearts.

Very early on, Benjamin learned to climb out of his crib. So, we turned the lock around on his door so that at least he would stay in his room if we locked him in. We also bought a video monitor so that we could make sure he didn't hurt himself. We watched him destroy his room every night. He did things that I didn't think a 2 year old would be able to do. But, eventually he did turn out the light and pass out on his bed.

I wouldn't recommend riding around in the car, I think that would just make it worse because he would think he needed the car to fall asleep. Although, if it had worked with my son, I may have done that too.

Believe it or not, the daycare is what helped the most. We got lucky and got a great teacher. She said that Benjamin went against everything she ever learned about children and she had to rethink her teaching methods when it came to him. She even told me (much later) that she would take aspirin before coming into work on the days that she knew he would be there.

She made sure that during nap time she stayed with him and rubbed his back. He also liked her rubbing her fingers through his hair and lightly over his face. She was so great that she even came over and showed me how to do it.

Of course, that didn't work for me. But, he was getting naps at least 2x per week at school. Also, I started to notice that he took naps better for Daddy than me. By the way, I know that there can be a lot of fighting when the kids are this young. My husband and I fight a lot too - it is mostly resenting the other one. I resent him for not doing more around the house and he resents me for asking after he has worked hard all day. Just make sure that you don't fight around the kids or that they can hear it from their rooms. Also, please talk about these issues with your husband. My husband and I make sure that we sit down when we are not upset with each other so that we can calmly talk about what is bothering us about the other person. If you both go into that conversation knowing that you both want to work things out and that you don't want to hurt each other by what you say, you really can try to meet on a common ground.

Anyway, back to the nap... at night, we started to do the exact same routine every night. Daddy would give a bath while I nursed the baby and put him down. Then, we would both get Benjamin into his pajamas, brush his teeth, and read him a bedtime story. Still he cried.

He did that same thing with crying no about everything and just screaming when things didn't go his way. Since he is talking more, I have started telling him to stop screaming and use his words. This actually helps a lot.

At night, I asked him to stop screaming and use his words. He actually did it once. He said "no shut door" He wanted us to leave his door open when we left. Well, we never tried that since he would just get out of bed, but we thought we'd give it a try. We were firm. We told him that if he got out of bed, we would shut the door. We watched on the monitor and he did get out of bed the first time. We put him back in bed and shut the door. He ran around screaming. However, we tried it again the next night and reminded him that if he got out of bed we would shut the door. It worked! Now, every night we say "What happens if you get out of bed?" and he says "Shut the door." He stays in bed every night now. Of course, he is now starting to ask us for other things, like staying in his room and sleeping in his room, so he still screams. But, at least he is in his bed.

For naps, I have tried all this and it doesn't work. I still lock him in his room. However, I have noticed that on the days that he gets a lot of activity before nap time, he does fall asleep. On slow days he doesn't nap - just plays.

I highly recommend reading "Sleepless in America" My son is 19 months old and it has been an eye opening read not only in terms of our son but in terms of ourselves. Mary Sheedy Kurchinka has two other great books that she has written over the past 15 years of being a parent educator.