Naptime & Bedtime with a 2 1/2 Yr Old

I totally agree that kids still need a nap at that age. I also know how hard that can be with active & independent little boys - I have 2 of them (4 & 2 1/2 - and they share a room). I've tried lots of tactics, but I've found that the most effective has been having a consequence for getting out of bed that the child REALLY cares about. For my two sons, it is two different things. My 4 year old loves gum. If he goes to bed without throwing a fit, he gets gum when he wakes up. If he loses gum & continues to act up, he loses dessert. For my 2 1/2 year old, he hates sleeping downstairs by himself. If he acts up, he goes downstairs for naptime. Or he'll lose his blankie. I've only had to enforce the consequences a couple of times. Once they knew I was serious, they've been really good. I try not to get too stern or angry with them - it just feeds the behavior. I just put them to bed and leave. If I have to go back in, I say "what a bummer - you don't get gum." Warning - it gets a little worse before it gets better - you may have a few days of not much napping. But in the long run it really helps. Just be calm, non-emotional and consistent.

Another thing I've heard works is to just calmly go in & put him back in bed and leave. Don't talk, don't acknowledge, just put him in & leave. Lock the door if you have to. Just give him no attention. I've heard people have success with this, but with my 2 boys sharing a room, I've found that the immediate consequence method has worked the best.

Good luck!

All three of my kids have different habits for falling asleep. My oldest for years had to sleep in my bed and when he fell asleep I put him in his bed. It didn't matter if I was in there or not, he just wanted to fall asleep in my bed. My middle boy has always just told me "nigh nigh" and then goes right to bed on his own - never a problem (wish they were all like this). With my youngest, I just lay in bed with her until she falls asleep and then I leave.

With my first one, I tried the locking him in, letting him scream it out, etc. and never found success. I finally just found what worked for him and stuck with it. Ultimately this was true for all of them. Forced sleeping and concequences just never worked for me, it just made it more difficult.

I would try to lay with your son for a half hour or so until he goes to sleep and slip out. Maybe that will help him relax for naps and night time.

Good luck!

Hi B.,
Reading your experience brings back memories of nap time and bedtime with my first. That, along with her not sleeping through the night until she was about 5(!!!) made me feel pretty crazy some days, especially with a younger sibling that was 18 months younger, and then a third every two years after that for a while. No sleep tactic seemed to work for her. Indeed, she was a very pleasant child except when it came to sleeping! All I have to say is that praying for patience while you try all of these ideas is all I found to do over the years. Also, forget what the experts say when things get too frustrating. Really, children have many, many similarities, but when it boils down to it, they are all also completely individual and have different needs and personalities. Some children are nigh unto impossible to get to nap, no matter what anyone says. I sometimes wished one of those sleep experts would come put my child down for a nap so that I could get one, too! Don't give up, and keep your sesnse of humor. Your relationship with this child is for the long run, so enjoy reading those stories on the couch,and on the bed, and on the floor, and be loving and strict the best you can. Giving each day your best and smiling as much as you can is the best advice I can give.
And don't worry, your son might just turn out lot be like my daughter, who is now nearly 16: still impossible to get to bed! :)

UGH, so frustrating! We're having similar issues (although not as bad) with my 2.5 year old daughter. She's in a twin bed too but we have a baby gate up 24/7 and have since day 1 so she doesn't know there is a difference and she can't get out but she can open the door. Lately it's been a battle getting her to nap and not play (when she just plays she's a monster in the evening) so recently (yesterday) I told her that if she stays in bed and doesn't open the door at all, she'll get to have an ice cream (or whatever) after dinner. If she opens the door once, she gets nothing and if she opens the door twice she gets punished. Yesterday she opened it once and got no ice cream. Today we went over those rules again as I was putting her down and I haven't heard a sound from her in 40 minutes. Maybe it's a coincidence, maybe not, who knows. I'm remaining hopeful though.
Best of luck!

Naps 'til 5? Ha ha ha!

I have two sons older than yours. And they both stopped taking naps sometime when they were two.

They used to have naps in kindergarten. Not anymore. I don't know why, but it would certainly be a waste of time for my kids.

My 4 yr old sometimes falls asleep or gets really grumpy in the afternoon. I figure this is when he's growing a lot, because it usually happens consistently for a few days, and then he's back to his usual ways for months at a time.

When my oldest was giving up naps, I really really thought I needed him to take one still. I had an infant, too, after all. I needed a break! And really, so did he. So we had quiet time. The rules were very clear before we began this program. I think that's key. At least for my kids. they have to know all the rules and what will happen before something new happens. If I don't think it all out and explain it to them thoroughly, it will fail 90% of the time.

So the rules were that he could take as many books as he wanted onto his bed, and even a few toys (give him a number, 3 or 5 or something like that). He didn't have to take a nap, he didn't have to sleep. But he did have to stay ON his bed. And in an hour, I would come get him when quiet time was over.

At first, he did fall asleep 75 % of the time, right there on his pile of books. I left him alone. He gradually stopped falling asleep ever, and after about a year, we gave up formal quiet time. I still usually had to put on a movie in the afternoon because otherwise, he wouldn't rest at all, and he'd get grumpy.

For bedtime, I think you might have to come up with a new tactic, but think it out and explain the rules. I've seen night lights that rotate from a moon to a sun, and he has to stay in his bed until the sun shows up on his night light. Maybe a sticker chart for the nights he stays in bed? If you think that he needs to start slower than that (like if he'd never earn a sticker) you could give him three stickers a night, and every time he gets up, you take one back. In the morning, he can put all the stickers he has left on the chart. With my boys, I drew a visual reminder of their reward at the end of the sticker chart, so they could see what they were working for. When they filled up their chart, Daddy took them camping.
I've also cut down on our bedtime routine quite a bit. sometimes, I think a long routine hyped my kids up more than relaxed them. So I took out the least calming parts of the routine and things have gone very smooth. It also helps that it doesn't take me an hour to get them to bed anymore!

There is a big difference between being "capable" of getting out of bed and being "allowed" to get out of bed. This can be a very hard lesson for a 2 1/2 year old to learn. Be the parent in this relationship! Toddlers aren't old enough to decide if they're done napping. You know what's best for your son! Sure, it's a struggle some days, but it's worth being consistent.
My 2 1/2 DD is in the midst of learning this lesson. Some days are better than others but it's worth the effort, I promise!
You're doing the right thing by continuing to put him back in his bed. Just make sure he's tired enough at naptime -- that he's played hard each day. It helps. To take some pressure off yourself, you may want to separate him and baby brother at bedtime until he goes to bed consistently by himself.
Best of luck!

My daughter hasn't had a consistent nap since 18 months (she is now 27 months). You use to be able to tell, now, you can't. She goes to bed much earlier, and is getting the same amount of sleep as before, just at one stretch, not two.

I'd love for these people who think that all kids need naps till 5 to come get mine to sleep. She really doesn't need it, and I gave up fighting it. When she needs a nap, she takes one. Otherwise, she reads books quietly for 30-60 minutes. I just decided to let this one go.

As to the bed thing, you just to keep putting him back in it, he will stop getting out eventually.

I have boy/girl twins that are 2.5. My son sleeps great but my daughter is just like your child. I had to put them in different rooms so my son could get some sleep. But now she is keeping up her 8 year old sister. So what we have done is: Nap time I put her down and sometimes she sleeps sometimes she doesn't. She used to get up every two min. for an hour at least, but after a month or so of constantly taking her back to bed and threatening to lock the door if she get's up or taking away her beloved blanket, she is starting to stay in her bed. Sometimes she will only lay down for 30-45 min and then be up. But I know she got a good rest, other times she actually falls asleep and gets a good nap. I have figured out that she really only needs a nap 3-5 times a week. Bed time was the same issue. We would put her down at 8:30 and sometimes it was 10:30 until we could get her to stay in bed. But after be consistent with continuing to put her down it is finally paying off. I know it is hard to be consistent, but don't give up it has taken us months, but it is finally paying off. She is doing a lot better. I agree some need more sleep than others, but they also need to learn that they need to at least stay in their own bed and not bother those around them. Good luck!

I have similar aged children (a little older who share a room) so I can feel your pain with wanting to make his nap/bedtime easier!

For naps, I suggest one of two things - lay down with him in his bed or your bed, or let him nap in your bed (that way he won't wake the other child if he does fight it). BUT, tell him if he's going to nap in your bed or with you, he has to go to sleep.

My daughter gave up napping at 2 on the weekends (only time she gets to see mom/dad) but naps fine at daycare. So we let her give them up and she'd either be grouchy or fall asleep on the couch at like 3pm! So I started having her lay down (not to nap, I tell her, but to rest) when I'm putting her brother down. There are some days where she'll scream and cry and leave her room but I tell her she has to come lay down on her bed or I will leave the room and shut the door. She, too, hates this and I hate doing this to her because it really makes her cry, but it gets my point across!

If you do not want to do either of those things for nap, I suggest putting your 7 month old down for naps elsewhere and work with your son. Tell him it's rest time. Ignore him if he says no or something else. Take him to his room. Ask him if he wants the door opened or closed. Ask him if he wants you to sit next to him or on the floor. Ask if he wnats to lay on the floor or in bed. Keep him busy answering questions. If he still is just screaming/crying, tell him that you are leaving the room and will be back in a few minutes when he settles down and shut the door (or put up 2 baby gates so he can't get out, crawl over them). Once he lays down, tell him a story (don't read to him, just tell him one by memory or make one up). We started this and my daughter has been falling asleep to this!!

For bedtimes, ensure your routine is the same each night. Does the 7 month old go down before him? If so, explain to him that when it's time to go to bed, you have to use your sleepy voice or quiet voice in the bedroom, and if he does, he can sit with you in the living room (or where ever) to have stories like a big boy before going into his bedroom. The first few nights of the new routine, he may wake the baby (but I have found that my 9.5 month old sleeps through my daughters cries most of the time). Go through the questions - do you want the door open or closed, do you want a nightlight/hall light on, etc. I sit in my daughters room and we do her prayers then I sing her three songs (same ones since she was an infant) and then I tell her that I'm going to sit in her room for a few minutes then I'm leaving, but that I will leave the door open and will be in the living room. The first night I did this (she was 2.5 and I was exhausted from having to sneak out of her room only to go back when she realized I wasn't there and was crying/upset), she came out of her room probably 20 times. I walked her back each time telling her it was time for bed. She ended up falling asleep in her doorway with her pillow, stuffed animal and blanket. But at least she stayed IN HER ROOM. The second night, she fussed for a few minutes. The third, she whimpered, rolled over and went to sleep. I think once she realized that we are not 'leaving' her and shutting the door, but that we are just going to a different room and she could still hear us, see lights, she felt more comfortable about going to bed.

You may have to continue to walk him back to his room a bunch of times. It will get easier, but unfortunately there is no telling how many days this will take.

I am not a fan of CIO but I think this works....even if he's fussing or upset in his room because you left, I guess I do not consider this CIO. (maybe it is?).

As far as naps go, make sure he's up no later than 3pm and try to put him to bed between 7-9pm (depending on what time he gets up or has to wake up in the morning).

Hope that this helps!

How frustrating! We have 3 and 1 year old boys who share a room and we struggle with some of the same issues. While I don't have any miracle cures, here's what we do and it works most of the time.

For naptime, our one year old goes into a pack n play in our bedroom. That way, if big brother throws a fit, at least the baby will get a nap.

You cannot make a child sleep. We tell our older son that it is "quiet time". This is non-negotiable. He goes to quiet time in his room for 2 hours every afternoon. What he does in his room is up to him. We have the lock on the outside of the door so we just lock him in. It sounds mean but believe me, it will save you tons of aggravation and the child learns that he will stay in his bedroom. If he chooses to sit in there and scream for 2 hours, that's his choice. If you ignore him, it will only last for a couple of days and then he will chose to read a book or sleep or play with toys. Yes, he destroyed his bedroom the first few times. We had him pick up the mess (of course, we helped). That pretty much stopped the room trashing, but he still does it on occassion. We are at the point where 90% of the time he will take a nap and the rest of the time he will read or play with toys.

Get "Love and Logic for the Early Childhood Years." by Jim Fay. We found this book so helpful on so many levels. Good luck with everything!