Manner of Dress by Son's Girlfriend

Unless she is wearing a bathing suit in an inappropriate location, there should not be a problem. As long as she's wearing a top (not just pasties) and a bottom (hopefully not a thong), I can't imagine how it would be a concern.

Yep - old fashioned :)

If she wears normal regular clothes I would not care about the swim suit. The body is not something to hide in shame. Is she topless in a thong? The style is skimpy bikinis.

Now if she dressed like a hoochie all the time I would not want that message shown to the grandson.

if she can wear it, then she should. I think it's great that she has enough confidence to wear a bikini. Not everyone does. I wear bikini's and I have a 5 and 7 year old. It's more comfortable.

Hi M.,
There are lots of different types of people in this world and in our circle of friends and family. Everyone is different and everyone has their own style and comfort in showing their body. I'm sorry, but I just think you are going to have to get over your opinion of how skimpy her suit is. Because it's just that ... your opinion. Unless her pubic hair is hanging out or you're in view of her uncovered nipples, let it go. (this is coming from a somewhat modest person, I might add) . Good luck!

ETA: Ladies! Really? 'Your house, your rules' ??? Now that made me laugh. This is a grown women, sweeties, not some child you can dictate to. LOL!

M., by all means, if you want to see less of your son, tell his girlfriend that you think she's showing too much skin and hand her a baggy t-shirt **eye rolls**

Seriously, if shes not showing nipple, or wearing a thong, get it over it!

If shes got, shes got it.

If you have faith in your son, trust that this woman shouldnt be judged by her swimsuit.

If I had a body that looked hot in a tini-bikini I would wear it all the time! I think you are a tad bit jealous. You can see women in bikinis everywhere and it isn't inappropriate, unless they are wearing them shopping at the mall or something. I'm sure your husband and others have seen women in bikinis before. No big deal. I would not be stressing about this. Just enjoy your family time together. Good luck!

Unless she is topless and in a thong - it's fine. My 14 yo babysitter wears a skimpy bikini but hey - she's 14 - and has a cute bod so why not?

Yes you're old fashioned, but it's your opinion so you're entitled!

BTW when you say US are you referring to you and your DH. I would be willing to bet money your DH doesn't mind, no matter what he is telling you! LOL!

ETA: I personally am grossed out when some of my older relatives wear normal modest bathing suits but do ZERO landscaping and let that hang out!!!! Are you kidding me.

If you got it flaunt it. I wish i could instead im in boarding shorts with a full top :(

It sounds like you have an underlying issue with the girlfriend.

If that is the case, you stepping in to ask her to put on a cover up will create tension between you, your son and her. Think about it before you step in, she may be your daughter in law someday.

I believe if you have it, you are confident with yourself and your body, go for it. People should be able to wear what they are comfortable in without being judged.

Not your business. Go to Brazil and you will be shocked at what the norm is there. She works out, let her show off her body. It will NOT harm the kids to see a healthy body.

Yes, I guess you're old fashioned, and this is not the kind of opinion you want to share with your son, unless you want to risk damaging your relationship with him.

I found Stephanie's comment funny, so I have to repeat it: "unless she's showing nipledge and/or butt cheeks, & pubic hair, I'd let it go." (although in Brazil, showing butt cheeks is completely acceptable, even by older women with hanging rears).

At first I thought the question was going to be about a young teen son's girlfriend and truly inappropriate attire. But you're talking about an adult woman who is the mother of an 8 year old and wearing a bikini in the middle of one of the hottest summers on record. YOUR son is HER boyfriend. I don't see that as inappropriate. It's also not inappropriate for an adult woman to wear a bikini around their mutual friends as long as she and her boyfriend are both fine with it. If it bothered him, he would tell her. She sounds confident and not "flaunting." I don't really see what sort of "wrong message" that could possibly be.

Is this really because YOUR husband is looking at her and, uh, appreciating her attractiveness? Because that's more of a husband thing than a "son's girlfriend" thing.

I also wonder if it's because you disapprove of more than her bathing suit.

Unless she's wearing a thong, you need to get over it. Women wear bikinis - I assure you she's not the only one. if I weren't so marred with stretch marks from my pregnancy, I'd love to wear one. She's dedicated to working out and has a nice body. Nothing wrong with wearing a bikini to show case that.

I agree. I am in my early thirties and am very active, so I think I have a very nice figure. But I still do not like to expose so much of myself in mixed company, especially. Maybe talk to your son about the subject and offering her a cover-up.

Old fashioned or not, you are totally entitled to your opinion. But that doesn't mean you can always do something about it.. :)

She does have the right to wear clothes and bikinis as what feels comfortable to her. If it makes you feel uncomfortable with her like that around your husband, then yes, you can talk to your son and gently ask him to ask her to wear a cover-up when your husband's around, maybe.
But as for her being around her son, and your son's friends, I guess it is your son's call, whether he finds it OK or not. I can understand you might not feel nice about it, but you don't have much choice there, I think...IMHO!

So other than when she swims she dresses just fine? Pick your battles!

Are you sure you're not just looking for any reason to criticize her?

She's wearing a bathing suit, your son obviously cares for her, and she is a grown adult. Don't cause trouble were there is none.

i agree witht those below. if you dont want to see your son and grandson as much say something. If not as long as she's not naked leave it alone. it is your sons job to decide what your grandson will see not yours. you would not only be questioning his girlfriends wardrobe but questioning his parenting skills.

I don't see how it bothers you so much. ecsepcally that you mention its in front of your husband. he's a grown man. i'm sure he'll live
You should be glad you see them a good deal and not harp on her clothes
how would you feel if she judged you by your clothing and told you son to tell you she was embarassed by you?

Sorry you can't tell an adult how to dress

If you can't see her nipples or pubic hair - I think she is fine. Bikinis are normal bathing suits and have been around for decades. She is an adult - her business.

I don't know about Georgia but bikinis are normal in here California. Women wear all kinds of swimsuits, from tiny two pieces to full on board shorts, whatever they are most comfortable in (not too many thongs though thank God!)
I assume she's wearing this while at the pool, or a beach or lake or something right?
I think you are just more modest than she is. There's nothing wrong with that but it's really not your place to tell another adult what you consider appropriate, that's her choice.

I'm really surprised people are telling you to get over it. You say brief bikini's so it sounds like they're very skimpy. I don't find that appropriate around her son's parents and your grandson either. Just bc she has more than pasties and a thong on doesn't mean she couldnt' show a little class and wear a little more around her potential FIL. So I agree with you. I'd ask your son to ask her to wear a cover up at your home around you guys. It doesn't have to be said meanly or anything.

Exhibitionists love to flaunt it whether anyone else likes looking at semi nude people or not.
It comes down to 'your house - your rules'.
When she visits she can wear a different suit or have a big baggy tee shirt or other cover up she can put on over it.
What she does or doesn't wear anywhere else is up to her.

M.:

Welcome to mamapedia!!!

Your title is misleading, in my opinion. It sounds like your son is a teenager.

However, after reading - this is not about your adult son and HIS son (your grandson). I will take it that your son is no longer married or is divorced and he has a girlfriend that you aren't approving of?

This is about an adult W. wearing something you don't like or approve of. So this is your opinion, and your are entitled to it, that she she does not dress appropriately for her age? Is she showing nipples and pubic hair? If not? it's your opinion. If you are good enough friends with her - tell her that her attire makes you uncomfortable.

You can't tell an adult how to dress. You CAN tell her it makes you uncomfortable. You can tell your son that you don't like the way she flaunts her body. Maybe he can address it with her. Other than that? I would keep my mouth shut. Everyone is different. No one on this planet is alike. You will have to accept it or you will have to confront her. Your choice. I would chose to pick my battles, though.

.... Here in Hawaii, it is a beach culture. People wear bathing suits, all the time. Even in stores. They may have shorts on their bottoms, or a wrap on, but they are scantily clad. Even the men
So it is just what people here, do. It is "normal" for this place.
And, in our State, no one gets traumatized from it, even kids.
It is just a bathing suit. And even if their body is less than ideal or in floppy shape, well people wear bathing suits or bikinis. All shapes and sizes and styles. And no one gets, unnerved by it.
And per kids seeing this... well, they are not damaged by it. Because, well at least per my kids... they know that everyone is different and dresses different, and even if they find it "icky," they are cognizant enough to know that, it doesn't have to affect them. Some people just dress strange or different or in bathing suits. It is HOW you "teach" a child.... versus it just affecting them in negative ways.
We can't control, what other people wear. So you teach the child... about life situations, and per whatever your "values" are.

And what about kids, that dress in scanty clothing? I have a daughter who is a Tween. Just because some of her classmates may dress in less than ideal clothing... it does not mean, that SHE will do that. And it does not mean that she is affronted by it. And it does not mean, that she will get the "wrong message." Because... she is wise enough, and per how we teach her... she knows that people and even adults, may dress in less than "ideal" ways. But it is not, her.
My kids can think on their own. Per dress and what is inappropriate or not.

It does not matter if a person has a nice body or not. We don't focus on "body" appearances, with our kids, nor that that is then what determines how a person dresses or not.

So many people in this world and so many different ways a person dresses. Being in a bathing suit, in front of children... well that happens here in Hawaii ALL the time. And at the beach or at a pool... I don't cover my kids' eyes, when someone in a bathing suit walks by, no matter what their body looks like.
If a person is flaunting their body and bikini... well so what. Lots of people here do that at the beach. My kids, know, when someone is a show-off or not. They don't get traumatized by it. My kids have seen even MEN... in skimpy little bikini swim wear. So what. They are just glad their Dad doesn't wear those, and they laugh!

to me there is a HUGE difference between wearing a bikini while on an anniversary cruise with my husband and a bunch of other ADULTS i don't know.

totally different for me to be parading around and putting on a show for my 67 yo Father in Law and my 15 yo nephew.

and personally unless you are super ripped, and standing in one pose like a model, things move and jiggle and bulge out in unattractive ways in bikinis.

Lol, I wonder how this girl would like it if your husband walked around the house in a pair of boxers gaping open.

Thre is no way to say anything to this chick though, If she wasn't raised to be modest nothing you say will make her be that way.
Close the pool to her. i'm silly today, the old baby ruth floating in the pool??? nah then she'll just sunbath topless.

I'm 30 and my figure is fine. I also respect myself enough to wear something that does not cause my privates to pop out. I think those who NEED to flaunt it so obviously, are fishing for attention, and clearly compensating.

Unfortunately, not every person has the self awareness and respect for themselves...and others. There's not anything you can do, really. The thing you MIGHT be able to do, is speak with your son. Perhaps, he could mention covering up a little? I don't know if I would go there, though...

Wow, you want to tell an adult woman that her clothing is inappropriate and that it bothers you? I think this would quickly alienate her from you. If she is someone that will be in your son life and the mother of your grandson, then this is really not a battle you want to fight....

Can you show us what type of suit it is? How old is she/your son? I think as long as she is covered, it's not something you should concern yourself with. If she is attractive & in shape, men are going to look, no matter what she is wearing. This is really nothing you can control, so it's best to let it go, unless she looks completely indecent.

I'm in my early 30's and I could pull off a bikini but I choose not to - I'm always been a bit modest. However I don't think bikinis are inappropriate in any way. If you feel comfortable wearing it - wear it. I think this comes down to other things than her swimming attire.

You are so cute...I think you are wishing to look like her a tiny little bit (perhaps you would not wear that bikini, but having that body...you would not mind, am I wrong?)
It's ok, after all she's showing her stuff to "your circle" being territorial is in order ;-D .Focus on the good things YOU can provide for them and enjoy yourself at the pool, after all kids need to know that there are all kinds of people in the world and she seems nice anyways, and what do you mean for "wrong message"? Being sensual is just something that (some) bodies do and, unless a person is obsessive and/or dirty, it's natural. I hope you'll feel better about this issue, I would not bring it up to her or to your son (mainly I would not want to look insecure or jealous :-o) you never know how they could take it and it's such a small issue compared to some others, try and let it go...have a great day!

If you would prefer that she cover up a little more at family events, maybe mention it to your son to bring it up to her privately. Without actually seeing the bikini, it is hard to say what she's actually showing. It's kind of in the eye of the beholder. Frankly, I wish I still felt confident enough to wear a bikini.

Just WOW to the people who implied M. A. is jealous!!!

I would just talk with your son and let him know it makes you uncomfortable and you would like her to wear a swim wrap unless she's in the water or sun bathing.

Her clothing choices are hers to make. If you don't like what you see, there are 359 other directions you can look.

Well this is surprising. I am 22 and if my stomach is not covered I dont like it. If more then the top of a baby's butt is showing I feel under dressed. Yes I could loose a few pounds but really! there is no need to "flaunt it". Keep what you have to the imagination! personally I think it is promiscuous to dress in this matter that the GF is!

As long as she is wearing something appropriate to the occasion, then I honestly can't see how it concerns you. Is she at a pool, lake, or somewhere similar that calls for a swimsuit? If so, then it doesn't matter what type she wears.

I guess I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I do believe it's your house so your rules on what should be worn, on the other hand I do workout and am thrilled that I am able to wear a bikini after having two kid's. My bikini's are not hootchie mama bikinis, and nothing is falling out though!! I would say if you really are uncomfortable then say something, but unless she's showing nipledge and/or butt cheeks, & pubic hair, I'd let it go.

You have a right to your opinion, and she has the right to wear whatever she chooses, as long as it's legal.

You are right in feeling like she is showing too much BUT as long as she is covered...not showing her butt in a thong bikini or walking around in pasties instead of an actual bikini top, then I don't really think you have a right to say anything. I'm sorry if that sounds rude. UNLESS you are at your home in your pool and you decided to make a no bikini rule. If it's your house you could do that. But that would apply to everyone! Not just her. You might think she would look better in something more covering but she obviously likes they way she looks and feels comfortable like that. So I would let her be.

If she's dressing in this manner at your house or on a family outing you have every right to ask her to cover up. Of course, you'll have to do this very, very diplomatically.

If this is just in general though...how she dresses for dates, at her house, etc, all you can do is keep quiet and avoid her. Tell your husband how you feel, but no one else. If you criticize her to your son you risk driving a wedg betwen yourself and your son.

If she's old enough to have a 8 year old she should be old enough to know that you dress/act appropriately for any occasion...such as going to your boyfriend's parents' house! But, being an adult, she's free to dress in any legal fashion anywhere else.

You probably are a bit old-fashioned. How old is she? I wouldn't want to hang out with an almost-naked woman, either. I would find it very inappropriate for her to dress like that in intimate settings (ie, at home with few family members or at home with her boyfriend's male friends). I think that I would avoid dressing like that with my boyfriend's parents.

You can mention it to your son and see if it changes, but you'll have to be sure not to come off as being preachy. Or you can just make it a point to leave whenever she strips down.

before my son i wore bikini tops and cropped shirts and short shorts. i loved it. but now for my age and my body now i'm happy to be covered up. i say like many others did if you got it flaunt it. but if it bothers you and you have a good relationship with the girlfriend talk to her.