Bikinni for 13 Year Old

I see no problem with her wearing a 2 piece bathing suit. All the other judgy moms can go suck it :) Wow their kids suits cover 4 more inches of skin on that shameful tummy area.

For me, I wouldn't allow my daughter to wear a bikini til she's 15...a more appropriate age IMO. I'd allow mine wear a tankini til then but that's just me. Some people don't care what their kids wear, I do. :)

Nobody judges bikinis where I live (so cal) and I wouldn't have my daughter change her swimwear unless she felt she wanted to, or brought it up herself. She's 13, you may have to battle other clothing/hair/style choices later, so I would not bother with this. Just let her pick her suit again next time and see what she chooses on her own.

I actually think 13 is the last stop for tankinis, at least here in CA tankinis are for moms and kids. Most teenage girls favor a cute bikini and next summer when they are 14 the tankinis might seem kind of juvenile. If I see a teenager or young 20something in a tankini here, its usually because they are Mormon (or some other religion that specifically prohibits bikini wearing). So I guess I should say tankinis in CA are for moms, kids, and Mormons.

Come to think of it, if I was specifically going swimming with a mainly Mormon crowd, I might dress my kids in their more modest stuff just out of respect. So maybe if you have an inkling that the judginess came from religious reasons, you may guide her to pick another suit. But on the other hand, at 13.... That's pretty old. As a teen I never would have worn a one-piece just because I was hanging out with Mormon girls. And they wouldn't have cared.

Here we go again. It always feels like girls have to carry the burden of being attractive or sensual on top of everything else they need to worry about.

The burden of the sick old man checking them out. The burden of the hormonal boys who only think of one thing. The burden of other woman and girls judging them. Are they wearing enough? Are they wearing too much? Don't you all get tired of it?

My 14 year old is level headed, sweet, smart and VERY thoughtful about how she presents herself. She's tall, thin and gorgeous and I just bought her a little bikini that she looks great in. Why should she worry about showing too much skin in the appropriate place? She's at the beach or the pool, it feels good to be half naked. She walks into her honors classes in the appropriate, modest attire and carries herself like a smart, capable woman should.

It seems to me that we are putting society's issues about sexuality on our girls. They are kids, trying to figure out life and have a little fun. As long as they use their brains and dress appropriately for the event why are we constantly judging them?

Nothing wrong with a tasteful bikini as long as your daughter is comfortable in it! Also depends on what she was doing IN the bikini. Was she just swimming with her friends or was she sauntering by the boys?

I think intention has everything to do with it.

Not sure why you felt judged by the other moms, that's pretty weird (?)
Here in California bikinis are as all American as apple pie so it's not even an issue. I let my girls wear the type of swimsuit they like and feel comfortable in. They have gone back and forth over the years but mostly they like two pieces because they're easier to wear under clothing and use the bathroom in.

It's too bad that these other moms have a bug up there. Sorry, but I wore bikinis more or less up until my mid-20s, when I had enough on top to warrant more support. If your girl is slim and not hanging out of it, there really isn't a problem. If it covers her enough that she feels she can swim and play comfortably, no problem.

It's no one else's business to say boo about what works for your family. All you have to do is ask your girl "are you happy with your swimsuit? Is it working for you?" I think you will have the answer you need.

Unless your daughter is trying to flirt with boys and acting inappropriately, this is a non-issue unless someone is trying to make it one.

Nope. If you and she are comfortable, then don't change a thing.

It is possible that the other girls are not wearing bikinis because they are self conscious about their own bodies, not because their mothers make them wear something more modest. As long as your daughter feels comfortable in her bikini, it fits well and covers what it should, she is able to run around and play (without a wardrobe malfunction) and she is wearing lots of sunscreen, then let her wear her bikini.

I think you should set an example and not change a thing. If some one doesn't like it o well. It's what your daughter is comfortable wearing and what is appropriate. Just because someone doesn't like it doesn't mean you have to or should change it. If they are judging on a swim suit imagine what else they are no need to change a thing :)

other moms be danged. if your daughter is comfortable in it, and it doesn't violate any sort of family philosophy guidelines, let them judge.
ETA many flowers to KBell!
khairete
S.

I believe if your daughter is comfortable and confident in herself she is fine. Plus, you are ok with it.

It doesn't matter what we do, there will be people who judge. Some moms would prefer to keep their children in bubble wrap until they are 18 and look at the issues those poor children will have!!!

It is not like your daughter is running around naked. The human body is normal and it is not to be perceived as "dirty", "skanky" or anything like that at my house. People who think that way end up with skewed views of sex and normalcy.

The mom who was judging you probably allows her children to watch blood, gore and violence on TV and video games. I think that is worse that showing a little skin.

If she's comfortable in it and not falling out of it, if she can move and if it stays on when she swims or dives, fine. If a kid wears an extremely revealing bikini (as others have said: string, thong etc.) that's a problem. I realize "revealing" is a relative term with bikinis but I think you know what I mean. I also agree with the comment below about it depending on how she's acting - is she strutting around showing her stuff, or is she swimming with her friends? How are the others acting around her? Is she being ridiculed? Are they all criticizing their own bodies? "Oh I could never wear that, I'm so fat" and that sort of thing sends up alarm bells for girls possibly at risk for eating disorders or other destructive behaviors, so it merits your attention. In general, I think if girls can stay a little more covered up, it might be good because they do get comments which are unpleasant. BUT I also think girls and women have to make their own choices about clothing and hope for the best from the guys. I certainly don't think that any girl DESERVES remarks, assumptions, or criticisms, and I don't think any female DESERVES to be assaulted or raped because of what she is wearing. So I reject that whole thing about judgment.

You don't say in what way you felt judged by the other moms, so I'm not sure if they said something, gave you a few looks, or you just worried about it because the other girls were all dressed the same as each other and your daughter was the only one who was different.

So, if your daughter can move and function in her choice of bathing suits, and if the bikini doesn't have words on it that are tasteless (I really hate girls' clothing with words across the butt), and if she's comfortable socially, I think you can let her wear what she wants. A number of posts below have raised the religious issue, so I guess I would say, if she's going to a private party hosted by a highly religious family, she might show some respect for their beliefs by dressing to their tradition. Same goes for not going to a church or synagogue with a strapless dress. Doesn't mean it's inappropriate everywhere, just inappropriate THERE.

If your daughter gets any flack for her bathing suit, she will let you know that she needs to buy a tankini, and you can go along with it.

You said "I" noticed and "I" felt judged. Did your daughter say anything about it? If No, then that means she feels fine in her suit, and that's great! As long as the bikini is age appropriate, then I would leave her be. Yes, teaching modesty is very important, but so is building confidence and individuality! I wouldn't even ask her anything about it, if you do she could become self conscious about it. Kids are notorious for letting moms know if clothes aren't cool, trendy or fitting in with the others. I would say just follow her lead on this one ;)

Thank god I don't have a girl, because she wouldn't be wearing a bikini.

I think it's sad that we teach girls they have to be practically naked, in order to be comfortable in their bodies an skin. Modesty is not a bad thing, and it doesn't mean someone is hiding or self conscience. You're delusional if you don't think nasty grown men aren't looking at your daughter in a bikini. She is only 13, THIRTEEN She is a child. If you're OK with her being viewed as a young piece of meat, I honestly don't understand. If your daughter and a girl with a tankini are standing next to each other, who do you really think someone is going to look at? Just something to think about.

I wouldn't mention it to her at all, that's for sure! I would be afraid that saying anything to her would make her think YOU have a problem with her body.

As for the possible judgment from other moms, your daughter's self-esteem is more important than them! And a bikini is totally acceptable swimwear! Maybe you were just self-conscious?? Don't be!

If SHE wants a change, then sure, but there is no reason to make her cover up!!

Sure.
I always like to have a few different styles of swim suits on hand..

I think that young girls should be taught to respect their bodies and that they don't have to be naked to be "normal". I would never let mine wear anything that "I" considered immodest. That does NOT mean she has to wear a one piece or something over it. But it does mean that I need to teach her that keeping herself respectful of herself.

I do allow her to wear a 2 piece but it is like the other mom's, the top comes down over the bottoms and it's open in the back.

So if you brought your daughter to my house and she had on a bikini I would be having a talk with my kids about how sad it was that she thought showing her body was acceptable.

If a person wants to wear a bikini they can do that at home when they're working on their tan and not out in public.

Sorry I don't agree with some of the mom's. I didn't understand how a person/child is allowed to dress will effect them the rest of their lives. I didn't teach my daughter to be modest or how dressing can make impressions from others to be bad for her.

My daughter worked with me at a call center. We did NOT have any contact with customers other than talking on the phone.

My daughter got sent home for how she was dressed at least twice in a 6 month period because she has no sense of what is proper attire. Kids need to learn from a very young age what is acceptable dress outside of the home and what is not.

It's your job to instill in her how she should dress. How she dresses tells the world what she wants them to think of her. If she is 13 and already feeling comfortable wearing a bikini out in public she is going to be very comfortable wearing clothing that is not acceptable as an adult. It's that simple.

There is a fad in dance wear right now too. The show Dance Mom's is putting a lot of pressure on a lot of us mom's. They wear very minuscule clothing and they're on TV performing. Kids are starting to think this is how they should dress too. It's not going to happen with my girl. She's lucky she is getting to wear halter leo's and booty shorts. She is learning that some clothes are just not what she wants to wear.

Geez, well you are not them and they are not you.
My daughter is 10 and some wear tankinis, some wear regular bikinis, some wear 1 piece bathing suits.
So what.
Unless your daughter was wearing an itsy-bitsy hardly there micro thong bikini and wasn't bustin' out of her bikini or it wasn't going up her rear-end, I don't see what the problem is.

I mean, "bikinis" comes in ALL types of styles. There are hardly there styles and real conservative types.
It is a wide range.

And, the thing is, how does your daughter feel about it?
Does it bother her?

Here where I live, I even see GRANDMAS, wearing bikinis.
So what.
They aren't falling out of it.

All bikinis are not created equal. They have different cuts, different coverage. Would I want my (hypothetical) 13 year old wearing a bikini like you'd see in Sports Illustrated? Hell no! I don't need my 13 year old trying to look sexy, and I would make sure that my 13 year old knew that dressing her body isn't about trying to be sexy.

And no, some of these suits don't just leave you 1/2 naked. More like 95% naked.

The little tween girls that live on each side of me wear tiny bikinis all the time, and we (myself, and my neighbor, one of the girl's dad) have seen grown men stop their cars to stare at them as they walk around in the front yards. Of course the men aren't supposed to be doing that, but they DO. I wouldn't want any grown men looking at my child that way.

As long as it is a proper bikini for her age, I would say its fine.

By proper, I mean that it isn't padded, itty-bitty, suggestively cut, thong, etc. String bikinis probably aren't so great either. Lol. But I have seen plenty of tasteful bikinis for girls her age, and wouldn't dream of judging a woman who allowed her daughter to wear one.

I was raised Mormon, and was always taught to hide my body in the guise of "modesty". By the time I finished high school, and was able to break myself out of the religion, I had such a horrible body image. It has taken me years to be comfortable in my own skin. I think that there is a world of difference between allowing your daughter to dress like a skank, and allowing a tasteful bikini for swimming. Especially at her age. She needs to learn to be proud of her body, without feeling the need to flaunt it. Especially at this tricky age, where she will become more self aware as her body develops.

My daughter is 13 and she and all her friends wear bikinis. Some of her friends are a little heavier and probably shouldn't be bearing all but do anyway. My daughter has many different bikinis some show more than others. If your daughter is comfortable with her suit and you deem it appropriate don't worry what others think!! Don't start bending your ideas and rules of parenting based on what others think.

the amazing moms that Judge your parenting are helping to perpetrate what all moms would love to see go away. females to each other females to be judgmental and witchy. so as long as vital parts are covered and your daughter is comfortable in her skin let her be who she is.

The only time a bikini is a problem is if it isn't covering properly, or if the person wearing it is overweight. It sounds fine on your daughter....I would love to wear a bikini again...

My dd is still young, but she's a high level gymnast and has a totally ripped body even at her age. She wears a bikini with no problem and it looks wonderful on her. She hasn't really developed yet, so it's an easy decision for us, but even when she gets older and bigger, same thing applies.

Hi, K.:

Today every one is so concerned with showing skin. Don't forget, boys get turned on by seeing nakedness of a girl's body.

When we worked in the fields, the men took off their shirts, wore boots and shorts. Women wore dresses or shorts. We didn't go out in public displaying our skin.

Where is our common decency now-a-days.
Personally, I don't want to see a 13 year old in a bikini or anyone else as a matter of fact.

Good luck.
D.

You might look at what KIND of bikini she is in. For example, I have a cousin who allows her 8 yr old to wear them. That in itself is not what makes me cringe. What makes me cringe is that it's a stringy bikini. There are revealing bikinis and not so revealing ones. I would take a moment to be objective as to how revealing the suit is vs just does she look good and is approved of by friends. Thirteen year old girls are not the most objective people on the planet. My SD found out the hard way that I had a point in telling her to wear a more sturdy suit while tubing on the lake several years back.

There are also various levels of tankini, too. You might suggest to your DD that she wear a shorter one (shows more stomach) or a speedo type top as a middle ground between the suit she had on and the suits her friends wear. If you feel judged, ask yourself why. Did they say something? Are they a conservative group? Sometimes you dress for the audience and save other outfits (or swimsuits) for other times. It sounds like she'll be swimming with them frequently, so it's something I would consider re-evaluating.

IMO, it has nothing to do with weight, but conservative vs not.

"Ifelt judged by the other moms"...they're probably pea green with envy!

I am happy to know that you have respected your daughter's choice....the fact that some people think that not-so-covered girls will be eyed by others as 'objects': it is because of our patriarchal values. This debate is quiet old one and persists across the world. In some nations women not wearing 'Burqa' or Head Scarfs are considered immodest/'objects of lust', in some nations one who shows legs and does not wear skirt touching toes in considered immodest.women/girls riding bicycles are also considered .bad in some places....here it is the issue of bikini: what ever is the boundary line, there is always someone else who defines it girls and women. Media too is interested in demonstrating which woman celerity bared what part of her body: No one though defines modesty for men. the more a society is insistent on cover up, the more exited its people are to see what is beneath...the more will be the premium on revealing....when we will all stop being obsessed about women's bodies....there will be no pressure to reveal or to cover: our girls will automatically learn to respect themselves as persons ...

Secondly, men and women are both interested in each other as opposite sex but we have socialized women to control their interests and manifest them only when appropriate, we have not taught men and boys the same: it high time we teach our boys the lessons of control rather than asking our girls to be conditioned by how boys/men or for that matter other women see them.