Love-sick 7-Year-old

Poor little thing! I don't know what you should do. But I'm guessing the little boy was just embarassed. You could try to explain to her that boys often don't become interested in girls and love until they're older and that he probably felt embarassed by the attention but that he doesn't really hate her. Explain that sometimes people act mean when they're embarassed, and that her notes, etc, might just make him act mean again. If you have a personal story of unrequited love to share with her, that might help. I wish I could think of a way you could get her to understand that she's too little to have crushes!

I hate to say this because i to have a boy so all you other mothers out there don't hate me for saying this but boys are dumb at this age. He probably does like her but doesn't know how to say it or doesn't want to show it. I remember when I was little this boy would always try to be mean to me or try to beat me up and my teacher said it was cause he liked me. Weird huh! I would just tell her thats probably what it is he is embarrassed. Just give the boy sometime to think. It sounds like he does like her otherwise why would he keep telling her all day that he doesn't like her. Who is he trying to convince MORE your daughter or himsel! Go out and by her some lipgloss my girls like it!!!!

1. What was your response to her when she told you between tears of the awfu way he responded to her? It is hard for us to see our children hurting when there is nothing we can do to heal the hurt. Your responses are very important at this time. Her feelings need to be validated but not pampered. She is learning early how to accept rejection, or how not too. She has to learn that rejection is not the end of the world, and that everyone will like us. Some how convince her of her talents and gifts and even though everyone might see them, she has to know who she is and what she possesses. 2. Where is her father? It appears she needs a strong positive male relationship. This may be why she lunged so hard into this emotion for this little boy. If dad is not in her life, are there any strong male family members who are available to be surrogate father to her? 3. But I caution you to choose wisely, because in today's world those we trust often perpretrate our children. Strong men role models are important in raising whole stable children. 4. Schools have social workers who can also help the two children get pass this. More than likely the boy likes her, they often respond in adverse ways at that age. And then on the other hand he may not have even noticed her because some boys really don't realize girls (affectionately) this early. 5. I am sorry to have to tell you that she is not reacting normally, but this is a very deep reaction to this- 3 days of her life.brooding. Anytime any of us allow our emotional to go the gammet, we are not being rational. This is a great time to give her the skills to control her emotions and reaction to life. 6. What is the age difference of the chldren? 7. I believe the boy needs to be spoken to by school officials to teach him about feelings of others. 8. Keep your eyes on your daughter to see if she has a way of handling other emotional situations like this. 9. Lastly, she is too young to fall that hard for anyone. And I am not pointing a finger at you, because parenting is hard and we don't usually know what we need to know until after it is too late. I would reccommend you find a strong (Godly) woman of older chldren who can help you when you need advise. And if possible begin volunteering your time at the school, 1-3 hours a week to be involved and learn the culture of the school. Your daughter may need extra curriculum, like sports, dance a musical instrument, gymnastics, etc to build her self esteem and keep her mind busy. I pray the best for you. There is a great book recently released An Essential Practical Guide to Family Living that touches on many of these kinds of situations as well as other family issues. Order at www.destroyingyokes.com or any online bookstore. The author has been autographing the books when ordered from www.destroyingyokes.com . I am a Special Education teacher and prior to teaching I worked with women and their families dealing with life situations, and I have 4 adult children and was a child care provider for many years. I have seen a lot. This is why I know she needs your help now.

Wow. You do have your hands full. I did not have to deal with this with my two daughters. But here is a try, I think explain to her that boys at 7 years old are sometimes just mean.....and inmature. She needs to show that she is a mature little girl and to ignore him.

I agree with you that the notes are a bad idea. Have you spoken to the teacher about this situation. They are usually so use to these situations.

You know he may very well like you daughter but was embarrased to be told by her friend that she likes him. As I think about this more, I am sure her teacher will have insight into the behaviors of 7 year olds.

Good luck, let us know how the situtation turns out.

First off I totally understand how you feel, and second gear yourself up for this to happen many many times. I have three daughters and they all went throught this at one point and I know they will go through this again. For just this reason, I am dreading the teenage years. I remember how devestating it was to me, when I told a guy I liked him and then found out that he didn't know I was even alive and was actually laughing with his friends that I had the gall to like him. I think your doing the right thing in letting her write to him and not letting her take them to school, she needs an outlet for how she feels and dening her that outlet is going to make things worse. I also think that letting her see how things are at school after the weekend is a good idea, I would also talk to her teacher and let her know what is going on, if the teacher doesn't already. Remember that sometimes things get said that get taken the wrong way and or are said because the other child might not know how to let your child know they are liked back. Her learning to deal with this now, will better prepare her for when she and her friends are at odds with each other as well as when she older and ready to date boys. You don't want her to get aggressive towards this child, as that might cause more issues later. As to what to say: Try to make it at her age level so she understands, but I would say something like this to my child. I would tell her you love her and that you are there for her and let her cry her poor little heart out to you. Tell her that while you understand and you hate to see her hurting, that there are certain ways to act and that she has to be NICE no matter what. Then you dry her eye and go bake some choclolate chip cookies or her favorite kind and have some fun.

Well I can say that I somewhat relate. I have 7 year old twin girls in seperate classrooms and they both took a liking to certain boys in Kindergarten and have continued through this year to the first grade! They talk about them and how when they grow up they are going to get married, blah, blah, blah. I tell them they are too young to have a "boyfriend" but if they want to be friends that is fine-but they are not in school for anything else but to learn and have playtime when the time is appropriate. I don't say too much about it when the subject comes up and IF one of them came home hurt such as your daughter did I will be honest in the fact that my mothererly claws wouldn't want to come out and be the protective mother we all have tendencies of.
My advice I guess is to back off mom....IF you get involved in it she will never learn how to develop those relationships whether in a negative or positive way on her own. Furthermore she may resent the fact you became involved and will never ever be open and honest with you about her relationships in the future. I'm not saying let your daughter waller in pain and I do agree with the others in a sense that the letter might not be appropriate at this time. You can explain to your daughter that boys think differently than girls at this age (really at all ages-lol!) and just because he screams he hates her doesn't necessarily mean that he does and explain that he himself could be embarrassed at the fact he has a girl to like him-his friends could have teased him, or like another poster said his parents could have discouraged him but they did not give him the tools on how to pull away but still be healthy about it. I think I would surely bring to the teachers attention so that all parties involved can watch the children because the boy needs to learn about relationships just as much as your daughter does but the trick is them both dealing with it in a healthy manner without knowing that the parents got so involved in it if you catch my gest???
Just let your daughter know you are there for her but surely explain that he most likely doesn't "hate" her and tell her to let him have some "space" and then if she still really wants to know "why" then it might be appropriate to ask later but not right now. Does she really want to know "why" anyways??Seems to me this boy might come up with even a nastier response and hurt her even more??? I think the teachers should be informed because this boy obviously hasn't been given the right tools....you don't know his situation and he might be mocking how his parents are towards each other and not everyone's home is a healthy, happy, loving, respectful family. Anyways I am surely not a psychologist by any means this is just my opinion but I would be really careful about how involved you let yourself become involved in this. Just let it be known you are available to talk if she needs someone to talk to. I feel ya on this one and I know its only going to get worse!!! arghh!!!

I happen to agree with Holly. Get the teacher involved.
When my first grader was having girl issues, they played tackle the boys and kiss them, I let the teacher know and that's the last I heard about it.
Does she have any sports or extra curricular activities she could be involved in? Maybe Girl Scouts or gymnastics.
And boys are dumb at any age. Even 40. But we still love them. :o)

As a first grade teacher, I am a little surprised that her teacher has not discouraged this a little from her end. What we tell the kids at school is that they are going to be so busy learning all they need to know to get ready for second grade that they don't have time for boyfriends & girlfriends. Usually that's all it takes. I am also surprised that she has gotten this attached to a boy at her age. Most first graders are still in the "Ew...boys! Gross!" stage. I agree with you; bad idea about sending the notes to school! I would just tell her that it isn't appropriate. Plus, how does the little boy's mom feel about all this attention? She may not really want him to be talking "boyfriend/girlfriend" talk at this age, and it is quite possible that she told the little boy to pull back his attention from your daughter. Sometimes first graders don't always "hear" the whole picture; I am sure he doesn't hate your daughter but he may not know what to do with the responsibility of having to back off a little. This is the way first graders respond to all situations; with extremes, one way or another. Maybe distracting her by having her spend more time with friends and family would take some of the attention away from the little boy.

I was just wondering if there is a father in her life or a male role model who can give her the support she needs. I have three daughters and have never experienced this but I have read a book called "Strong Daughters, Strong Fathers" and it explains the importance of a father's role in their daughter's life. If she is not with her dad, maybe she could get some strong encouragement from a grandfather or uncle that could reassure her that she is loved simply for who she is.