Love and Logic Book

You know I never really read any parenting books, but I did have a few great books on child DEVELOPMENT. I think those are much more helpful, because often parents simply can't communicate effectively with a young child, or they expect behavior their child simply isn't ready for.
These books can be found at the library, they are the same books preschool teachers study to get certified in early childhood education.
Beyond that, with my kids I always found rewards worked better than punishment.
You can watch TV AFTER you are dressed and ready for school.
We will read an extra story tonight IF you are ready and in bed in ten minutes.
We will get an ice cream after shopping IF there is no complaining/whining in the store.
Etc, etc.
And I hate to say it but there will ALWAYS be a certain amount of repeating, reminding and nagging, that's just part (one of the least enjoyable parts) of being a parent. It lasts well into the teen years so get used to it :-(

Someone on here recommended "Back to Basics Discipline". A bit old school as it is an older book, but so on point. I loved it and highly recommend it.

One interesting point she makes (which may make the book appeal more or less to you) is that a mild spanking can rival 1000 timeouts. So, so true. Good luck!

hmmm.

From my perspective (and it was a LONG time ago), I just made sure that my now EX hubby and I were on the same page regarding discipline/guidance.

And then *I* was relentless/consistent ALL OF THE TIME from toddler hood on.

I guess I would suggest at age six that you PICK consistent and regular consequences/ rewards...and be UN Wavering with regard to enforcing.

That's all I got for tonight. It is NOT magic. It IS relentless consistency for whatever 'brand' of consequences /rewards you wish to use.

You can search in the Mamapedia search bar for "love and logic" and see what others have said about it. I've never read it, but I knows moms who had positive results with it.

Re: negative reviews. I love Amazon reviews. I go to the bad ones first to see what could possibly be bad about any book or product. A majority of the L&L negative reviews come from people who have a bias against Christianity. People who don't understand it, misrepresent it, whatever. So I personally wouldn't be turned off by those reviews. I'd read it and make up my own mind. That's what I suggest for you. You can take what you like and leave the rest behind.

I went the "conscious parenting" route with my now 14-year-old son and boy I wish I could turn back the clock and go the "love and logic" route. Live and learn. I now know that children need boundaries, firm loving direction, consistency, etc... authoritative parenting (not authoritarian). I was in the permissive camp, which I thought was "conscious" but obviously, I was very wrong.

Love and Logic classes are awesome. I'm not sure about the books because I've never read them. You can usually find the classes at a local elementary school or a local mental health facility. I've never paid for them either.

My two very favorite parenting books are 'Parenting With Love and Logic' and 'Free Range Kids'. They're both fantastic books and worth your time.

Tell him once. If he does'not comply with one reminder go to him and get him started. This takes much less emotional and physical energy than yelling. This should help him learn to do it now. If this does'not work after a 2-3 weeks start giving him a consequence after the first reminder. A consequence can be no electronics until it's done. A time out may work. Be consistent and keep a neutral tone of voice.

Re: love and logic. Using love and Logic does not require a major change in parenting style. For me it meant tying logical consequences to misbehaviour. When he doesn't do what you told him he isn't allowed to do anything else until he does it.

Love and Logic definitely does not mean saying I love you too much to argue. Those words are for you to say to yourself to help you internalize why you're doing this. I suggest that parents read about this for of discipline and take out of it what helps you. Choose one or two techniques to try and focus on those for 2-3 weeks. Then add another one. L&L is definitely not an all or nothing parenting style.

I suggest you read several parenting styles and incorporate techniques that seem helpful from more than one style. Borrow from the library. Read inforation on the Internet. Love and Logic has sever all good sites.

Of course you are going to find negative reviews. This is not a style that fits everyone. It does have many helpful concepts.

Later: i've been to a love and logic class and read several books. Love and Logic does not recommend spanking.

I've never read the 7year old and up book - but I'm going to check it out because the reviews you mention look horrible.

I had read the young children one and found it very helpful, useful, and not freaky with the examples the bad reviews are giving. Yikes.

There were also classes locally which were really good as well, again, without the horrible issues that the bad reviews are mentioning.

Thanks for bringing attention to it.

Get the young children version (to age 6) - the principles in that one (as I remember it) made sense and were not outrageous. My son responded well to them.

We LOVED the Love and Logic books, but they went right along with our parenting philosophy, so maybe that's why it worked so well for us. We were extremely consistent with it, too. I think consistency is important with whatever you do.

ETA: The books I had never recommended spanking, SweetChaosWith3. Interesting. Maybe one of us had an updated version?

I also love Free Range Kids.

I LOVE Love and Logic! I first learned about it when my oldest was in second grade and our school started implementing it in the classroom. I would highly recommend it. It's recommends spanking, but I don't do that. You can take what you want from it, and leave the rest.

I read it, and a ton of other books. Just check out dr markhams aha parenting website. She is brilliant. http://www.ahaparenting.com

I try to follow markham as much as possible. Since doing so, my house is way more peaceful. She has a great book called, how to stop yelling and start connecting. Pick up a copy of that, you won't regret it. Much better than love and logic. And also pick up how to talk so your kids will listen, since it has lots of great suggestions on what to do in those intense situation that lead to a raised voice.

We took Love & Logic classes about a year ago and liked them. However, in the end, we reverted back to our regular parenting style. It just wasn't natural to keep repeating, "I love you too much to argue" with our kids and it just made them angry. I think the system can really work, but you have to be 100% committed to changing your entire parenting mindset and we just didn't have the energy by the end of the work day to do that.

This is going to be the same issue with any parenting style book. If you're consistent, I think you'll see results with most of them. In the reality of busy days and escalating tensions with kids, though, it can be hard to slow down to think, "What did the book teach me?" and implement it.

Love the Love and Logic book! That and the 1-2-3 magic are my two faves.

Read "The Secret of Parenting: How to be in charge of today's kids from toddlers to pre-teens without threats or punishment" by Anthony E. Wolf.

It's brilliant. It's easy and it works. The book is also laugh out loud funny with so many real examples you would swear Wolf has been in your house.

Best,
T. Y

I didn't have these books when my kids were little. Dr. Spock was the thing and some of his ideas didn't fly.

However, consistency and love with a firm hand (not spanking) did keep things normal. If I was too lenient with rules things with my son did not work so if I kept a certain amount of tightness to his discipline it worked. My daughter was the opposite for discipline.

Repetition is how children learn something by doing it over and over again until it sinks in. So you as the parent have to remind them a whole lot in the beginning and but as much as they get older but you still have to be the parent. You can be friends when they are in college and out on their own.

If you do have to discipline, asked the child why it happened so that they know and experience the whole concept of the punishment whether it is a time out, a grounding or a spanking if need be.

My philosophy was that I tell you once, give you a warning and the third time you are mine -- like baseball. They both got to understand when they were being too much. All I would have to say were a few key phrases and they would straighten out and change their attitudes. I always followed through on what I would do and they knew it.

Today my children are adults. They have both thanked me for loving and teaching them and being mom who they could come to with any and all problems and issues. I got a lot smarter for my son when he had a son but prior to that I was on the "mom don't know anything" list. It some times takes years before you see the results of all of the training and guiding you put out but it is so worth it.

Good luck with your books and discipline and loving of your children.

the other S.

PS Not every style will work with every child. The key is to have mom and dad on the same page backing up each other on what was said to the child because they will try to play ends against the middle to get what they want. The classic "What did your (mom/dad) say?" "Well that's what well will do.

Backt to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson.

Why do you have to yell or get his attention? When you give the final warning, if he doesnt listen you simply implement the consequence. No yelling needed.

(Hopefully the # of warnings is consistent and the consequence was stated up front so there is nothing to argue about when you implement it. )